howard

It's interesting that rather than restore ceramics to be perfect they make a feature of the cracks, kintsugi also seems to be a philosophy and art form. There is a sort of stiving for perfection in western art, sculptors enhanced their work to create human form perfection. And of course there's an anology with human 'imperfections' which is also a feature that makes us unique. Bouke de Vries user broken parts to create something new>

16th century Japan. It's interesting how all different aspects of their lives come together; Chinese and Indian religions, landscape of volcanoes and earthquakes (+ nuclear bombs), isolation from world and mechanisation at that time...all leading to an aesthetic which was opposite of West. A modern example>

I tend to see perfection as something to aim for but is never attainable. So I always notice things I want to fix or change which brings me closer to perfection, and to have that order does give me a sense of peace. Anything that disturbs that order can preoccupy us, but it depends on the degree and we could ask, 'why do I feel the need for perfection or to be in control?'. That's the real question. Our immediate environment does impact on our mental state and health. I think it does have similarities with BDD and wanting to take control of our bodies or how we are perceived or seen. Our possession being a physical representation of ourselves and our identity. I just read this for a different perspective> 'The dents and scratches we bear are all reminders of experience, and to erase them would be to ignore the complexities of life. By retaining the imperfect, repairing the broken and learning to find beauty in flaws – rather than in spite of them'.

There were a number of ideas coming together; Taoist Wabi-sabi(acceptance of imperfection, incompleteness and transcience) which later appeared through Zen randomness(priests were ceramicists) creating unique, simple and beautiful objects. Rather than the mass produced all similar ceramics favoured in the West. It also ties into what we were saying about Japan where the people face regular natural disasters and the concept of 'transcience' is embedded in their culture. Plus other ideas about 'the death of the author', as a way of changing from an authoritive in control artist, to one who is open to happy accidents throughout the process.

I think many aspects of ocd thought processes are about wanting to create local areas of order and control in what at times seems like a chaotic world, it can lead to perfectionism. So yes possessions are perfect when we buy them but as much as we don't like it, everything deteriorates over time and with use so we just have to accept that. I don't 'worry' when objects get damaged but it does bug me. I suppose if you can't accept wear and tear you have a choice, keep replacing items or become a 'restorer'(use PVA, araldite, paint) and cleaner.

It just sounds to me like you should be celebrating and enjoying your life with your wife and children. You've both been through a lot seperately and together. Hopefully you've both learnt a lot about yourselves. This whole checking up on people; phones, social accounts obviously isn't healthy or helpful to you. So rather than looking outside(even to past relationships), just concentrate on your family and friends.

Yes I took the original, but that's the first time I've tried to digitise. I used to use things like mirrors to create optical illusions. I just can't stop experimenting whatever I do. I've watched a few of those YT vids where they allow a range of animals to see their refection in a mirror, most see the image as a threat, but elephants and dolphins are fascinated once they realise they are looking at themselves. I also wonder if early humans thought that the image meant there were other realities, like a parallel to our own. Here's one by Duane Michels>

I think other people can speculate as to why you might do this but I think only you will know the answer. Maybe next time it happens, try to observe your thoughts and feelings at the time and see if that gives you any insights. I mean sometimes laughter is a way of dealing with potential disasters. Is there anything that happened that started these fears of harm coming to your family and friends? Sometime an event occurs that disturbs us, but with most people it fades with rationalisation and time. But ocd can latch on to a small event and exaggerate it out of all proportion until it eventually becomes independent of that initial cause and becomes a self perpetuating series of thought processes in their own right. Have you discussed this with a therapist? Would you say that your 'closeness' to your family means you are overly concerned about them and that if anything did happen you would be affected emotionally but also it would impact on your own life.

Hi Marko, I sometimes wondered how you were getting on . So you waited patiently all that time and they still don't offer you any real help. I mentioned this before, but did you try Victim Support Scotland? I know the branch here helped my friend who wouldn't leave the house after suffering a similar incident to yourself. It might help even to get some support. I know all our health services are stretched at present, but what do you think is going on with your health service? I wouldn't take it personally(and I can understand why you might be a bit paranoid considering some of your experiences and also the way the mental health teams have responded to you in the past), but I think many people are finding themselves in a similar situation.

