
Emmaloowho
Bulletin Board User-
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@PolarBear So basically, no matter how real it feels, don’t engage. Don’t take the time to mull it over or think about if you would / could do something? Just keep going. Right?
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I’m so frustrated with this whole thing. This utter nonsense. One minute I KNOW how ridiculous this whole thing is...not just my particular disturbing thoughts of the moment, but the whole OCD thing. I will be feeling good, pretty normal, and then literally the next second my brain goes back to the thought. I try to ignore, move on or continue what I was doing. But my brain insists “but you could do this or that. You COULD. Even if you don’t want to” I know I’m not saying anything new or earth shattering. I just wish I knew why from literally one second to the next, I can go from feelin
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Well I really appreciate the support. My paranoid self usually starts to panic if I don’t get many responses. I think to myself “well people must have read my post and thought, nope, she’s beyond help. She’s just way to much of a sicko”. I am fairly sure that’s not the case, but thanks again for responding.
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@Hdigtts and @Caramoole Thank you so much for you words of encouragement. I just hate feeling like a bad person all of the time. I realize exactly what is going on, but it still gets me with the whispers of questions and self doubt/disgust.
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Despite my efforts I am letting this get to me. It is so frustrating. I know I need to deal with it the same way as all the other thoughts that have plagued me in the past (and as a matter of fact I had this particular fear not too long ago but then another one came along and this one didn’t seem so bad), but I admit I am struggling. Questioning myself and feeling horrible. I need someone to be tough on me and lay it on the line. I need a swift kick in the pants.
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Hi! It’s been a month or two since I have posted. I have been doing pretty well dealing with my fear of sexually abusing my son. I basically just stopped ruminating and giving the thoughts less power which has really helped. I’m posting again because another stupid fear has come up. What if I looked at child porn or inappropriate images of kids online. Please understand that I have no desire to do so, but the thought that I could scares me. Like what if I just lose control and type something into my search engine. It horrifies and disgusts me. I guess I am just wanting a r
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@PolarBear Can I unteach myself 🙂
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@PolarBear or anyone else: Is it normal that even when I am actively dismissing and trying not to ruminate, that I still have this automatic nervous reaction whenever my son is around, or even when I get a text or call from him? It doesn’t last, but it’s like an involuntary nervous feeling. Have I conditioned myself to have that response? I really hope it will go away with time.
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So my 17 year old daughter is going out of town for a week starting today. I am so nervous because that leaves just me, my husband and my 14 year old son (and our three pugs) 🙂. If you’ve read any of my previous posts you’ll see that my fear current y revolves around making sexual advances to my son. And now that my daughter is out of town, I feel Like that’s one more buffer of protection that is gone from the house. I don’t know why I feel like it makes a big difference, but my mind is telling me that with just the three of us in the house, it would be easier for me to act inappropriately. As
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I’m falling apart...please help me
Emmaloowho replied to Emmaloowho's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Thank you so much! I really appreciate the encouragement and advice!!! -
I’m falling apart...please help me
Emmaloowho replied to Emmaloowho's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Thank you @malina and @PolarBear Malina - I really like that metaphor, it makes sense. It’s just awful when it hits because I’m so scared in the moment that I will just lose control and I have a distorted trust of myself. But I have seen that time and time again if I just let it pass, it does get better. I just wish it would go away! I hate feeling like I can’t trust myself -
I’m falling apart...please help me
Emmaloowho replied to Emmaloowho's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Can anyone please give me advice on specifically how to handle these fears/urges when they come over me? Because they are terrifying. It makes me feel like I could do it against my will. Please?!? -
I’m falling apart...please help me
Emmaloowho replied to Emmaloowho's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
@felix4 Here in the states therapy is fairly expensive, and with my husband having health issues right now, I just can’t afford it. I am trying to help myself. I get to a point where I think I am making real progress, but then I will have days like yesterday and today where I for some reason feel especially vulnerable. I feel like I live exposure because I am obviously with my son everyday. Sometimes I do great and it’s no biggie, but then other times it feels so real and convincing that I just feel sick inside. I am so desperate to feel better. I think I know what I need to do, but -
I’m falling apart...please help me
Emmaloowho replied to Emmaloowho's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
@Ocd10 i think my obsessions are: -what if I pursue a sexual relationship with my 14 year old son? -do I want to? -what will happen if I lose control? -false “urges” or fear of doing something against my own will my compulsions are: -ruminating over the thoughts -visualizing scenarios to test myself and reactions -mentally reviewing my responses to hypothetical and real situations My thoughts make me feel dirty, evil, sick. I would give almost anything not to have them. -
I’m falling apart...please help me
Emmaloowho replied to Emmaloowho's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
@Cora I really appreciate and I hope that you can start healing as well. I know you are struggling and I know and feel for what you are going through. I guess we need to encourage each other to keep going. Life goes on. I just wish it wasn’t so hard 💜