howard

Thing is with every decision including your question about 'should I get a new therapist', it's really up to you, it's your responsibility if you like. The only person who knew how you really felt in your job with relation to your colleagues is you. From a therapist's perspective she was encouraging you to stick with it as it takes time to make new friends and it would make you stronger if it happened. But you took responsibility and it worked out. She is limited by a limited perspective, whereas you are living it and feeling it. From a therapist's perspective she may have thought non confrontation with your sister was probably healthier for you after hearing your description of your sister, but again she only has a limited perspective. But if you want to discuss those issues you should, you will both learn from discussing it and moving forward with a better understanding of roles and limitations. Honesty and communication will strengthen your relationship but any personal life decisions are ultimately down to you.

It's good to be unaware of our breathing and in terms of health it's better to oxygonate our brains and bodies. So it's probably not helping to imagine air quality is bad, it isn't, but if you do pick up on smells you might imagine otherwise. Also just breathing in a shallow way signals anxiety to your body, in the same way that slow deep breathing signals it to calm down.

Yes I think that is important 'staying firm and not over-explaining'. A person with contamiantion ocd will create a whole logical reasoning about it and it's best not to engage. Yes you'll find a few parents on this thread with similar concerns, I think a few were looking for other parents to talk to and get support from. It is difficult anyway having and adult child that lives at home as they can get caught in that mentality of dependence, so in that case you are the only person who can really initiate your child's independence, but best to start with reducing the controls. I imagine the best way is for you to get a book yourself and read it. Don't mention it to your daughter but let her find it discarded somewhere. There is something else you could try> try to objectively look at your daughter's personality. Can you see any indications of; low self esteem, low confidence, insecurity about anything and if so see if you can find her some subtle help. That way her general anxiety will be reduced and she will be more resilient to anxiety in the future.

I do enjoy comedy, stand up or situation. I've heard a number of the stand ups say that they find talking about their issues is cathartic. This is obviously a specific context but Fern Brady talks about intrusive thoughts. She qualifies the thoughts as the way anxious brains over compensate to stop you having accidents and she says the more she loves her boyfriend the more she gets intrusive thoughts about harming him. But it seems to help her that her BF knows what she's thinking and he and the audience don't take the thoughts seriously( but just see them as over compensation). 3.15 mins in> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk_27u7zzF4&ab_channel=RussellHoward

Yes you are in a similar position to @Catz74 and the same applies. With an adult it's really up to them if they think they need therapy and they aren't going to need therapy unless their needs and compulsions which alleviates their anxiety isn't being done. If they don't really engage with the therapy and believe it will work then it probably won't. I'm someone with contamination ocd and an idea both you and Catz74 could try is> make a list of all the control mechanisms that your daughter is essentially placing between herself and outside reality, everything that she is doing and you are doing; from touching things right through to cleaning routines. Choose one that you think will have least impact on her, let's say the using elbows to open doors. Expain to her that this is unnecessary and you aren't going to do that anymore. Let her do whatever and calm down. Be strong and don't relent. Keep at it 'not using your elbows' until she finally accepts it. Then move on to the next least vexatious control mechanism and repeat. If you take it slowly and see how your daughter reacts, slowly keep reducing what you do. I don't know but you could also get her a self help book about contamination, so that she can read and understand why she's doing it and how to help herself and also maybe get therapy. Good Luck

I thought it would be interesting to give you an answer about the persistence of a contaminant on your doorstep, as it was a one off incident. But really you have to try and accept that as you can then rule out any real threat completely. It's best not to think about 'imaginative possibilities', 'what if's', or even talk about them. Then you have to try to understand what it is inside yourself that drives your anxiety. Mostly contamination fears seem to revolve around a feeling of lack of control. Which can be in forms like insecurity, loss of confidence, etc I think we then choose a credible threat and project those specific feelings of lack of control on to it, but really we need to understand and address the issues behind that.

