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Emmaloowho

Bulletin Board User
  • Content Count

    99
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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    United States

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  1. @PolarBear So basically, no matter how real it feels, don’t engage. Don’t take the time to mull it over or think about if you would / could do something? Just keep going. Right?
  2. I’m so frustrated with this whole thing. This utter nonsense. One minute I KNOW how ridiculous this whole thing is...not just my particular disturbing thoughts of the moment, but the whole OCD thing. I will be feeling good, pretty normal, and then literally the next second my brain goes back to the thought. I try to ignore, move on or continue what I was doing. But my brain insists “but you could do this or that. You COULD. Even if you don’t want to” I know I’m not saying anything new or earth shattering. I just wish I knew why from literally one second to the next, I can go from feelin
  3. Well I really appreciate the support. My paranoid self usually starts to panic if I don’t get many responses. I think to myself “well people must have read my post and thought, nope, she’s beyond help. She’s just way to much of a sicko”. I am fairly sure that’s not the case, but thanks again for responding.
  4. @Hdigtts and @Caramoole Thank you so much for you words of encouragement. I just hate feeling like a bad person all of the time. I realize exactly what is going on, but it still gets me with the whispers of questions and self doubt/disgust.
  5. Despite my efforts I am letting this get to me. It is so frustrating. I know I need to deal with it the same way as all the other thoughts that have plagued me in the past (and as a matter of fact I had this particular fear not too long ago but then another one came along and this one didn’t seem so bad), but I admit I am struggling. Questioning myself and feeling horrible. I need someone to be tough on me and lay it on the line. I need a swift kick in the pants.
  6. Hi! It’s been a month or two since I have posted. I have been doing pretty well dealing with my fear of sexually abusing my son. I basically just stopped ruminating and giving the thoughts less power which has really helped. I’m posting again because another stupid fear has come up. What if I looked at child porn or inappropriate images of kids online. Please understand that I have no desire to do so, but the thought that I could scares me. Like what if I just lose control and type something into my search engine. It horrifies and disgusts me. I guess I am just wanting a r
  7. @PolarBear or anyone else: Is it normal that even when I am actively dismissing and trying not to ruminate, that I still have this automatic nervous reaction whenever my son is around, or even when I get a text or call from him? It doesn’t last, but it’s like an involuntary nervous feeling. Have I conditioned myself to have that response? I really hope it will go away with time.
  8. So my 17 year old daughter is going out of town for a week starting today. I am so nervous because that leaves just me, my husband and my 14 year old son (and our three pugs) 🙂. If you’ve read any of my previous posts you’ll see that my fear current y revolves around making sexual advances to my son. And now that my daughter is out of town, I feel Like that’s one more buffer of protection that is gone from the house. I don’t know why I feel like it makes a big difference, but my mind is telling me that with just the three of us in the house, it would be easier for me to act inappropriately. As
  9. Thank you so much! I really appreciate the encouragement and advice!!!
  10. Thank you @malina and @PolarBear Malina - I really like that metaphor, it makes sense. It’s just awful when it hits because I’m so scared in the moment that I will just lose control and I have a distorted trust of myself. But I have seen that time and time again if I just let it pass, it does get better. I just wish it would go away! I hate feeling like I can’t trust myself
  11. Can anyone please give me advice on specifically how to handle these fears/urges when they come over me? Because they are terrifying. It makes me feel like I could do it against my will. Please?!?
  12. @felix4 Here in the states therapy is fairly expensive, and with my husband having health issues right now, I just can’t afford it. I am trying to help myself. I get to a point where I think I am making real progress, but then I will have days like yesterday and today where I for some reason feel especially vulnerable. I feel like I live exposure because I am obviously with my son everyday. Sometimes I do great and it’s no biggie, but then other times it feels so real and convincing that I just feel sick inside. I am so desperate to feel better. I think I know what I need to do, but
  13. @Ocd10 i think my obsessions are: -what if I pursue a sexual relationship with my 14 year old son? -do I want to? -what will happen if I lose control? -false “urges” or fear of doing something against my own will my compulsions are: -ruminating over the thoughts -visualizing scenarios to test myself and reactions -mentally reviewing my responses to hypothetical and real situations My thoughts make me feel dirty, evil, sick. I would give almost anything not to have them.
  14. @Cora I really appreciate and I hope that you can start healing as well. I know you are struggling and I know and feel for what you are going through. I guess we need to encourage each other to keep going. Life goes on. I just wish it wasn’t so hard 💜
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