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boogiewoogie12

Bulletin Board User
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  • OCD Status
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    Female
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    uk

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  1. Hi, I thought I was doing better with my ocds, they are still there and I was still doing rituals but it wasn’t bothering me as such. I started dating a guy and I started to feel better (germ ocd got worse) but everything else ocd got better. We dated for 3 months, I really liked him and thought he liked me a lot too as he said and gave lots of signs but he broke up with me as he had bad depression and had been not so long since broke up with a long term ex who caused his depression. It’s been about a month now since we stopped talking and dating and I can’t stop thinking about him, it seems obsessively thinking about him. I liked him a lot but I don’t know why I miss him so much, not sure if it’s cause I liked him so much or cause he had depression and had no family here and barely any friends and I feel bad cause he has depression. He didn’t want a relationship with me but liked me a lot. I don’t know if what I’m feeling is ocd and obsessing over something or it’s just normal. im asking as I’ve been single for a long time and it’s sad but my only goal really is to find a partner someone who loves mr and if this is ocd I think I should seek help for it. its ridiculous how much I obsess over wanting someone, I’ve actually caused myself to be (mildly) depressed, but I’m at the age where everyone’s having babies or is getting married and I’m alone. i think maybe this could link to the fear of being alone forever and I think I have some issue with rejection or the way others perceive me. Sorry for the rant xx
  2. Hi i don't even know if this is ocd or just depression or just desperateness. ive been feeling really down for a while. I still live at home which embarrasses me. Then I also haven't had a relationship or date for 7 years! I hate my job and it's so stressful. i decided to go on dating site n being talking to a guy for a good month and met him twice, second time sat and now he's not messaging me but he seemed to like me. I have been feeling happy for last two week (since meeting him) maybe I've gone in head first and fallen a bit more than I shoulda (he's unaware) but now I have gone back to feeling depressed and I have nothing and what's point in this life
  3. Does anybody else get really irritable at stupid little things but then really angry (I don't hurt anyone but I do get very angry) afterwards I get really upset at how could I get so angry at something so stupid and that I'm a bad person, I'm not wanting you to say I'm not. My dog was covered in poo n I couldn't clean her as she wouldn't stop running around and I got mad and shouted at her, I know that's awful and that's first time in like a year or two that I've got mad at my dog. I feel bad I haven't hurt her just shouted but I feel awful. I shouldn't of shouted at an innocent animal and I love her so much, she's like my baby. I think i may be depressed I'm not sleeping and I'm getting a lot of sleep paralysis which I've never had before, I woke up to about 5 scary men in my room over last two weeks and a voice talking to me and my door opening etc. I'm not happy at work and I feel stressed. does this happen to anyone else?
  4. Hi this is not exactly OCD related but I just feel so rubbish at the moment. I'm 27 and still live with my parents. I can afford to get a mortgage but my parents want me to buy a house with them (a big house and split it into 3 big flats, one for me, one for my bro, one for them) in long run it's cheaper, if I have kids ever (no chance yet) I'll have baby sitting all time if I want etc. But I just feel embarrassed when ppl ask and I say I'm still at home with my parents. I feel like if I had my own house I'd have a different life (I doubt that I would thou I think that's fantasy thoughts) i told them I want to live alone and they got upset like they can't afford a big house to make flats just for them and my bro. everytime I think about it I get upset n feel depressed for days cause my worst OCD is feating they'll die of something. If I don't move in with them then I feel like I'm being selfish and a bad person. All for being embarrassed about living with my parents. If I got a flat like that oh well my parents live in that flat and my brothers up in that one also I think that's weird and embarrassing to tell people. I shouldn't care what people think. I want my own family (I've not had a bF for 6 years now) but at the moment I feel like this is it I'll never find a man I'll be single forever. I think what if I moved in with them then I got a man n he didn't want to move in? effectively its a good idea cheaper and baby sitting and you get to see them more but then I dunno I just feel like the decision. Is too hard to make and I feel like a bad selfish person
  5. Hi having a moment need some help in clarify. ive been combating my ocds over the week or so which I am resisting doing compulsions so it's helping but I've just had a chat with a sibling who is depressed and I've thought this for years and it makes me feel horrendous, when I was younger (I don't remember a lot of growing up, I dunno if I subconsciously block everything out including good memories and deaths etc, but there's not loads memories anyway) but I do remember being nasty to my younger sibling, like not sharing, being selfish, hogging time with my grandma, pushing him over n he wacked his head n hag to go to A&E, etc I was 6 years older! I really worry that what if I am the reason he is depressed? What if it's because of me? If he was ok now I could forget but I can't and it makes me worry and feel guilty that I'm not depressed and I think I'm quite selfish and self absorbed and focus on my problems with work instead. We get along well and he's ok you know up n down and I tell him to talk to me when he needs to etc but it's still not enough, what if I caused all this? I dunno how I can get over the possibility that I could have made him depressed from being selfish, it's not as easy as thinking oh someone will die cause I didn't straighten the towel (that fear passes eventually) this however could deffo be real and deffo be my fault. i don't know what I'm asking for I just needed to talk to someone.
