dandielion

okay thanks everyone

Long story short. I live in a block of 4 flats and I'm upstairs. My neighbours have a huge impact on my life from the point of view that I don't want them seeing or hearing me doing any of my cleaning compulsions although it's difficult because I'm running the water more than I hear any of them doing and I vaccuum for longer periods than I hear them doing. Two years ago the man in the flat underneath started renting it out and since he has I'm finding it very difficult to live as I find my life revolving around what my neighbours downstairs are doing. I want to listen to everything they do and say. It just occurred to me today that this might be an ocd thing. I did it for a year with our last neighbours downstairs whereby I would only vaccuum or do washing compulsions or housework when they were out of the house and whenever they were in I found myself not wanting to do anything because I wanted to know what they were doing. Now we have a new neighbour moving in and I know I'm going to be like this again I wondered if it was ocd because I can't really think of why I want to hear what they're doing and saying but for some reason I do. I feel under threat from new neighbours because they can hear everything I do and I worry that they'll be laughing at me but I don't know why that bothers me so much. I also don't want to leave the flat whilst they're in but I don't know what I'm worried that they'll do when I'm not there to monitor them. Is this another form of OCD?

that's what annoys me about erp ADD is that it's all about facing anxiety and waiting for it to subside and learning that anxiety is nothing to be afraid of but anxiety isn't what I'm afraid of when it comes to my ocd. For example I am terrified of moths and spiders. I know this is a phobia, It is an irrational fear that I can relate no negative experience with but it is there. The feelings I have if I was in a room with a spider is completely different to how I would feel if I was exposed to an "ocd trigger". I would do anything to get out of that room with the spider in it. I have in fact gone and stayed in a hotel one night because I knew there was a big moth in the house and I couldn't find it and rather than spend the night in the house with the moth I decided to just leave the house. Completely over the top response. My heart would race and I would sweat etc. all typical responses to anxiety but with an ocd trigger it is completely different. Rubbish is a trigger for me. I would hate sitting next to a binman for example, but I would do it if I had to but I would avoid it if I could whereas with the spider or moth you wouldn't get me anywhere near it. It bugs me too that erp and all the therapies we see on tv seem to revolve around dealing with fear and anxiety with a whole load of us ocd sufferers whose feelings behind their ocd are not fear or anxiety related but there's other feelings governing it. It's still all ocd I think but a completely different approach I feel is needed. I've faced up to many ocd triggers only to find that others will come along and replace them and I'm not aware of these starting or how they come to be. All I know is that when asked if my ocd is better or worse over the years I can never answer because it is just as intense but there are different triggers.

http://guilfordjournals.com/doi/abs/10.1521/psyc.2006.69.3.228

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S000579670700054X

there's a fair bit of research being done since I found the survey that I can't find online anymore but I'll keep looking but one site called Science direct has done some papers on ocd and disgust sensitivity but I can't access the whole article without buying it and I'm struggling to put in the link.

HI ADD, yes I too don't have any fear relating to my OCD. The overwhelming feeling I get is disgust which is completely different to fear and a much stronger feeling. We have it so that we can avoid things that may harm us for example being disgusted by smells or rotting flesh which we are disgusted by so that we do not eat it. I read that very little research has been done into disgust but that one report done in different countries asked people what they felt disgusted by and it varied according to country. People were given a list with things such as door knobs, blood, piles of sickness, toilets. In poorer countries things such as dead animals, excrement all rated high on the disgust list but in richer countries like ours where we're not exposed to that kind of thing on a regular basis, we were disgusted by door handles and people with bad morals. I'll try and look for the article but it is a very strong emotion and is much stronger than fear. I don't fear dirty things as I touch them all the time, I empty bins at my parents house without a problem whereas I would never come into my own flat having put rubbish in the bin without completely washing myself down and washing all of my clothes but it isn't' because I'm afraid of anything. It just disgusts me to live that way but I can do all the ocd contamination things I usually have problems with as long as I don't have to bring that back into my own environment.

I would like to thank you Tricia for being on that programme. I do the same things such as wash myself down in the garden after being out. I don't wear clothes around the house because they'd just get dirty and cause me more work so there's no point. No one ever gets in the house - not even the gas/electric meter reading people. I thought I was alone in what I did and that I was one of the most extreme ocd sufferers and that there was no hope for me but you showed that despite having severe ocd you've managed to have a family and your husband has remained with you and that's given me hope. I was disappointed to see that Hayley doesn't seem much better than what she was years ago when she did that other documentary on ocd. but so happy that her husband is still there supporting her and loving her. It'll be interesting to go back in a year's time and see what has happened to everyone on the programme. I used to be like the guy who couldn't touch his parents and I, like him, got through that and went back and everything was fine - for a while. but it came back and I'd be interested to see if his comes back too as I'm afraid unlike most people on here I do not give any credit to the 4 steps method or to cbt and am quite annoyed that no other method is even being looked at. It's as if cbt is apparently the magic bullet that everyone is using but no therapists are admitting that it doesn't work for loads of people and that they might be barking up the wrong tree.

