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Ryukil

Groinal response

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So, my whole thing is mental contamination. I'll get a weird sexual thought about my mom, or dad, or sister, feel like maybe I enjoyed it, and then have to "undo" it by rethinking it and not feeling like I could be aroused. If I don't do this, and then start reading a book after that, or writing notes, or whatever, they are contaminated and I will feel the need to throw out the notebook or re-read that part of the book.

If I don't, I feel very anxious but I also have like a constant groinal response. It's very freaky. I guess I just need to ignore it and realize that it's another part of my OCD, right? The anxiety isn't enough so OCD is throwing constant groinal response at me to freak me out, basically. 

I don't think I can actually get over this phase of my OCD without facing and habituating to the groinal response, not caring that it's there, so I'm doing the right thing to ignore it, right?

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Yes ignore it, don't try to change it and don't try to undo it. OCD can make you feel groinal urges. OCD can make you feel like you want to push someone in front of a train. It feels real and scary, regardless of the theme or type of urge. It's all nonsense however, just the brain misfiring.  Ignore and accept the presence of the groinal feeling and know its all a load of bull at the end of the day.

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Is it okay to say to myself that it's not real arousal if that helps me ignore the contamination compulsion? I get it's a weird area. Something's contaminated right now and it saying to myself it's not real arousal isn't even relieving that much anxiety because I'm still unsure, so. 

I guess I can say "that's just the OCD groinal response", or "maybe that's real arousal", "it probably was real arousal" or "it definitely was real arousal."

I honestly am not sure it matters. I just need to ignore the urge to decontaminate things.

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