SarahW

Hiya, Thank you @Caramoole @snowbear @PolarBear for all of your comments above regarding the house move. I have reread them all and they have helped me calm my mind down. The number rule break still hangs over me but there is nothing I can do other than travel back in time to rectify it so I’m having to learn to deal with it! Yesterday, after a year and a half of storing my things at the place I shared with my ex (due to Lockdowns amongst other things), I’ve finally moved them out into my new place. The day was tough and emotional. On the most part, I managed to keep the OCD at bay. However, since coming away from my ex’s place, I’ve convinced myself that I’ve broken a rule that I can’t go back over now and fix. This rule is fixable (unlike the number rule break in the past), which makes it harder to ignore! I’m pretty certain that I didn’t break it but my mind is fixated on it and is convincing me that I did. I wanted to leave the old place in an ‘OCD free’ way but now this rule break looms over me. It saddens me that on top of my emotions towards my break-up and my ex, this is how I’ve had to leave things. I’m constantly feeling sick, and as a result of the thought, I’ve struggled to get motivated to do anything today. The rule break is an important one to me as it’s ‘perfect’ outcome links to the health and safety of a loved one. (Obviously in reality I know that it doesn’t but my OCD makes me think otherwise!) Not sure what to tell myself. Sarah x

Thanks @Caramoole... I like the analogy ? I know that OCD just plays games with my mind and that it causes these irrational thoughts. I just hate feeling so unsettled and uneasy. All my posts are just coming from frustration and disappointment - I wouldn’t have minded breaking rules once I was living in my new house - I just wanted to not break a rule at the start..and I could have made this happen had I been concentrating! @snowbear, I’m sorry to hear that you live with constant pain. It is inspiring to read how you took that ‘leap of faith’ and found a way to not let the pain control your life - there is much I can learn from this. I know it is important to ‘starve the OCD monster’ and as both of you have said, avoid giving it time and attention - something I’m guilt of doing. Over the past year, I have felt more and more confident to try and overcome my OCD and have begun avoiding particular rituals. However, I really don’t know if I can ignore the rule break on my new house. I so badly want to pull out of the agreement and put an offer in on another property...I know it won’t be facing up to the problem and is letting OCD win but I can’t face another year of anxiety and stress ? Sorry to keep on about something that seems so minor! Thanks for your responses and for being there. I really value your support and really am taking onboard everything you are saying. Sarah x

I hear you @Caramoole and I will try this out for the rest of the day. (Your advice has got me out of bed, which is the first step!) I know that my rule break has happened. I know that there is nothing I can do about it now and over-thinking about it is really not helping the situation. (I just wish I could turn back time!) I have recently been trying to ignore certain rules and refrain from some rituals but it has meant that I am in a constant ‘foggy’ state of mind. My life doesn’t feel settled, and now that I have ‘tainted’ my new house, this ‘fogginess state’ has only got worse. I fear that I will never achieve a sense of peace and calm moving forward - and I really crave this feeling. Is it ‘normal’ to feel this way? Sarah x

Hiya @OPTIMISTIC, thanks for your reply. I completely agree with what you are saying. I don’t want to let OCD win. I want to say to myself ‘who cares if you thought of the number 26 when you first entered the new house’...but I do care and I feel that I’ve let myself down. I’ve been taking steps to overcome some of my OCD rules already but I just wasn’t ready to overcome such a big rule break. I’m struggling to deal with it on my own hence why I reached out on the forum. Thanks again for your thoughts, Sarah x

Thank you @Caramoole and @snowbear for your replies. You are spot on with this! I feel continuously sick at the thought of moving in - I think more sick and anxious than I’ve ever been. I am tempted to just call the estate agents and pull out of the agreement but in doing so I would break some of my other OCD rules...so I’m stuck with the decision. I know that I’ll eventually move in but I’m just so disappointed that I can’t change the rule break. @snowbear, you talk about ‘learning to overcome it’...any suggestions as to how I can ease my current anxiety and sickness feeling? Thanks, Sarah x

Thank you for all your responses. I completely agree with everything you are all saying. I’ve always known how irrational the rules are...and I’ve been trying recently to avoid during certain compulsions to try and break the habit. I guess I was just hoping that this ‘fresh start’ for me wasn’t going to be impacted by the OCD. As I said above, I’d been so careful when I’d viewed other properties and then I slipped up on this one. I know that the numbers mean nothing and that stepping into a property thinking about a certain number won’t have a direct link to anything bad happening...if just makes me feel unsettled and sad that I will look back on this exciting time knowing that I’d thought of this rule break. My earlier message was very much out of sadness and disappointment that despite all of my best efforts to move forward, and having struggled through the hardest year of my life, the OCD still plays it’s part. I just didn’t need this on top of everything else. It’s easier said than done that I just shrug it all off and ignore the rule break! Sarah x

Hiya, In my previous posts, I spoke about having high levels of anxiety surrounding the renting of a new property. I have trouble with ‘magical numbers’ affecting my daily life and my OCD in general has become worse over the last year, mainly because I’ve been struggling to come to terms with a long term break-up. Recently, I started looking at properties to rent. This is the first time I’m living alone and I needed everything to be ‘perfect’. I found a property I liked and had my offer accepted today. I was secretly hoping that the offer was declined though because when I viewed the property for the first time, I broke one of my number rules as I entered the property and now things are not ‘perfect’. I know life can’t be ‘perfect’ but I feel like I’ve let myself down as I’d been so careful about not breaking this rules when viewing other places. Why did it have to happen on this property? I just feel mostly sick at the thought of moving in and not excited as I should be. What should I do? Any thoughts really welcome. Thanks in advance, Sarah x

Thanks @BigDave and @snowbear - it all makes sense and should be easy to do! My OCD mind has other ideas though!

