Need Help on this OCD much appreciated

[AlexSmith]

Hello fellow OCD sufferers !

I am new to all of this OCD mayhem , and Would love some help i would be very appreciated .

I have been diagnosed for OCD and on Sertraline and having CBT/ERP therapy at the moment . Looked on alot of posts which have resembled my problems and would just like to know if anyone has gone through these problems it would be very comforting and a lot of weight off the shoulders even though i know reassurance is a bad thing ! theirs know way to win aha !

My past OCD problems were Hand break checking , door locking , gas stoves ect . That was a terrible time because i would worry and have visions of what could happen if i didn't check them loads of times and ask for reassurance that they were off or locked , up , or off . , it was like a voice in my head saying did you do it or what ifs which i know are a big one for OCD !

After that was all Wired up and gone i went into HOCD and i considered my self gay .I would have a voice in my head saying what if your gay , and then it would give me visions of me kissing my friends when i was in from of them and it made me believe more i was gay even though i knew i wasn't gay . after a long 2 years of that happening somehow that floated off .

My new OCD obsession is Cheating OCD :  I had this obsession years ago aswell but didn't realise i had back then as well as all above . I HATE IT . and didn't realise it was OCD back then i though it was all normal behaviours but obviously not !

I lost my girlfriend to it 3 years ago , i was on a night out with friends and got drunk very stupid me . very hazy blackout drunk state . i was dancing with some random girls with my friends in a harmless way and woke up in the morning thinking i had kissed someone . checking for this happened for a year day in day out asking the girls i saw on the night if i kissed them . and it destroyed my relationship . And then only recently found out by one of my friends i kept saying to him on the night James i just cheated did i  kiss her every 5 minutes (cant remember asking him so many times ) whoever it was and he was right next to me sober that night . i was like wow !! and also recently I found out OCD attacks whats special to you .

I now recently got into a relationship with the most amazing person !! shes a very close friend of mine too . 

All this OCD cheating obsessions has started again and it so scary and draining . All i'm asking on this forum is DOES THIS SOUND LIKE CHEATING OCD FALSE MEMORIES :

I was out in town in a club only had 3 or 4 beers , felt a little bit buzzed but nothing to me . And this random girl came up to me and asked in my ear do you know where my sister is i laughed it off and said no i don't know who you are . Then i started walking home and this Voice of some sort in my head I presumed it was OCD but i feared to it and it said WHAT IF YOU KISSED HER , and i was like oh no here we go again . I obsessed over for it , for a week and started visualising it and it all became real . i was petrified . Then the weekend came and i went to a work party which my boss holds once a year . every year at this party i allow my self to get drunk because i feel comfortable round their and all the people are married . The funny this is theirs two married ladies who always Jokingly flirt with me . once they grabbed my face and pecked me on the lips and said only if i was 20 years younger which i didn't consider a threat . This time at the party i got very drunk blackout at one point for so long and woke up in the morning and rang Kevin and asked him i hope i was a pain last night can't remember saying good buy and saying thanks . He sad you were funny and picked up Claire and both fell over . 

Tuesday came and i was still dwelling on this incident from the time when the girl came up to me so i messaged my pal and asked him about the girl situation and he said for Christ sake Alex you didn't you just walked off laughing . So after that i said to my self I'm going to start worrying about kevin party now and then instantly a image of some sort came in to my mind of me having sex with Claire . Reacted and panicked , and in my head what if i got her pregnant. and then for a week I tried to figure out if this was a real event or a false memory . 

Then the following Friday came and i went out and only had 3 drinks needed to get out because i was stressed . My ex partner was out and she came up to me out of no where and hugged me and we talked for 30 seconds. 2 minutes later i said to my self here we go or in my head cant remember  i'm going to worry about that now and started put false memories in my head of me kissing her and it convinced me i did . found out a week later it wasn't true . and all of these kissing scenarios have happened since but have all calmed down now . it also happened when sober as well.  its like when one of them scares me and it all calms down another one happens and i forget the previous incident . 

what scares me though is the sex one . I was very drunk and i wasn't scared of the women there doing what they always do for example the grabbing my face and pecking me . which i still did feel guilty for it even thiugh its harmless joking , is it because that didn't really effect me , and it tried to make it worse to put a more of a scarier image in my head ? to scare me and make me believe it ?  And does this sound like FALSE MEMORY OCD?

thanks for whoever reads all of this i know its a lot to take in but much appreciated , Alex .

 

 

 

Edited February 7, 2019 by AlexSmith

[AlexSmith]

oh yeah the image was me having sex with Claire in the toilet , and there husband were there also aswell

[AlexSmith]

i mean not in the image but at the party as well anyone please , does anyone understand why i am getting these

[AlexSmith]

2 hours ago, AlexSmith said:

 

 

anyone ???

[Orwell1984]

Alex you have to stop trying to dig for the answer in your thoughts. It's the digging that's making the brain come up with more stuff. It's the way OCD goes. You'll have to go with the strong probability that nothing happened and not analyse any further.