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Chels

Bulletin Board User
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    367
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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    United Kingdom

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  1. How would they notice though ?? It’s only you that can feel it x
  2. @malina that’s great advice Malina thank you. Yes I know exactly what you mean and hopefully with the help of CBT and being strong minded I will do it... I have had POCD, ROCD and all sorts to be honest. I was getting the ‘groinal response’ when it came to POCD and that was awful 😢 still really cuts me up just thinking about it.. I sometimes have little outbursts if someone is speaking about children or something I will convince myself I’m getting groundless response and it means something it’s so hard
  3. I know it’s easy as an outsider to say but I think whether you worry or not this isn’t going to make a different to what happens in the future. If she was to find someone else then there’s nothing you can do to stop that BUT the way I look at it, if she didn’t want to be with you/wasn’t happy/was interested in others then I am sure she would make it clear and break up with you? I think everyone has insecurities and worries that their partner will leave them because I do the same but I always think of it as what will be will be and you have to be happy instead of worrying what could be just enjoy the time you have together xx
  4. @malina Hi malina, yeahh i am on the waiting list and have been since February they said for high intensity CBT I would be waiting until September at least so I’m still waiting xx
  5. @Handy no I don’t get jealous if it was in the past as who am I to judge them when I have a past also! And it’s hard for non OCD sufferers to understand and sometimes they give reassurance and they don’t realise it’s probably not helping
  6. Hi @dksea , thank you so much for taking your precious time to respond to my post! I’m so grateful and overjoyed to hear that! You should be so proud of what you have achieved and I hope that one day I can say I did it too! I’m just really struggling with the fact I may never be happy with my thoughts, now that I am newly single I look back and think WHY did you ruin your relationship confessing!? The thoughts meant NOTHING and I think it’s quite stupid of me! But then I know when I get into a new relationship the thoughts will feel catastrophic and the worst things in the world and that the anxiety with get worse and eat me away until confessing which I know is a compulsion that I must put a stop to! Hopefully I can’t learn to put this into place and stop the cycle x
  7. Hi, thank you SO much for this helpful reply! I just feel so numb and empty at the moment. I am quite sure that if I did get ROCD again I could overcome it, the worry for me is I always compare or I just know that everytime I have sex someone else WILL pop into my head, although I know it means absolutely nothing... I then when I know I’m about to orgasm (sorry for explicit) but I will put a random person in my head outpost (well I don’t but OCD does!) and then I think that’s what helped me to get that feeling! And I compare whether or not the sex is better/has been better with others, if others are better looking. Which is life! I know everyone is going to be different obviously I know that in my head but the confessing has drove all my partners away I’m so guttered and honestly feel like I’m just unlovable and unable to move forward I do want a family in the future and I want someone to love me fully and accept that I have my issues I am a genuine loyal and faithful person with a great heart who loves with all of me and am kind and give my alll but I just have this one thing holding me back and really just ruining every relationship I have and it’s OCD and yes I admit I am letting it but I am such a truthful person it doesn’t seem ‘right’ not confessing! I’m in tears writing this because I feel like such a let down 😢... I can’t see how I will ever make someone happy in love xxx
  8. I am 25 years old and have had OCD for as long as I can remember. I only new I had this from 2015 when I started my first proper relationship. I started to get feelings of guilt worrying that I’d cheated then confessing every thought that popped up into my head sexual thoughts, thinking of other people during sex and during orgasm making me think that was how I was being able to orgasm by thinking of others. This then led to ROCD and convincing myself I didn’t love him, didn’t find him attractive, thought other people were better at sex etc. Drove him away... second relationship was short lived through the same thing apart from no ROCD but more POCD as he had a child I’d think of child during sex couldn’t touch anything as I was imagining I was touching their genitals. This led to us putting. Now my most recent relationship has gone to pot well I thought it was him as he has his own issues and is VERY narcissistic and sort of controlling very bipolar like (hot and cold) I was waking on egg shells... now he is saying the reason behind this is my thoughts because ‘who wants to hear their girlfriend is thinking of someone else during sex’ ‘wondering