How to support my bf when he talks about his OCD?

[w0rried]

Hi there, I need some advice about being in a relationship with a person with OCD.

I'm new to OCD, and only started reading about it a few months ago when my bf told me he had it. A lot of it focuses on his sexual orientation and it comes and goes in episodes of a few days to a few weeks, with breaks where he seems better or simply doesn't talk about it. In his better periods I am reluctant to ask him about how he's doing in case it triggers another bad episode. When he does talk to me about it, I never know how to respond in a way that will be helpful way because I've read that reasurrance is one of the worst things you can do to a person suffering from OCD, but I love him so much and hate to see him suffer so naturally I want to reasurre him. I've already told him that I will support him no matter what, even if he did turn out to be gay etc (which he realises is extremely unlikely since he's never had any attraction to men, but he's afraid that he's been lying to himself all his life about being attracted to women). He's having a really bad time right now to the point he's having trouble sleeping and doing everyday stuff. He went to therapy a few times but he finds it extremely uncomfortable to talk about his OCD fixations with anyone, but I want him to go to regular therapy to work on getting better at dealing with OCD for his own sake.

I was wondering if you've got any tips for how to support him when he talks about his OCD? How can I respond in a way that will be most helpful for him? And how can I encourgae him to stick with therapy and help him see that he has to be consistent with it and with the exercises that therapists prescribe in order to see results?

[Gemma7]

Hi w0rried

It can be really hard to know what is right to say to someone with OCD because reassurance seeking can be hard to spot. In truth it's always on the sufferer to not ask for reassurance rather than the loved one to spot it, so don't put too much pressure on yourself. 

The best way to know what to say is to learn together about what OCD is, what maintains it and how to overcome it. That way you can work together to set up a dialogue when your boyfriend gets particularly anxious. 

The things your boyfriend worries about are very common in the OCD community, and although it is difficult to talk to a therapist, if the therapist has helped OCD sufferers previously, then they will have heard it all before. 

Perhaps if your boyfriend knew that he wasn't alone and that many people were pushing to overcome their OCD and succeeding then he'd be more inclined to stick with therapy. You could introduce him to the forum or even go to the OCD-UK conference on Saturday in Northampton. It's short notice but there will be lots of information and hope there.

If not self-help books can be a great safe place to start tackling OCD together. The book Break free from OCD is a good starting point

Hopefully some of this helps. If you have more questions, don't hesitate to ask