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MentalChecker

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  1. Hi Dksea thank you for the above post. I hadn't thought of it like that before I must admit. There was another two reassurances I did as well and I was getting confused whether I really had done them as well and of course even though you think you did them if you can't remember doing it in detail then you worry that you didn't do them and maybe you should go back and do them again. But as you said above even people without OCD have trouble recalling particular things/times theyve done things therefore just because I can't recall in perfect detail anymore doing it and the important 'feeling' I got when I realised it was OK and nothing wrong with it doesn't mean that I didn't do it and I wasn't reassured. But the OCD doubt will try to get me to do it again and I've got to just trust that I had thought about it everything was OK and doesn't need to be dealt with again 😊
  2. Hi Humbleno1, Sorry to hear your having a hard time mate. To put things into perspective for you, I was SERIOUSLY depressed and wanted to end it all at the beginning of this year and I had seriously had enough of life and felt suicidal. I couldn't see any way out of it. If I was to tell you that I'm in a MUCH HAPPIER PLACE now would you think that was possible? And I'm not on and have never taken meds either (not that I'm saying you shouldn't take meds I'm just trying to show that it's not because of meds why I'm feeling better). You need to establish what's keeping the anxiety going? Are you doing compulsions and continuously thinking about your worry? You can't out-think or out-logic OCD it's impossible.... Since I've significantly reduced my compulsions and reassurance I've seen a dramatic increase in my mood and worrying a hell of a lot less. Always available for a chat mate if you want somebody to speak with 😊
  3. Hi Malina I get that as well with confessions. If I confess something, then its like the floodgates have been opened, I need to continually keep confessing and confessing even more to ensure the person really does have all of the information to enable an informed decision to be made. I am pretty much at a stage now whereby I can let the thoughts and worries spike and not engage with them and let the worry and anxiety pass on its own without doing the compulsions. However sometimes without me even being conscious of doing it my mind will zapp me with a previous reassurance I did for the same obcession thereby providing some reassurance still. I've realised that the more you try to think your way out of something to make sure it's fine, then the more it causes anxiety. It has the opposite effect.
  4. As others have said its a difficult one, however I for one always believe in honesty being the best policy and this has nothing to do with OCD. You could be together for the rest of your lives and be prevented from showing your true feelings to her because your hiding a secret. Nobody is perfect in life and life throws **** at you that can be difficult to get through and overcome. Who knows she may even go through something similar in the future and need to tell you. If you are both made for each other then I'm sure you can get through anything that life throws at you. Life is a journey and can sometimes be a bumpy one, it's not so much about what happens in life but what you do about it that matters....
  5. Hi All, Haven't posted for a while. Quick couple of questions. Do any of you reassure yourself and then afterwards, sometimes literally only an hour or so have trouble remembering whether you did actually reassure yourself/was really reassured and then feel the pull to do it again? I'm in a place now that I realise reassurance doesnt work and I've experienced enough of thr problems associated with reassurance and the OCD loop that I get caught up in and in my heart of hearts I know they call it the doubting disease and therefore you can doubt anything but for it to be able to wipe your memory clear of doing the reassurance/feeling reassured is kind of wierd and just wondering if anybody else experiences this? By the way I've pretty much stopped all new reassurances but was still doing some minor references back to others I've done before to help my anxiety which I know is still reassurance......
  6. Don't Know, Hope you don't take this the wrong way mate as its always easy for an OCD sufferer to see through OCD when it's not the theme that's presently causing distress to them. However, answer this one simple question: Do you honestly think ANY pedophile has EVER felt any remorse or felt bad about being a pedophile? Of course they haven't. They actually get off on it they enjoy it and it doesn't cause them ANY concerns whatsoever! The reason you are in distress is because YOU ARE NOT one of those types of people. Also, don't be surprised if the other person wasn't a troll with nothing else better to do with their time than to try and make others suffer. They are out there......
  7. Many thanks everybody for your messages and support. Still improving I did one yesterday morning around 0530 and immediately felt the need to recheck it as it worried me that I hadn't thought about it correctly and may have not reached the right conclusion JUST LIKE THEY WERE DOING TO ME BEFORE ABOUT OTHER THINGS! I DID NOT check it again 😁 Since yesterday morning I havent done any and would be nice today to be able to get through a whole day without doing any. I can defintely now notice two things. 1. The compulsion (regardless of what it's about) needs to be rechecked again after doing it. Therefore is there really any importance about the worry if its the same for EVERY compulsion regardless of the theme/thought? Highly Unlikely.... 2. There are lots of worries and compulsions i have done that I was questioning whether I really did check it correctly and reach the correct conclusion after doing them and that worried me for ages but those ones have now drifted away and unless I deliberately think about them they don't worry me. Therefore from the above I've realised two things. 1. Don't do the compulsion because it's NEVER right or enough. 2. If I've been able to live without worrying about no. 2 above then I can do the same for them all. I just really do hope things continue to improve for me and also you all out there. My mood is defintely on the increase 😊
  8. As the title states the last 3 days have been great with very little compulsions. I've had quite a few intrusive thoughts enter my mind and I haven't reacted and the anxiety went very quickly. I did do one this afternoon and as soon as I did it I realised what I had done and felt really bad about it. The way forward is definitely to limit the compulsions as it definitely feels better not doing them but I do still feel like something isn't resolved in the background of my mind if that makes sense.....
