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Chels

Bulletin Board User
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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    United Kingdom

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  1. @snowbear sorry about that! Here is my reply to your message I saw the picture and thought it was polar bear
  2. @PolarBear thank you for that advice on the book. It’s like I know what I need to do but it’s terribly hard to accept it and to not worry by doing that I feel bad. Also I have had CBT twice now but seems to creep up again sometimes although this is the best position I have been in with it and the strongest Iv been. So I have came far but I don’t want to fall into that black hole again where I can’t get out of it or do everyday things
  3. @PolarBear I have had CBT twice now but I’m struggling again. Can you read my recent post and let me know if you think this book you have recommended would be of any help to me please? Thank you in advance
  4. Thank you for getting back to me! I do have Instagram what pages would you recommend?
  5. Looking for some advice not sure about reassurance but just some insight. I’m not sure what’s real or what’s not anymore but my ‘rationale’ mind KNOWS that these thoughts/feeling ARE NOT true. It’s driving me insane I am feeling so upset. I’m in a relationship and extremely happy with the most loving person I have met. I am for some reason having stupid thoughts about his cousin! And I convinced myself I found him attractive then because of that convinced I fancied him (which is definitely don’t!) because of this every time I see him I can’t look at him as I just convince myself I’m flirting. I also have weird thoughts not just with him this has happened in the past I can’t lie in a certain position like if I lie on my side and my genitals are showing and not covered by me lying on my back I have thoughts of someone having sex with me and then I convince myself I’m moving my vagina? As if I’m enjoying it when the thought physically repulses me! I even sometimes convince myself I’m ‘smiling’ at the thoughts, because I’m half asleep most of the time I can’t even remember if I am moving my vagina (I can only describe it as pelvic floor movements) it’s awful. I wouldn’t do that even if I was single and did fancy someone! But this just literally feels so weird I know I wouldn’t do it but my mind is saying ‘what if’ it’s so it’s so irrational but I’m scared as it’s becoming more and more significant to me and I’m letting it take over 😢 the last thing I want is to drive my partner away. I’m so upset, hope someone can shed some light
  6. How would they notice though ?? It’s only you that can feel it x
  7. @malina that’s great advice Malina thank you. Yes I know exactly what you mean and hopefully with the help of CBT and being strong minded I will do it... I have had POCD, ROCD and all sorts to be honest. I was getting the ‘groinal response’ when it came to POCD and that was awful 😢 still really cuts me up just thinking about it.. I sometimes have little outbursts if someone is speaking about children or something I will convince myself I’m getting groundless response and it means something it’s so hard
  8. I know it’s easy as an outsider to say but I think whether you worry or not this isn’t going to make a different to what happens in the future. If she was to find someone else then there’s nothing you can do to stop that BUT the way I look at it, if she didn’t want to be with you/wasn’t happy/was interested in others then I am sure she would make it clear and break up with you? I think everyone has insecurities and worries that their partner will leave them because I do the same but I always think of it as what will be will be and you have to be happy instead of worrying what could be just enjoy the time you have together xx
  9. @malina Hi malina, yeahh i am on the waiting list and have been since February they said for high intensity CBT I would be waiting until September at least so I’m still waiting xx
  10. @Handy no I don’t get jealous if it was in the past as who am I to judge them when I have a past also! And it’s hard for non OCD sufferers to understand and sometimes they give reassurance and they don’t realise it’s probably not helping
  11. Hi @dksea , thank you so much for taking your precious time to respond to my post! I’m so grateful and overjoyed to hear that! You should be so proud of what you have achieved and I hope that one day I can say I did it too! I’m just really struggling with the fact I may never be happy with my thoughts, now that I am newly single I look back and think WHY did you ruin your relationship confessing!? The thoughts meant NOTHING and I think it’s quite stupid of me! But then I know when I get into a new relationship the thoughts will feel catastrophic and the worst things in the world and that the anxiety with get worse and eat me away until confessing which I know is a compulsion that I must put a stop to! Hopefully I can’t learn to put this into place and stop the cycle x
  12. Hi, thank you SO much for this helpful reply! I just feel so numb and empty at the moment. I am quite sure that if I did get ROCD again I could overcome it, the worry for me is I always compare or I just know that everytime I have sex someone else WILL pop into my head, although I know it means absolutely nothing... I then when I know I’m about to orgasm (sorry for explicit) but I will put a random person in my head outpost (well I don’t but OCD does!) and then I think that’s what helped me to get that feeling! And I compare whether or not the sex is better/has been better with others, if others are better looking. Which is life! I know everyone is going to be different obviously I know that in my head but the confessing has drove all my partners away I’m so guttered and honestly feel like I’m just unlovable and unable to move forward I do want a family in the future and I want someone to love me fully and accept that I have my issues I am a genuine loyal and faithful person with a great heart who loves with all of me and am kind and give my alll but I just have this one thing holding me back and really just ruining every relationship I have and it’s OCD and yes I admit I am letting it but I am such a truthful person it doesn’t seem ‘right’ not confessing! I’m in tears writing this because I feel like such a let down 😢... I can’t see how I will ever make someone happy in love xxx
  13. I am 25 years old and have had OCD for as long as I can remember. I only new I had this from 2015 when I started my first proper relationship. I started to get feelings of guilt worrying that I’d cheated then confessing every thought that popped up into my head sexual thoughts, thinking of other people during sex and during orgasm making me think that was how I was being able to orgasm by thinking of others. This then led to ROCD and convincing myself I didn’t love him, didn’t find him attractive, thought other people were better at sex etc. Drove him away... second relationship was short lived through the same thing apart from no ROCD but more POCD as he had a child I’d think of child during sex couldn’t touch anything as I was imagining I was touching their genitals. This led to us putting. Now my most recent relationship has gone to pot well I thought it was him as he has his own issues and is VERY narcissistic and sort of controlling very bipolar like (hot and cold) I was waking on egg shells... now he is saying the reason behind this is my thoughts because ‘who wants to hear their girlfriend is thinking of someone else during sex’ ‘wondering if someone else is better’ ... etc etc Now I have had 2 lots of CBT and I just can’t stop everytime I get into a relationship I feel the need to tell them my past (mostly bad) and that I have OCD if not I feel I’m keeping something from them! I know that the thoughts are not what I really think it’s more the confessing. My recent ex partner has basically said nobody will put up with my thoughts unless I stop telling them and I know I can’t fully do that. I just can’t 😢😢 I’m beginning to think it’s nasty of me even thinking about starting a new relationship as nobody deserves to be with me and to be hurt by my thoughts... does anyone actually have a relationship (successful) with this type of OCD? I’m so unhappy and depressed and would much appreciate some help or advice I am currently on a waiting list for more CBT
  14. Okay so I recently wemt to Indonesia and one of the nights was out with my group got really too drunk and one of the members took me back home my room mate who is also female said I was drunk but she helped me undress and put me into bed. The next day our group went back to said bar and the barman actually recognised me and said that I kissed one of the local men (indonesion) now I am so worried what if I contracted HIV through kissing him what if I slept with him and cannot remember like in the club somewhere I'm worrying myself so much I came home safe fully clothed but because I made a mistake years ago when I was really drunk I had sex and didn't remember the next day please don't judge me
  15. I had ROCD with my ex and I was exactly the same as you are it is horrible and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy but. Your saying why don't you have these feelings you had when you were divorcing well... like you have said your happy your content so why would you feel that overwhelming feeling? You don't have to get butterflies etc all of the time you have been together a while on and are settled. Just live for the now and don't keep thinking what if because we could all do that... maybe CBT could help you
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