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Breastfeeding obsession

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I've always been a bit paranoid about this matter whenever I see a mother feeding her baby, I stare and I check but only a little bit until I saw a video of a teen mother feeding her baby and I felt genuine arousal and I enjoyed watching such video then I had to watch it again and again and again because I couldn't believe what I was experiencing... It's hard because now I have a more active sexual life and I know what actual arousal feels like and a groinal response can't be such legit... I can't help but recall those sexual dreams I had about sexually abusing little kids and those who werent sexually specific in nature but involved me kissing cute little fluffy kids all over their faces and hugging them I don't know I feel this urge towards kids because I find them just too cute first thought I had when I saw that teen mom's instagram is that I wanted to have a baby... But then all that happened! Worst part is that I wanted to masturbate, I still do. I even considered doing it. Tough confessions. Guess this is it. ?

Edited by lily17
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It's almost 5 am and I need to sleep but I think I'll finally be able to do it! I've been mentally checking to that video and I felt that If I watched it again then I'd get a positive reaction that I'm not attracted to that and I watched it several times until I was almost sure I just find it really freaking cute 

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Lily, watching the video was a compulsion. You may have reassured yourself for a while, but you know the doubts will be there again next time because you're not dealing with the real problem here. You have to stop doing compulsins.

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