Kisu

Hi, JJNd12! I read your posting with deep sympathy, having had "Pure O" for years. Google it, you will find that it is not that uncommon but people don't want to talk about it. Apart from OCD, I also have a problem with drinking. It alleviates thoughts for a moment but then they come back when I am sober.

Northern Star - I don't have cleaning issues but I symphatise. Apologies for any misspelings, I do have drinking issues. Cannot get rid right now.

I couldn't log on for some time so I wasn't able to give an update. Thanks Ashley, just mentioning that OCD UK was prepared to step in on my behalf made the mental charity rather humble and gave me a new therapist. I saw her today for the first time and she was most amenable. She spent well over the time allocated for an initial consultation and was very understanding. She also said that I would be given homework and goals - aspects missing from my last CBT, which was the reason I had no faith in it as it didn't help at all. Also thanks to all of you who offered support and advise. I would have given up if I hadn't read of your experiences. Now I am quite happy to continue and give them the benefit of the doubt. Three Times Guy - the subject of drinking did come up. I made no secret of it. She didn't tell me that I shouldn't drink during the treatment but of course I will limit the amount alcohol as I am already cutting down.

I believe it is hereditary. It certainly runs in my father's family. IWe are sure he's got it but because he won't discuss it, we can only guess. His own father had mental health problems as did at least one of his uncles but they were all born and raised during times when mental health was a taboo. I'm not sure about my brother. I think my mother said that she had noticed during their visits that he had portrayed some obsessional tendencies such as constantly straightening the tussels on his rugs. My sister seems clear of it but her eldest child has severe OCD. I think there must be a link there and all of us show different types of mental health problems. On the other hand, I haven't passed it on to either of my children and I certainly hope it is not dormant in them either so as not to pass on to their offspring.

I tried logging on a few times but failed so I haven't tried for a couple of weeks.

I am like Zem, I always feel an outsider and don't fit in. When I am in a group and have to do teamwork I am always the one who feels left out. I, too, am very negative. I used to go to a discussion group where I was told that if I thought of negative things all the time they would come true, i.e. it was self fulfilling but I cannot change who I am. My husband sometimes gets annoyed with my negativeness but I think I am a realist. When you think of the worst and it comes true, you are less disappointed, is my motto but I don't think it is a good one. I am a bit depressed about not having a job. We lived abroad for a couple of years and now, with this deep depression, it is impossible for a person of my age (I'm old enough to have grown up children) to get anything decent. I don't know what the solution is, I wish I did. I'm also a dreamer with a capital D. I am full of good ideas and storylines for books and telly programmes but when it comes to realizing them, I am lost. I don't know if this is also a sign of OCD. Making friends right now, in this recession, is probably harder than during a boom. I live in a nice close and know most of my neighbours. We used to have get togethers and long chats before I moved abroad. When I came back some 18 months ago, everything had changed and I was told by one of the neighbours that the close wasn't the same any more. Nobody has time for anybody else. I hardly see anyone nowadays and we certainly don't have any get togethers. So Numb, don't beat yourself up about it. I hope your life gets better. Maybe you could start a new hobby where you could meet people.

Kat, you didn't give enough information for me to give an opinion. On the one hand, if you had a bad debt before, it is understandable that you are now obsessing about money but on the other, like the previous two posters say, it may be OCD. Ridiculous as it sounds, I have now developed an OCD obsession with supermarket trolleys where you have to put a pound coin in. I once had a senior moment when I couldn't figure out how to connect my trolley to the one in front in order to get my money out. I had to wait for someone else to do it first and then I remembered. Now, every time I have to use one of those trolleys, I start to panic when I put it away. I also have an OCD associated with anything technical. This is down to a bad experience with a vacuum cleaner when I was a child. My father made me vacuum. I couldn't figure out how to operate the hoover and instead of showing me, my father told me to stand there as long as it took for me to figure it out. When my mother came home she found me crying and rescued me. I was about five at the time but still remember that moment of panic as if it had happened yesterday. So now, when I am faced with a new piece of equipment to told to use it, I go into blind panic. The lesson I learnt from my childhood was never to be so cruel with my own children and ridicule them for not knowing what to do. As for your seeking reassurance about your appearance and body, I am the same. I think I am people dependent, I would never survive on my own and one of my fears is my husband dying before me. I am absolutely clueless about bleeding the raditators, changing light bulbs, etc. I also hate my body. I am on a diet now and am making progress but it is a long slog. I have been told that I am beautiful and people often think I am about 15 years younger than I am. But, when I look in the mirror, I don't see that. All I see is my flab and wrinkles. I don't know if all this is part of my OCD or whether most women look at themselves with a critical eye. I'm not sure if this is just a woman thing or whether men do the same.

