Caramoole

I'm sorry you feel that way about the forum Ray.The charity is one run for sufferers by sufferers, with the aim of promoting and supporting recovery. I can only speak for myself but I could not support people in a way that I know is detrimental to their well-being

With respect Cora, there are literally hundreds of pages of explanation which have gone in to very great depth & detail but because it hasn't clicked into place and made this stop, you keep looking for more meaning. Again, that's not strictly true. Yes you put up with it, you try and ignore it but that's not enough. You constantly use compulsions and that's why it doesn't go away and happens more often. You've been to two therapists who've ended the sessions because you weren't managing to engage with the therapy. I can sense your frustration and I know how much anxiety it causes for you, which is why I wish we could just get through to you the importance of changing how you react when these incidents happen

Well that's one thing. What else?

What do you think Nikki. Think about your therapy & what you've done before in exactly the same situation

You are doing so well @Ma29 I'm really proud of you, I know how very hard it is to do. And you're right to stand up to your Mum. If you're doing it in a way that you can face, that's how it should be. You keep going. Don't panic when you get a day or a moment when the thought or feelings of panic flash up.....just be ready to recognise, deep breath and get through the moment How did you feel? I hope you're proud of yourself. Was your Husband surprised?

You don't, you don't grasp it at all yet. That's not a criticism , that's the power that OCD can hold over us and keep us down that dark hole. You don't believe it because you can't "feel" it, all you feel is fear.......but you won't "feel" reassured or believe it until you start to make changes to your reactions and the compulsions. We often hope and hope that we'll get that one piece of reassurance that will make something go "click" and then we'll be able to move forward......but that moment doesn't come.....instead we have to hold our nose, shut our eye's and jump.....not knowing or trusting what's below, it's scary. No procrastination. Just keep a pen and paper near by, write the ones that come to mind and then keep adding as you remember or identify one. There is a way out of this but you've got to start the journey

Yes, it's just that you imagine......or more accurately, you ruminate and your OCD brain winds itself up and up until you add 2 + 2 together and come up with 25!! That's not in line with our aims and objectives, to provide brief reassuring fixes, to assist you with compulsions, ensuring you'll stay so troubled And that's why we don't go down this reassurance route because it simply doesn't and won't work In your earlier threads there have been detailed explanations about your obsessions, about how you are affected and taunted by this fear because of OCD and what steps you can start to take to gradually make changes. But along with that is the advice about compulsions, how they maintain your OCD and keep you in this place of panic and fear. What changes are you going to try Rocket? It's no good floating along, just about existing....you have to make a plan to make changes to your reactions and behaviours. Sit down and write a list of each and every compulsion you do at the moment and then we can start to work to reduce them

My Great Grandmother had a saying that was "You can wish in one hand and sh&t in the other and see which fills up the fastest!!" Sadly all the wishing in the World won't make it stop, only doing will. Until you start the jouney of trying to follow the suggestions that have been made, this will stick around and worry you. It's been explained that compulsions won't help but will worsen the situation. If tweny people post below me saying "Yes, it will go away" y.ou'll be back tomorrow saying "Yes, but how can I be sure? Can someone just promise me this will stop?" I know it's horrible but so is living like this. You have nothing to lose by trying to change the approach

Yes, it is OCD but your compulsions have created a problem through your confessions. That said, the whole problem isn't all yours, a great part of the responsibility also lies with your Wife. a) That she doesn't have a good understanding of OCD and b) that she doesn't have an understanding of human nature and the normality of sexual fantasy. I'm not sure which is the best way to tackle this as one part relates to your OCD and the other to a mismatch as regards your sexual needs and beliefs. Your fantasies/daydreams are perfectly normal, your constant need to discuss them is an OCD problem. Your Wife's rigid view against fantasy is her right to have but it isn't a view held by most people. I think it's something to discuss with your therapist when you get one, so that they can suggest how you best approach it. Your Wife certainly needs to improve her knowledge of OCD as a disorder, so that she can begin to understand how it affects you & how you you were driven to this constant confessing. Maybe later down the line you could do with some couples therapy to work out how you deal with the sexual side of your relationship. Perhaps, once you start CBT, the problem will die down as you learn about compulsions, in particular, this need to confess & seek reassurance. But the can of worms has been opened a bit and it depends if she can let things go. It may be that as your obsessions die down, the problems resolve and you can enjoy your own daydreams without anxiety but she too would need to let things drop and not be constantly quizzing you about your thinking.

This is not factual.

Straight people can be turned on by gay porn....or vice versa. People can be turned on by beastialty. People can be turned on by thoughts of rape or dominance or almost anything but would never enjoy it in reality. It becomes a problem when we become afraid of the thoughts and engage in compulsions as a means to control the fears.

I'm going to play Devil's advocate here and point out that OCD can occur in anyone, good or bad because it's an anxiety disorder. Most people are lovely types but that's because in life there are generally mor nice people than not. It is lovely to be able to share in a safe community but don't settle for the label "OCD sufferer". You are suffering at the moment but can claim a life back where you don't live with the torment all the time. I believe (but don't know for certain) that in childhood most of these problems occur through trying to control fearful thoughts and anxiety with compulsions....."I'm scared something will happen to Mum & Dad" but if I do "This" ritual it will keep them safe. Trends are set without the sufferer knowing why they've set them other than the belief it might make things safe. Try not to settle for the "OCD Sufferer" label.........yes, it's great to find we're not alone but share that journey with empathy, support and belief you can recover and handle this. That things can get better

Absolutely Fabulous Ma.......really Well Done. I know days will come where you really struggle but if you get back up and do "normal" stuff like this, tell your brain you're taking charge, keep occupied instead of having a huge vacuum to breed the thoughts.....you'll win through. Keep going :)

In fact we have a new user, a Mum Ma29 struggling just ,like you. Are you going to pop onto her thread (and she on yours) and tell her how dreadful you think she is? I doubt it because you'll both see that this is someone struggling with OCD and driving themselves insane with fear. It's worth a thought

So what happened, did you just revert back from being a dangerous monster? No, it doesn't work like that. You don't become dangerous one minute, normal and safe the next and then back again.......but you can become anxious, then better, then anxious again and start reacting to a thought. Part of going forward is learning how to deal with these thoughts when they suddenly crop up and catch you out. If you revert back to the old methods of compulsions and running scared, it quickly brings you down. You have to try and be aware of the fact your OCD is playing up, that this is a false fear and then really try to resist the compulsions.