Hi Faithless I'm in the same position. I had a very understanding job centre interviewer who agreed that I wasn't fit to work and shouldn't be on that benefit but that all she could do would be to interview me over the phone every 6 months. I have now had all my money stopped and I receive nothing because the partner I live with works more than 24 hours a week. I'm now trying to apply for Disability Living Allowance which I actually think I should've been on for years. I'm not sure many of the people have real ocd on this programme. Although maybe some of the people they go oto "help" ironically have it! Hayley has 3 kids, I don't know how she can bring up kids and spend all that time cleaning because surely her kids bring loads of germs and dirt into the house and some woman this week called Claire has 5 children, works part time driving a minibus and yet we're told that she cleans for something like 15 hours a day. That's impossible. I have no children because of my ocd and I have no pets because of my ocd, both would be impossible surely with ocd or is it just my ocd is really really bad. I don't have time to work as I'm too busy cleaning. I wonder if some of the people on this programme are just bored, but I'd hate to think that I'm doing what everyone who is "normal" thinks about me.

hi everyone, has anyone else had their incapacity benefit stopped. Mine was changed to employment support allowance and I am in a work related activity support group, even though I can't leave the house and my contamination ocd is extremely severe. I received no interview, no assessment, no letters from psychiatrists or psychologists were asked for. The decision was made simply by the information I put on a form which was very detailed. the work related support I was receiving was a phone call from the job centre to see how I was and if I was able to leave the house and look for work. Obviously I wasn't. I've had ocd for over 22 years. I've been on most of the drugs available out there, none of which have helped. I've had all sorts of behavioural therapy and inhospital treatment all to no avail. I remain as ill as I've ever been. Now I've been told that because I haven't found employment my benefit is stopping altogether as my partner who I live with (whose life is also greatly affected by the OCD) works more than 24 hours a week so I'm actually getting nothing at all. They will pay my national insurance contribution but that is all. the money I got went on replacing the clothes I have to throw out as I can't face washing them. These are clothes that my boyfriend needs to wear to work. It also buys shampoo, soap, disinfectant, washing up liquid, all the usual cleaning stuff and ready meals as I can't prepare any food in the house. My partner eats out most of the time at supermarket cafes or eats toast, crisps and biscuits. I don't understand how I have been regarded as fit for work. I've spoken to two other people who have mental health problems and neither of them received an interview either. It seems decisions on mental health may be getting made by people with no experience or qualifications in this area and no one is getting a face to face meeting that I know of. So I was just wondering if anyone on here has had any such meeting and had to explain in great detail what, as sufferers of ocd we have to go through every day. It is so humiliating and insulting for them to say theres nothing wrong with me and I should just get a job. I am absolutely livid. I'm not even so bothered about the money. It's the principal. It's like a slap in the face. As if having ocd isn't bad enough, the government isn't accepting it as an illness - not in my case anyway. All I wanted was a bit of money to pay for what I need to cope with my disability, but instead I'm getting told that there's nothing wrong with me. I can't explain how angry I am and how obviously the ocd has jumped on this big time and I'm struggling not to let it get out of control. Anybody out there going through the same thing? mandy

I thought his ocd portrayal was great. It's good that for once they've put someone who is successful at their job and a nice person. I'm used to seeing ocd characters as being portrayed as cantankerous, selfish and unsociable. He also likes things very neat and tidy with everything on his desk positioned just so and flicking the lightswitch on and off isn't contamination ocd. I thought it was really accurate when he went to Lizzie the forensic worker's house in the lastest episode last week and you saw him hone in on the messy table, the fact that she smoked, the state of her bathroom sink etc. was great as for me that's exactly how it is. He made his mind up there and then that he couldn't date her and that's exactly what I was like.

hi felix4 . This happens to me all the time. I would use cbt to get over one ocd problem (eg. mixing soap powder boxes with other shopping and not worrying about it spilling onto the floor) and within a few sessions I would be fine with it but then I developed a problem with mixing washing up liquid bottles with my other shopping due to the bottles always being slimy or sticky. It has always been like this for me. I replace one with another so I don't understand how cbt can work for other people and just makes me feel like I'm not working hard enough. I believe my thoughts though and I've been told they are true but that most people don't bother about these things and so neither should I. e.g the washing up liquid bottle IS slimy but so what, dust is everywhere but you can't get rid of it all, you can pick up colds through touching things and then putting your hands in your mouth etc. but it won't kill you and people do these things everyday so even though my thoughts are justified I shouldn't bother about them and just ignore them. Apparantly.