if someone else is better’ ... etc etc Now I have had 2 lots of CBT and I just can’t stop everytime I get into a relationship I feel the need to tell them my past (mostly bad) and that I have OCD if not I feel I’m keeping something from them! I know that the thoughts are not what I really think it’s more the confessing. My recent ex partner has basically said nobody will put up with my thoughts unless I stop telling them and I know I can’t fully do that. I just can’t 😢😢 I’m beginning to think it’s nasty of me even thinking about starting a new relationship as nobody deserves to be with me and to be hurt by my thoughts... does anyone actually have a relationship (successful) with this type of OCD? I’m so unhappy and depressed and would much appreciate some help or advice I am currently on a waiting list for more CBT
  9. Okay so I recently wemt to Indonesia and one of the nights was out with my group got really too drunk and one of the members took me back home my room mate who is also female said I was drunk but she helped me undress and put me into bed. The next day our group went back to said bar and the barman actually recognised me and said that I kissed one of the local men (indonesion) now I am so worried what if I contracted HIV through kissing him what if I slept with him and cannot remember like in the club somewhere I'm worrying myself so much I came home safe fully clothed but because I made a mistake years ago when I was really drunk I had sex and didn't remember the next day please don't judge me
  10. I had ROCD with my ex and I was exactly the same as you are it is horrible and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy but. Your saying why don't you have these feelings you had when you were divorcing well... like you have said your happy your content so why would you feel that overwhelming feeling? You don't have to get butterflies etc all of the time you have been together a while on and are settled. Just live for the now and don't keep thinking what if because we could all do that... maybe CBT could help you
  11. I forgot to pick up my prescription so went all weekend without but Iv got them now. I know I should have been more cautious
  12. Hi everyone... so iv been doing SO well until I went out last night had a drink and bumped into my friend and her little girl in the pub I had my dog so the little girl was around me all the time stroking the dog etc. Anyway I'm very cautious around children if they like sit on my knee/slide down my leg if their genitals touch my or I swipe past them I really worry. Anyway because I can't remember saying goodbye I feel like what if I have said bye hugged her I'm the wrong way or did something inappropriate and can't remember I'm so scared my anxiety is through the roof because of the drinking and I haven't taken my anti-depressants for a few days also as I ran out so it's 100x worse and I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack which I haven't done for years
  13. @Ashley thank you Ashley for that helpful reply! My last CBT session went really really well. She absolutely hit the nail on the head when I kept going on and on and on about what others would think of me that if I met someone how would they react if I told them about OCD and the worst thoughts I have had and she said why would you go meet someone and tell them you had OCD when that's not all you have to offer and doesn't define you as a person. Which is so true I need more confidence and need to start being more confident... I think my ex knocked my confidence in getting into a new relationship because he said I should never of got with him knowing I had OCD. I think I just need to put what I have learned in CBT into practice in my next relationship as in not confessing, not placing meaning on every thought and not telling them everything about my OCD or even that I have it fingers crossed I can be strong enough to do it!
  14. Hi Iv started CBT and it's going quite well. I have told my therapist about the thought that scared me the most and that because I'm in a habit of always checking for a groinal response almost all of the time whether it be when I'm around my grandad or a young person... but I told her about the thought that really scared me when I was with my ex and I thought of his little girl (not in a sexual way AT all) just what we were going to do at the weekend and made myself get this groinal response and because I was so freaked out my anxiety/worry plummeted and because I read up on an article that some people get 'erections' or 'orgasms' with 'groinal response' and I worried what if I do it because the feeling of guilt and anxiety was making it worse. Anyway I told my therapist and she wrote down 'what if I orgasm' and it made me feel sick and I can't stop thinking about it obviously I didn't and wouldn't and it was the OCD but even saying that out loud is really making me feel like an awful person :/
  15. @Atlantis hopefully I can learn to do that fingers crossed. I want to be normal I want to just ignore my thoughts and not place meaning on it but it is hard im gonna try so hard it's my upmost goal not to confess every thought I get wish me luck guys! The anxiety is killing me but it will pass if I sit with it right? X
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