Tired and exhausted

[K91]

Hi lovely people , I am very new to this but steps to well being have suggested I join a forum to gain support and feel less alone . 

 

My husband has been diagnosed with OCD in the past three months , aswell as panic disorder and anxiety.  For the past 9 months we have been battling during the nightime because his OCD becomes heightened . 

 

His compulsion starts with having to check under my pillow with his hands as well as moving his legs and feet up to my legs and moving and checking the bed covers as he is obsessed with the fact he can hear vibrations and that I am hiding sexual toys under my pillow and between my legs or under the bed . 

 

We have had many sleepless nights due to his on going obsessions that end mostly in arguments as I ask him to move his arm / hand away from my pillow so I can get back to sleep . Unfortunately in doing so this fuels is further and he thinks I am hiding it then on purpose and starts kicking off . He shines his phone at me to check my fave , he has asked me to open my mouth as he sees stuff in there and also put his ears to my side of the bed saying he can hear it why are you doing this to me . 

 

All I am actually trying to do is either carry on sleeping or trying to get to sleep . 

 

I am also 6 months pregnant and because I have tried not to give in to his OCD and say that I need to sleep , I am then the bad guy only thinking about myself and not his mental health.  

 

I have never felt so alone in my own house and lack of sleep is killing me off . Last night I had worked back to back double shift at the hospital and I wanted to just come back and sleep . I got comfortable in the bed with my pillows ( a much needed helper with getting comfortable at the minute ) and I dosed off... He woke me up at 2. 30 asking for a cuddle ,because I was half asleep and comfortable I put my arm around him but didn't move up this for him set him off and because it wasn't the cuddle he wanted he then went into checking pillows duevts inside duvets my legs etc .  

 

He says it's his intrusive thoughts telling him to check and I am struggling to deal with it effectively and calmly . Does anyone have any tips or ideas on how I can support these compulsions but also manage night time sleep myself . 

[howard]

Hi, it does sound like your husband's OCD is having a detrimental effect on your sleep and life and you sound 'calm' about it so far.

Other than sleeping in a seperate bed for a while(or even occasionally for sleep), I think you could remind your husband that these obsessions are all in his mind and only he can deal with it by getting therapy.

It's difficut because he sees himself as the one needing help and support, but there's only so much you can do. Especially when it's you that really needs his help and support at this time.

I wonder if your pregnancy has caused his mental instability(panic, anxiety) and OCD to flare up(I don't know).

[snowbear]

Hi K91,

You sound amazing to be coping with all of the above so calmly while 6 months pregnant. But the situation clearly can't be allowed to go on as it is.

You say your husband has been recently diagnosed and that's useful, but has he actually started therapy yet or is he just on a waiting list? I think a phone call to expedite therapy and/or a chat with his GP about the possible use of medication to ease things until therapy takes effect would be reasonable.

Having OCD can be a nightmare, and resisting compulsions is hard. But OCD isn't an excuse for behaving any way you want at someone else's expense. He needs to understand that his 'physically checking your body' compulsions cross that line, are unacceptable and have to be stopped straight away.

His other compulsions, such as listening to the bed and asking for reassurance (rather than taking it upon himself to feel) can be reduced gradually in the usual way through a hierarchy of least to most difficult to stop.

I don't doubt there'll be some tantrums and arguments when you put your foot down, but do try to stand firm on this as it will help him to get better; it won't make him worse (as he will probably believe.)

If he absolutely won't comply then you need to speak to your GP and explain the situation, or make his therapist aware if he has one. Chances are when (if) he talks about his compulsions he doesn't own up to how intrusive of your privacy and person the obsessions have become. Sometimes people are receiving therapy for months telling the therapist only what they think is socially acceptable while continuing to hide (and therefore not address) their worst behaviours.

Is there a second bedroom/ bed you could use temporarily? You could present it to him as 'removing temptation' to help him resist the compulsions more easily. And it might allow you a more restful sleep which is important in maintaining your own mental health. Well done for seeking help from Steps to Wellbeing. I hope that was in recognition that you need support too and not just to help your husband.

Let us know how it goes, and good luck.