Sensitive topic but am I alone?

[Chris1987]

Does anyone else suffer with spiraling out of control thoughts. I don't know if it's ocd or genuine fear and worry with pending doom. Does anyone else feel they don't have control of their own mind? I try and be rational but the other side always wins. Does anyone else worry to the point that they feel they can't do this anymore? Does anyone else think about their future and how their mental state is going to be? For me it always happens in the middle of the night. I'll get up to use the loo, come back to bed and I feel like I'm having a panic attack but my mind is going 100mph it's all negative, fear, worry and then a downward spiral to the end conclusion of you know what you have to do if you can't cope with this anymore. I'm not sure if this is an ocd post to be honest but I'm just in a constant state of panic and anxious, my only rest bite is when I go to bed. When i wake up in the mornings I just feel I don't want to get out of bed and the anxious feeling is there straight away. This had come on out of the blue over Christmas I was fine before. I felt I was over my past blip 4 years ago but it was something I would think about every day but it something I'll never let go because I can't. I feel like I need to keep my guard up as by letting it go it will then come true at some point.

When I say this is a sensitive post I just want to know if anyone else feels like there's no way out and have had thoughts of what might happen to you. For the record I'm not suicidal but have had thoughts/worried what if I don't get over this how will I cope. I've never felt this way before. 

I'm negative about everything. I see no positives in myself and can't see me getting better only thoughts of me getting worse and thoughts of me not being able to cope with it. It's like telling me you haven't got long left as it going to get worse. I feel im afraid of my own mind and I don't have control.

[MarieJo]

I think most ocd sufferers do, or have, suffered, with spiralling and out of control thoughts. It's the nature of the beast that is OCD. Intrusive thoughts are extremely common and feeling we cannot control or understand our thoughts or reactions to them.

From reading your post it's hard to know if it is OCD or General Anxiety Disorder or depression or all of those. I suffer with OCD and GAD. I feel anxious to some level pretty much of all the time. It's really awful and it gets you down, which in turn makes you feel a bit depressed.

At times I feel like I cannot get out of bed, or out of my car but I do. Worries and fears usually feel more overwhelming at night too, that's common. It exhausting feeling anxious  

Have you spoken to anyone about how you feel? Have you been to the GP? 

Edited January 18 by MarieJo

[Chris1987]

I've been to my GP and they have prescribed sertraline so hopefully that will kick in after a few weeks.

I'm 99% sure I got OCD but could never say 100% just incase. I read about GAD and it ticks all boxes but didn't know if you could have both or didn't know if it was OCD alone. It comes in waves and its horrible. Luckily I do have a good support network around me and I've very open about everything but when I talk about it I feel better then don't know if that's a compulsion of seeking reassurance as I feel better after a good talk. 

Thank for replying back 

[MarieJo]

Talking about how you feel isn't a compulsion in my opinion,  it's very helpful to talk about how you're feeling and confiding in people. Feeling the need to "confess" or seeking reassurance is more problematic though.

You certainly can have GAD and OCD. I think my GAD is actually worse than Mt OCD nowadays. Both disorders can overlap.

I started on setraline but stopped taking them. I personally find forums and researching OCD has been the biggest help for me in my recovery. Understanding the disorder and accepting I am not bad or mad or alone was a life saver for me. 

I have tried CBT three times. I only found it mildly helpful if I am honest.

GAD is very hard to overcome as the title states, it's just anxiety about so many things. I find it so hard to relax snd like you think of the worst case scenarios and doom and gloom more than I should.

Mindfulness and meditation are helpful. Living in the moment and being aware of your breathing and surroundings is very calming.

 

[Chris1987]

6 minutes ago, MarieJo said:

I started on setraline but stopped taking them. I personally find forums and researching OCD has been the biggest help for me in my recovery. Understanding the disorder and accepting I am not bad or mad or alone was a life saver for me. 

I think I do too  much researching to be honest. I find something that inrelate to and my anxiety subsides but it comes back. I feel I need go read what I have read previously knowing full well what it already says. I feel this is the ocd side then. I'm hoping these tablets will kick in soon so I can start to get my life back on track 

[MarieJo]

The checking and then doubting yourself so re checking (the reading/researching) does sound like OCD. As does the anxiety reducing only to come back.

There's a fine line with researching. For example, I suffer with OCD around the wellbeing and safety of my loved ones so when my mum or son, etc, get a headache say, I have to stop myself researching the symptoms as for me it's a compulsion and it makes my anxiety go through the roof and fuels my OCD.

However, my researching some of the thoughts I had/have, some of my reactions, how I feel and my behavioural patterns led me to discover I had OCD. I later got an official diagnosis, so that research was helpful in my recovery.