OB1

I've been using dating sites for years but no joy in meeting 'the one' so far apart from a couple of brief relationships, one of which my OCD went through the roof but I'm pretty sure I made the right decision to end it.  It's a minefield out there with some very strange people, you wouldn't believe some of the photos (not rude) and what people say, that said there are good people there too it's just sifting through the not so good ones.  I am chatting to someone at the moment so we'll see but it's hard not to be cynical because I could write a book on how many you talk to for a while and then they disappear.

5 a side was always pretty full on when I played, no prisoner so to speak!! so easy to get injured.  I know people who played in a league and there would often be fights 

Me too with the tennis and badminton, I used to play a lot.  I once beat my squash teacher at school, that was a life lesson for me as I got a pretty bad grade after that  worth it though, he was a bit of an idiot. 

Cycling and running are my thing these days, I ride and run on and off road, it's a big part of my life and helps with mental health too.

Are you planning to get back in shape?  It's well worth it. 

Me either, although as I got into my early 20's I had female friendships too, some turned into a bit more but generally not.  I think we've evolved to live in the company of all ages and sexes, it's only the last few hundred years where we've become isolated units living amongst each other but quite separate, very British but it's not just us.  No wonder people feel more isolated especially the old but more so people my age or younger.

My friend got back to me and said he'd just been for a run with is other half.  Would have been nice to offer to meet another time but he didn't.  I'm probably looking for something he can't offer, I think I do this sometimes.

Did you play any sports @Avo?  I played a lot of football and for a few teams, I miss that comradery as well as the other stuff like competition and having a laugh of course!   

I have a habit of doing that and find it hard not to @Avo I never used to be aware of it but am trying to get better at not giving myself a tough time and try to practice self compassion.

I've messaged my neighbour a fair bit asking her so it's not a case of not asking.

I've sent a message to a friend so will see if he wants to go for a walk.  He prefers his own company so will see. 

I find most men I know are quite solitary people, they have a partner but otherwise don't seem bothered about a huge amount of interaction.  This feeds into my own insecurities about being different I think.  I also grew up with close male friendships and perhaps that was unusual, not sure. 

I'm going to do some DIY for now, feeling a bit more up beat.    

Thanks @gingerbreadgirl I'll never lose hope, just feeling sorry for myself really.  

I listen to the radio all the time @daja I love music.

I've found people aren't zooming anything like the first lockdown @Avo I do with my parents a few times a week and with a friend or two once a week, quite a bit of texting too.  I also go cycling with one other once a week but he cancelled today which is a shame.  Sadly there's no one I can really bubble with at the moment but there might be in a few weeks when some friends come home from living abroad.

This may sound grumpy and I'm probably thinking this because of the way I feel but I just feel like people who don't live alone just don't make much effort, if any this time around apart from my parents of course.  It feels like you have to make all the effort when it's just you.

I was having a daily coffee with my neighbour in the first lockdown, and we have had a couple of doorstep drinks since, but more recently she doesn't seem to be that bothered.  She lives with her teenage daughter who I guess takes up her time and maybe she just finds me too depressing or boring (I know I'm not).    

I think I'm just missing affection even more than before this all kicked off.  I've always liked chatting things through with people and feel like I'm dealing with this terrible situation on my own sometimes.  I want to be the guy who is strong and reassures everyone else (including himself), the guy who always seems happy, makes jokes, yep I'm giving myself a hard time.     

All good here thanks @gingerbreadgirl, feeling much more positive tonight after a really long and muddy bike ride with a friend. Made all the difference Hope you’re ok? 

It’s on Netflix, called The Midnight Sky. A very depressing film to be honest. 

A late dinner for me, no turkey but lot's of sprouts, roast potatoes and veg