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Chris1987

Bulletin Board User
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Everything posted by Chris1987

  1. I'm waiting to see seennfir either HIT or CBT Thanks
  2. Hello, Not really an OCD question but a medication question. I have been taking sertraline now for about 8/9 weeks, the first 3/4 I felt worse than I did before I started. The following weeks got much better to the point my anxiety felt like it had gone away. I've had a fab few weeks but yesterday I had this sudden feeling of dread and anxiety and my mind latched onto it. Today I'm feeling more anxious and worrying about it. My worries are "What if the sertraline is wearing off and there is no hope for me then" "what if I can't handle the horrible feeling of dread and worry I migjt do something stupid" My question can this happen. Can you still have moments when you feel like you did before the medication? I'm just really worried now and obsessing over the negative outcomes and going down a rabbit hole that feels where I'm going to go. Any advice or experience would be great.
  3. Hi Angels. I'm really the wrong person to be asking as 4 years on and I'm still obsessing. I do try and lable it as ocd but there's always that what if it isn't ocd. I believe this is a common thing too. I'm afraid to lable it as 100% ocd just incase it isn't. I'm really sorry this not the answer you want so hopefully someone else might be able to help.
  4. See now this bothers me as makes my anxiety rise. Not blaming you at all just reading something that might make me feel bad and then I obsess over it. Basically I have used your example above and applied it to my situation. Basically 4 years ago I felt like I did something really bad, I had no idea what it was, no thought, no image but just all the thoughts and feelings of wrong doing. At the time of it happening I tried and tried to retrace my steps and retrace my my memory at the time and there's nothing. I went to the ends of the word to try and prove I did nothing wrong. Now I'm afraid that one day I'll wake up in the middle of the night or dream about the missing but of memory that I did do this thing but with this there's no going back to check to prove like you finding the file. I hope this makes sense and again this is not a negative at you it's just made me think.....what if that happens to me
  5. I've been there too. Give this a read https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/stronger-fear/201912/ocd-isn-t-thought-problem-it-s-feeling-problem
  6. Okay thanks for your input all. Again it's much appreciated.
  7. Over Christmas I had a panic attack and since then I've been in a state of constant fight or flight mode. The anxiety is horrible. When I was having the attack the thoughts of suicide were present. I've never had this before and it scared me so much. Since that night I've been in a state of constant anxiety and thoughts of suicide are constantly coming up. I don't know if it's a side effect of sertraline as I've only been on them for 3 weeks or of its ocd. These thoughts are horrible. Just to clarify I do not want to act upon these thoughts but I've had thoughts of "what if this all gets too much, what if I do something" I have completely changed since that night. I don't want to do anything, I'm worried, feel doomed, feel scared and just really anxious. I'm constantly having these suicide thoughts and like I said I don't know if its ocd as I'm constantly thinking about them or a side effect. Also does ocd cause anxiety? It's mad as my last problem that I've had for the past 4 years is in the back of my mind now as this is now concerning me but I feel deep down it all stems from it.
  8. Thank you all. I've been on sertraline before about 3 years back but it wasn't for anxiety more ocd. Now I'm experiencing extreme anxiety I'm back on them. I never felt this way before when I was on them previously. I'm going to the doctors this morning just to ask if this is normal to be getting worse before I get better. I really hope I can get past this. Thanks again
  9. Hello I'm in a constant state of anxiety. Stuck in the fight or flight mode and I cannot stick it. My thoughts are all negative and lead in a downward spiral. Been like this since a panic attack over Christmas and having really bad thoughts about not coping. Doctor prescribed me sertraline that I've been on for two weeks, I feel worse than I did back two weeks ago. I'm not sure if this is a side effect, normal effect or just that I'm getting worse. I'm constantly feel doomed, fearful and worried about my future mental health. I can't think positive it's all negative and the thoughts of "what if you can't cope with this for much longer" are here. Why is my mind constantly churning over these thoughts of what if I do something stupid. It's really getting to me. I don't want to do anything, I just want to curl up and cry but that won't help. I'm not even sure if this is an ocd post.
