I feel disgusting all the time

[imlosingmymind]

I hate myself and my intrusive thoughts. I started getting these thoughts in February and i thought in time they'll go. Nope. They are still here and cause me so much sadness. Some days the thoughts bother me, sometimes I just try to ignore them. Its tiring. When I have these thoughts I dont even want to be around people, they never leave me and I dont see the point in anything anymore. I'm meant to be doing fun things with friends and getting a boyfriend and other teen things. But im stuck in my room, thinking about things that make me feel miserable. Please can someone just help me.

Edited December 4, 2020 by imlosingmymind

[PolarBear]

Hi imlosing. Have you been diagnosed with OCD? Gotten into therapy?

A little more information from you will help us help you.

[imlosingmymind]

5 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Hi imlosing. Have you been diagnosed with OCD? Gotten into therapy?

A little more information from you will help us help you.

I havent been diagnosed with OCD, i know that sounds dumb, but I told my mum about it and she refuses to let me get diagnosed because she says it will destory my life. She says that no one will hire me for a job if they see I have mental health issues. Because of this I cant get therapy. My mum says it will pass with time but I know its OCD. I dont know what to do.

[PolarBear]

Wow. Well your mom is wrong. 

For many sufferers, having a diagnosis is a big first step. 

OCD can interfere with jobs sometimes but millions of sufferers have jobs. And the only way a future boss would know about your OCD is if you tell them. Mental health records are confidential. 

OCD does not pass. In fact, it tends to get worse over time.

May I ask how old you are and what country you live in? Asking for help on your own may be an option for you.

[imlosingmymind]

6 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Wow. Well your mom is wrong. 

For many sufferers, having a diagnosis is a big first step. 

OCD can interfere with jobs sometimes but millions of sufferers have jobs. And the only way a future boss would know about your OCD is if you tell them. Mental health records are confidential. 

OCD does not pass. In fact, it tends to get worse over time.

May I ask how old you are and what country you live in? Asking for help on your own may be an option for you.

im 15 and in England

[PolarBear]

Okay. I'm in Canada so I don't know the situation there that well but there are many UK people here that can likely offer some insight.

What kind of thoughts do you have? And don't worry, we've heard it all or experienced it ourselves before.

[imlosingmymind]

40 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Okay. I'm in Canada so I don't know the situation there that well but there are many UK people here that can likely offer some insight.

What kind of thoughts do you have? And don't worry, we've heard it all or experienced it ourselves before.

well at first i had them about family members which made me feel so so disgusting. but then after my 15th birthday in june they went away for a bit and i felt so happy.
but then i started having really bad thoughts about kids and children way younger than me. whenever i see a child i make sure to not look at them and if i see one on tv i change channels. im only attracted to guys 16+ so idk why this is happening. i feel so sick writing this, i havent told anyone about these thoughts, i promise im not like this if you knew me. if anyone knew i thought like this they would hate me.

[PolarBear]

Okay. Breathe deeply. 

I take it you mean the thoughts are sexual or harm in nature. These can be really disturbing but they are also quite common. Many, many sufferers who come here have those kinds of thoughts.

Looking away from a child or switching channels are compulsions, one of the components of OCD. Sloeing down and stopping compulsions is a big part of recovery.

[imlosingmymind]

12 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Okay. Breathe deeply. 

I take it you mean the thoughts are sexual or harm in nature. These can be really disturbing but they are also quite common. Many, many sufferers who come here have those kinds of thoughts.

Looking away from a child or switching channels are compulsions, one of the components of OCD. Sloeing down and stopping compulsions is a big part of recovery.

i dont know if i can stop those compulsions, they make me feel a lot more calm, at least for a moment.  i also cant help but think if the thoughts im feeling are real and im just pushing it out. if theyre real i dont know how i can live with myself. they dont feel real tho, im so stressed

[PolarBear]

I understand. Stopping compulsions is hard but it is very necessary.

Thoughts are just thoughts. They aren't intentions. We are capable of thinking up the weirdest or hideous thoughts possible, but that doesn't say anything about you as a person.