Ocd10

Hi BigDave, Sorry to read that you are struggling at the moment, but it’s also great to read that you are trying your ERP ?. Progress is never a linear straightforward process... it has bumps and plateaus along the way, and that’s fine & all part of recovery It sounds like you have come a long way already, and I am sure that with time you will reach your goals Making a hierarchy is great, but only move up it at a pace that suits you and only move on when the thing you are working on no longer bothers you. I sense that you may be rushing things? The more difficult things are, well, more difficult, but you learn from the easier things and that helps you along. You do know what to do... just keep going ? Ok, I think you know what you need to do here... apply the principles of ERP that you have learnt... maybe try something like deliberately looking at the item and keep your obsessions in mind as you try to resist your compulsions (eg resisting checking for blemishes, ruminating, seeking reassurance from others that it’s okay etc). keep doing this until it no longer bothers you if the item is perfect or not Perhaps you could make yourself a hierarchy just for this situation, for example Watch movie with controller on lap watch movie with controller on lap after wiping it watch movie without washing hands watch movie and delay washing hands by 5 minutes after touching controller Watch movie with a tissue on your lap that has been ‘contaminated’ by touching the controller etc etc etc Remember to work up the hierarchy from the easiest to the most difficult Perhaps make another hierarchy for your ‘urine worries’ and then make up some ERP exercises to practice the thing at the bottom of your hierarchy. Remember to keep in mind your obsessions and fears as you do your ERP exercises (I’m guessing this would be something like I will be contaminated if urine touches me & this means...). You are not a failure... remember to think of the things that you have achieved... write them down if it helps You haven’t let anyone down... not if you are trying your best I think that perhaps one of the problems is that for therapy to really work well, both you and your therapist need to use each other’s expertise and work together to think of suitable ERP exercises, work at your pace etc. It’s no good if your therapist is marching on ahead without you and if you are ‘just doing what you are told to do’ rather than working together... you both need to be engaged with the exercise and mean something to you. It may be something to discuss with your therapist? I’m not having a go at you... more at your therapist! hope this helps, catherine

Hi Dave321, Ok, keep trying the ERP One needs to repeat ERP exercises until the situation no longer bothers you. Have you ever had any therapy (CBT + ERP) for your OCD? I don’t want to provide any reassurance, but try to remind yourself what an obsession is and what compulsions are and see if what you are experiencing fits the bill. I don’t know, but I would imagine that if you were gay then you would get some pleasure from your feelings, but I get the sense that you don’t, and rather get lots of anxiety... I wonder if this tells us anything? Try to refocus your attention on to other things and try not to ruminate and analyse quite so much ? catherine

Hi Eualice, Welcome to the forums... I hope you find the help and support here useful I agree with Gemma's advice and book recommendation I just wanted to add that I have had severe OCD for 15+ years, but was lucky enough to receive help from the National OCD Service in the UK in 2017... I know you won't be able to access that service yourself, unfortunately, but just wanted to give you hope that OCD can improve, no matter how bad it is or how long you have suffered for. I'm now much further along in my road to recovery, which is great The recommended treatment here in the UK is Exposure and Response Prevention (a type of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), and I can say it works if you can give it a go I have written a book 'Defeating OCD using Exposure & Response Prevention: A Pocket Guide' which is available on Amazon. It's written in English, but hopefully wouldn't be too difficult to translate in to Portuguese as it's not that 'wordy'. There is also help on this forum and the OCD-UK website, and there is usually someone happy to point you in the right direction if you need. Take care, Catherine

Hi LonelyGirl91, I'm going to break this down in to three things for you to consider... 1. In your original post you said that your eyes felt dry and a bit sore... sometimes when we are fearful of something like your situation, we become hyper-aware of how our body reacts. By this, I mean that had you not had a fear around the bleach, the chances are that you wouldn't have noticed that your eyes felt a bit dry and sore, but you have become over-aware. Mixed in with this, it may be that your eyes become dry and sore as a result of your feeling anxious? 2. Reading your post, I can spot several compulsions that you have done... can you identify them? It's useful to identify compulsions as these are the things that you will need to try to resist doing when it comes to trying some ERP exercises. 3. Have you tried any ERP in the past, for this fear or any others you may have? In ERP we aim to expose ourselves to our fears and obsessions in a graded and manageable way. During ERP we deliberately expose ourselves to our obsessions and fears, rather than responding to unexpected events, so it feels more manageable. I'm happy to try to help you to come up with some ERP exercises (we start gently and build up to the main event) if you would like. As PolarBear says, it is important that at some point you go somewhere near bleach (it could be that you look at a bottle of bleach, touch a bottle of bleach, walk down the supermarket isle with bleach in, taking the cap off the bottle of bleach etc. before actually using bleach... work up from things that feel easier to achieve) and that you repeat the ERP exercise regularly... until it doesn't bother you, then try the next step towards using bleach etc. It is important though to try to avoid doing any compulsions (for example seeking reassurance from others, checking your eyes, checking the bottle of bleach for leaks, washing hands etc.) during ERP. Yes, we all need to be a bit careful around bleach, but try to avoid avoiding it all together, as that won't help your OCD. Hope this helps, Catherine