Three Times Guy - For me, completely stopping drinking doesn't work. Although I'm an all or nothing person, for some reason I have to reduce it gradually. I have done many things cold turkey, such as stopping smoking and taking anti-depressants but alcohol is in a different category. I have managed quite well this year, although I have had a few lapses but am back on course now. There was a time when I would drink as much as five times a week. Now it is down to just Saturdays. The rest of the week I am drink free. I can see myself drinking less as time goes by as my tolerance levels have already gone now, which is a good thing. I enjoy my Saturday nights. It is something to look forward to. I cook lots of food, enough to last for a few days, and then we sit down and have dinner together. Later we listen to some music. I don't know of any independent alcohol service providers here, neither did my GP. She is a wonderful, caring person who will do anything to help. I am lucky to have her. She is always sending me to blood tests to measure all sorts of things I wouldn't even have thought of. Ashley, thanks for your offer. I take it that I look up the OCD UK phone number and ask for you by name? I will do that before ringing the IAPT Let's Talk Service. More like "Let's Not Talk". Chris, I'm in BS South and the therapist is coming from their Downend branch, if I ever get the appointment. How is yours going? If you don't want to post here, send me an email and we'll talk that way. Well, I'm almost off to bed so Good Night everyone!

Lawrie, you are right. By trying to reassure Joanne and Carolyn, quoting my own example, I did indeed fall into the trap which we are quite often reminded of on this forum. I thought that since I don't have health related OCD my liver history would have put their minds at rest but of course, with OCD, things are not so simple. So, zip from now on regarding reassurance.

Hi Hal, Thanks for your advise also. Yes, the person who is ill was supposed to be my councellor, having cancelled twice, which is why I asked for a different one. I haven't heard of the organisations you mentioned and I will look them up if this charade continues without me getting anywhere.

A big thank you to all of you for your replies. What a depressing picture it makes! My problem with alcohol is that I am an all or nothing person, which I think is a characteristic of OCD. Unlike my husband, I cannot just have one glass of wine, it has to be the whole bottle and by then my capacity for drinking has increased and I start on another bottle. I have had good and bad periods. Right now I am going through a good phase. I don't think I will ever become a teetotal. I am now limiting my drinking to Saturdays only. I don't suffer any health problems such as liver or kidney damange. I just had a blood test and was told that my liver function was perfect so I haven't done too much damage to it. It is not easy, trying not to drink if you have an inclination for it. Three Times Guy, I was told at the initial consultation that they would want me to stop drinking for the duration of the CBT. I will do my best but cannot guarantee not to drink at all for three months or so. I know that drinking affects the way your mind works and it certainly makes my OCD far worse for the next few days so I can understand their stance. Thanks for your advice re alcohol services. I have tried two, and found them both wanting. The first one was only four weeks long. I had just started making progress by analysing my drinking habits and the trigger factors, etc and then I was told that this was the end of the course. I also felt that the person taking the course had never had a drink problem and therefore couldn't understand why it would be impossible for me to stop after one glass of wine. The next treatment was based on stopping altogether. They would have given medication which could not have been combined with alcohol and I would have had to have gone to the clinic for 12 consequtive days. I didn't want that either so now I have to manage on my own, with the support of my family. I would be interested to hear your drinking history and what made you stop and how you did it. Thanks also for a comprehensive list of organisations I can contact. I didn't know of any of them. In the first instance I will try to get another appointment and see how it goes. I asked for a female councellor and was given a male. Not an encouraging start but now that I know a lot of you have gone through the same kind of thing as me, I am a lot calmer and won't blow my top.

Thijs - thanks for your reply. In fact, I lived in the Netherlands two years ago, in a small village. I went to my doctor at my surgery who referred me for CBT there but I lef the country before I got appointment. I think I will ring them on Monday and find out what is going on. The trouble is, I am somewhat hot-headed so when I get a bee in my bonnet, I say things I later regret. I try to stay calm for my own sake.

