welterwhite

I got very bad ocd in my teens and I’m left with an identity crisis never feeling like I made it to adulthood

I don’t know how to overcome this nobody respects me I can’t be a man because of the seeking of reassurance

I don’t think there’s any real answer to this but to suffer

Yeh it’s very hard tho my brain plays real tricks on me

Back to being tormented I guess

U know tho u can imagine someone close to u in peripherals i imagined the person being near me or at least some sort of shadow my brain then said that person was near me and then it made me feel like my hand was touching something but I neevr looked to see how close the person was so now I don’t know if it was really them near me or my brain trying to play tricks on me

I was going past someone on my bike, and I was worried I was going to touch them, my memory plays tricks on me and makes me think my hand was closer to them as I got this thought my intrusive thoughts are very vivid and my mind was actively imagining my fingers against something and I’m now worried I was actually touching them how do I deal with this

Tired of the same thing everyday constantly being tormented I have no job very little money and very little support it all really kinda sucks what is wrong with this world

Just tired of being tortured by my mind this really sucks lol ouch ouch ouch so depressed and tormented

U do realise that even if u had been super hyper “productive” you would have soon not been productive enough for your ocd and would be in the exact same scenario. You can’t win you have to not play… that’s the only way you win. If people were as honest and transparent as you have been the world wouldn’t run right, it would fail. I don’t need to tell everyone I crapped my pants. There’s nothing altruistic in that, again grace is allowing for mistakes. Do you allow others grace ? Or do you go around judging people harshly like you do yourself. That mentality wil only ever lead to torment because your human. Try to take some comfort in knowing if you’d really jeopardised safety or whatever they’d have sacked u straight away wouldn’t have to think about anything

No other way to put it intrusive thoughts and questioning reality

I’ve seen a few of ur posts and it seems to me u clearly struggle with scrupulousity, I think you need therapy to address the concept that someone gets it right all the time. Unfortunately they don’t. And there’s probably many things u have done that are wayyyyy worse than this but ur not hung up on them because ur ocd isn’t targeting it right now. You need to allow yourself some grace. The world is not black and white. There is a lot of virtue signalling in this world, self righteousness is itself immora. We are all pretty much Peices of **** to one degree or another. Torturing urself is also immoral. The therapist Phillipson has an interesting take on it that there is no such thing as “good people” try to think of urself as a human having a challenging experience, unless u change ur thinking in this way I think ur going to keep beating urself up with moral rigidity that tbh with u the level and standard ur trying to maintain doesn’t exist it’s an unattainable goal like the quest for certainty

How do I get help with this without the fear of judgement

I’m beating myself up tbh on this because i blame myself maybe it’s hyper responsibility ocd or something I don’t know and perfectionism or something I do t know I want to talk about what’s bothering me but darent / can’t

Yes since my previous post I did some compulsions which then opened up something else and I’m kicking myself for the compulsion I did. And I’ve done this so many times that, now I feel like I’ve done something wrong, I have a real problem with blaming myself etc. but I can’t even talk about it because these days some things are very subjective and some people probably do twist what I’ve done and think I’ve done something wrong