Hi Chris2020, Indeed, OCD is often called the doubting disorder, because exactly for that reason you will probably never feel 100% sure about something... there will always be room for a little doubt... and if you give OCD a millimetre it will take a mile! The aim of ERP exercises is usually not to prove whether something happened or not, whether something is right or not, whether you are a bad person or not etc., but rather to learn to live with that uncertainty of not knowing 100%. Have you had any CBT or tried any ERP before? As PolarBear says, seeking reassurance or trying to find proof are likely to be compulsions, and these are the things that will keep your OCD going and growing. These are the things to try to resist doing... try not to find the proof or 100% certainty, because you will probably never feel 100% sure in any case and your OCD will get worse the more you try. As Prof Salkovskis says... the solution becomes the problem. Catherine

Hi Madchoc, So sorry to read how tough things are for you at the moment. I would say to make sure that you look after yourself... remember to relax and do things you enjoy too, eat and drink well, sleep well, take your medications etc.. It's probably worth mentioning to your therapist, as now may or may not be the best time for you to be trying ERP... having said that, happy to help if you do feel that you could manage it along with everything else at the moment. Just to say, that when you feel you could manage ERP, your OCD can get better. Take care of yourself, Catherine

Hi BrianTS, It's not a disaster... the positive is that you have recognised it for what it was, and you know to try to avoid such compulsions when the situation arises again. Don't be so hard on yourself... it takes time and hard work, and we cannot be perfect all of the time Try to focus on the progress you have made... perhaps even write down your achievements. Catherine PS - Did you think of an ERP exercise that would feel more manageable? How about adapting my suggestion by allowing some compulsions but not others?

Hi OCDSufferer85, Sorry to read you are struggling at the moment, but I also sense that you know a thing or two about how OCD works 'Testing' seems to me to be one of your compulsions, do you think? What is a compulsion... it's something that eases your anxiety or distress related to an obsession. We all know that compulsions are great for reducing anxiety or distress in the short term, but in the long-run they are what keeps OCD going and growing, and so that's why we need to try to resist doing them. I think you understand about ERP... deliberately exposing yourself to your obsession (and fear) whilst at the same time trying to resist doing compulsions, but in a way that is controlled and feels manageable for you. How about trying to formulate an ERP exercise for your worries, and try to resist 'testing'? How about trying to treat your 'testing' as a compulsion and see what happens? Good luck! Catherine

Hi EmmaLooWho, Please accept my apologies for my slow response. How are you doing now? It's great that you identified your obsessions and compulsions If you wanted to try an ERP exercise, then what you need to do is deliberately expose yourself to your obsession (and fear) whilst at the same time deliberately trying to resist doing your compulsions. ERP is a structured way of confronting (and then beating) your OCD, and you are in control of what you expose to and when, rather than responding to things as and when they happen and perhaps not at your pace. Can you think of an exercise that you would feel confident that you could do? For example, deliberately spending time with your son doing something that you feel you could tolerate, at the same time keeping in mind your obsession that you will somehow hurt him, but also resist all your checking, seeking reassurance etc. at the same time? It's interesting to see what happens to your anxiety levels during each ERP exercise, and then what happens when you repeat the exercise. To work well, you really need to keep repeating the ERP exercise until it no longer bothers you. Once your anxiety levels have come down to a manageable level, then try to refocus your attention on to something you enjoy Hope this makes sense... be imaginative and create your own ERP exercises Catherine

Hi Dave321, Well done on trying the ERP - are you finding that you feel less anxious each time you try the exercise? if so, keep practicing it until it doesn’t bother you at all. You will never know for certain if you are gay or not... that’s not the point if the exercise... the point of the exercise is to eventually be able to live with that uncertainty and not let it bother you Make sure that you try to resist all of your compulsions too... I suspect you may be checking for any sensations for example... best to try to not do that ? Good luck! catherine

