New to any support group and have so many questions.

[ICKmum61]

My son is 28 year and has undiagnosed contamination OCD which started or got worse during the pandemic.  I am struggling to support him and feel myself get angry as he will not seek help and support.  He essentially is unable to function, unable to touch anything without scrubbing his hands.  He bumped his head today and had to have a shower as his hair touched the wall.  His showers are 40mins long.  He checks, double checks and triple checks everything that comes into the house from food, to cleaning stuffs.  I want to be able to support him but find myself veering from facilitating to getting extremely angry at him for what I fell is totally illogical.  I have read up on it and do understand he can't help it but it is hard to live with and taking over my life and happiness now.  I just want him to get support of which I said I would fund but he just won't do it.

He doesn't work which I think makes things so much harder - he can't get a job as he can't function.

Just looking for some guidance around tools, resources to allow me to better support him as I love him dearly.

[DRS1]

26 minutes ago, ICKmum61 said:

My son is 28 year and has undiagnosed contamination OCD which started or got worse during the pandemic.  I am struggling to support him and feel myself get angry as he will not seek help and support.  He essentially is unable to function, unable to touch anything without scrubbing his hands.  He bumped his head today and had to have a shower as his hair touched the wall.  His showers are 40mins long.  He checks, double checks and triple checks everything that comes into the house from food, to cleaning stuffs.  I want to be able to support him but find myself veering from facilitating to getting extremely angry at him for what I fell is totally illogical.  I have read up on it and do understand he can't help it but it is hard to live with and taking over my life and happiness now.  I just want him to get support of which I said I would fund but he just won't do it.

He doesn't work which I think makes things so much harder - he can't get a job as he can't function.

Just looking for some guidance around tools, resources to allow me to better support him as I love him dearly.

Hi, 

I'll try and cover everything you've said and hopefully be of some sort of help as someone that's had to deal with OCD and still at times living with it. So, let's start with the compulsions which you have identified: washing his hands repeatedly and checking. As you might have read but these are things that are keeping the cycle of OCD going and every time he does these, it may reduce the anxiety and or uncertainty around things for a small time but it equally reinforces that OCD is right, that it is justified to do the compulsions because there must be a real threat of something bad happening if you do the compulsions. 

 

One of the best things you and anyone else in the family can do is stop accommodating the compulsions. That means not checking with him and not giving him reassurance. If he asks you to wipe boxes down, or food products or cleaning items, don't do it. All it will do is reinforce OCD. OCD is debilitating and I totally understand how frustrating it must be not only for him but also for you but you need to remember that if you are getting angry or frustrated, do that towards OCD, not him. In the same way, he should be frustrated with OCD, not himself. OCD is hard to deal with and just because it is illogical, the feeling of anxiety and uncertainty makes it feel very real even if for people without OCD it would be ridiculous.

 

He can help it though because he can get help. Maybe the drawback for him is if he hasn't seen other people with OCD with similar things as to what he is dealing with and stories of them overcoming it, he may feel like it's impossible. Have you suggested he has OCD yet and does he agree and understand what that means? If he feels like he is the only one going through it, then it may feel way worse than if he knows other people are going through the same thing. Also another thing to mention is, OCD isn't original. You can bet no matter the strangest thought that you make you've had is not unique to you. Someone either with or without OCD has had those thoughts before.

 

Have you asked him as to what the reason is that he is doing these compulsions i.e. the intrusive thoughts, images, or feelings that make him feeling like he has to do them? Jobs can actually increase stress levels and cause OCD to spike (happened to me recently in fact) so its not having or not having a job that will be affecting the OCD significantly i.e. if he has a job, OCD will find a way to target that. That's not to say he won't be able to have a job again because of the OCD as OCD is something you can recover from.

 

In terms of if he is willing at some point to see someone about it. There's a GP checklist on the OCD-UK website which may help him be able to talk about it with the GP and then if he is referred for therapy, he will want to be looking for CBT with ERP. Good news is, I know Glasgow tends to have a great number of psychologists and psychiatrists that do understand OCD and will be able to help him. Can't discuss medication as that's up to his GP or psychiatrist to do but he can be prescribed medication to help with the OCD but he also may do fine without it.

 

Break Free From OCD is a good book (available on the OCD-UK website but also you can get it on Amazon, or Google Books, Waterstones) which I personally liked. Therre are also OCD-UK conference videos from 2021 and 2020 which are great and talk about a range of different topics.

 

If you have any more questions feel free to ask and I hope this has helped.

[ICKmum61]

Thank is great help - I very much accommodate him and know this is not what I should be doing.  I guess I don't want him to think I am not supporting him but clearly by helping him with the compulsions I am doing the opposite.

I will certainly take on board what you have said and it is very much appreciated.

Thank you

[DRS1]

23 minutes ago, ICKmum61 said:

Thank is great help - I very much accommodate him and know this is not what I should be doing.  I guess I don't want him to think I am not supporting him but clearly by helping him with the compulsions I am doing the opposite.

I will certainly take on board what you have said and it is very much appreciated.

Thank you

No problem