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DRS1

OCD-UK Member
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Everything posted by DRS1

  1. You may need to clear this kind of post with the mods/OCD-UK first. Despite it not being for research/academic purposes it probably would require a discussion first with them just to ok the post
  2. You may think you are different but I'm pretty sure most of us on this forum have thought at some point that they were worried the psychologist/psychiatrist would confirm our worst fears and say its not OCD. When I initially had therapy, at the first assessment, I thought that maybe I'd really need to try to convince them to make sure that they know what I'm going through so they didn't misdiagnose me. In the end... I had nothing to worry about. It was all OCD's making.
  3. Your biggest problem is that right now you are taking any form of arousal or groin sensation and still trying to make it mean something. As for your weird dream, how many males have had wet dreams where the dream content doesn't make sense and yet they still end up with erections and ejaculate without wanting to? The dream content can be distressing but it's just like an intrusive thought, it only means what you make of it. All of this expectation that you should be able to control exactly where and what you get aroused to clearly isn't working and that's because no one who has the ability to get aroused really has control over it in the way we would perhaps want. If we did, do you not think every guy ever would rather not have an erection at an awkward/inconvenient time? And yet, we do experience these at those times. The more you continue to try to control something you don't fully have control over the more you will remain stuck. If you get aroused, so be it. Just let it be there. It's an erection. You didn't ask for it to happen but now it's there so just sit with it like you would any intrusive thought.
  4. Rather than getting involved with this whole Pure O OCD, GAD debate which has already been hashed out on this forum multiple times, let's take a different approach. For now completely disregard the whole lot, let's just start with the assumption since you are here and you say you have OCD. What are the mental compulsions you are doing in response to these thoughts? I'll give you one. Repeatedly telling yourself it's OCD, it's OCD doesn't work, it actually becomes a compulsion, despite how well intentioned it was. Interestingly enough... The Pure TV Show on channel 4 and the Pure book that it was based on by Rose Cartwright actually touches on this with the idea of Rose telling herself "it's not me, it's my OCD". It doesn't do anything to make her better at all. Okay, getting back to this first thing to clear it up. Labelling things as different types of OCD generally is unhelpful not just the Pure O term and I think maybe the website page on Pure O could be made clearer by saying this closer to the top of that page. Pure O was a term that was gravitated to by sufferers of OCD because the typical stereotypical representations of OCD did not fit their symptoms. Let's make this absolutely clear. This does not mean you have GAD. I'd argue that you should refer yourself for therapy and for diagnosis and whilst OCD and GAD can be similar, it is not the responsibility of anyone on here to tell you what you have or don't have. If anyone of us do mention anything, you will have to take it with a grain of salt. We are not medical professionals. We don't have the ability to know all the aspects of your mental health in and out and that's okay. We should be here to support you not telling you have GAD, your OCD isn't OCD etc. It's unhelpful no? It's a misnomer term sure as it's meant to be on the idea that people don't have compulsions period, not that they don't necessarily have physical compulsions. I'd argue some of the compulsions listed on the OCD-UK Pure O page as physical compulsions can be mental compulsions too like mental checking/ mentally reviewing, but that's my view on it (take it with a grain of salt). At the end of the day, it's OCD, intrusive thoughts, compulsions and a horrible distressing vicious cycle so the terms here do not matter.