Unfortunantely going through that process to digitise it's lost a lot of texture but I like the idea of a portrait(photo or painting) where the subject has their eyes closed, like their whole internal world is hidden from us. I also wonder what humans thought when they first saw their own image reflected in water or in a mirror.

I think humans living in modern cities often forget how much the seasons affect us. Even if we don't suffer to the degree of being diagnosed with SAD, the winter still affects us; lack of some vitamins, lack of light and fresh air, the cold means our muscles require more energy, less exercise, etc. Stimulating the mind helps when things seem a bit shut down socially or environmentally(ie: countryside not as accessable or pleasant in winter). All good things to be aware of until the spring gives us a boost.

It depends, it is an 'endless cycle' but operating at different levels, starting from a base 'relaxed' level and each layer increases the fatigue; life events(I often feel tired after reading the newspapers), personal life events and stress, etc, etc and if you've got it all going on then you will be using a lot of mental energy(which consumes upward of 30% of our energy intake). I think then if we are pre-occupied mentally and stressed, fatigued, we can lose control of our thinking, become more anxious. So I suppose it's about relaxing the mind, keeping stress and personal problems to a minimum and trying to operate mentally at a lower level. Less fatigue. I definitely overthink everything, which can be tiring.

I think that ocd about toxic chemicals and being contaminated have some basis in reality. I think these types of ocd often start with a small amount of contact and then finding out more about those chemicals or imagining 'what if' I did touch them and became contaminated. So we start on a whole process of thinking that exaggerates the dangers fuelled by anxiety. So all the threats you mentioned are real but just by being aware of that you can protect yourself from any risks to your health. That's just practical and sensible. Just don't engage with any thought processes(ocd) that exaggerate the risks and take you off into the realm of 'what ifs'. Stay with the rational and don't engage with the irrational. Try also to limit the amount of stress you put yourself under either in normal life or say at uni. Read the books and get those essays in before the deadlines and mitigate before stressful situations occur. The reason the media focuses on these stories is they sell copy by exploiting peoples' fears and catastrophising, but they are also fueling ocd fears because they go beyond what is reasonable.

I'm sure you've probably seen this but it does indicate some changes in cognitive abilities, symptoms that we can all be aware of and also the NHS does offer pre-emptive tests for most major conditions from about the age of fifty(depending on specific personal factors and which condition). https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/tests/ Also there are companies offering a simple blood test(for tau 217) which has about a 90% prediction success.(ALZpath is one).

I think before Brassai I'd only seen holiday snaps and the group family photo(dreaded). Screenshot of smartphone pic of pic taken with old camera.

Yes I was having some problems just because I'm not used to working on the floor or doing too much physical work these days. I just have to listen to my body and only do an hour or two say. I'd also like to travel(to places like Sweden) but ocd makes me wary of hotels and the like, and IBS creates it's own limitations. Paul Klee had scleroderma and other health issues which limited what he could do physically. Frida Kahlo had spina bifida and a spinal injury, poliomyelitis and neuropathic pain. Sometimes her bed was her studio, also here painting 'The Broken Column

It was just when you said you missed doing things with people, I've noticed these painting courses set up in scenic locations, like St Ives. I'm not really sure what art tutors do; they can help with techniques or maybe getting people to experiment more, but I think the other students give the best feedback. I think two possible traits; perfectionism and requiring order, predisposition towards ocd. That's probably why it's good to have a space to be messy, let it go and just have fun. I think that's why I like the 'letting go of control idea' when creating.

I've got used to sometimes feeling physically drained or mentally drained, it's just like this ebb and flow, so I make the most of my energy days. I think people do hibernate in the middle of winter and I think people are shifting to more entertainment at home. They do some painting classes around the country. I'm just trying to be relaxed about these contractors. They have to commute at least fours hours a day so just can't be bothered. I did get use of that studio room for a while, now full of furniture.......it will all come together sometime. I think it is healthy for us to dream, I feel like I get a short time to learn from them and then they're gone. I've always enjoyed stained glass windows, with the sun shining through. They must have been inspiring. Marc Chagall>

So how are you today? You've certainly found a good distraction with your art. I think I always have a number of backup strategies for when I'm feeling low. I've built them up overtime and even forget them until needed. Prior to the Romantics, dreams were considered to be a religious experience and the art refelected that as people believed they were accessing a divine truth or experience. The Romantics saw dreams as personal revelations. Odilon Redon, 'Ophelia'>

Going back to the OP, I'm not sure how useful these classifications and labels are in an objective sense. There is a lot of cross over between ocd and gad in terms of symptoms and also a good degee of comorbidity. Compulsions can be physical or mental. All that really matters is each person gets a diagnosis specific to them and is directed to the right treatment which is also at the basic level the same for both except that ocd cbt seems to be more focused on their specific theme.

