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banthethoughts

Bulletin Board User
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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

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    Female

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  1. I just don't want to be here, I have been struggling for weeks and weeks and I just don't want to be here anymore.
  2. Last week I could cope, this week I have gone back to being hugely depressive over 'letting the thoughts be'. I need to start taking anti depressant's I keep putting it off but this situation is making me depressed. I have been abusing sleeping pills because that is the only time I get peace and I am worried that if I start on the meds I wont be able to sleep or take my sleeping tablets (non prescription).
  3. This is useful and really what I am struggling with, the anxiety of not going into it is almost making me suicidal.
  4. Yes I ruminate a lot. I don't worry about bad things happening though as such for this few years of my life it has been over past events, which I find more distressing to me as there is an element of truth to them which always gets distorted, my therapist this morning may do some rewind therapy, which means I don't need to tell her directly the thought but relive it, which will be distressing but I am desperate. Hope you get some peace soon.
  5. Thanks Paradoxer, I know I am always on here going on about the same stuff, but I find your advice really useful, thank you
  6. Does anyone else get to a stage where the thought lies dormant for a bit, but it is there and I know it is there and I want to bring it to the forefront. I have a nice weekend planned and it doesn't want me to. I am still having the thought although have been mildly better as I have let another less distressing thought take over. How can I acknowledge its presence without ruminating? My therapist says 'just say oh there you are, that thought again, thanks for that, bye now' but that urge to ruminate is so strong in case I have done what I think. Does anyone else use the above technique?
  7. Thank you, I have been in and out of therapy/meds for over 10 years. This has hit me badly and I cant see a way out. I have sought help but my GP isn't great I feel like I am not capable of making decisions and no one else can do it for me. There is just no end, over 10 years like this it feels like it will never get better. But thank you for your message. Just feel guilt, guilt for the thoughts guilt for feeling like this and not making the most of my life I hate it and hate myself.
  8. Yes I agree with everyone, I am just in a really bad place. Not stopped crying for the past 3 days, have seen 3 health professionals in that time. I can't cope its worse than ever, I just don't want to wake up.
  9. To me it is, when my OCD isn't as distressing (for me that mostly involved weight/food/control) I am happier going along with it, however lately I have been struggling with what I view as worse thoughts. I have 2 lots of therapy today and it almost triggers me as it brings everything to the forefront of my mind. I was hugely triggered over the weekend aswell from a TV show. It just seems like a never ending battle sometimes. This makes me very very sad
  10. Thank you, I have been in and out of therapy and only had 2 people who didn't understand so I have been lucky but this thought makes me worry they will panic and call the police. I have counselling every Monday private as I was so desperate and am waiting for my psychology appointment. I will have a read through.
  11. Sorry to hear this, I can empathise, I hope you feel better soon. x
  12. Thank you, I am more concerned about peoples opinions with this thought, I look back and it seems horrible, but at the time it didn't, but has manifested itself into my sexual orientation that is why I am freaking out. I remember telling someone ages ago I thought I had murdered someone and it shocked me their lack of concern. This one is way more complicated and if they don't understand it scares me.
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