Thanks @dksea and @malina for your replies. I did apply for the rented property but unfortunately missed out as the landlord opted for a couple to live in the property instead. The bumblebee situation all seems so silly now looking back. I’m genuinely gutted that I didn’t get the place and now compare all other properties to it. The stress of getting things ‘just right’ is becoming so draining. I’m currently struggling with a new OCD problem. It’s true what they say that you focus on one problem until the next one presents itself - then you focus on the new one! I’ve been trying so hard to avoid doing certain rituals but I end up giving in and doing them anyway. Trying to convince myself that not doing a ritual is ok is exhausting and is constantly making me feel anxious, sick and unsettled. I just want to relax and enjoy life without the stress of completing and thinking about these rituals. I’m sure I sound like every other OCD sufferer! Distracting myself with work, property-hunting and socialising offer short-term distractions and then when I return home, I am faced with my insides nagging me to complete the ritual! Uhhh! Anyone have a magic wand to make this easier??!!

Hey, A random topic title, I know!! I am currently looking for a property to rent. This is a big step for me as it is the first time that I am going to be living alone following a break up from my partner of 5 years. I have felt a lot of anxiety when viewing properties as I want things to be ‘just right’ but of course I know that life is not perfect!! I finally found a property today that I liked and I’ve sent my details to the landlord. However, during the viewing, I found a large, I’m presuming queen, bumblebee in the property and now I’m convinced that the place will be filled with bees if I was to move in. It’s put a real dampener on me moving in to this property. I don’t know whether it is my OCD mind or my worry about a general infestation of bees that is affecting me. Any advice as to what I can tell myself so that the finding of the bee doesn’t affect my ability to continue with the moving in process? Thanks, Sarah

Thank you for your responses about how best to deal with facing these difficult situations. Please explain this to me if you can... Today, I organised some viewings for some properties, which, as I’ve explained in previous messages, is a big step for me. However, just prior to doing so, I had a shower and then got a hair in my mouth. The concept of having a hair in your mouth is so minor to most people and yet to me, meant that the day then became ‘imperfect’. Now every time I think about moving into a new place, I think about the horrible thought of a hair in my mouth...it’s all so frustrating and I so needed a positive, fresh start! Why have I got stuck on this thought? I see people have said in other threads to just leave unwanted thoughts alone...is this the only thing I can tell myself? (It all sounds so ridiculous and I feel so silly asking for advice.)

Thank you for your response @dksea. I definitely feel that my OCD has been worse since the break up. I’m trying to do things to help me move forward, like find my own place to live, but it’s like my OCD doesn’t want to allow it and is making things very difficult. As finding my own place is such a big step for me, I’m trying desperately to avoid all rule breaks and have everything ‘perfect’ before looking at properties. However, this is proving very difficult and is causing me a lot of anxiety, frustrating and upset (on top of my emotions about the break up) as I am unable to get everything ‘perfect’. I believe that if things are not ‘right’ that I will always connect a negative thought with moving into my own place. I want to start exposing myself more to rule breaks but I don’t know if now is the right time. Any thoughts on what I should do at this moment in time. Thanks for reminding time that it’s ok to not be ok all the time. Sarah

Thank you so much for your reply @dksea. It is reassuring to know that I am not alone on this journey.

Hi, I always receive great guidance on this forum so hoping someone can help. I went round to the flat that I use to share with my ex today to box up things to move out over the next few months. (I’m feeling heartbroken about the end of the relationship, and moving out ‘officially’ isn’t going to be easy.) Today, since coming away from the flat, my mind has told me that I broke one of my OCD rules (even though I don’t know if I did). I worry that if I don’t ‘fix’ this rule when I return on moving day that I will struggle to accept it and will feel highly anxious knowing that I will never have the chance to do anything about it. Any thoughts on what I should do or what I should tell myself? I know that I should resist the urge to ‘rectify’ the rule break but I worry about long term effects of doing this. Thanks, Sarah

Hi, I am trying hard to ignore the urge to complete certain compulsions. However, I then find that everything else doesn’t feel ‘right’. I was wondering if anyone had any advice as to how to stop myself making links between everything? Why can’t I just see the rule/ritual break as a stand-alone action? I am looking into therapy and have purchased the book ‘Break Free From OCD’ but wondered if there was anything that I could tell myself to try and ease the irrational thoughts. Thanks, Sarah