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MentalChecker

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  1. Many Thanks Dksea. The problem is the type of OCD I have I will NEVER know if my worries are really true or not. Its not something I can do exposure on and then realise that the thing I worried about didn't happen in the end. All my worries are about things that may or may not have happened before now. And I feel like I can't go on in life and be happy unless I know. I've had CBT and I've been told to let the worries come in and leave without reacting to them. And when the worries come and the anxiety rises, not to do the compulsions but just sit with the anxiety until if goes naturally. I have lots of different types of worries and some involve me personally doing things and the reasons I may have done them and I've been told I have to trust myself without analysing what I'm trusting myself about. And not to do any confessions which is easier said than done when you think you've done something terrible. But although the above may be a way to control the anxiety it's NEVER going to allow me to get closure as I will NEVER know for sure if my worries were ever real of not and I could be living with lies and deceit which is something I NEVER want to do....
  2. Hi Dksea thank you for taking the time to reply to me I really do appreciate it. The problem I have is where you say I need to be OK with making decisions and just say 'heh...ive made my decision' and not need to get the feeling: my problem is I have very bad problems with being able to make decisions on things it's almost impossible for me to determine the judgment that should be applied to this thing I'm worried about although somebody has already given me their judgement on it and it was that there's nothing wrong with it and I shouldn't be thinking that there is. And this is the problem I have with lots of my worries, I can never seem to make a decision on them. However interestingly the other morning I was exercising on my bike and due to the bike just being unpacked and reset up from a holiday I had, I looked down at my feet at the bottom of the peddle stroke to see how far my leg was extending to see if the saddle was at the correct height and I said to myself that's fine and I didn't need to get any feeling for that....but it's the anxiety and worry that the other things cause me which I really making me feel on edge and I feel like I need to do the thought and mental check again to get the 'fine'....
  3. Hi All anybody able to assist with the above?
  4. I struggle with making a judgement on things and reaching conclusions about things. When I do I normally say something like 'fine' meaning I know it's nothing to worry about and I'm reassured. I have one that has been going on for a while now which is causing me problems. Several months ago I thought about it and got the feeling that it was fine and even said inside my head it was fine and it was a sharp fine and the anxiety reduced afterwards. However the same worry has reared its head again over the last few days and at first I had to think back to the last time I was reassured as above and feel that the anxiety was removed meaning that I really did think it was fine and was really reassured. However I couldn't get it and therefore had to do the full thought analysis again and get the feeling that my worry is fine and nothing to worry about and I said fine...however it didn't feel the same and as good as the one a few months ago.... However regardless I still said fine and therefor regardless of how I say it that shouldnt matter should it? But then I wonder if I really was thinking it was fine this time or if I just said it without thinking it was? But why would I do that and say in my mind fine if it wasnt....?? Would you say that I should be able to still consider the one a few months ago as still valid even though i've tried to do it again and it isn't as strong a Fine as it was a few months ago? As it feels like I've overwritten the previous one with this more watered down version and the previous one can no longer be valid? Or is this just OCD and the previous one can still be relied upon and is still valid?
  5. I've can't take drugs paranoid about getting addicted to things and with an addictive personality like I have it would worry me. I got trapped in a cycle this morning of reassuring myself about a previous reassurance and even though I was getting the feeling each time that the anxiety went and I said fine meaning I was reassured from the previous reassurance I was trying to reassure myself about (if that makes sense) I couldnt stop doing it.... This afternoon is better and I'm now thinking that ANYTHING that involves either checking or reassurance is OCD and needs to be ignored and its working for me so far and is a better afternoon 😊 Hopefully the above will help you. 😊
  6. Hi Mate I can't believe it. Take a look through some of my posts and you will see that my problems are EXACTLY the same....... I hope it gives you some comfort knowing that we have a similar theme and therefore most likely it is just the OCD monster at work here...
  7. Hi Alien8 I'm sorry to hear your suffering. Just out of curiosity, I'm trying to identify the compulsions in your OCD theme?
  8. Hi Gemma thank you for your reply really appreciate it. The reassurance provides me with short term relief and I acknowledge that the worry eventually comes back but it initially switches it off (although it then moves onto another theme) and then doesn't return for a while (this one a few months until it returned) therefore it does help me in a way. I just don't feel that I could continue with the worry of these worries (if that makes sense) without thinking about them and being reassured. And as I write this I've got another one I previously reassured myself about around 3 days ago and I vaguely recall doing the reassurance noise at the time, which is a noise that I make once I get the reassurance and feel good, and therefore I must have been reassured but now I'm starting to worry even if I was really reassured about that one....
  9. Hi mate sounds like you have pure o as well? The same here, thought/worry comes into head, severe anxiety hits like a thunderbolt, then start thinking about it to try and disprove it, and then feel better for a 'short' while. Then the theme of the worry/thought will change and the same thing starts again with the new worry? I've even got to the stage whereby although I don't try to think directly about the worry I try to remind myself of the reassurance I previously got by thinking about it and therefore it can't be a real worry. But then eventually I no longer get the feeling that I really was reassured and then I feel the need to go back and do the original whole worry analyst again... I've managed to get to the stage where your explaining, and although it feels a bit better, it's as if you've got the toast under the grill cooking and you can't really concentrate on anything without the constant worry of it burning.....