  5. Yeah I did feel like the way you wrote it was kind of like backing yourself into a corner a bit to be honest. I wouldn't be trying to change the thoughts as they aren't your problem there, it's always the response. Medication certainly doesn't work for everyone, I had 2 seizures from being on Sertraline for 8 days (wasn't diagnosed with Epilepsy at the time) so I'm likely to never take anything like that again. Have you explained to your therapist why you think things like you have tried therapy wise haven't been effective? Maybe they can try and work with you to approach it differently. It might not help but it's worth asking
  6. I don't think that you are not bright at all. Don't take your knowledge or intelligence for granted. You are smarter than you think
  7. You might not think it is personal but the way that you do come across can feel like it's a bit of a personal attack, especially when you use words like ego and particularly when you end every sentence in a ! which reads to me personally as if you are shouting or angry - despite this probably not being what you had intentioned. What I would say is everyone could do with taking a second to re-read their posts before posting them and consider how people may interpret it (and I don't just mean you to be clear). I've said the wrong thing before or not realised how something may come across before as well so you aren't the only one there. Everyone has sensitive subjects that they feel hurt by if someone mentions something related to it. For me that includes the use of people deliberately using OCD as an adjective or running ads for games with the concept of "this game will give you Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder". I also feel it when people mock Autism as an Autistic person or when someone jokes about seizures despite never having had one to know how truly frightening it is. On the other hand, I get it. OCD makes you feel like utter garbage. None of us who are doing better (and I've still got work to do) than we were before treatment don't forget it. It's burned into my mind. I can't forget the pain and misery of that and it's that pain and misery that I sometimes feel is the motivation to make sure I never go back to that place again. I've said some stupid stuff, especially having to deal with "groinal responses/arousal non-concordence" like that I would rather just cut my genitals off. That's how bad it felt, so I do understand. On this forum though, we aren't talking to just ourselves, we are talking to other people whom we don't know what they are going through. I don't know what you are going through, I only know you are someone who is struggling with OCD. As such, I and others should be a bit more sensitive to be able to see past maybe how personal it feels with your responses to understand why you feel that way.
  8. Hi, welcome to the forum. What you have detailed is quite a lot but I'd like to start with asking a couple of questions. What techniques have you tried and why do you think they didn't work. Why did you feel CBT didn't work for you or why medication didn't work for you? I think it's necessary to know this before any of us can really say anything. You do seem to place a massive amount of people not understanding what you are going through but why is that?
  9. I would consider getting help. Worst that could happen is you don't have OCD but can get something for your hands. However, if you do have OCD, you also get to hopefully be referred for therapy/diagnosis
  10. If you want to remain that way by doing the same things you are doing now then yes you will be
  11. Remember though the problem there isn't the thoughts themselves, really just your compulsions. Therapy is your way to fix that aspect as there isn't going to be a medication (at least currently available) which will fix a "thinking problem"
  12. That first sentence is categorically wrong but you can continue to convince yourself otherwise
  13. Why have you spent years on the forum posting about this if you know it's not OCD then? Why keep coming back any time you get anxious or feel the uncertainty? None of that makes any sense without you having OCD. You can decide whether or not you want to take that reality on board or not but you won't get any closer to an answer by doing all these compulsions.
  14. I think a lot of people would agree with me in saying thew idea that you will be the first, or are different from the rest of us is one of the most textbook OCD tricks ever
  15. I'm sorry that you had that experience. Something to consider is why would ending your life solve anything. Also losing your life because of something that can be treated in OCD. I get it's hard and emotionally draining but there has been numerous posts exactly like this one in the 2 years that I've been on this forum. You feel like it's becoming too much but you already know it gets better. You've done it before you can do it again. Do not take this the wrong way but look at the consequence here. Say OCD is right and you are gay, so what? Why is that worth not living? I'm pretty sure your wife would rather you be here than not regardless of what your sexuality may be. On the other hand if this is really just OCD then it means absolutely nothing and especially not the relationship with your wife. You do have good insight, you just feel overwhelmed and like this time it's different so you aren't using it. You don't lose what you've learned, that's not how this works. Have you ever considered the worry about you convincing people it's OCD and that you are doing okay is compulsive at all? Last thing to note is if you are having suicidal thoughts then you do need to go to A&E (you say your experience with Samaritans has been bad so I'll leave that one out) We are not equipped on the forum to properly deal with that and are only able to offer our advice and support from our lived experience. What is it you can do to tackle OCD? Can you take a look at your compulsions, even list them here and see where you can start to cut them down. Remember it's the compulsions that are the problem, not the thoughts.
