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tinkerbell

Bulletin Board User
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    Female
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    essex

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  1. thanks for getting bk it' a killer it's one I have had this b4 I just hate that there were I feel like I've got to confess. My husband bought me a beautiful new sofa but in the bk of my mind I thought u wouldn'tbe getting me thay if u know the thought that I was having ?there was nothink in it at all I just didn't think .. why is it playing on my.mind so much
  2. My old thought went were thinking I was hearing voice when In fact I was mind talking to my self I found it funny now but god ocd is awful and now it's bk with a old thought !!!!! Now I think I'm I can't evern type it its disgusting it's so ocd I know it is but it's making me think iam this person when I'm a not !!!!! When I was 16 I was a baby I wasn't a odd ball at all and never had 1 of any thoughts is this way but this old ocd thought has pop up.my little brother was in my bed a sleep !!! He was only about 6 at the time and was in my bed he hates sleeping on his own xx anyway he was facing the wall side so he was looking at the wall and fast alseep ... this sound so strange but I know in my deep heart I keep saying it to myslef Iam not a pedo!!!!! They was a programme on telly about woman that masturbate I thought ohh I wan try that so I took myslef on the floor and made sure he was a sleep and I was face the door and done it I would have never done it in the bed no way! It wasn't over my brother the thought of that makes me sick I keep saying to myself it' ok u was doing it & I was thinking of my boyfriend but it' cos he was in my bedroom alseep ...:( would I do that know at my ages no way would I !!! It' eating me up inside why did I think it was ok for me to do that there was not evil sick thought in my head its cos it was on telly later and I thought well I'm a going to try that I made sure he was alseep and I was facing the other way !! I've got this massive urge to confess to my mum &boyfriend !!!!it' so strange it' like well if I tell them then they will tell me yes u are a pedo or its ok it's all ocd !!! In my heart I know deep down its was harmless and if that was to happend now at the age of 30 I would never in my wild dreams do that with my son /brother of any kid in the room it' turn my belly !!!Iam not that person I really hate ocd it' awful !!!and to top it all off Iam still on my meds of ivf !!! They are putting 2 embro bk nxt week them injections have made my ocd horrible and so hard !!! Iam on HRT to I feel so down with it :(just need somone to talk to xxx
  3. I've been up all nite just worrying about this ocd !!! I was having a tea with my mum yesterday and all I could feel is anixtey :(I keep mind talking when she was talking to me now I keep thinking that Iam I'll !!! This only happens when I remember about it I keep saying horrible things to myslef !!! I wish that nite b4 this thought come up it didn't happens :(how comes when your in a ocd thought it' the most horrible things ever iwont a old thought to come on again ! Evern tho this is a ocd thought I've had it 2 times over xx please I know you're not meant to tell me it' not real but it' so hard when your in it xx it's sound like me when I mind talk I know it me just so hard x I keep thinking cos my brothers can hear voice cos he took drugs so can I !! I don' take drugs iam on ivf meds which are the most hardest thing I've ever took :(xx sorry about my spelling
  4. God iam here again all u keep doing is mind talking to myself all this afternoon i know its me and me thinking iam just me talking in my head its like i can call myself names i know iam doing it i know it's me x or..then to day I thought to myself ohh god I haven't mind talk to myself in 2 hrs and it was bk cos I thought of it ! I know it all started off with ocd thought and I got that feeling over the weekend were i know it was ocd then the thinking well it can't be can it ? Cos it feels so real ??please help anyone and tell me Iam not going mad and won't end up in hospital . I was putting washing away early & I sat on the bed & turn the TV off ! & said right can I hear anythink now:*( this is checking I keep doing this how strange is thatxx how do I get out the loop of it???xxx Quote
  5. Could this really be ocd ! Me talking in my head then thinking iam going mad or hearing voices!! God I know I keep telling me self it' all ocd it started from a thought but it' so hard !!! When I was going a sleep last nite I heard my little bit say mummy but I was half a sleep I was just going in a dream so that could have been that!! Just b4 I took my baby a school I sat on my bed and said right do I hear anythink ???I must have looked mad !!I heard nothink not one single thingxxx but its never enough is it with this ! Xx
  6. Thank u so much for getting bk ??how funny u remember me ! I haven't been bk for years I was doing great :(this had hit me hard!! The funny thing is I've had this twice b4 ! Xx it' so strange eveyone was alseep so I was looking up sideffects of the drugs says nothink about hearing voices ! But all of sudden I thought ohh my God I could start !! Well that it the anxiety that it causes sent me cold !! That was about 6 days ago ... now what Iam doing is talking to myself in my head I know very odd so just know the fone rang and I just missed it !I called my self a silly bitch in my head for missing the call I thought it in my head and said it in my head but it sent me cold again and thought ohh god look iam??it's awful everytime Iam stress my ocd comes up .. the only drugs Iam taking yes are the ivf meds and they have so hard it hit me like a ton of bricks ?x I keep mind talking to myself so when I woke up this moring I said good moring in my head ? why would I say that then I turn everthink off telly music and close windows then sat there and said to my slef out loud right do I hear anythink! !ohh god if people could see me they will look me away with my brother !! I heard nothink I keep checking like that it makes me feel better that Iam not going mad xxxx