haven't posted for ages but I can relate to everything Paul and Tilly and Hayley are saying. I've been finding it hard to accept that my wanting to clean things is OCD and not just me being fussy and it really helps to read posts like this because I see you all saying and following the EXACT same thought patterns as myself. My Occupational Therapist has given me three weeks to clean out my fridge and some kitchen cupboards which I have been putting off doing for months because I worry that I won't do it right and then the whole house will be contaminated and I'll have to leave my boyfriend and I'm finding it a big help that someone is going to be checking on me. I guess I've also put off cleaning the kitchen cupboards because I know that if they became "magically dirty" for no reason once, then they will again and cleaning them will be fruitless but I think my OT knows that it would be too much for me to do that so I'll just have to do it. Had a set back though. Was going to clean the bedroom like a "normal" person but I opened the window at about 2am and the catch came flying off and the catch is dirty so eveywhere it possibly touched will now have to be washed and my boyfriend's clothes and slippers too (again). I've been up using the washing machine since then as I was too dirty to go back to bed. Just told boyfriend the news and he says he's just not getting up. I'll need 12 hours to do out the bedroom properly and because he's nightshift and we live in an upper flat I can only make noise during the day so I'll need to leave it all until Saturday when he's finished his shifts. So I'll be facing up to living and trying to sleep in a contaminated bedroom for three days. I will hate it but I am so tired but I find that when I do face up to something like this then I start getting more obsessed about cleaning other things. I don't even know what I'm cleaning off. But it's so similar, remote controls, telephones, kettle handles, doing dishes, workmen. What do you do when ocd keeps shifting onto something else once you've faced up to a previous problem, where and when does it stop, if ever?

my mental health team said that as my ocd is centred on me having control of everything, to take that away in one swoop would be counterproductive. I have to learn to let go slowly and let chaos rule but I've also had so many real life problems that have reinforced my beliefs and made me need control of my environment even more that the ocd now has lots of experiences to prove that it's right. I have to have control of my getting better because if someone forces me to get better I dig my heels in and make up all sorts of excuses not to comply and then I start finding that person dirty and everything they touch dirty and then I break contact with them so it's important for my ocd that I am in control of tackling some of my rituals myself and I say what I will tackle and what I won't. Perhaps it's because my ocd is different in that I genuinely believe that I am right and I am just more fussy than other people, because everybody cleans things, I just feel I take it one step further, which everybody tells me is too far but I can't see this. my ocd also moves from one thing to another. For example when I face up to one particular fear and deal with it then yes it no longer becomes a problem but then something else will crop up that I didn't have a problem with before but I'm not conscious of when this happens. It's only a few weeks later that I start noticing that I'm doing some ritual that I didn't do before. For this reason my mental health team are trying to find the cause of my ocd rather than dealing with the symptoms as that hasn't worked in the past. I can't separate the ocd from me. It is who I am. I've never been without it since I was 14 and I'm now 35 so I wouldn't know who I am without it.

Hi Rog, so sorry to hear of the situation you're in. My boyfriend is in the exact same situation. I am the sufferer and make him do a horrendous amount of rituals which I hate myself for and this of course encourages my ocd, but if he ever refused to do any of my requests I would move out because like your wife I would remember everything he touched and go around cleaning it when he wasn't around to see or I would just move out. I am receiving cbt which hasn't worked so far and have had exposure therapy which didn't work, psychotherapy which didn't work and I've been receiving different treatments for the past 15 years and have tried all the ssris available but to no avail - just a slight improvement in my mood. My mental health team which include a psychiatrist, psychologist and occupational therapist have all said that my boyfriend SHOULD comply with the rituals as my ocd all revolves around me having control of my environment and to take that away from me by not complying with my rituals would be a very bad idea and would do more harm than good. We have thought about just making everything in the house dirty but I just couldn't handle it so I am trying to do things a little at a time, but I can't see the day when I won't find my boyfriend's work clothes dirty and I will always ask him to leave them at the bottom of the stairs of our flat. My boyfriend also talks about how hard it is not to comply and the state that I get in when he occassionally does refuse makes it very difficult for him not to comply but my therapists think this is a better way forward because going through the trauma of having him not carry out a ritual I've asked him to do isn't my problem. I can handle the stress and the anxiety that brings as it dissipates but I'm still left with the feelings and the thoughts that never go away. My advice is to go along with the rituals until you're told by professionals who have spoken in depth to your wife and know how she will react to situations as everyone is different. I know if my boyfriend stopped complying with my rituals I would leave him.