I realise you are in a difficult position and obviously you shouldn't 'hate' yourself for caring. It might help if you tried to see it from your son's perspective. He already had some anxiety and some control mechanisms before covid, but the fear of the virus has sent him off into a slowly growing fear of being contaminated by other substances as well as a fear of contaminating others. He is an adult so only he can decide if he wants to see a therapist and at present he probably doesn't feel the need. His compulsive showering is giving him the relief from his internal anxieties about contamination and harm coming to himself. He also has you acting like you have his ocd and has you carrying out his compulsions (cleaning bathroom) which gives him relief over his fears of contaminating others. And his control system now extends to whether you take a holiday or not. So the only person who wants to change their behaviour is you. And difficult as that is, it will help him, only if he can't find relief through you carrying out his compulsions or in controlling the related behaviour of those around him> will he start to feel uncomforatble and not as safe.

Yes it's good when well known people help to de-stigmatise neurological/mental health conditions by either examining it their work like DiCaprio or von Trier or just speak about them. I've seen a few references recently; Ferne Brady talking about autism and she said that the condition is over pathologised but not enough talk about 'how weird neurotypicals are', she also discusses her condition in her act. I also saw a Lars von Trier film recently, The House that Jack Built. His films explore and push the boundaries, so not for the sensitive. I also came across this, Ben Mendelshon fronting an Australian campaign to heighten the awareness of anxiety>

I find it helpful just to try and be aware of what's happening, so if you do have high anxiety levels due to childhood stress just by being aware of that helps to put the everyday anxiety into perspective, you realise you probably have to dial it down and there's various calming techniques you can use to do that. I realise my thinking when not focused can go off in irrational directions, it's not the thoughts that are irrational to me but the connections. Some of the thoughts persist because of emotions like anger attached to them, but maybe remembering and feeling are an ongoing process of letting go. Also if you realise that you have constructed systems of control, rituals, compulsions, etc between yourself and reality you can be aware of that and realise you probably don't need to protect yourself as much as you think. A few people on here have kept constructing controls until they have cut themselves off completely. Playing music, drawing, meditating, nature, gaming, can help us let the thoughts go, so if worrying and thinking get too much we have ways of quietening or distracting our minds. Still working at it

It interesting just to sort observe what our minds are doing, if I'm not focused on something it's a bit like being in an irrational sea of thoughts and sometimes it can go places that are memories that can still evoke emotions years later. But you can control your mind I believe and you can steer it towards pleasant memories and thoughts. The book is by Betty Edwards 'Drawing with the Right side of the Brain'. She teaches how to draw but also how to switch off the logical thinking part of the brain. It's simple things like doing something irrational for a short time, it does take a bit of practice, but like meditation after a while you just let the thinking go. Also you completely lose track of time. I read another book which really examined in detail how a young child's brain is affected by periods of stress which can lead to higher anxiety levels. But psychologically the mind has ways of protecting itself in different situations and that is going to be dependant on an individuals life. So if you can address the 'wound' or in others their insecurity or feelings of helplessness, then hopefully they won't need this construct of control between them and reality.

It is possible to be always at 8/10 in terms of anxiety level so you are always alert and expecting some perceived threat. The way I see ocd (at present)> if in your life when young you felt; helpless, insecure, powerless or similar feelings(lack of control) for a prolonged length of time then you probably have higher anxiety levels. Children are very susceptible to anxiety as they are very much dependant on their carers. So we create a psychological<>real world control system; rules, compulsions, ordered ways of doing things, etc; through which we mediate with reality in what we believe is a safe way. There is a good drawing technique where you learn how to switch off your thinking brain. It's almost like you do the drawing without realising it. It's one way of silencing the thoughts, plus you get the buzz of creativity.

I'm not sure it's a good idea to keep thinking about it. Try to reinforce that; the pressure washer destroyed and blasted away any dog poo. In the very slight chance that any splashed back(very unlikely), when it dried and it would not take long it is harmless. (I ended up watching people pressure washing on YT last night. You are fortunate to have that).

I think that the narrative that's been playing out in your mind about this has been there for months and each time you think about it it reinforces that. So you could see what I said as something to aim for, a different narrative, it may take time. I see what your issue is now. You believed that the source of the contamination was persistent, it was still there after months and everything or anyone that passed that area was spreading it through contact contamination. I think your pressure washer won.