  6. Hi i've just started reading mindfulness workbook for OCD. I think it looks like a really good talk and help understanding OCD easier. I like how it makes you challenge your thoughts but I'm struggling to Think of ways to challenge my distortions. My main catastrophic scenario is my family dying or getting a serious illness because I haven't done something or have. The book is asking me to think of what ideas I have to challenge this and example it gas or something but you said just wanna hear them saying I'm gonna happy with the choice that I mean instead of saying I'm horrible person. I don't know What I'd put there for my scenario. It also says just out with an admission of the fact that you can't predict the future and to say something like equally bad and I have to deal with it and that short time will come to pass And it probably won't have happened but my fear is in the long run. It could happen in years to come, so I may have to wait years to find out it didn't ever happen, do you know what I mean? Any suggestions? Thank you xx
  7. Hi I don't know why I said it yesterday, it was a joke (not a funny one clearly) but never the less it was a stupid joke, I didn't mean it, but I don't know why I said it as it's my major fear and my most terrifying OCD problem. It fit the context but yeh it's awful and still it just came out before I thought about it. I said oh yeh hopefully we can a disease which is uncureable! Yep dtuoid i know and someone said you shouldn't joke about stuff like that. Usually I have a freak out or get upset when people talk about death or disease or I watch a film about someone dying so I dunno why I said it. But now I feel like what if it does happen it's my fault as I said that. I cannnot stop thinking about what I said! Like it's guna happen now. how can I forget it? How can I get the memory to go away in stead of giving it power? Xxx
  8. Thank you Gerard, If you need any support please feel free to message too. Hope you are ok. Thanks x
  9. Hi I've been suffering with OCD for years now atleast 10 or more. It has got much worse in the last 6 or so but ive been able to manage it as much as I can. I still do stupid compulsions and have stupid obsessions which I cant stop. I have got a few books on CBT for OCD but they always seem to focus on OCD's which I do not have, then I find it hard to think of how to fix my OCD. I have germ problems but I know how to stop that one and the books are full of support on that. The OCD i find the most painful and upsetting is my fear of loved ones dying. I know everyone dies one day, but I find this really hard to cope with. I fear my family will get cancer or some other horrid disease (I have a bad fear of cancer as lots of people in my family have had it, either died from it or terminal.) Does anyone know of any books that focus on OCD fears of death and loved ones dying. I do not fear my own death, I wish I would get a bad disease in place of my family members. I know I need to start thinking "everyone dies, they might die, they might get cancer etc" and "if i do or dont do this it may mean people will get cancer, die etc." but thats too hard, i know its stupid and unrealistic but i still fear its a chance it could happen and i could have prevented it by doing some stupid thing like making sure the soap has no bubbles on it! I keep getting really angry at stupid minor stuff as well as its making me hate myself. I have noticed when i am on my period my OCD and anger issues rocket! Its horrible! thanks x
  10. Hi I have had this happen twice now and it really upsets me. Tonight I got mad and had a small argument with somone, but I was really upset and angry for about 2 hours/still now. Then my dog had poo all over her bum so I was trying to cut it off and she kept moving and walking off or sitting which was hard as I was trying not to hurt her with scissors while cutting her fur around her bum. I know 100% I did not hurt her, but I got mad, I know I did not hurt her at all but I did tell her off and have to pull her back quite a few times which was annoying me more. Then I have gone to bed so upset hating myself, feeling like a monster wanting to die. I second guess what I did and think I have really hurt her or emotionally scared her (I know it's ridiculous and I haven't) but it's such an awful feeling. I feel so bad! I love her so much I hate getting angry.
  11. Hi during sex my boyfriend used cleaning gloves inside me to masturbate, they were new clean gloves but they smell chemically. The packed days swish latex free gloves. It does sat non medical on the back. Do you think I could get poorly? Or like TSS or something?
  12. Hi I'm wanting to look into mindfulness, I read that Jon kabat zinc guided meditations helped overcome OCD for someone and I found another author john hershfield the mindfulness workbook for OCD. Do you recommend any particular book before I buy? thank you
  13. Foosboo I have looked online just now for mindfulness and I came across Jon kabat zinc guided meditations and another author john hershfield the mindfulness workbook for OCD. Do you recommend any particular book before I buy? Thank you x
  14. Thanks for your reply, But finding that very hard to achieve at the moment
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