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BrianTS

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  1. How do you know anxiety won't hurt me though? All those stress chemicals flooding the system can't be good for me. Appreciate I've got to resist bit it's like moving a mountain ?
  2. Hi all, Having done really well curbing my checking over the two weeks I've started to fall back in it again, checking my bank account. Not quite sure though why I continue to check because I know it feeds the ocd and makes it much worse. I just have this horrendous fear of making a mistake with money and losing it. Case in point, I bought an item of jewellery from my current account and transferred the same amount from my savings account into my current account to balance it. However I had a fear that the balance of the current account after the transfer was not the same after the money for the jewellery was debited. The more I checked the more I was unsure so kept checking. I've only checked once today but still have all these doubts and fears something is wrong. It's truly disturbing and vile. I wish I could not check at all but the fear and doubts are so intense.
  3. It's really rough to ignore the fears as they are so intense at times. Feel like I'd be irresponsible if I didn't check and keep a close eye on my money. Part of me thinks it's reasonable to do this but I go way overboard with checking.
  4. Hi all, I guess I am writing this post because I am so so frustrated with myself and the fact that I'm struggling to get a full handle on my anxiety and checking OCD. This is more of a rant at myself really. I've been doing pretty well recently as I haven't been checking my finances half as much as I was which was multiple times every day. However I'm still getting spikes. Yesterday I was going over something which happened a week ago. It's pretty embarrassing to explain because it's unbelievably senseless but here goes. I went to the barbers with my partner's lad and for a father and son haircut booking the price was £25. I knew my haircut would cost £14 and the lads haircut was £11. So my girlfriend gave me £11 (a £10 note and a £1 coin). Fast forward a week and my mind decided to analyse this non problem. I gave the barbers two £10 notes and a £5 note. I had £15 in my wallet before my partner gave me her money. So then I started thinking did I overpay by a £1 and my girlfriend pay £1 less? Then thinking no because she also gave me a £1 coin. Anyway I was checking and going through it yesterday for far too long and made myself feel anxious and low. I just can't believe I've done this to myself and gone down this route. It's just daft. I'd like to say I'll learn from this but seem to fall for the traps my ocd sets. Why can't I learn from past experiences and why do I keep falling for these traps?
  5. The police won't do anything because you actually haven't done anything wrong. If I went to them and told them I've been thinking about robbing a bank they wouldn't do anything. They would probably laugh and tell.mw odd for wasting their time.
  6. Thank you for your reply. I don't have a recovery buddy other than my partner but she tells me I need to be stronger. Not sure she really wants to talk about it to be fair. My male friends Id feel a bit reluctant to tell because I think I'd feel a bit embarrassed. It is a good idea to write myself a letter though, I'll definitely give it a go.
  7. Life's full of coincides if you look out for them which is what you're doing all the time
  8. Hi, Yes it's exactly like how you have described it. Sometimes it's excruciatingly difficult to resist checking other times it's just hard. It's true I don't like the discomfort of the doubts, uncertainty and anxiety but I also don't like giving into it but that's what I continue to do. I'm scratching the itch knowing it's making the problem worse. I keep saying to myself I need to be stronger but I'm always hard on myself.
  9. To be honest I've not been practising my techniques I've learnt in the past. I've definitely slipped. The ERP recording I did to bring on anxiety where I listen 20 mins twice daily and then resist compulsions has not been listened to for quite a while. I need to start the work again. You're right compulsions don't work, they are just strengthening the ocd. I'm just giving into the ocd bully. But why is it so difficult to stop checking even when I know it'll just make things much worse? It's like a 60 day smoking habit it really is!
  10. So following on from previous post about my persistence checking OCD over money I have had a relapse. 5 weeks ago I went on 50mg sertraline and although it hasn't stopped me checking it has lessened the episodes and overall anxiety. However today I have had several episodes of checking my online bank account to check whether I have made a mistake when transferring money from one account to another. I feel like a mistake has been made and if I don't check I will lose money. This I feel would be bad. The thing is I check then want to check again because what if I've checked wrong? Sometimes the clarity of my checking doesn't last and then doubt sets in again and I check again. Sometimes I get my calculator out and go through my transactions as I fear the bank has made a mistake and not got my balance right. I find the bank doesn't make mistakes but I think what if so I check. I haven't made a mistake either bit I don't trust myself so I check. This is so draining and horrible and causes me anguish but I still do it. Where do o fo Dr here? I'm on meds and I've had numerous bouts of CBT but I am still really struggling.
  11. You may as well if they help you it'll be the best decision you made.
  12. Yeah still overthinking daft things which I need to stop. I think of anti depressants as a leg up the ladder to recovery rather than a cure. If you had a bad leg you'd probably take an anti inflammatory so there's no difference really
  13. Thank you Catherine. I can be hard on myself, I just get so frustrated I am.often unable to get a grip on intrusive thoughts and overchecking. Case in point tonight stressing because there was a glitch on my banking app even though it presented no issues. I tried to think it through but felt myself getting stressed and red faced then anxious. After half an hour of this I managed to detach myself by not checking my app and stopped ruminating. I knew that this was a non problem and was not worth my attention. Pity it took me a while though. I have made a payment to a colleague today £5 for lottery syndicate without checking whether she has received the payment. I did check once whether it left my account but only once. Progress I'd say! ?
  14. I have been taking sertraline now for 3.5 weeks and have had no side effects. I'm starting to feel a little better in myself but only slightly. At first I too was thinking about side effects but the more you think about them the more you think you're experiencing them if that makes sense? Anxiety caused weird symptoms which could be mistaken for side effects.
  15. I had another problematic episode yesterday whereby I logged off my online bank account but felt I didn't do it right so went back again and again to log off until it felt right. I got myself into a real hole with it. I haven't done this today but now feel upset and low because I know I shouldn't be doing this and feel I've let myself down. I know what I did yesterday was completely nonsensical and I'm so disappointed in myself
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