Lynz

If singing along to music in the car was inherently dangerous then they wouldn't be allowed to put radios in them. You can still play loud music and sing along to it whilst keeping your eyes on the road. Playing music actually helps me to be more alert when driving and therefore safer.

Don't be daft you just speak plainly and straight to the point which is good. To be honest how you write is how I tend to speak a lot in my everyday life (I'm from Liverpool so that should say it all haha), so that's why it makes me laugh.

Hi Nicole and welcome to the forum. Check out the achievements thread on here like northpaul has mentioned. Also there is a general chat forum in the member's only area for those who pay for OCD-UK membership if you're interested in that as well.

I'm sorry bluegas but you crack me up the way you write it's brilliant

I'm sorry to hear about your appalling experience and struggles with accessing treatment. I know this has probably been considered already but would residential treatment be an option for you? I know there are some residential treatment centres that specialise in OCD treatment that can be funded through the NHS. The OCD-UK website lists them here - https://www.ocduk.org/overcoming-ocd/accessing-ocd-treatment/accessing-ocd-treatment-through-the-nhs/specialist-ocd-treatment-services/

I agree with snowbear. Sadly secondary care providers are unlikely to even accept your referral until you've had OCD-specific therapy first, regardless of whether your GP actually refers you to them. So I would take the advice of snowbear and others regarding getting appropriate CBT therapy first.

You are correct here. The trick is to not do anything whenever you get those distressing thoughts and just let them be. This takes practice and is difficult to do at first but it can be done, and the more you practice doing this the easier it gets.

Good idea, NLL. Sorry you've had to deal with idiots in trying to get referred. That seems to be the norm now sadly in a lot of medical fields. I hope you manage to get it sorted out with your GP today.

Unfortunately no. Once you confess everything you will likely still feel guilt for not being able to confess to your wife. You confess here all the time and still feel tremendous guilt which keeps the whole thing going. Also like GBG said if you did manage to get "everything" out you will also probably remember something else that happened which now bothers you, or another obsession entirely might crop up which will lead to you wanting to do a whole bunch of compulsions. The only thing which works is reducing and then stopping compulsions.

I agree with this

I'm not sure what point you are trying to make here. Many physical health conditions don't have tests for them and are diagnosed based on clinical suspicion after you present with symptoms. Fibromyalgia is one condition where there is no reliable test for it. IBS is another. They are all still treated medically. OCD is diagnosed based on meeting diagnostic criteria. OCD and other mental health conditions are medical because you can get very ill with them, not just mentally but physically too. You can also end up in hospital if you are really bad. How is this not a medical issue then, and how are you not a patient?

Is there a friend or family member you could stay with, NLL?

Personally I don't like 'client' for all the reasons stated above. I think 'patient' is the most appropriate, and in some ways it is right that it is medicalised as mental health should be on a par with physical health in how it is diagnosed and treated, and how much funding and resources are allocated to it. Using the term 'client' for me downplays how devastating mental health problems can be by comparing it to other client relationships such as that which you have with your hairdresser for example.

I'm not sure where you got this idea from but it's categorically false. Some Christians might see fantasising as a sin but do you still think they don't actually do it? Christians are still human like the rest of us and they commit all manner of "sins" every day. In fact Catholic belief says that we are all born sinners, and while you should try your best to not sin if you do sin then you can confess to a priest and all will be forgiven. Some types of Christians go to the other extreme and believe that we should never commit any sins otherwise we will go to hell. As you can see even Christians and other religious people differ in their beliefs widely. Also there is no such thing as "adultery in the mind". I'm pretty sure nobody has ever been allowed to get a divorce under grounds of "adultery in the mind", there has to be actual physical adultery for it to count.