Hi Hera, Welcome to the forums! Sorry to hear you are struggling with your ocd, but well done for wanting to do something about it I can say that no matter how far down the ocd rabbit hole you have fallen, there is a way out I have had severe ocd for 15+ years, but I am now well on my road to recovery I was fortunate enough to go to the National OCD service in London, where I picked up how to do ERP exercises, and I’m pleased to say this has really helped me So, yes, I do think your ocd can improve... with the right help and support... including ERP and medications Catherine

Hello, Have you ever had CBT (ERP) for your OCD? If so, can you apply the techniques you learnt before to this new scenario? I think a good starting point is to try to identify your obsession(s) and the related compulsions. You mention one compulsion in your post... that you try to block out the thoughts... this is Probably a compulsion aNd so something you should try to resist doing. Once you have done that, then we could perhaps look at trying an ERP exercise? catherine

Hello and welcome to the OCD UK forums. Im just wondering if you have discussed your concerns with anybody, for example your doctor or a mental health team? If you are concerned about raising your concerns, then the OCD UK ‘ice breaker’ may help you... it’s on the main ocd UK website. Have you already been diagnosed with OCD? I think the first step is to get the right help and support, so would urge you to talk to a doctor or mental health team. catherine

Hi jenny77, I’m so sorry to hear about all those things that have happened - it sounds incredibly tough for anyone to cope with, so it’s not surprising you are feeling overwhelmed and your ocd has flared up. As Malina says, look after yourself... make sure you eat, sleep, take meds etc. Once you have identified your obsessions and compulsions, then it’s getting ready to try an ERP exercise The only thing I would pick up on in your post is to try not to distract yourself while doing the ERP exercise... wait until your anxiety levels drop by at least half and then refocus your attention on to something else. Hope that helps, catherine

Hi Donnahoney1, It doesn’t matter if obsessions are ‘old’ or ‘new’... they all need treating the same. Can I ask what your obsessions are? You have already identified that seeking reassurance is one of your compulsions - can you identify any more? When you have identified your obsessions and compulsions, it might be time to try an ERP exercise? catherine

Hi Ironborn, Ok, so trying not to think about it is actually making you think about it, right? As PolarBear says, these thoughts only mean something because you have attached a meaning to them rather than ‘just letting them float in and out of your mind’. In my experience, we attach meaning to thoughts that seem important to us, and what ocd does then is try to tell us that what we think/ what the meaning is etc must be ‘wrong’ or make us bad people etc... and cause a great deal of distress and anxiety So, what to do about it? Well, trying not to think about something never works... and is in fact probably a compulsion & therefore something to try to resist doing. Have you heard of the pink elephant exercise? Try not to think of a pink elephant... no, really try very hard not to think of that pink elephant, are you thinking of a pink elephant? Basically, I bet that the more you try not to think of a pink elephant the more it pops up? Well, ocd is the same. In the scenario you described in your post, can you identify what the obsession(s) is/are? And then what the associated compulsions are? Remember an obsession is an intrusive, unwanted thought, image, feeling, doubt, urge etc that causes you anxiety or distress. Once you have identified obsessions and compulsions, we could create an ERP exercise to try, if you like? catherine

Hi AnxiousAnnie, Sending you hugs and hope that you get better soon. I’m not sure what the answer is, only to suggest trying relaxation techniques or guided imagery (there are plenty online) instead of smells? Part of guided imagery can be to imagine what smells you can smell from your safe place, so may help? Do you have an exercise bike or anything inside that you can do instead of your walks? I think your worries are perfectly reasonable and expected, but don’t let your ocd take things out of proportion Have you read the Covid-19 help on the main ocd-uk page... that may throw up some ideas? Wishing you well, catherine

Hi Rchippex, Well done on your achievements and for giving things a go - super Don’t forget to congratulate yourself! It may be worth trying to make a hierarchy as that can help you to do ERP in a way that feels manageable for you. May be, before starting an exercise, ask yourself how confident you feel that you can do it... only proceed if you feel confident enough, otherwise try to make things a bit easier (eg. start by delaying compulsions rather than a blanket don’t do them, or ‘do a deal’ with yourself which compulsions you will allow and which you will try to resist (to begin with... then work up towards resisting them all)). It sounds like you have been really trying to beat your ocd. I wouldn’t see this as a ‘failure’ at all... ok, so it’s caused you a great deal of anxiety, but what else can you learn from your experience of ERP so far? - The second day was better than the first - you have coped with the anxiety - did what you feared would happen actually happen? Things rarely improve with a linear pattern... anxiety levels will go up and down, but on the whole you should find anxiety levels going in a downwards direction over time Sometimes anxiety levels may rise if you accidentally do a compulsion, so watch out for that Well done though! catherine

