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Hi, I am new to this organisation and I wanted to ask other people with OCD how they try and overcome these feelings and thoughts, or what they do to help them stop following the intrusive thoughts. Even writing this is very difficult for my OCD, I keep wanting to change sentences or delete things otherwise I think im going to die.

My OCD started when I was 14 due to not very nice "friends" in comprehensive bullying me and leaving me out etc (I didnt have any other friends and I was a VERY shy and quiet person who found it difficult to make friends). I think my brain tried to find a way to control my life, so came up with a routine or ritual everyday to stick by and then I wouldnt be bullied or have no friends. These compulsions included: waking up at a certain time normally 7:10, brushing my teeth at a certain time, washing my hands over and over again until my hands felt clean, needing to arrive at school at exactly 8:12, every friday having to go to the local shop and buy crisps that I then had to eat in that afternoon, needing to shower at a certain time. This made me very suicidal and I contemplated it quiet a few times.

Once I had finished comp and moved to college I was no longer in touch with those "friends" (and I made new ones), so my OCD sort of went a bit. It surfaced at difficult and stressful times but I didnt have to live with it everyday. That is until early last year when something happened and it all came back. But so much worse, I had to blink a certain number of times or i thought something bad was going to happen (I'd die or fail Uni, or something would happen to my parents), I had to get out of bed with a certain foot first, pick my phone up with a certain hand, put toothpaste on my brush and brush my teeth until i felt clean, wash my hands again and again till i felt clean (sometimes they would bleed), I couldnt walk in cracks of the floor, I had to check the doors and windows were locked multiple times, I had to touch doors and door handles over and over again until I felt that it was okay. It was every little thing I did from morning till evening (even breathing and blinking), and sometimes it would take me an hour or two to actually go to bed because I'd keep doing these rituals. I didnt tell anyone because I thought theyd think me strange or that there was something wrong with me, so I kept quiet. Until the Christmas before last when I told my best friend, who helped me tell my mother. I felt so suicidal during this time that my mum moved in with me to make sure I didnt do anything and to make sure I got to work on time in the mornings. I spoke to someone from Mind during this time but the waiting list for CBT was quite long, and the intrusive thoughts lessened slightly when my dog passed away (I think it was the shock of it). I was able to finally get away from this experience and I moved back home and bought a cat to help me with my anxiety, OCD and depression. However in the past week their more frequent (I think it was triggered by my uncle dying recently and the fear of death). Whenever I clean the cats loo i need to wash my hands over and over otherwise I think ill catch something, whenever he scratches me I have a fear that it will get infected and ill get blood poisoning/sepsis and die, every time before i get in the car to or from work i need to tie my shoes again and again or touch lights or door handles otherwise i have a fear that im going to crash and die on the road, everytime before bed i need to touch things repeatedly like light switches or i think i will die in my sleep. I dont know what to do, I cant go through it again like last time. If anyone has any advice on what to do I would really appreciate it. 

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Hello Aimee and welcome to the forums

The various parts of your post will be familiar with many of the forum users.  The door and window checking has been one of my major OCD issues.  That was something I tackled intensively in my CBT therapy about 18 months ago.  I can say that things have improved through the therapy and I now have alot more control over my life than OCD behaviours do.

You mentioned speaking to Mind and trying to get CBT a while back.  Could I ask if you are currently getting or waiting for any professional help now?

The CBT I had was very helpful and it set me off on the road to recovery and would recommend it.

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Hi Aimee,

I can identify with a number of the thoughts and compulsions too. Particularly door and window checking. I find switching my mind to something else really helps but it can be tricky at times when I’m particularly stressed. 
Are you taking any medication at all? 

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