  10. I think I do too much researching to be honest. I find something that inrelate to and my anxiety subsides but it comes back. I feel I need go read what I have read previously knowing full well what it already says. I feel this is the ocd side then. I'm hoping these tablets will kick in soon so I can start to get my life back on track
  11. I've been to my GP and they have prescribed sertraline so hopefully that will kick in after a few weeks. I'm 99% sure I got OCD but could never say 100% just incase. I read about GAD and it ticks all boxes but didn't know if you could have both or didn't know if it was OCD alone. It comes in waves and its horrible. Luckily I do have a good support network around me and I've very open about everything but when I talk about it I feel better then don't know if that's a compulsion of seeking reassurance as I feel better after a good talk. Thank for replying back
  12. Does anyone else suffer with spiraling out of control thoughts. I don't know if it's ocd or genuine fear and worry with pending doom. Does anyone else feel they don't have control of their own mind? I try and be rational but the other side always wins. Does anyone else worry to the point that they feel they can't do this anymore? Does anyone else think about their future and how their mental state is going to be? For me it always happens in the middle of the night. I'll get up to use the loo, come back to bed and I feel like I'm having a panic attack but my mind is going 100mph it's all negative, fear, worry and then a downward spiral to the end conclusion of you know what you have to do if you can't cope with this anymore. I'm not sure if this is an ocd post to be honest but I'm just in a constant state of panic and anxious, my only rest bite is when I go to bed. When i wake up in the mornings I just feel I don't want to get out of bed and the anxious feeling is there straight away. This had come on out of the blue over Christmas I was fine before. I felt I was over my past blip 4 years ago but it was something I would think about every day but it something I'll never let go because I can't. I feel like I need to keep my guard up as by letting it go it will then come true at some point. When I say this is a sensitive post I just want to know if anyone else feels like there's no way out and have had thoughts of what might happen to you. For the record I'm not suicidal but have had thoughts/worried what if I don't get over this how will I cope. I've never felt this way before. I'm negative about everything. I see no positives in myself and can't see me getting better only thoughts of me getting worse and thoughts of me not being able to cope with it. It's like telling me you haven't got long left as it going to get worse. I feel im afraid of my own mind and I don't have control.
  13. Thanks @Angst there's nothing I can do about this. I really want to book our first family holiday this year but this like many of previous years has put me off. I hope I can just move on.
  14. Basically I seen a really horrible word on Wikipedia, the word scared the living daylights out of me as I thought I did something wrong, panicked, deleted my search history straight after (biggest mistake ever as I can't check) and now I'm left with this fear of that ive access or seen something bad online. Throughout that day my mind was telling me I was a bad person, I was having these thoughts of guilt and doubt and then I had my first ever panic attack that night. Ever since that day 4 years ago I've question what I have done and my memory serve me right. I did see that horrible word and I know that now and that it was only a word but my mind hasn't let this go for 4 years basically telling me, well if you still feel this way then you must have seen or accessed something more as you wouldnt be feeling this way. So then the searching began, trying to recover my search history to prove I haven't done anything wrong but I couldn't do this as it was deleted at that point. I went to phone shops, looked online to find a way of recovering, looked at what my phone provider doesn't to stop seeing nad things online etc I needed proof that I didn't do anything else as my rational side of thinking alone just wasn't enough. I would never do such thing in the first place but why couldnt I dismiss this thought of wrong doing. So off that thought the rabbit hole came and now I'm convinced that it's just a matter of time before I get into trouble and the worst part is it's all from seeing a word. Theres no memory, mental image, evidence of any sort of me doing anything more than seeing this word, I remember it like yesterday but my mind and emotions say different. So to sum it up something has been blown out of proportion, I can't check to prove it, and because I can't dismiss these feelings I feel there must be something as why am I feeling this way. I've been told this is all ocd but I feel this is different. I've been like this for four years and just can't let it go
  15. Can you appreciate thought how one would feel. All the feelings of a guilty person that's convinced you, you have done this thing but with no evidence. Also the seriousness of true that your life would be over. Its really hard to leave this go. I feel like I can't leave it because of the "just incase"
  16. But how do you let it go? It can be like 2 minutes into thinking about it until I realise I'm thinking about it. So are you saying instead of thinking I didn't do that should I be thinking so what if I did? That doesn't sit right with me at all because of the nature of the thought
  17. Okay so four years on since I had my blip and I keep telling myself now "chris let it go, you have done nothing wrong" I take a deep breath and feel slightly better. Is this ruminating or is this me trying to not to be too hard in myself. I'm constantly thinking about 4 years ago and trying to remember exactly what happened. I then come to the conclusion I haven't done anything wrong and then try and lable it as ocd but i don't know if this is ruminating or me trying to be rational about it. I got a book - brain lock as I was told it was a good book to read but again I know if I start reading this it will probably make me feel better, make me realise that I may have ocd but then if it does make me feel better could it be ocd in disguise making me look for reassurance? How do you let something go, I know I'm never going to find certainty but can only hope I've haven't done this thing. I need to believe in myself and trust I haven't done it, even though there's no evidence just the thought and emotional feeling of doing something wrong off a trigger. So when I'm thinking about as I think about it all the time and I'm trying to think of what more I can do to try and find out that I haven't done this thing but I can't. What does one do when they start thinking this way? Is this ruminating and if so how do you stop? People say let it go and stop thinking about it but that's easier said than done as the thoughts and feelings are too overwhelming and have convinced me I have done this thing. It's horrible Thanks
  18. There is no evidence to say I have done this thing but why do I have all the emotions and feelings that I have and why am I just waiting for the consequences.