You are still applying more meaning to your fantasies than what is necessary though. I could easily turn around and say to myself "it's wrong for me to have fantasies about a co-worker who I see every day, and I'm married as well so I'm basically cheating on my husband", but I don't think this at all because fantasies aren't an OCD theme for me. My point is that nearly everyone fantasises, doesn't matter who it is about, and you are no exception to this. However for some reason you can't shake the belief that your fantasies in particular are wrong. You keep repeating the contents of them to us, e.g. stepson's ex, wife's sister etc, as though we might one day read them for the millionth time and go "omg you're right, you are a monster!", but that is not going to happen because not one of us here thinks that your fantasies are the issue, but rather we think that your OCD is the issue here.

No need to apologise. I wasn't offended at all. I was trying to point out your skewed thinking about fantasies is the cause of your OCD issues, and because I don't share those same faulty core beliefs means I'm not bothered by them.

Well if that's a crime, NLL, then lock me up! Right now I really fancy a new co-worker of mine, been thinking of all kinds of stuff about him. I don't feel guilty at all about this though as they're just fantasies in my head and aren't real. The difference between me and you though is that I don't have OCD about this particular topic so it doesn't bother me at all. You can't accept that the fantasies you've had are OK and are endlessly torturing yourself about it.

Hope you're OK and that you are able to get some help now. Look after yourself and let us know how you are doing x

No-one is judging you. We're all just concerned and worried and want to make you see how bad things are at the moment so you get some help. Also I have to protect my mental health as well and reading anything about domestic abuse is quite triggering and upsetting for me so that's why I need to take a step back. I'm not a mental health professional, just a fellow OCD sufferer who is trying my best to help others when I can.

This is where I'm going to have to tap out I'm afraid. I find the descriptions of the physical abuse you are subjected to very distressing especially with a child involved and I think this is above an OCD support forum's pay grade. We are not a domestic abuse helpline, social workers or the police which is what it sounds like you need, NLL. If I may be frank your wife sounds nuts and you'd be best off well away from her. As a former child health worker, children always know when there is domestic abuse in the home. It is impossible to hide it from them. Even newborn babies whose parents are in an abusive relationship can be affected by it. That's why it's so serious. I also hope you get help for the OCD too but I think this situation with your wife is more urgent.

It's a perfectly normal and healthy behaviour to fantasise, Howard. Most people do it. I do it a lot tbh. NLL's problem is his OCD which is telling him that fantasies are wrong, and that is what needs to be challenged - the OCD.

It could be. When I was really anxious a while back I found myself compulsively checking the forum a lot and reading a lot of posts. I think I did this because in a way I wanted to be reassured that there were others out there who were feeling just as bad as me and therefore I wasn't alone. I would also check posts with a similar theme to mine and see if what they said matched with my themes and in that way it would reassure me that my issue was OCD. A way to assess whether it is a compulsion is does it have a compulsive drive to it, like if you refused to check the forum say for a day how would that make you feel? Would your anxiety go up or could you easily do without checking it?

Honestly this is to be expected at first. You have been self-soothing your anxiety for ages by doing compulsions all the time. You have now decided to reduce the compulsions you are doing in your plan that you wrote out here, so because of that your anxiety will have shot up as you're no longer doing any compulsions. However if you stick with your plan then this anxiety will reduce. I know it's not quite the same thing but I think it's a good analogy - think of an addict who is withdrawing from a substance. At first when they stop using their brain goes berserk with withdrawal symptoms as it is no longer getting the hit that it is used to, however if they hold out from taking whatever it is they are addicted to then these withdrawal symptoms pass as the brain gets used to not having it. OCD is a little bit similar in that you are used to doing the compulsions to relieve the anxiety but if you stop them then your brain goes "ahhhhh!" and bombards you with intrusive thoughts/images/feelings whatever it is and your anxiety levels go up as you are no longer doing compulsions to reduce the anxiety. If you continue to not do compulsions then the anxiety will reduce. It won't happen overnight but it's a long-term thing and it can be hard work, however being OCD-free and getting your life back is worth all of the effort.

This is a great plan. And don't worry if you fail. You just try again the next day and keep working at it until you get it

That's good to hear, NLL. Look after yourself x