  16. I would say CBT can be effective for all severities of OCD. I had really severe OCD and CBT personally helped me. I do think there does need to be more treatment options - both pharmacological and psychological therapies. I think though that especially from a pharmacological standpoint, people need to be aware that a medication shouldn't fix the issue, it should only ever be treating the symptoms whilst you can learn to react to intrusive thoughts in a different way - regardless of any type of therapy that may exist in the future that will be used for OCD. To be able to bring new therapies, it really requires research into what are the mechanisms that inhibit CBT feeling effective for some people with OCD and what can they do to get around that.
  17. This is a well "discussed" topic on the forum. What I will say is there is many reasons why CBT might not be working for some people, but it doesn't mean it's wholly ineffective. However someone like @bluegas would be best placed to talk about how you feel as he has similar views as you do on CBT
  18. but there's the issue. You are trying to make sense of intrusive thoughts. There is no meaning in them other than the meaning you give to them. Same with the arousal... literally means nothing but you are giving OCD so much power by believing that it must mean something and that it must mean you are somehow this kind of person of which you despise. Again like I've mentioned on other posts recently. OCD is unoriginal. You think this is somehow unique to only you but its not. In fact these kinds of intrusive thoughts aren't even unique to people with OCD. People without OCD have them... they just don't do anything with them and brush them off as the insignificant thoughts that they are. However even reading this, your OCD will likely try to convince you that you are different and misconstrue this entire paragraph to suit a narrative that keeps you stuck.
  19. A large part of that for me is that you are spiralling and looking for reassurance. What is it you hope to get out of this extremely thorough and detailed posting?
  20. I'd have a look at how many other posts on this forum almost fit exactly into this same pattern. You are not the first. You won't be the last. Remember what the purpose of that content is - to arouse. Also recognise that you seem to think you should be able to control exactly when and what you get aroused to... But you don't. Arousal doesn't have to mean anything. It can be a faulty signal sent to start the sexual response cycle but you are making meaning out of all this. It doesn't matter if you experience anxiety or don't then worry about not experiencing anxiety. Fundamentally what this comes down to is all the compulsions you are doing and each and everyone of them is keeping you stuck.
  21. See all that repetition though of telling yourself it's not true, that's a compulsive response. That way of responding is what is keeping you stuck.
  22. so that's really what you believe then? If you are so sure of it, why do you keep coming back time and time again to this forum if you thought that was all so true? What is there to gain if you know for sure that you are a disgusting pervert?
  23. So then face the consequence of how you must be this person then. You're a pervert. Now what? Do you continue to punish yourself or do you move on with your life despite the fact you are a pervert?
  24. I'm impressed. Somehow either through your own faulty logic or OCD, you've actually managed to turn the very concept of an intrusive thought on it's head there in that last part of your post. Okay, so let's break this down then. You are a pervert because you keep having random thoughts "that pop out of nowhere"... interesting. Equally, "if you constantly do it... it has to mean something". So unbelievably close to a definition of a compulsion. So by your logic, perverts are people who experience random thoughts out of nowhere that then immediately feel guilt and shame and punish themselves for it and gain reassurance to prove they aren't perverts. Hmm... that doesn't sound quite right now does it? So every time I experience a sexually intrusive image or thought that can be accompanied by the physical symptoms of the sexual response cycle being activated, I'm a pervert. Okay @Cora, thanks for that. Every time I've ever tried to avoid looking at someone's crotch, breasts or buttocks and ended up looking, I'm a pervert... also great. What you keep failing to realise is OCD is unoriginal. For every single thing you deal with (including this time it can't be OCD), at some point there has been plenty of people dealing with that. But you know what, I'm just going to go by your logic from now on. I guess I'm a pervert Cora. Oh well... how horrible, I guess I should punish myself for the rest of my life now right?
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