Winter1

Thank you snowbear

I've noticed a lot of my compulsions are mental compulsions, I'll tell the voice to go away, count or recite things. Anything to get rid of the anxiety and the thoughts.

I am currently waiting for CBT therapy, but it keeps getting pushed back.

The intrusive thoughts became a voice about a month ago, and says nasty things "I should die, I'm a pedophile, I'm no good for anyone, germs and contamination, I should hurt my family, I should hurt myself" the whole lot. Every time I am able to ignore that voice, the next time it makes an appearance it seems to be louder and more violent. The compulsions are getting more extreme, to the point where Im not even realising I'm doing them. I'm avoiding people, hitting my head, rubbing the skin off my fingers, having to double check doors are locked, etc. I think Im mostly worried that I seem to be taking two steps forward, three steps back, and if I'm honest, I'm scared.

I'm struggling with OCD at the moment. The voices are getting louder and more bold in accusations and telling me what I should do, and the compulsions are getting stronger. My support network is all but nothing now, the few people I do have are working more often than not. I am on the list for therapy, but it's been moved 6 times now and I'm struggling.

Hi Cora, If you need anyone to talk to, I'm always happy to listen ?

I'm up for trying anything at this point. Any help or pointers, I will always appreciate.

I don't know how to deal with this on my own. The intrusive thoughts are near constant at this point, about any topic they feel best to attack me with, from POCD to relationship OCD or harm OCD and contamination. My compulsions are getting worse and more noticeable to those around me. Both mental health services I've been referred to keep shunting my appointment till later dates and I'm struggling to cope with all this. I'm getting through day to day but I feel as though I'm running on bare minimum.

I have OCD and ADHD. With the ADHD my mind is constantly active and there are always thoughts or daydreams going on up there. This also means that for me, I find intrusive thoughts hard to shake because the ADHD wants to focus on it, feeding back into the OCD. However lately I've noticed that I get 'blank moments', where my head is fuzzy and I'm unsure of what I've been thinking. Though I have no control over this, this is leading to a spike in my anxiety as I end up worrying that the intrusive thoughts have been present and I haven't noticed, which leads to more anxiety as the intrusive thoughts then occur ?. I'm trapped in a loop. As always, apologies for the rant ??.

So a few weeks ago, my mental health got so bad that I almost commited suicide. Ever since, it's been a constant thought in my head and my mental health is declining. I went to A+E and the mental health nurses there were fantastic and referred me to all the major mental health services in my area. However, 3 out of 4 have told me that I do not 'fit their category' for any support or that they believe that I have no need for said support, and have left me with nothing, not even a plan to contact any other services. And final one has yet to get back to me but they may not be able to help or support me in the way that I need. I get the mental health services are suffering, before and during Covid, and they have limited capacity for those they can support, but it feels like a slap in the face to essentially be told I'm not 'sick enough' or suffering the right problems to be seen by the services or receive any form of help (I understand that may not be the case but it's what it feels like). Apologies for this rant but I needed to get it off my chest.

Thank you snowbear, I will definitely do that.

Could I just be anxious around children? Cos the shivers have happened for years. I know asking for reassurance is not a good thing to do but I am genuinely confused by what is going on in my head.

This is where I'm confused. I get anxious around children, I get the weird tingly shiver around children yet none of the intrusive thoughts are sexual, nor do I get any urges or desires to do anything to children. More like the thoughts just throw the word "child" at me, or I just get an image of a kid's face, or for some reason is constantly aware of where a child is? So I have no idea what my brain is trying to do but it's taking up a big portion of my mental time.

As I've started in my previous posts, my intrusive thoughts and obsession seems to stem around children at the current time and I panicked that that meant I was a paedophile. However none of my intrusive thoughts were sexual in any nature. I'd get a tingly shiver and jump to conclusions. However, my partner suggested that, as I'm 23, my body may be preparing me to have a child, yet I am asexual and have no desire to have children, biologically or by other methods. Is it possible for my body to unconsciously want and prepare for a child yet my mind adamantly does not? I'm aware no-one may have the answer but this is my only platform for asking things like this at the current time ?

I'm unsure how to get off the treadmill. I've tried a lot of things people have suggested, even before I found this forum but all that's happening is the thoughts are being louder and it's leading to more breakdowns and disassociation.