luke1992

Hi Zazoo, These things are just harder to deal with when we're tired aren't they? Would explain why your anxiety peaks in the late afternoon/evening. And stress can be a big trigger, so make sure you are looking after yourself and doing things to relax yourself. I know exactly what you mean about the intrusive thoughts competing for attention, when ever anything stressful is going on in my life they rear their ugly head and shout over the top of everything else. My mother was ill in hospital, and when it was all going on I was getting the same intrusive thoughts as usual but 10 times stronger and more often, and I felt so guilty that that's what was taking up my brain space, but at the end of the day we do not choose to think these things and the anxiety / intrusive thoughts do not stop just because something else is going on. I don't really have any special advice for you right now, as this is still something I'm working on myself, but I just want you to know that you're not alone

You said you can't find any situation similar to yours because people with OCD don't "act out", but you've said yourself that you did this as a checking ritual. I'm sure loads of people with this kind of obsession have done checking like this, this doesn't look any different to me. I know how difficult it is to see clearly when you are in the midst of anxiety / an obsession, but you have to try and let this go. You are punishing yourself over something done in the past, something where no one was hurt except yourself. You are ruminating right now (a compulsion), trying to figure out whether masturbating that time makes you a bad person. Guess what... you will NEVER be able to satisfy your need for certainty because your brain will keep on firing up more and more questions and scenarios to prove and disprove your fear. It's best to just leave it alone. Please try and carry on with your day as best you can, keep yourself busy and healthy.

PolarBear, yes I do ruminate on the subject a lot, but it feels automatic like I am not able to stop that, however, on the tests I did there was no question about rumination or other covert compulsions. I feel like there should be a separate test (or at least included) for these type of things. It just fuels my fears that maybe I don't have OCD and these thoughts and feelings come from a deeper part of me. I also seem to only focus on this one theme, and not have multiple themes like most other people with OCD do. I have to keep constantly reassuring myself that it's all just OCD and not what I fear, but then of course I doubt that over and over and I just don't know how to tackle this. I just don't know.

But I have always scored low on OCD tests because I don't have any of the typical symptoms. Even when I had a proper assessment it didn't say I had OCD because the questionnaire didn't say anything about sexual obsessions, or the type of compulsions I feel I have. I think they refused to diagnose me because I scored low on their questionnaire. I can't bare to think it's what I fear, I don't know how I will cope if they tell me it is. I feel stuck and don't know what to do

How does anyone deal with the fear that they don’t have OCD and that they are actually what their obsession tells them they are? I have obsessions of a sexual theme, which I am deeply ashamed about and scared to fully talk about. I have an appointment with my GP today and I am terrified that he will tell me I am a sexual deviant. I have been struggling with this for a long time and any news article about child abuse triggers me, and sends me into a spiral of rumination, checking my attractions, comparing myself, questioning the thoughts. I am not so much distressed by the thoughts anymore, but the constant questioning of what they mean is what hurts me, because I am not able to reassure myself that it's ok. I have an appointment with the GP today, and I'm worried about talking about the obsessions I have. I had a mental health assessment last year, and I attended a group CBT course for OCD, which was some-what helpful but focussed more on the 'typical' types of OCD, and I was too afraid to talk truefully about what my obsession was about. The initial letter I received from them said I had 'anxiety', even though I was signed up for the OCD group, it added to my fears that I am something worse. I have been up since 2.30am reading online to try and reassure myself that I am not what I fear, and I can't get past it and feel like I'm in a downward spiral. Has anyone else been confident enough to talk about this kind of obsession?

Just keep working with the four steps if you found it to help, it will take a long time to feel comfortable and able to just let your thoughts be there. And in relation to pretending you are a musician on stage... I do that all the time! And I'm sure loads of other people do too, it's your dream to be a musician! I know that it's just reassuring you that it's Ok, but obviously OCD will still tell you it's not, so you just need to treat these kind of thoughts the same way with the four steps. Good luck!

Anxiety affects people differently, and feeling/being sick is a common physical symptom of it. You have to try and relax otherwise it just makes your fears and worries feel even worse and have even more of an impact on you. I think speaking to your boyfriend about it would be good, it's always hard to speak to anyone about OCD issues, so perhaps you could show him some information online about it?

wow you're so lucky man! Deal with it just as you do in normal everyday life, I expect you will also be really busy, which is generally good for OCD. Even if things do get tough out there, just let the thoughts be there and continue to enjoy your holiday.

has anyone seen the film a beautiful mind? In the film he has severe schizophrenia yet he continues to live his life and do what he has always wanted to do, he just lives with it. Inspires me to always try and do what I want in life despite the madness thats going on in my mind.

