Nobody Special

Yes that is exactly what I will use next time he comes by. I was too shaken when he came by originally. He did not just knock on the door. He BANGED on it and it sounded like a cannon. Ironically, the loudest noise to ever come from my apartment was the noise made by the person complaining about noises and resorting to death threats.

I was strongly advised not to make any compromise in response to a threat because it sends the wrong message. "Want the noises to stop? Bang violently on my door and threaten my existence." Especially since all my noises are very reasonable, so I don't know if it's fair to call it antagonizing. Even the landlord admitted that they get noise complaints about units on the top floor (people other than me) because it's an old building with no insulation.

The person living below me is a very grumpy old man who banged on my door a month ago and told me if I don't turn off my Alexa (It was at volume 6 by the way) he would come up here and kill me. I called the police and filed an incident report. I didn't have any evidence so I couldn't really do anything, but the officer believed me, and scared him by telling him that death threats are a crime. I also reported it to the landlord, who said they followed up with the police. I haven't had any trouble since, until today. He walked past me but then said "go die" out loud. I am not sure I can do anything about it since again I have no evidence that he said anything, so it would just be hearsay if I try to let my landlord know. Thinking about it rationally, it's hard to say if I am at risk, but my OCD has latched onto this (theme of health/safety). He didn't do anything for the month since his original threat, and he didn't do anything when he ran into me today. So those 2 things suggest I am probably safe. But on the other hand, I've now received 2 death threats from this guy, so it makes me wonder if I should be worried or try to take some sort of [likely futile] action. I welcome any advice.

More excellent points here. Thank you so much for this. I think the hard part is knowing where that line needs to be drawn. I wish there was some sort of "rule" I could follow-- something I can apply to any situation and come to a decision without analyzing things to death. For example, a rule that I do not need to wash my hands unless I can see or smell something on them, or after using the bathroom. But that rule does not quite work because the truth is there are other reasons one might need to wash their hands.

You make a very good point here. A few good points actually. I do need to reconsider my boundaries, and this thread is part of that process.

Thank you for your empathy.

If I am looking for someone to back me up, why did I ask what I am missing? And why did I admit there must be something I'm missing? And when did I say anything about morals? People can get cancer both from genetics and from environmental carcinogens. It stands to reason that if they don't take any steps to avoid carcinogens, they are more likely to get it. Not guaranteed, but more likely.

It's hard to look at the rest of the world and think "Yeah, they got it right." People are constantly self-destructing with their bad habits. They ignore certain truths (avoidance defense mechanism) because it's inconvenient. They tell themselves "Eh I'll be fine" and then end up in the hospital from alcohol poisoning, obesity, and countless other less obvious things that are just as harmful. Acceptable risk is what kicks people in the butt. (If the risk is not acceptable, then they don't take the risk.) I can accept that my process is illogical, but the fact that the rest of the world is less risk averse than me does not indicate that it is illogical. Can you explain why it is nonsense?

I'm not sure I see an answer there. I think it's no way to live because it takes a lot of time and energy. But if you want to be wise and take proper precautions, I think it is also the only way to live. Very much a dilemma.

It isn't washing my hands for 3 hours, but all the compulsions combined make up an average of 3 hours. Some of it is just intense thought/rumination. It isn't any sort of magical ward. I actually conclude that the precautions I take will reduce the risk in situations where there is some uncertainty. If someone can use science and/or logic to convince me this is pointless, that is all I'd need to recover from OCD.

It's a practical reason, is it not? Cancer. Organ failure. Alzheimer's. No thank you. Self-preservation is ingrained in all of us. I don't want to die. I don't want to spend a month in the hospital because I failed to wash my hands at one specific point in time. So I spend an average of 3 hours of my day doing compulsions designed to minimize my chances of ingesting tiny bits of potentially-cancer causing substances. I wash my hands often. If I did give myself cancer, it's not like I'd instantly know about it. So I need to be on constant high alert for anything that increases my chances of getting it. I don't think I can stop this, because I arrived here through logic and careful prioritization. Those are good things, aren't they? If I take emotion completely out of the equation, I come to the same conclusions. Physical health is more important to me than having a good day. Am I supposed to prioritize "having fun" over my long-term health? That's what most people do. And that's how people end up doing dumb things and getting themselves killed. A wise person is cautious and weighs the actual cost vs benefit of everything. My question for you: Based on my perspective, is there something I'm not quite understanding? I think there must be, because this is no way to live. I really need help here.

Thank you for this. That's great to know. Have you come across others who obsessively analyze situations and get hung up on misunderstandings?

Here's something to think about that will make you feel better (in the long term) and dramatically improve your life: There is poo everywhere. As I learned from a book I read once, there is one thing we all have in common. Even microscopic critters. Everybody poops. So it's just all over the place. Anything in public that you touch has probably been touched by someone who didn't wash their hands after making the hot sloppies. Most people don't give a **** (pun always intended). Not unless they actually see/smell something. So if you actually see a hershey highway on your underwear, I don't see any harm in changing (not a huge deal if you don't though). But if it's just your brain saying, "What if...", then you need to give yourself permission to ignore it. Flush it out of your mind and go about your day.

Contamination OCD. Easy. That's one of them anyways. I have another and I am not sure what theme it falls under. It's basically where I ruminate on social interactions, thinking about what I should have said, what I may have done wrong, or even what the other person may have done wrong. For years I've thought it was relationship OCD because it was often with my parents, but it's not always with someone I have any sort of relationship with. It's sometimes about interactions with total strangers. If I could find a common thread, it would be misunderstandings. I can't stand them. I want every conversation to have nigh absolute clarity. It doesn't even need to be a positive or pleasant conversation. As long as everyone is on the same page and knows exactly what the other is trying to communicate. That's a perfectly unrealistic and stupid expectation, but that's usually how it goes, isn't it? If it is evident that someone didn't understand something, I will replay the situation over and over in my head. Analyze it. Try to find out how I could have said things more clearly. Try to determine how the other person interpreted what I said. It's exhausting. I think I am analytical in nature, and it's not always OCD (like when I analyze a work of fiction), but this situational analysis clearly is. I'm just not sure what to call it. Thoughts?

That's because you're still trying to fix something. Focus your energy on something more important, and when the thoughts enter your brain, just say hello. The thoughts will eventually go away on their own without any push from you.