I want a day away from this, not a good day.

[Ocd dan]

Hi guys, I'm struggling a bit today.

My thought is that I might have cheated on my girlfriend on holiday. I have posted this topic previously but I am finding it very difficult to not give in.

I have doubts and images in my head that may be a real memory or may be made up. Every time I tell myself it's made up I think 'well why would you make something like this up, I obviously remembered something to initially get this thought.'

I had a bad night last night which has carried on to today: I want to get over my ocd, and I know that by accepting thoughts and doing absolutely nothing with them I will get better in time. But I then thought to myself, is what im doing normal, because if a normal person had a thought or doubts that they might have cheated then they would want to go over it until they had an answer to it, so why should I be any different?

[PolarBear]

Except going over it more won't lead to an answer. That's the trap with your kind of ocd. It's never ending. You think and think and you can't come up with an answer so you think some more.

Ruminating over it reinforces the belief that something is wrong. It lends credence to the obsession, making you want to ruminate more. But you'll never find the solution.

The way forward is to ignore the thoughts and stop the compulsions. Stop analyzing the thoughts and your reaction to them. Refuse to get into mind debates. Work hard to leave it alone.

[Guest doris]

I agree with polar bear. we can't say well a normal person would be concerned if they had doubts around cheating so maybe I should too. our condition makes us believe our intrusive thoughts in a way that a 'normal' person wouldn't so we have to go against whatever urges come up in us around that intrusive thought.

I have contamination issues and it would be like me saying--well a normal person washes their hand when they feel dirty. However, a normal person doesn't feel dirty all the time, nor do they feel an urge to wash their hand for 20 minutes at a time.

[Ocd dan]

Thanks guys I understand where yous are coming from but I feel like I can't begin to get over this until I either; have a sense that I probably did do it or probably didn't do it, as just now if I just let it go I am never going to know what I've done or if I've done nothing at all. I don't expect to be 100% certain but I would like to have an idea whether or not I did it, does that make sense?

[PolarBear]

If you don't know by now you'll never know. Your desire to know will keep you doing compulsions and that will keep the matter top of mind where it will continue to bother you.

The only way out for you us to accept you'll never know, drop the subject and get on with your life.

[Ocd dan]

OK polar bear thanks, but recently I've been trying all sorts to get past this for example: accepting that it might of happened, accepting that it did happen, accepting that it probably didn't happen and none of those seem to work, so I don't know what to do in terms of what I should accept in order to get through this?

[Guest Macbeth]

Sadly, other than accepting this as a product of OCD, the only solution is to find a way of accepting that you might have cheated. From your words it is clear that you don't want this to be the case, which means it will be easy for you to promise not to cheat in the future. That promise should be of comfort to you if you want it to be. I hope you feel better soon and remember that you are on an OCD forum! We have all felt the way you do right now; you are not alone

[PolarBear]

Dan, accept that you don't know and you never will. The important thing is that you resist your compulsions.