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Chels

Bulletin Board User
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    407
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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    United Kingdom

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  1. I will try, but how do I stop the guilty awful feeling that causes me to compiles/confess? @PolarBear
  2. I’m not sure if it’s due to the festive period coming upon us or stress due to studies/work commitments but I don’t feel in control of myself or my mind at the moment. I am scared. My heart is racing and I don’t feel ‘with it’ i constantly feel like crying and emotional. I can’t control it anymore. I’m hoping it’s just a bad week, I feel physically sick and worried. iv always suffered with sexual intrusive thoughts, mostly when I’m in a relationship and mostly during sex. Mostly when I’m about to orgasm, I feel sick at the thought it’s usually when I’m trying to concentrate on it. But now I can’t rationalise whether I am putting the thoughts there on purpose or not. My heads just muddled with it all. I don’t want to lose my partner but I know the outcome will be that someone please help me
  3. Hi I just want to say, your not alone I suffer with this too ☹️ It’s awful x
  4. @Binxy thanks for your reply. I wish I could have one day where I didn’t worry uncontrollably ☹️
  5. @BigDave thank you, I realise now that it wasn’t anything and I shouldn’t of worried but as always it has been replaced with another thought event which is sending my heart rate through the roof ☹️
  6. Thank you, it seems this thought has no importance now and I have a different thought that is worrying me. That I have the urge to confess it’s not a thought as such just more worrying about someone speaking to me which made me feel panicked. I know I didn’t do anything wrong but feel horrible ☹️. I tend to not speak to people of the opposite sex unless there much older than me or not good looking. Otherwise all I do is overthink. Which is what I’m doing now 😢
  7. Hi @Symps07 and thank you for your reply. My partner knows I have OCD and I have explained it to him but all he says is it’s hard for him to understand and for me to just not tell him then he won’t be hurt by it/the thoughts. Although that makes complete sense it’s the not confessing that I struggle with SO MUCH as I feel so bad about it. I just hate that I overthink so much and I can’t just have a thought and react to it like anyone else ☹️, I try but it’s so hard when I’m in a relationship the urge to confess seems 100x worse ☹️
  8. I don’t understand why my thoughts are so awful. I can’t believe by brain/mind actually creates such awful and evil thoughts. It’s every time I’m in a relationship this one I am in now is the happiest and healthiest and still these thoughts continue. It’s like there out there to ruin my relationship, any sick thought that could potentially ruin or jeopardise my relationship gets put into my head. It’s mostly comparing (when I don’t actually care about anything I’m thinking about/comparing) or my minds like ‘your wishing this’ or ‘your comparing that’ and it’s ALWASY sexualised and always uses past sexual encounters to compare with. It really upsets me because I can’t remember being so happy in a relationship and so settled and looking forward to the future with no stress, the only stress I have are my own sick, disgusting thoughts. ☹️. I feel like I’m being so unfair having them, on my partner ☹️
  9. @Binxy honestly I just don’t know how to deal with it anymore, it’s like I can’t actually decide what is real and what isn’t, I know I wouldn’t do it but my mind is convincing me I did and how will I ever know, trying to explain this to my partner and me telling him I don’t know what’s really and what isn’t is confusing him, he doesn’t get it. I think he thinks I tell him things to hurt him and that’s the last thing I want
  10. No one understands me, all I can describe this like is a paranoid boyfriend who accuses you of doing bad things and you actually doubt yourself and believe it that much that you can’t decifer which is real and what isn’t 😭 I can’t do this anymore
  11. So I saw a picture on social media and I’m convincing myself that I saw it when I was on the toilet and wiped myself when I saw it, this would be really bad if I did. Even tho it wasn’t done for pleasure but I can’t stop panicking 😭😭 and Iv stupidly confessed to my boyfriend even though I don’t know if it’s true- it’s probably not
  12. Hi @Gemma@OCDUK thank you so much for your reply. I do feel a lot stronger than previous relapses and mentally prepared but that being said, I have forgot a lot of the stuff from CBT, I feel I could tackle this on my own but feel I might need a little bit advice on how to, if that makes sense? By the time I get a referral and get a therapist could be months and months away yet, especially in the current climate! is there anything you would suggest for me to try in the meantime?
  13. Thank you @PolarBear but then how do I know if the thoughts are just thoughts or if they mean something? Or if I’m just analysing things? I always think is this real or not... not sure how I would know what’s head and what’s heart ...
  14. I’m so so scared. My OCD seems like it’s coming back and it’s scaring me... I feel like it’s ROCD all over again I’m questioning things, how do I know if I love him? Am I living a lie!? Why do I get annoyed all of the time and agitated. I do love him but then is that my head or heart telling me that. I’m so upset, I don’t want this to take over my life again someone please tell me what to do I want to be happy and enjoy life not spend it worrying, I deserve a break I have dealt with too much already
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