  10. P. S And then I try and think back to other things I've had like this i. E other worries and reassurances that I've done and got into this same behaviour with to make myself realise its just OCD as the behaviour is the same but then i get caught up into the same problem of trying to get the feeling that it is...
  11. Thanks for the reply. I now have another thing I'm worried about something else I previously spent time reassuring myself about several months ago and although I remember the place I was at when I spent the time reassuring myself about the thing I'm now worried about again I'm trying to convince myself that I did reassure myself about it several months ago and I'm worrying if I was really reassured about it because I can't get the feeling that I really was reassured about it back then but there were several things to this worry and I remember getting to the last one that should have been really easy to reassure myself about and had trouble with that one and remember thinking to myself that it must be OCD because the one I shouldn't have had any problems with was the very one I did have problems with reassuring myself about and therefore if I hadn't been reassured about the previous things (one of the ones I'm worried about now) then I would have never got to the easier one at the end because that end one I had to wait until that evening until I could get the reasurance for and have them all complete. Therefore even though I remember the place I was at doing the reasurance and remember having to wait until the end of the day before getting the final one (the easier one) reassured and all complete I still can't get the feeling and feel comfortable that I really was reassured back then and therefore this worrry about this reoccurring worry is doing me in as I feel the need to redo all of the reassurance again unless I can get the feeling that I really was reassured about back then several months ago when I went through it all........ 😪😪😪😪😪
  12. Hi All this is bit of a long message but would really appreciate somebody's time to read and provide advice? I'm having problems believing that my problems are really due to OCD and not something wrong with the subject I'm worried about. I have had a formal diagnosis of OCD by a Physciatrist but I'm not and have never taken medication for it as I'm paranoid about drugs (never even taken recreational drugs). This is an example of my obcessions. I initially do a mental reassurance compulsion by going over a previous conversation in my head about something I worry about and I get the reassurance feeling in my head and body that i understand it and its fine and nothing to worry about. That normally closes the worry off for a few months. However recently the same worry came back into my mind and I didn't get the reassurance feeling that I understand and its fine and nothing to worry about and I didn't want to go down the long winded route of doing it all again in my head like I did a few months ago therefore I thought logically about it that I've already thought about it several months ago and I got the feeling THEN that I understand it and it's fine and nothing to worry about. However then last night I worried whether I really did think about it correctly several months ago when I reached the conclusion that i understood it and it was fine and nothing to worry about, because there were several things that I would have needed to think about. Then I recalled an email I had sent to a very professional person about my worry and I called that email back up and checked the date of it and it was on the EXACT same morning as I had done the reassurance compulsion and the email was sent about 30 minutes before I did the reassurance and the email stated the 3 things I was having problems getting the feeling about therefore I thought to myself then surely those 3 things were in my mind and was trying to get the feeling about them 30 minutes beforehand therefore 30 minutes later when I finally DID get the reassurance feeling then surely that reassurance that I finally got must have included and I must have included those 3 important things into my reassurance... But then I think to myself there is the possibility that I didn't include them??? And how do I know for sure that I did include them? And now I feel compelled to go back and do the original reassurance again so I can make sure that I really Do include these 3 things into my reassurance? Does this sound like my problems and worries are due to OCD?? Would you say this is just OCD??
  13. Interesting this afternoon, fell into the trap of having to reassure myself about something by reading something and even though it was in front of my very eyes as I was re-reading it I had severe trouble trying to convince myself the word was actually there...... And then I even started worrying what the word really meant even though its such a common word!!
  14. Was doing pretty well for a few weeks and then bang last week things started back again. This time it's been worrying me that I might have said something to somebody during a conversation nearly a year ago. So I started thinking about whether I said it or not and realised straight away that I wouldn't have said it. Then I looked into it further, as for me to have said what I was worried about I would have also have to had said this other thing (without saying this other thing then the original thing I was worried about saying couldnt have possibly happened) and I then made the noise I normally make when I get reassurance (I call it the reassurance noise) but shortly afterwards I realised the noise was lower in tone than it normally is and then worried whether I really was reassured? Then I thought about it and realised that regardless of whether I made the noise at the correct pitch or not the original impulse I got to initially make the noise is what matters and therefore I must have been reassured to have got that initial impulse to make the reassurance noise? But I've also been thinking that why is this all of a sudden bothering me nearly a year after the event? Surely it would have bothered me before now? But now I'm thinking back to see if it did bother me before now? Anybody else get this?
  15. Hi Dksea thank you for the above post. I hadn't thought of it like that before I must admit. There was another two reassurances I did as well and I was getting confused whether I really had done them as well and of course even though you think you did them if you can't remember doing it in detail then you worry that you didn't do them and maybe you should go back and do them again. But as you said above even people without OCD have trouble recalling particular things/times theyve done things therefore just because I can't recall in perfect detail anymore doing it and the important 'feeling' I got when I realised it was OK and nothing wrong with it doesn't mean that I didn't do it and I wasn't reassured. But the OCD doubt will try to get me to do it again and I've got to just trust that I had thought about it everything was OK and doesn't need to be dealt with again 😊
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