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Chelsie

Back again - sorry

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Feeling anxious and frustrated that I’m back here again after a fairly good time coping with my contamination ocd (particularly blood) recently. I’m a teacher and notice that my ocd peaks in school holidays - no idea why, I love holidays - but thought I’d got through the Easter hols reasonably well. 

I’ve felt a bit anxious the past few days, but coped with it, but then a tiny event set off a spiral of panic this afternoon. I’m so cross I allowed this to happen. 

Ladt night I got in and found the cat had brought in a pigeon and eaten most of it in my lounge. Pigeon blood and feathers everywhere, but I coped fairly well with clearing it up and went to bed. 

This afternoon, the cat jumps up on the sofa next to me and brushes it’s face on my foot. This sets me off into a panic about pigeon blood from his mouth on my foot, so I wash my foot and then my hands with anti-bac handwash. Then I notice I’m getting low on hand wash and so go to the shop to get some more. On way back to the car, I see a discarded sanitary towel on the path where I’m walking - instant panic: I didn’t notice it on the way into the shop - did I tread on it? Did it move there from where I have walked and leave blood traces that might now be on the soles of my shoes? 

I got home and changed shoes for slippers - managed to avoid the compulsion to throw the shoes away. However, feel that everywhere I walked in the shoes from front door to bedroom where I changed them is now contaminated. 

I have taken a propananol and sat down to try to force myself to breathe and stop feeling anxious. I’m so cross that I didn’t deal with the first incident better, which would have avoided the later, worse incident. I’m now faced with my house feeling contaminated again, which I hate. 

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Except it's not contaminated. It's all a big lie. 

Washing with antibacterial soap was a compulsion. Changing shoes was a compulsion. You shouldn't have done those things.

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Hi Chelsie, don't be hard on yourself :smile: Remember that you've been doing really well, and that if you've stood up to OCD once, you can certainly do it again! :thumbup:

Good luck, I understand how tough it can be :hug: But keep at it! You can do it.

Edited by Sputnik

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