As you're aware you have been enabling him (with the best intentions) but he's basically involved you in his ocd by carrying out his compulsions. First>I would really encourage him to seek therapy. He has nothing to be embarrassed about and I'd really press home to him that just deciding to seek help is the first big step, and they will do everything to help him with no judgement. Many of us who have ocd like your son were sent into higher anxiety levels during covid and took greater precautions. Some have found it hard to come back from that level of higher anxiety and with others it has slowly reduced as the threat receded. Your son is in the former group and he just needs verbal support to find his way back to his 'normal level of cleanliness. I'd try to stop enabling him, the bathroom doesn't need cleaning after every use. Maybe he could talk to someone online to start with, if that feel less of a problem to him. Good Luck

I'm thinking that people with ocd create a construct, a construct that seems logical to them and follows it's own rationale. I have similar issues to your client and there are a few of us on here. In my case I think it's mostly about control, the desire for some feeling of control that I didn't have for much of my early life. I essentially created a 'control' bubble around myself at a local level. I'm wondering if one approach is to accept the client's contruct, see it how they see it and then decontruct it from within.

I have studied organic chemistry and I used to analyse samples for contaminants. When you blasted the dog poo there would be nothing left on your doorstep, nothing can stand up to that pressure and everything would have either been destroyed or massively diluted. Your doorstep would have been very clean after the jetwash. If by any chance a small amount of liquid hit your door, it would have most likely been just water, but let's say in contained a very small amount of fecal matter. As it dried out it would have broken down, deteriorated and blown away harmlessly. You are safe

Don't you think it's about time you addressed your anger/rage issues. It's good you managed to calm yourself down but it's better to address the anger before it causes you other problems.

Just a curiosity question> Was there any significance to the dog going there? Or was it just random. I was wondering if any other thoughts or feelings were connected with that incident that might make it more significant, interesting that you say religious ideas play into it. So really I'd try to let it go, it's just something that happened and you dealt with it. And let's face it nothing good is going to come from thinking about and obsessing about dog poo.

This is what I mean about not thinking about dog poo. Yes jet wash it away. Remember that that was one instance that in all likelihood will never happen again. Any thinking or worrying after the jet wash is all ocd thinking> it happened once so therefore you are on high alert in case it happens again, this is common with ocd, anxiety levels peaked and because you haven't let go the anxiety remains. All the contamination paths you imagine are just driven by that anxiety.

I was just thinking that maybe you could get an organiser/ personal assistant who could help you liase with the landlord and contractors as well as helping you get the help you need to clean your flat and help with your ocd. This whole scenario seems to have sent you off imagining the worst and you probably aren't in a fit mental state to deal with it. Maybe someone can advise how to apply for an assistant.

@whatever-welsh I've just been through a similar scenario. The thing is as you know these electrical tests of your circuits have to be done for safety reasons every 5-10 years. It's really for your safety(and landlord's liability), and if you owned your own home you would have to pay for it for your own safety. So as much as I dislike anyone entering my home like contractors and it means I have to move loads of my stuff, sometimes you have to as they say 'bite the bullet' and let them do their work. So I would focus on letting the electrician in to do the test. It only involves plugging a meter into the sockets and carrying out the test, initially. No real intrusion or mess. If your flat does need rewiring>I came to compromise with the electrician and he agreed to be careful in terms of spreading grit and dust everywhere and I cleared my stuff myself within a two metre area around sockets and covered stuff outside that with plastic sheets for the rewire. Once it's done it's done and I use the oportunity to do some extra cleaning. Addressing the cleanliness of your flat, maybe focus on one room at a time, and getting help with your debilitating ocd is your next priority. Good luck

It sounds like you 'exposure and reality check' went well.

The natural reaction to dog poo is disgust, you see it you feel disgust, but maybe you aren't supposed to think about it because if you apply contamination ocd thinking it will take you into all sorts of hypothetical scenarios where it's lapping at your front door. Rain does clean our streets. Also I hardly see it these days, people were fined, people collect and dispose of it. Also it isn't any real threat to our health. It's more the thought of it than any reality.<that's my objective view anyway. I do check my boots sometimes and always leave them by the door which is mostly about tracking dirt in.

It is something that bothers me, again it's important to keep it in proportion> but it might be a good idea to start a new thread. (Just trying to respect other's threads if they want to continue them).