  19. Hello Back again. So I had a thought 4 years ago that I had seen/did something really bad. At the time there was no memory/detail/mental image of this thing that I've done bad just a thought off an action. So basically I seen a horrible word that frightened me and ever since then I believe there's more too it as its convinced me that I've actually done this horrible thing. When trying to rationalise things, was the horrible word I saw a trigger and if so can it make it more than what it actually was and can it make you spiral down the rabbit hole to belive in the consequences if it were true. I just cant get my head around having all the thoughts and feelings of a real guilty person making me feel I have done this horrible thing but have no evidence, no memory, no mental image NOTHING. SURELY IF YOU HAD DONE SONETHING WRONG YOU WOULD REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS! Sorry for the capitals but that's a questions I've asked myself a million times. I have a pretty good memory and remember bad things that's happened in my life but no details about this just a feeling/thought. Its made me question if I have a double personality, if I was drunk at the time (I wasn't) if I was in sime sort of state of trance, and just can't remember or is it my mind telling me you di remeber it butnyou just havent realised yet....all stupid stuff. Next is this this a compulsion. I read alot about real event ocd and I believe this could be what I experienced. What I find myself in doing is I worry about what happened and how I was feeling, research ocd, research real event ocd, read something that relates to what I experienced and then the feeling of worry subsides. However, when I start thinking about it again I go back to the same articles about ocd and read them even though I know what they already said and again I feel better. Is this a compulsion? I've been doing this over the course of 4 years and book marked pages i found inrelated to and ehen i feel im thinking about it o go to them to read. Over the past 4 years my googling of OCD has been ridiculous, when I read anything I can relate to im a little better Ithen shut it down as I don't want to see anything else that I tend to relate too. This is where I struggle... If this is definitely OCD what are the chances I actually did this horrible thing that its made me feel that I've done. A horribel question to ask but I feel im the only one to ask this question. Now I know that nobody can tell me if I did or didn't but I just wish, wish, wish I could believe in myself and dismiss it all.as OCD and my mind making something out of nothing but why do I get the thoughts and feelings that don't go away making me feel like a guilty man that I have. Also its been 4 years for me being like this. The past two I was doing okay but it was always there in my mind every day and my attitude was like so be it at times as there was no way i was going to get certainty that i hadnt done this thing but the other night a panic attack came out of nowhere and I've been in a state of server anxious for 2 weeks which had now ultimately brought all this back up. I'd like to know if anyone else has experienced long lasting anxiety after a panic attack and does ocd latch onto that and make it worse. Sorry for the spelling and grammar as I need to write fast whilst it's in my head.
  20. Okay that makes sense. I have so many questions regarding ocd but it'd best I just leave them there as I appreciate not everyone is the same and OCD examples are endless.
  21. Sorry to jump in this post but wouldn't the non ocd person ruminate? Isn't it a normal process of thinking? This is where I go down hill as I feel I finding excuses to lable it ocd when it's possible it's a normal way of thinking to everyone
  22. Nope it won't bring me a different result but I know I just cant let it go, or if I do it will come back at some point later on down the line like now. I was okay for 2 years, I dealt with it and the feelings of fear subsided. When I used to think about it then, I would think to myself how silly it was in the first place but I still always had that percentage of being on edge especially something triggered me abou it and a dark cloud would come over me but now its back with 100% vengeance. Is it normal to always have it there in thr back of your mind when your getting better. Does it ever go away. Does it try to creep back again in life when you feel you have gotten/controller it?
  23. Thanks DRS1 That's really helpful. Somewhat reassuring which we don't want but also an understanding of it. Ice taken it more of an understanding rather than reassurance. Just because I've been in this state for 4 years and I'm convinced I've done wrong but with no mental evidence or proof only just a feeling. I feel its only a matter of time before the authorities come to me. I've played that situation over and over in my head for years and it scares the life out of me knowing I will loose everything and everyone. I'd understand if I could tell you what I did but I can't as there isn't anything in my mind that I have done this thing, it was an initial thougjt of wrong doing which then took me down a rabbit hole. Sometimes I wish I could listen to myself when I'm like this but becuse of the nature of it I just cant dismiss it.
  24. Being told to just treat it as OCD feels like is juts a cover up. Very scary! Who else has thought this? Sorry about the negativity but that's how I feel. How can I try and shrug it off as ocd knowing if it were true that would be my life over? Again very scary and hard. I feel my situation doesn't follow what is said about OCD on all these sites. I feel mine is different to what they describe. Like the thought of doing where mine is the though of having done and I believe it but as I don't know exactly what I've done or seen and have to proof to suggest I did or didn't then I'm stuck. Intrusive thoughts - these are unwanted thoughts whereas mine was a thought off a trigger so it didn't just come out of nowhere. I feel what if I'm a non ocd suffered and deserve to feel worried and scared and that I'm here trying to feel better blaming ocd? I'm tired of this now
  25. Thank you determination. I will try and take on board what you have said. Ultimately I feel my scenario is different to others and feel what if I'm the 1% saying/thinking it's ocd but actually it's all real. I wonder how many people feel like that.
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