  9. Very good and nice post. Sometimes when in the height of anxiety another users post can be very upsetting and create even more problems. I must admit though the majority of the members on this forum do provide good advise and appear to be very kind.
  10. Njb your reference to computer hit a nerve for me. I can remember conversations word for word from 20 years ago....
  11. I know what your going through I have the exact same problems with regard to mental checking. Some of the things I have checked date back to 40 years ago..... My worries are all about things before this moment in time, and I then have to go back in time to think about the thing that is worrying me until I get a feeling of 'fine' (another words saying theres nothing wrong with it/nothing to worry about - essentially it's reassurance) and then I get some relief. But the relief is short lived and can sometimes be only for the matter of seconds until I have to do it again due to the high level of anxiety and negative emotions it creates. The one thing I have noticed though is how some of the major worries I've previously had appear to drift away and sit in the background when I'm focusing on a new worry even though that other worry was the world's worst not that long ago.....im still no more certain about it... But because I'm not actively reassuring myself/performing compulsions about it, it seems to sit in the background and not bother me. It would be nice to get to a stage where none of my worries bother me anymore and they all sit in the background and not have to focus on another worry to make it happen. I guess what I'm trying to say is think of all the worries you've previously had that were your worst and now they aren't bothering you anymore. And see then that it is the attention you are applying to it that is causing the problem. It seems the more you think about something the more you have to, but the less you think about it the less you hace to. It's finding a way to stop thinking about it that's the problem....
  12. Hi Dksea that is word for word exactly what my therapist is telling me......and she is trying so desperately for me to stop relying on this feeling but its so difficult for me to kick it....I did pretty well for a few days then it came back strong. The problem is this 'feeling' that I've always lived by and relied on to do everything in life isn't easy to ditch. Even choosing a sandwich I think about eating it and try to get the feeling if I'm going to enjoy it or not before I chose which one. When it comes to OCD how do you know if sometning is to worry about or not if you can't get the feeling that it's nothing to worry about? This is the place I'm in. I will get things come into my head either of things I have done or said and straight away I will get the strong feeling of it being bad or a problem with it and then my anxiety will go through the roof and I then need to go through it and then like the other night I got the first 'feeling' that it was 'fine' (but it was only like a half feeling if that makes sense) but then I remember getting two feelings therefore I must have got the other one afterwards which must have been a proper 'feeling of if being fine' as my anxiety then reduced and I started playing with my dog. But then afterwards I try and think about this second feeling of fine to see if it really happened but it must have happened as I remember getting two feelings of fine but I can't remember it where I got it or how I felt. All I can recall is getting another fine feeling but it's driving me mad trying to remember if I did REALLY get it and if it was REALLY fine.... But on Saturday this same thing was bothering me and I did a reassurance compulsion and it went away so much that I then couldn't remember what it was that was bothering me until it came back into my head on Tuesday night therefore that compulsion on Saturday must have been a good one for it to dissappear for 3 days therefore if all else fails I can still rely on that one to prove to me its fine and nothing to worry about?
  13. Gemma/Polar Bear, OK I can understand what you've said above. But I've just woke up and the worry came straight into my head as soon as I woke up and I tried to push it away but the words still came into my head and I tried pushing it away but didn't get the reassurance feeling I. E saying it's 'Fine' therefore I'm worried now that it may not in fact be fine even though the other night I said it was and I feel I MUST think about it again like I did the other night to get the feeling it's 'fine' again otherwise I feel like it IS REALLY something to worry about and be concerned about and be sorted out. It's almost like only the last time counts (if that makes sense?) regardless of how many times I've checked something previously only the last one counts and if that thing comes back into my mind without me feeling its 'fine' then it's something to worry about? 😢😢😢😢
  14. And I'm trying to remember the moment I checked it and said 'fine' and can't recall the moment therefore I feel like I need to recheck it again.....
  15. Alex I understand where your coming from as I've had similar worries. All my worries are before this moment in time, not about the present, not about the future, but only before this moment in time. Therefore how can we use exposure and response prevention if it's not something we can ever prove if it will come true or not? Because we are worried if it has already happened right? And in our situation there is NEVER anyway of knowing it.....therefore it means living a life full of worry unless we can find a way of forgetting about the worry? But why would you want to forget about something so serious? However, I was speaking to somebody a few months ago with my mate (none of my mates know I have OCD) and we were just talking in general and my mate happened to mention that they get worried when they get home after driving that they may have gone through a red light or too quickly through a speed camera and they may get points and a fine through the post. And they would then start to back track through the drive thinking about it trying to recall jumping any red lights of seeing any speed cameras go off and they can't and it then makes them worse with worry. And the other person then said 'you can't remember what you haven't done....' and that really hit home with me and I said to him that sounds very psychological where did that come from and he said he did a course in phycology..... There you have it, you can't remember what didn't happen, no matter how much you try to get the feeling that it didn't happen, your trying to disprove something that didn't happen and you can't because it didn't happen in the first place.....
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