Perfectionism about moving on

[Joewest439]

Hello everyone,

So I'm really having trouble at the moment with an obsession that's been bothering me since last Autumn. It's an obsession about being rid of the obsession, if that makes sense, a sort of awareness that I'm not free of it yet, ie 'will this stop', 'do I need to think this way to overcome it', 'do I have to remind myself it's just my OCD when it occurs to me / when it doesn't occur to me', etc.

I went through a similar thing to this for just as long about a year ago and I eventually managed to let go of it, even when it occasionally kept occurring to me later on here and there.

I know in my heart that the only way out of this is to not interact on any level with it, but I find it pretty much impossible, as the doubt keeps creeping back into my mind and it'll sit there continuously even if I don't dwell on it.

When it does creep back in, I can't help feeling that it's necessary for me to somehow remind myself just how meaningless the whole thing is. The logic being that realising it's pointless should make it easier for me to let the doubt recede, rather than just sitting with the fear and half believing it. However, I've already tried every justification there is, ie 'it's just OCD', etc. It all just seems to sustain the whole ordeal.

It's tearing me apart at the moment, I can't hold down a job, I've had 9 in the past 10 months actually. 

CBT and all the other known therapies have no effect on me, believe me I've tried them all. The last obsession I had like this one only ended as I increasingly stopped responding to the doubt, it seems like the only way again.

I know I have to simply let it be, especially considering all my attempts at using various little forms of justification to do so have not worked, but it just feels like there has to be some sort of helpful method I could employ to assist me, as if just sitting with the doubt is so unnecessary. But I think that's just OCD telling me that really and nothing has worked so far, but it just feels like something should work.

I'm really struggling here, ignoring it seems so simple, but also so undoable. I feel so alone in this. I just can't let go...

What do I do when the dread and the doubt inevitability returns? Just sit with it and wait for it to pass? I think I already know the answer and me thinking in such specific terms is just further OCD...

[PolarBear]

CBT does work if you know how to do it and you apply it correctly. I assure you that help you receive here will be CBT based.

What is this obsession that has you in its grasp? Spit it out. Nevermind how silly or bad you think it is. Tell us so we can help you.

If you've done enough cognitive work, there shouldn't be much dread about the obsession. You'd know it is a big lie and has no truth behind it.

Obsessions stick around because you give meaning to the thoughts and you do compulsions. I can basically guarantee that you are doing compulsions about this one.

[Joewest439]

The original obsession was a ritual I couldn't stop performing for months. I stopped doing it around 3 months ago now but it's typically mutated into an obsession about it still lingering in my mind, a sort of awareness, an unspecified dread.

As far as the cognitive side goes, this is what I'm asking, what should I do exactly? Telling myself it's OCD or it'd silly etc hasn't been working, so what else is there? The only thing that worked last time I was in this kind of situation was to try to completely ignore the dread, pure and simple. So do I do that again? Or incorporate a certain cognitive work also? And if so then what exactly?

[PolarBear]

Well I guess my question is, so what if it lingers in your mind? You stopped the compulsion but the original obsession is hanging around.

I can't help but think you are doing compulsions now and that is why this is hanging on. Ruminating is the big one that comes to mind. People slip into ruminating so easily. Looking at the thoughts, trying to shut them out, analyzing them, trying to figure them out, trying to figure out why it's hanging around, trying to figure out how to get rid of it. All compulsions and when done, all guaranteed to help keep the obsession alive in your mind where it will bother you.

Take a look at what you are doing when the obsession pops up. Are you doing any of the above? If so, that's what you need to work on stopping. Other than that, leave the thoughts alone. Just leave them alone. They're just thoughts and don't mean anything. They are harmless, if you treat them as such.

[Joewest439]

So am I right in saying that the cognitive aspect should just be to refrain from ruminating & analysing and the etc?

I just get confused in terms of the cognitive options. When you say Cognitive Work, are there any specific facts I am required to make myself realise? Such as 'it's OCD' etc. I've sat there trying to ingrain these realities into my mind but it doesn't seem to make any difference.

Can you see my problem with this? I think I tend to view sitting down and making myself see 'it's OCD', as an actual necessary cognitive task in order to get past this. This is how I tend to view cognitive work.

[PolarBear]

Maybe you are trying too hard. Forcing yourself isn't going to work. Hopefully you realize that.

The cognitive sude of CBT is all about thinking differently about the thoughts. Instead of freaking out and attaching meaning to the thoughts, try looking at them as just thoughts that don't mean anything. It's just a thought. You can let it go. You are not required to respond to it.

[Joewest439]

I think that's where I've been going wrong, I've been trying to voluntarily take X amount of time to drill 'they are just thoughts' into my mind, even when the thoughts don't pop up themselves. But it's more important to handle them as such when they actually occur, right?