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Everything posted by Caramoole

  1. Well that's a positive. What's happening with Anne? Why are you struggling to cuddle her?
  2. I think it's a good idea OCD feels awful when we feed it, it stays alive and we do that by thinking (rumination) and reacting with things like avoidance, self-hatred etc
  3. Agree with Ashley, think this aspect of the discussion is one for the Member's section of the forum. I think the therapists comments on mental illness are Ill placed but in the context of her other comments and personal opinion, not something that I'd consider reporting
  4. Well Done You 👍🙂 it's lovely to hear your feedback, that you're doing well & learning to recognise those niggling thoughts but move forward anyway. That's a really important skill to recognise & build on. Keep doing what you're doing x
  5. Completely agree Summer. This isn't love.....as you've described, it's toxic. Get through this painful bit, this neediness of belonging (even though it's an unhealthy relationship) You deserve, and can have so much better than this and in the long-term your mental health will benefit
  6. I know that therapy was the last thing you wanted to chat about but as you've gone on to discuss it further, could I just ask, do you feel that your parents understand what type of therapy is given for OCD? Do they see it as "talk therapy", psychotherapy type of stuff or do they understand that CBT is rather different? It seems that your aversion to therapy isn't that you aren't open to it but that you feel it's unavailable to you due to lack of support from your parents. You are of course 19 and can seek that therapy on your own freely, that is of course if you're in the UK. The good news is that there are excellent books available that can guide you through self-applied CBT. This can be done but it can be a little harder (for some) to apply the methods recommended
  7. Summer......I haven't the time to list the "harm" fears I've had over the decades. Started with fear of stabbing my Husband.....then harming any vulnerable person (or animall,myself) Children, the elderly, disabled, animals.....knives, driving into people or oncoming cars etc etc etc. Four decades on nothing, zilch, Nada, zero! It just ain't going to happen. The only thing at risk is your sanity from obeying the fear. You have an advantage on the 20 year old me in that you have the information. Please try and trust it. Do these things you fear.....again, again and then some. OCD is horribly uncomfortable.......it's not dangerous other than to your own well-being. Trust me
  8. Try and do something different, something nice. Arrange something with a friend or plan a day of little treats for yourself. Sadly, the older you get you find that Birthdays come & they go and are often quite ordinary. I think that when you're young birthdays are so exciting that as you get older, the contrast is a bit of an anti climax and we feel let down by our expectations of what we used to feel. You have to also watch out for rumination......not in an OCD way but just churning the disappointment round in our head. Try & turn that around and look at the achievements you've made.......going back to work is a big one. Break ups are painful but maybe it's an opportunity, it may be the year you find someone who will love you for who you are. Who will be supportive, respect you, put you first. Think of your birthday as a turning chapter that could see this next year as a really positive one. I hope you have a lovely day whatever you decide to do........and an even better year to come
  9. I can understand how your family's frustration has arisen but this form of bullying behaviour is unacceptable, possibly even illegal (it would be in a relationship) That said, they have you over a barrel because they can say, "If you don't like it, move out....live in your own place. It's a very difficult situation and I would definitely challenge them when they do this, particularly your Dad. Calmly but firmly call him out and ask him if he thinks this name calling is acceptable, if he'd treat a neighbourcor work collegue in this way. Your best tool is to determine to up the goals and get better and you are going to have to push the boundaries to do this. This has been going on for a .ong time and it's often easier to live with the restrictions than truly up the game and face the fears......something you'll have to change. OCD remains if we continue to capitulate and give in to fear........there is no basis to the fears, other than the "fear of" itself. As long as you run, as long as you avoid.......it will remain. It will take away your power.....by default, it gives power and control to those around you who are also frustrated by the restrictions it imposes on all of you. If you want a good example of how OCD can paralyse and completely disrupt a life with extreme, debilitating fear and anxiety look at @taurean (Roy) but also look to him to see how, when faced........that fear, those restrictions can fall away. It's time to make that decision that OCD/phobias/anxiety are not going to take any more of your life away from you and leave you in the position you are today, beholden to others because you're too afraid or unable to take any other course of action. You can do this......and although not easy, it's actually easier than you fear. Don't wait for a right time.....make that decision today. Nothing is harder than the situation you currently find yourself in
  10. Phili......I know how difficult and scary this is for you, I wish it was different......but the thing is, you've been trying to control your anxiety with avoidance, rituals, magical thinking (and the rest) since you were a small child. It hasn't worked and never will. All it's done has made your world smaller and smaller and taken everything from you until your life is completely restricted in every way. I know you have some massive problems because of your past, and the autism.....but even so, it's not insurmountable. Difficult yes......especially because you've never learned to "want" or feel you "deserve" a better life.......but it's available to you, honestly. I've got to know you pretty well over the years and I know you're an intelligent woman...I also know you're scared but you can still get beyond this.......if you decide to make that commitment......and that's where you struggle. There is nothing here that can't be resolved but you have to make that decision, you have to decide that enough is enough. There's a life out there waiting Phili......you need to find the desire to head in that direction.....if you want to. Do you want the existence on the treadmill life currently offers .....or if you dared to dream, would you wish yourself better? You need to find that seed of hope. In the meantime we can offer you sympathy and understanding......but would rather offer you support to move towards a better life for you. You could start that journey, difficult as it is, despite all the years of problems. This current worry/obsession is just another manifestation of the same stuff, different variation. You need to look at the foundations that are supporting this and why your OCD/anxiety occured and became such an all-consuming problem. I want better for you than this Phili, honestly.......I just want you to really want it too 😕
  11. Summer, you know it's OCD 100%, so now you have fo work at looking at the self-talk, the things that you are thinking & saying to yourself that is keeping the anxiety high. Confiding in a colleague is tempting but we have to be careful of why/how. If it's just to say "I'm struggling today", that's okay.......go into too many why's and wherefores and it quickly strays into reassurance mode.