Nikki you know the score on this one......and you also know how important it is to stop the compulsions, the rumination right now. If you do it's far easier to nip this in the bud now as a blip rather than let it build and become a big problem again. We haven't seen you for a few months.......I was only wondering how you were doing the other day. Have things been generally improved?

Right Cora, I'm going to temporarily open this thread.....but there will be no reassurance, no answers to "the need to know" bit. All of the above are situations the same as or similar to ones you have written about many times before. There have been many descriptions and explanations as to why this happens and the things you should try to change. I want you to look at what you've written and (based on previous replies) answer yourself as though you were replying to someone else on their thread. No "yes but, in this instance I actually......" Show us how much you've learned about OCD, how it can manifest and affect someone, what it can make them believe. Make a list of all the compulsions you've done following the incident. List the things you need to try to lessen the power of this obsession. Treat it like one of your Uni assignments, really think it through as dispassionately as you can. We need to be working on the things you can do to improve and change your distress not just as a compulsion. If it goes back to confessions, or self-loathing or reassurance seeking then I will lock the thread again. Let's try and get this moving in the right direction

That's a very sensible observation. Whilst identifying distortions, black & white thinking, catastrophising can be a good Psychology tool to understand when & how we are doing this......but there does come a point where we have to try and identify, with reasonable probability, that this is OCD at play and we don't need to give it further attention, then to work on resisting rumination and other compulsions. You seem to be working nicely in the right direction. Keep at it

I'm sorry Cora but I'm going to lock this thread and leave you to think about what you can do differently here. All of this has been covered many times and to let it run is just adding to you heading for com0ulsions to deal with this. You must look to the things you've discussed with your therapist and here and think about a change in reaction, then we can talk

Good on you Ma! That's just the sort of little thing we want to see. I know it won't make things go immediately right but this is just the sort of thing that will really help. Welcome to the thread

Partly because I never do anything with my profile so it just tends to sit there as was Seriously, it is something I've sometimes thought about but just as I wouldn't describe myself as an ex- common cold sufferer or an ex-sufferer of tonsillitis, I don't describe myself as an ex-sufferer because I think everyone has the propensity to suffer from anxiety given certain life circumstances. I say anxiety because it has become my personal belief that OCD is largely a disorder that is a reaction & response to a thought experienced during a period of anxiety or a set of behaviours developed in an attempt to control our lives and protect us from a perceived danger, it then becomes a disorder. I experienced my first bout of OCD (or fearful thoughts) 45 years ago. Hadn't got a clue what it was and lived with it in silence for 20 years before diagnosis. I was still not offered any treatment but I had a label. It was probably almost another decade before there was the availability of any Self-Help books or internet articles. So I suffered from anxiety/OCD for nearly 30 years and as such your person develops and gets used to responding in a particular way. When life stressors come along you have to take care not to fall into the trap of handling it in ways of old and give it your attention to make sure you don't. I don't think anyone lives without life stressors or (many) who don't experience bouts of anxiety because of that, so there's always the potential there if not dealt with. I don't share much about my personal life but I have run a business, been an employer, been in countless roles of boards, committees, sports clubs etc. I'm a born organiser, self-confident, have good self-esteem, am good in social situations. No-one knows of my OCD or ever has. So am I an ex-sufferer? Maybe I am, by some people's defenition I have to watch anxiety levels and with that, make sure I handle it which is why I don't describe myself as "Ex". I consider myself "a work in progress" hopefully continuing to learn, evolve & fine tune

Back to the original question. If you grew up in a toxic household where you didn't feel safe, it's not surprising that you developed anxiety. It's also not unusual that you started using compulsions to try and avert/control that anxiety/your situation. The more you attempt to control things by these means, the more the obsessive fears multiply & intrude in fear of not doing them. The good news is that you can learn to view and deal with these fears differently, especially with new insight and an adult understanding of how they occur

There's a bit of contradiction in those two statements Handy My observations have been nothing of the sort. I can't think of any examples I've come across where people have spontaneously "grown out of it" aged 25 ish. The opposite generally, that untreated, unchallenged it generally tends to become more entrenched

So tell me Ma.....am I a perverted child molester do you think? I carried my little Niece around, straddled across my hip....meaning her crotch area was next to me. I kissed her, I cuddled her, I blew raspberries on her tummy. Does that make me a monster? If not, why not? One thing that we need to start looking at soon is using the forum to make detailed confessions, to self-berate yourself, to ask for reassurance whilst not trying the suggestions. I know how much you're hurting....I do but all of these things are harming you even more. You're also seeing your therapist who I'm sure wouldn't recommend this. Some therapists recommend not using forums because of this problem. We need to start trying some more small changes/challenges on a daily basis based on the suggestions that have been made. Try and look to the forum to support you through these challenges, that's where it can really be of help. I know it's tough:)

That is just a temporary lull and more by luck. Understanding that groinal responses are meaningless anyway is better. You also need to work on understanding that this says nothing about your true moral values. You're still giving the thoughts credibility. Don't get by because you have a few lucky days where it doesn't trouble you, it needs a root and branch approach