The anxiety isn't something which you can just stop right away, it takes a lot of hard work through therapy etc, but what is key is that you let the thoughts be there and sit with the anxiety, welcome it and don't try and run and hide from it because it will only make it stronger. You could try relaxation techniques to tackle the physical symptoms of anxiety, for example, the racing heart and breathing etc. Take a time out to practice deep breathing and meditation. Also try and distract yourself without trying to hard to escape the anxiety, let it be there but also do something else that you enjoy so that it doesn't have complete control over you. Good luck, I hope you feel better soon.

Hey everyone, I have never been diagnosed but I think I might have OCD. In particular HOCD and POCD. It was in February this year whilst I was researching online and I found out what OCD was, I think I was searching something like "worried about my thoughts", and then found something about intrusive thoughts, which then led me on to find out about OCD. I have been reading this forum for a while but never really had the courage to write and ask for help. Here is my story... In terms of the HOCD (which is not so bad these days)... but it started when I was about 14, I used to be extremely worried that I was going to harm my loved ones and even random people I didn't know. I used to hide sharp objects like scissors away from my bedroom and cover my bedroom door as I was worried that I would harm someone in my sleep. I remember at one point thinking that I was going to become a serial killer, it sounds stupid now but at the time I got really depressed over it. I would also not keep any medicines near by as I was worried that I would lose control and take an over dose... even though I wasn't suicidal, but this led me to think I was, and I guess I had a suicide obsession for a while. I also used to fear that I would catch HIV from public seats and be worried about sitting on a syringe, I would check bus seats and cinema seats before I sat down, and if I happened to have a scratch and not know where I got it from, I would worry that it was from a needle that I didn't see and that must mean I have HIV, I then used to be worried and think "what if my sister has it now because she hugged me" and things like that. I guess once learning more about HIV etc, my fears subsided, and I have the occasional worry but nothing out of the ordinary. What really upsets me is the worry that I might be a P (Don't even want to write the word). Which also came about at the same time as the harm worries etc. I seemed to be clear of all of these worries for about a year, and then about 9 months ago, I had a massive break down, and the POCD was what got to me. It was at this time that I found this forum and found out about OCD and it gave me so much relief to know that I wasn't the only one, and reading what other people had said about their experiences etc, I could relate to them so much. I get moments when I think this is just ridiculous and I feel stupid for getting so upset over it, but then at the same time, I always have the "what if's". I can't watch TV or walk down the street without seeing a kid and have these thoughts, which make me feel like a terrible person! At times I will spend hours just ruminating wether I really am, and if I like the thoughts, thinking of every detail I can to try and answer. A couple of weeks ago I wasn't that anxious, but I still have these thoughts etc, is this normal with OCD? I think I read somewhere about a back door spike? The reason why I'm writing tonight is because I'm feeling anxious again and can't stop thinking about this, and I want to know if anyone can relate to me and help me out in any way? I am still worried about seeking help for this as I have read so many horror stories about therapists not understanding, and my biggest fear would be for a therapist to tell me that I don't have OCD. (Even though I worry about this myself, and I think if i was diagnosed I would still think "but what if i don't have OCD and I am really a bad person"). I know no one here is obviously able to tell me if it is OCD or not, but I guess I just need some advice from someone who might be able to relate? Sorry for the length of this post, it's my first proper one and I had a lot to say.

Just the chorus from this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVEM56g8w00

It doesn't matter what the thought is about, but the fact that it gives you anxiety and you are trying to neutralise and you still feel bad suggests that you could have OCD. Looking back on events to try and determine wether you did anything bad is very common in OCD. Obviously no one on this forum will be able to tell you if you have OCD or not, and your post doesn't go into much detail. I would do some research on how to deal with this type of situation, and if you feel like you are struggling speak to your doctor.

Just remember that you're not the only one who feels this way. I know OCD UK arrange monthly meetings for people with OCD in some towns and cities, that would be a really good way for you to meet other people with the disorder and possibly make friends?

of course not, it can obviously do some damage to your body over time, but no one has ever died from a panic attack. That's why they're so terrible because they make you feel like you are going to die.