  7. Ohh god I haven't been on here for years ?but I really need somone to talk to please can someone tell me this is normal! I am going through ivf at the moment so Iam taking all the meds( ivf injections )Anyway last Tuesday nite this new thought started well i say new thought I had the same about 5 years ago but completely fogot about it ?anyway I was looking up sideffects of the meds Iam taking for ivf when I thought omg what if I start to hear voice my brother in hospital now and he hears them all the time he was smoking spice and doing other drugs for years he his had them for about 10 years or so by taking drugs !! My fear is I will end up like him I don' take any drugs nothink ! Only my ivf stuff xx anyway so I sat there and thought ohh god what If I start to hear them cos iam taking this ivf injections well that was it wasn't it I sat up and could feel my heart racing it was gping mad like I was losing my mind I didn't sleep at all that nite & I really don't need this with what Iam going through :*(it' not fair ! Xx so now Iam mind talking to myself it's like I can talk to myself in my head & I will say say mean stuff to myself then I think ohh god that's it I've got what his got now ..then to day I thought to myself ohh god I haven't mind talk to myself in 2 hrs and it was bk cos I thought of it ! I know it all started off with ocd thought and I got that feeling over the weekend were i know it was ocd then the thinking well it can't be can it ? Cos it feels so real ??please help anyone and tell me Iam not going mad and won't end up in hospital . I was putting washing away early & I sat on the bed & turn the TV off ! & said right can I hear anythink now:*( this is checking I keep doing this how strange is thatxx
  8. I had a party to go to yesterday and that horrible feeling f wasn't really there cos I wa taking and sorting my little one out its like a worry so much when I have it its gets worse I feel so down at the momentI won't to be happy again ?x
  9. Can that feeling really be ocd if I wonted it I with me ok with it wouldn't I ;(it wouldn't do my head it I feel so uncomfortable I just wan be ocd about my heart again xxx
  10. Sorry just log on to this my inter went down it soo hard I hate it soo much I wish it would go I can go hrs with out that horriblefeeling when I think of it its there I wish it would go ??? wan be normal again xxx I won't my old thoughts bkx
  11. I know it's ocd I get that feeling were I think it's all ocd love that then 10min into that it's ohh no its not! I've had this thought about 10 years ago but omg I wont my old thoughts bk anyday (fear my heart going to stop ;( fearing I will never sleep again very odd that one ,thought I was going to lose my mind; (thought my teeth was going to fell out I was getting people on the street to check my teeth god that was odd too )but this is the worst as I love my little boy soo much iwont to be the same mum I was last month with out this disgusting thought I just wan sit and play and watch a film with him I hate my slef I can't sleep I wan be bk to my slef .. I dread going park and if a kid comes up to me I say ohh look your mummy calling u just to get them a way when there not ; ( what the **** is this groinalresponses it's killing me inside it really is how can this be ocd ; ( it was ok to get over it last time cos I never had a child but I've got one now I would paid a million to get it gone .. if I really like it and love the thoughts I wouldn't be on here asking for somone to tell me it's ocd and ask for help !! I don't won't sex with my husband I've gone off it completely how can I have sex with him knowing thease thought are poping up its makes me feel like a monster it really does just asking for some one to get bk and help xxxxx?I just wan go bk to a loving mummy that isn't scared to bath her child when he comes up for a cuddle it's like I've got to sit h right nxt to me never on my lap ; (it's so werid it's like I've got to be ready then I get my slef all ready my legs cross a book over my lap then he sits right next to me I hate this plz anyone xx sorry for the spelling
  12. Can any one help I wasn't having this thought about 3 weeks ago it didn't even enter my head ; (xxx
  13. Really I know your right I really do !why do I get that where I know it's ocd then 10 min after Iam bk to no its not cos u won't be thinking that ... I sound like iam begging for help here :(and for all yous to tell me it's all ocd I really don't won't to be asking this at all ?I wan feel like a Normal mum that I was I feel like a monster and I hate then groinal responses please god someone tell me it's ocd cos I hate it soo much I haven't stop cryingxx
  14. So when I get them awful thoughts they can stop me dead :(I've just try and tidying up I was just getting throw it then a horrible thought come and I've just sat down in shock :(what the heck Iam doing I've been here done it why is it throwing me like this ; (
  15. I feel so annoyed :(its making me I'll I just won't to give my little boy a cuddle :(as soon as I woke up this moring it's there .if I won't them thought I wouldn't care xx u know what I've had this b4 years ago too but another thought took over it was well I thought my heart was packing up omg that's was bad to the point they stop giving me ECG s in the hospital but I won't that one bk anyday xx I feel so down with this .I love that where somtimes in the day u have that feeling where u know it's ocd and think ya this is a ocd that's not me then about 1 hr later u get that but it's not cos the stuff your thinking .. xx I hate that groinal responses that's just top it off I really hate it why do we get that that's the thing that keeps it real ... I wan be bk to my slef a fun mummy I keep pushing my little one away when he comes near me and inside I just wan hug him and watch film with and play toya with him xx I've had every though going .I thought I couldn't take anymore when it was my ears I thought that was the worst there rining away now while Iam in bed and I just don't care mad isn't it I woukd have gave anythink about 4 weeks ago to feel like that .. I rember saying to my mum ,mum I've got so used to that rining I can live with it and be happy then cos I was nearly over that bam this thought pop up I could feel it coming tho in know it sounds strange my little boy was in my bed cos he does that when he can't sleep in the moring and we both fell asleep. .. I had a dream I slept with a dr in my dream cringe and when I woke up he was soundo I felt I'll that I had that sort of dream while my little one was nxt to me well that just top it off the ocd went mad I felt a monster sceen then !! I wound never in my life ever do anything thay Iam thinking I keep saying this over and over never I've always got kids rd me Never ever Iam not that person !!?but when they come up to me I will try anythink to get them away from me ?this little girl said to me can u do my mu shoes the other day I look at her like she was odd I said no go and get your mummy to do it ?I would have just done it and thought nothink of it ! Thank u for getting bk ?xx
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