Long time sufferer determined to win but might need a spot of help

[Fin]

Hey there, This is my first step into the forum. Wanted to to introduce myself...reading other peoples stories has helped me today, s hope mine helps you, and hey hopefully might help me too.

So... Ive been suffering with OCD for knocking on 10 years. A kind of Pure O I suppose. All about the thinking... Heres how it pans out 

A thought comes in, usually an 'Ive done something wrong' and then I constantly analyse, replay, check, research endlessly and crucially...quietly in mind, but without a moments break.

The type of 'Ive done something wrong' flits from the horrific and shameful which I havent done, to the small and real 'I did 51mph in a '50mph limit' which I have. I find it very very hard to differentiate between the two.

Even though I function throughout the day, run a business, have a family etc I have to say it is essentially ruining my life. I have tried so much, from CBT to Sertraline. Im determined to beet it but just bloody cant.

I guess Im making progress.. realising a couple of years ago I was also an addict so now teatotal, healthy and even having regular counselling which is helpful - OCD podcasts, videos, reading etc all does help in some way. But, still... OCD remains. Every day. Relentlessly there.I dont wana be too dramatic, but I have to admit to just not seeing how this will ever go away or get better.

So here I am... Hoping there might be some strength in numbers 

All the best to everyone 

[dksea]

Hi @Fin, welcome to the forums!  Living with OCD can DEFINITELY be a struggle, there is a lot of pain and frustration, and progress can seem slow or even non-existent at times.  Part of that is getting the help you need and it sounds like you've already made some good progress in that area. Another part of it is learning how to make the right choices in dealing with OCD, which can be hard since OCD itself often gets in the way, and the "wrong" choices often SEEM like the right ones ("I've got a problem, I should be able to think about it and reason it out!").  I can understand how you feel hopeless at times, but I bet if you compared where you are now to where you were 10 years ago it would be quite different.  Just because you haven't gotten to where you want to be yet, doesn't mean you won't in the future!

Hopefully your time here on the forums will be helpful to you in your recovery journey!


 

[Fin]

Thanks @dksea. Really helpful. Yes, I'm starting to realise its my choice 'to think' that is the bottom line, the simplistic problem which seems like a solution. Seems 'crazy' to have lost so much time and joy to something we all have a choice over though, doesnt it. But I guess, however simple it is, it doesnt mean its easy. 

Its helpful to just have a response from someone who can truly understand. So Im veyr grateful to ya.

Thank you

 

 

[Ocd10]

Hi Fin,

Well done for reaching out for support and overcoming battles in the past - it takes a lot of courage and hard work.

Welcome too to the forums, where I hope you'll find lots of help and support.

Have you been to your GP and enquired about SSRI medication and therapy specifically for your OCD? Therapy can be great, but for OCD it really needs to involve some Exposure and Response Prevention work.

I just wanted to give you some hope that things can get better. I've had OCD for 15+ years, and I too hold down quite a responsible job. However, that doesn't mean your/mine OCD isn't a problem. In fact, my OCD became so severe that I spent 7 months in the National OCD/BDD Service in London. Long story short, what I learnt when I was at the national unit is that my OCD can get better... I learnt lots of techniques there that I still use today. I've made a lot of progress on my road to recovery and hope to continue to do so.

It does help to embark on therapy when you feel ready, as yes, it is challenging and sometimes rather frightening. Having said that, you sound like you have the motivation and strength to change things

Having thoughts about doing/having done something horrific or shameful is quite common in OCD (typical obsessions), but it's great to see that you have already identified some of your compulsions.

Make a list of all of your compulsions (ie. anything that you do to ease your anxiety/distress) and then try to work out which would be the easiest compulsion for you to work on first.

Work on compulsions could be delaying doing your compulsion (eg start with 5 minutes and then build up the time) for example delay when you start researching or checking or replaying in your mind. Keep your obsession in mind while you are doing this and try not to become distracted.

Once your anxiety levels have reduced naturally by about half, then you can do something else to refocus your attention (it could be reading a book, watching TV, baking, drawing, going for a walk, playing a game... whatever you enjoy doing). It might be useful to make a list of these things too  Relaxation, guided imagery, breathing control etc. can be helpful here too.

Remember that ERP exercises (like the above) should be done gradually and in a graded way that feels manageable for you... so start with an obsession that you feel more confident that you can try to resist doing some of the compulsions for.

Hope that makes sense.

Good luck and take care,

Catherine 

 

[Fin]

Thanks so much for your reply @Ocd10. Sorry mine has been so late. 

 

I went and got the 'Break Free From OCD Book'... and wow. Seems like its been a real game changer.   Reading your comment back, after getting stuck into this book, I'm even reading your advise differently, and it makes more sense. Since so much of my OCD has been 'in my head' ... mental checking, replaying of the video tape,... I think some ways Ive been battling the obsession, or the thoughts rather than the compulsions. Sounds insanely simple... but somehow feels theres been quite the shift.

Thanks so much for the support.

[Ocd10]

Hi Fin,

No problem & thank you

Sounds like you are really keen to bash ocd on the head - well done

take care,

catherine