I think it is possible to see correlations between an artists studio and their work. I know Francis Bacon isn't alive and working in his studio anymore, but I just want to clean up that mess! At one point neurologists/psychoanalysts and artists were trying to understand our dream imagery and how to interpret the cryptic expressions from our subconscious minds. Dali used a specific strategy keeping himself in that hypnagogic state between sleep and consciousness for as long as possible so he could access dream imagery. 'Dream Caused by the Flight of a Bee Around a Pomegranate One Minute Before Awakening'>

In terms of powerlessness, I think early humans had risks to threats which they could assess and deal with. But modern humans must be living with elevated levels of anxiety because of existential threats they can assess to some degree but are powerless to do anything about; climate change and the real and unkown dangers that brings for example. So we still have the same biological and neurological responses internally to risks and threats but there's little we can do as; corporate, political, national and international forces are in play. I had a look and the global profits from cleaning products appears to be about £32bn a year and there were jumps during 2020-21 as fears of coronavirus spread.

That was part of what I hadn't made sense of yet; if the subconscious is the repository of everything our senses absorb and it processes that data on a non verbal/ visual level, why do we dream. But there is something called the Hypnagogic state, a state between sleep and consciousness where data from the subconscious could express sensory perceptions in visual form.

It is possible that we process most of what we absorb at a subconscious level, it's also possible that we can't access it directly because those processes aren't verbal or visual. My simplistic view of the mind is that it's like an ocean that absorbs everything even when we aren't aware of it; images, videos, news stories, fake stories, fictional stories, real life events, etc. They are all absorbed into our subconscious minds. I see the conscious mind as our interface with reality, like the surface of that ocean. Sometimes artifacts that we have absorbed that have no real meaning to us rise to the conscious level and then we attribute them with meaning. So if something surfaces in our conscious minds, sometime we think it must be real and if it contravenes the perceived rules of that external reality(say binary sexuality) it gains even more power. Taboo power. So if you just saw yourself as 'a person' and not having to conform to some external arbitrary codes, like binary sexuality, then the thought our image wouldn't bother you. It's just another thought. Early humans would have experienced risks but would very quickly have either taken flight or fought. It's part of our inherent biological and neurological response mechanisms to ensure survival which endure to this day. I think the number of perople suffering from GAD must be increasing. Because humans now face numerous existential risks, from viruses to war, we are all aware of these but now days we as humans have little power to change infolding events increasing our general anxiety. But to some degree we can ratioanlise these existential threats and either change our personal response(wear a mask) or just accept our powerlessness and accept the anxiety. Would it be right to say that ocd is more fear and anxiety about specific imaginary threats that pose no actual risk, it's all in our minds. And that compusive rituals, just like early humans would have enacted make us believe we can ward off some future imaginary threat.

Yes I think understanding where some thoughts or images that bother us are coming from can be helpful. In a way it helps us to make rational sense of them. Of course depending on your; genetic predisposition, family life, personality, experiences, anxiety levels, etc will determine how you respond to those thoughts or images. So from the above list I think family life and the resultant high anxiety base level determine how I respond to some thoughts. So on just cleanliness ocd; scientific studies determine how humans should protect themselves from; bacteria, viruses, diseases(and like you say before these ideas where popularised people probably did have a different perspective, but the studies were because of our history when there were many pandemics, etc). So governments would have advised people on how to protect themselves, corporations would the cash in by convincing us that our bathrooms for example were dangerous and we required these products. And sales and marketing techniques are extremely sophisticated at convincing that this is true at a conscious and subconscious level. Plus religious or not, phrases like 'cleanliness is next to godliness' and many others rules like binary sexuality are imprinted on our minds. I know that Freud's concept of the conscious and subconscious are just working constructs but I don't know if we really understand how our minds work and it's just a convienient model that works for now. Still thinking about this.........