Hi EmmaLooWho, Ok, lets see if we can unpick this putting the emotional side of things to one side for a minute. Can you identify any obsession(s)? Can you identify any compulsions? Can you ‘label’ this as your OCD? How do your thoughts make you feel? Do you want them or would you rather they not bother you? OCD is really good at latching on to the things that are most important to us and then plonking that feeling of doubt and anxiety in the way. Just think that if this is your OCD, then don’t let it ruin a wonderful relationship you have with your son... instead think about all the positives and enjoyable things that he has brought in to your life and how you would like things to be. catherine

Hi Dave321, How are you getting on with things? catherine

Hi Fin, No problem & thank you Sounds like you are really keen to bash ocd on the head - well done take care, catherine

Hi Iamwesker, Okay, so OCD always causes lots of uncertainty... uncertainty about whether our thoughts mean something or not, uncertainty about whether or not we can cope without compulsions etc. This is why ERP can seem so daunting and scary, but the trick with ERP exercises is to do them gradually and always so that they feel manageable. If you were to make up an ERP exercise, some questions to perhaps consider could be: - What are my obsessions? Can I put them in order of difficulty and begin to tackle the one that seems easiest? Eg. will I find it easier to start with 'coincidences' or another of my thoughts? - What are my compulsions related to that obsession? Can I put those in order of difficulty? Can I 'do a deal' and try to resist some compulsions and let others go and gradually build it up towards not allowing yourself to do any compulsions? - Does my exercise feel manageable? How confident am I that I can do it? Only proceed if you feel confident to. - Begin with an easier exercise and then reflect on it to see what happens, as this will help you work towards more difficult exercises and gain confidence. Let us know how you get on. Good luck Catherine

Hi Dave321, Okay, keep practicing the last exercise... until it really doesn't bother you any more. Perhaps try the exercise with pictures of both men and women, but keep telling yourself you are gay etc. as you do the exercise. Try to avoid doing as many compulsions as you can... there are a few mentioned in your post above: - You check to see what response you get when you think about women (don't do this!) - You check to see if you have had an erection in response to a dream involving both males and females (don't check at all!) When I was at the National OCD unit there was one patient who used to say "Just do it"... if you want to have a relationship with a woman, then go for it... and enjoy the moments you have together All of this definitely sounds like OCD... keep practicing those ERP exercises ? Catherine

Hi Brian, Ah ha... interesting what you discovered isn’t it? ? Best to repeat exercises until it doesn’t bother you at all, so keep going with the jeans Regarding an experiment for your banking... Lets be imaginative and try to think of one... Perhaps you could transfer some money to a close family member without checking? Only needs to be a small amount and only if your family can support you with ERP exercises (and not reassure you if you ask!). Then you could ask them to transfer it back to you, again without repeated checking. Would something along those lines be manageable for you and also practically possible? Its great that you have already identified your obsessions Try to identify your compulsions too, so you know what you need to try to resist doing, this could include trying to reassure yourself, ruminating, checking, seeking reassurance from others etc... I’m sure you can think of more! Remember to keep your obsessions in mind as you do the exercise without doing your compulsions... and again, see what happens to your anxiety One of the things I will highlight from your post is that in your last experiment about the jeans, you coped with it and any ‘potential repercussions’... you can cope with whatever ocd throws your way Good luck! catherine

Hi KG and welcome to the forums It sounds like what you are experiencing may indeed be OCD. I would urge you to speak to your GP about your concerns and ask for a referral to your local IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) service for some CBT therapy. Your GP may also wish to start you on some SSRI medication (eg Sertraline). OCD-UK have produced a GP 'ice breaker' sheet which you can take with you to your GP if you are concerned about how to explain things to a GP... it's available on the main website. The OCD-UK website also has lots of other useful resources to help you to learn more about OCD. There are lots of excellent self help books out there, but my personal favourite is 'Break Free from OCD' by Fiona Challacombe and Prof Paul Salkovskis (green and white cover). This explains what OCD is and what you can do about it. I could also plug my own book here... 'Defeating OCD using Exposure & Response Prevention: A Pocket Guide', which goes through how to do ERP exercises, but it may be best to start with a book that explains about what OCD is in a bit more detail first. The good news is that you can recover from OCD, with the right help and support Well done for reaching out... a big step to take but could be the start to your recovery. These forums are a great source of expertise and support, so don't be afraid to use them Best wishes, Catherine