Joanne - what makes you say that liver function tests are useless? You have to ask for the liver gamma reading, which is the important one. I have a wonderful GP who keeps checking my liver function due to my excessive drinking and medication I am taking. My liver function seems to be improving, The first test four years ago showed slightly raised levels, the following one below the upper normal range and the last one was excellent. I know this is no excuse for drinking and I am dealing with the problem. Anxious Caroline - what symptoms of liver failure do you have? Have you tried any liver detox remedies? I can only speak for myself but I have had two lots of liver cleanse supplements. No idea if they work or not as they are not clinically tested. I also drink about two litres of water a day plus a few cups of herbal tea. I only have one mug of filter coffee a day. I don't know if coffee is harmful for the liver. I have also taken loads of paracetamol over the years. I am quite fit. I have recently taken up jogging again and use the PowerPlate machine at my gym three times a week. Good luck to both of you. I think that what you have said is part and parcel of OCD. Your thoughts get stuck in a groove and you mull over things until they are blown out of all proportions. I should know, I am the same.

Morning everyone! I have been absent from this forum for some time. It doesn't, however, mean that I am feeling good again. I have had lots of problems in other areas of my life, including my drinking problem which those you reading this forum from a few years ago are aware of. To cut a long story short, having read stories from people here who have been helped by CBT on the NHS I finally decided to try it for myself. I had a bad experience with private CBT years ago, which put me off trying it on the NHS. Well, I wish I could say that things are different this time round. They are not. In Jan this year my doctor referred me. People here have said it takes about six months to hear from them. By the end of August, having heard nothing, I went back to my Dr. who sent them a reminder. I received a letter shortly with forms to fill in. When querying why it had taken eight months to receive the forms, I was offered a feeble excuse that they had sent the forms to me in Jan but since they hadn't heard from me they assumed I no longer wanted their service. I would have thought that they would have followed this up by either writing to me or ringing the surgery. In September I finally had a phone call with an initial consultation. After this I was told that a supervisor would review the results, after which it would be decided what sort of therapy was offered. Two weeks later I received another phone call, from the same person, advising me that they had decided to offer me face to face CBT. I had a feeling right from the beginning that they were trying to put me off having this therapy. I told them why I was unhappy with the private CBT, ie. the because I wasn't given any homework to do inbetween sessions, etc. She said that their CBT wouldn't offer me any either. The impression I got was that I shouldn't really bother them. After waiting another two weeks, I received my first appointment in the post. This was to be two days later. Of course I couldn't make it, having been given two days' notice. A new time slot was given for the following week. On the morning of the appointment I had a phone call to say the councellor had been taken ill and would see me at the same time the following week which would have been yesterday. However, a few days before I had another call advising me that the therapist had been signed off again. By this time I was quite angry. I asked to be given a different councellor since three weeks had passed from the first appointment I had been given. Again, she said she had to go back to her supervisor and they would ring me back. I naturally assumed I would get a different councellor for the same time slot. However, this is now Friday and no phone call yet! Can anyone blame me for being totally fed up! The way I see it, the NHS is trying their utmost to put people off in order to save money. ( I have had the same kind of experience twice this year within the NHS when trying to see a specialist.) There is a phone number to ring but it is not manned. Calls go to an ansaphone and their turn around time for returning calls is between 48 to 72 hours. I am at my wits end now. Therefore I am asking for advice. Those of you who have had CBT on the NHS - does my experience ring any bells with you? What should I do next? I would like to lodge an official complaint but where would I send it? Also, I feel that having had such a bad start I will not be able to shake off my anger at the way I have been treated, and this would influence my attitude to any possible councelling I am offered. Experts (moderators?) and other readers of this forum, please help. I feel like crying with frustration!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fox, first of all, well done for caring so much for your partner you have posted on the forums. I for one refused to take paroxetine because the side effects listed were weight gain and insomnia - both of which I am struggling with. I have an obsession about putting on weight (body dismorphia, I believe) so I am trying to lose it. As a rule though, I take paracetamol for headaches and also my blood pressure tablets but I am always wary of anti-depressants with their various side effects. Venlavaxin sent my b/p through the roof. Citalopram did nothing at all although I was on maximum dosage, about 3 times of what I have heard people here being on. So I think it is horses for courses.