  12. I'm not sure how many more ways we can explain this to you. You have doctors, therapists, other sufferers explaining that ALL of these thoughts and "type" of thoughts are OCD......you explain why they're not. No-one you've encountered is remotely concerned by anything you've said. Why do you think that is?
  13. Cora.....I notice that your other thread was locked and you've started yet another seeking reassurance. Please try and turn this around and look for support on ways forward to stop using compulsions as a way to deal with your doubt & anxiety. Something has to change, we're here (and happy) to support in a positive way but not to let this facility be one that keeps you well and truly stuck in this destructive cycle. You've been assured so many times by professionals & other sufferers.....it's down to you noyou must start to take that advise on board.......despite the doubt you feel. I'll leave the thread for now but it needs a change from you or it will be locked again for your own good
  14. The thing is that those initial chain of thoughts aren't OCD, they are/were anxiety. The obsessions that are part of OCD come next,we become obsessed by the fearful thoughts we had and start to ruminate and take avoiding behaviours. The initial thoughts were part of the fight/flight mechanism, they are part of our own safety mechanism for keeping yourself and others safe. We barely notice this but our brains are assessing situations most of the time....."Will that burn, am I too close to the edge, watch that car...........and of course "what if I crack up and lose control?" So the thought wasn't OCD or some nasty opponent with a malicious agenda.....they were a normal chain of thoughts caused by heightened anxiety (generally) OCD happens when we become obsessed by a particular thought or fear. Try and look at your own chain of thoughts and how they led to particular obsessions, understanding that can help
  15. When you talk about "big exposures with knives" it's worth trying to put things into perspective & think what's going on here. Knives aren't really a problem, it's the danger/fear thinking that's gone on in the background. My first major OCD issues was about knives & harm (supposedly). I could now walk round with a sharpened meat cleaver without a hint of worry....or even thinking about it. I didn't have therapy for it as none was around then. I didn't read books or articles on the internet because they didn't exist either.......but I did do self-applied exposure....so it can be done. I had to look at the thinking that created and sustained this fear. It happened when I was suffering from an acute episode of anxiety, some would call it a nervous breakdown. I felt so bewildered and out of control that I feared it would build & build and I would go mad and lose control. The chain of thoughts then tumbles like a stack of dominos ......What does losing control mean? I might become insane -----> What does that mean? I might lose control -------> What does that mean? I might harm someone, I'm a danger --------> How, what could happen? I might lose control & attack someone with a knife 😪 (Why a knife? Because it's generally the only dangerous item in a domestic household) Can you see how the chain of events quickly tumbles from one thing to another and before you know it, here you are, a monster who is a danger to others. You are now so afraid and convinced of your insanity you avoid knives, people, pets, situations where this might happen. Once this has happened you spend every waking moment thinking, ruminating and become ever more afraid, you avoid more and more. The only thing to fear is fear itself and the thoughts that you have that keep it uppermost in your mind
  16. Treat them all the same, ALL of them. Use the good things your therapist has taught you and apply it to this intrusion. It's an important part of the lesson to learn otherwise if you keep treating each different intrusive thought "one by one" it will keep you in the endless cycle. There is one thing, OCD, treat that rather than each thought individually
  17. Absolutely. We've talked about it a lot but what do you know about the need to have absolute certainty and the role compulsions have in maintaining the OCD cycle?
  18. I would advise the opposite......say "Missed you lots" and then work on dealing with the anxiety it creates, la e,long and knowing its cause.
  19. On a simply practical level, have you investigated any of the incontinence products that are available so that it didn't stop you from going out?
  20. I noticed leaflets in my pharmacy the other day offering private prescription service for medical cannabis
  21. North Paul, you keep bringing up this sort of question. We are a support forum run by sufferers, for sufferers. We do not purport to be therapists and as such, the "advice" will be varied, based on personal experience and aquired knowledge. I should also say that much of the advice I have seen here over almost two decades exceeds that which is offered by many professional services who have little training or experience of OCD. Some of the most ineffective therapy I have seen/experienced has been that offered via IAPT......often the only free therapy available to a sufferer. Conversely, I have seen sufferers transformed by the advice & support offered by the forum. I would/do/have recommend Cora refers back to her private therapist because (well-intentioned as it is) advice offered here is detrimental to her progress because it provides an endless support for reassurance. Cora.......you need to refer back to your therapist to discuss this and also to discuss with them your use of the forum (against their advice). Those offering advice also need to consider (helpful and as well-intentioned s it may seem) how much it is aiding Cora with her compulsions
  22. Just practise that pause to breathe, take a second, recognise the OCD and work on handling it for a moment. It's a good skill to develop. Today, the dream thing was a fairly obvious one to identify fairly quickly.....other days it can be more sneaky, it can be the tiniest of thoughts or observations that prompt the panic. Start to practise noticing the little thoughts that set you off
  23. Next time, before you head for the forum..........Pause......stop and think to yourself "This is just more of the same. It's common for people to get vivid dreams like this with medication and it's hardly surprising it's about a work collegue & being in a relationship. I know what it is and don't need to do anything about it" Heading for the forum (in this instance) is seeking reassurance. Worrying about seeing your boyfriend is as a result of rumination. Both compulsions. As you move forward you need to try and work on recognising these flash points and become self-reliant in moving past them before they build. It's an important next step in improving your mastery of OCD
  24. Everybody wants to get rid of anxiety. OCD sufferers can obsess about any subject. You're clearly showing obsessive behaviour/thought patterns (particularly the need for certainty) on many levels. Go to the therapy with an open mind and let them guide you
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