Applefan94

Hi all just a quick question. Would my doctor of informed me at my consultations if I needed to declare to the DVLA? It seems to be a grey area "if it affects your ability to drive" which I don't think it does It's not something my doctor has ever spoken to me about and I wasn't sure if I need to ask or he would make me aware

Hi everyone I'd just like to share my experiences on how I've been getting on and prove there is light at the end of the tunnel for all of us! I've been a OCD suffer for the majority of my life (I'm now 22) but the first memory I can remember is having to repeat my whole address to my mom and dad when I was out shopping as a kid because I thought I was holding the wrong persons hand the fear of getting lost in a supermarket with a stranger was something that always scared me. of course as we get older we know there a lot more horrible things in the world to worry about and OCD took hold during my college years massively - I feared I would blurt racists things out on the bus. I feared writing horrible things on social media because I wasn't concentrating properly it was awful! I'd recheck my history to just to be sure. The list goes on right up until the false memory OCD I've worried about weather or not i had done some horrific things, normally when drunk and it's the closet I had ever been to breaking point. The uncertainty drove me into a bed bound state which was horrible my parents unable to console me and just laughed when I told them everything. They knew it wasn't me but I was left unconvinced. So now I get to the after bit you've probably just read that and thought yeah that sounds like what I have but he clearly has OCD I must be somehow different - I can't be sure. I have felt like that too but that's OCD for you everything you reassure yourself with eventually breaks and your back to square one. But today I've come miles I'm interested in my job and happy and smiling (yes I have my low days, but there getting shorter) So here's my advice: 1) it's time to make a change: force yourself into not coming back to the forum when your lost in that crazy panic anxiety fuelled moment just live with it. Relax and get back to your 'todo list' 2) OCD has so many different types that you could search the internet from now and until, well the end of time. Somehow you will always be the expection in your mind. 3) don't you think it's crazy how we spend so much time worrying over weather something has happened or not we loose touch with what really matters? I've learnt there's more meaningful things in life that deserve my attention. 4) it's takes practise if it was easy it wouldn't be a disorder prepare yourself for this and watch out for little compulsions that might slip under the radar for me this was going to my phone the moment I felt anxious 5) live for today not for tomorrow OCD backs you into a conner makes you think that your family and friends will disown you it's horrific I know that but a million things could happen that are not in your control tomorrow so why not enjoy today? 6) you are the key - having a supportive family was key to me but I had to do the work. My mom and dad are my rock - but they will never reassure me because they know this doesn't work. It all starts with you small steps at a time your never cured overnight but celebrate every victory; smile when you didn't turn the car around to check if you run someover instead of endlessly worrying over it and you'll be surprised it works in my mind it's almost like breaking a habit of negative thoughts Well I hope this has helped and if you are the one person reading this wanting to start to get better my advice to you is start now, this site is great but it's time to turn it off it's time to not post when you feel you really need to. Make a promise to yourself that actually the next post I'll make is of my progress.

For weeks now I felt on the road the recovery resisting as much as I can and I wasn't taking up much of my day anymore. This week has been so tough for me that I can't seem to get through it and it's making me a mess. I keep thinking it's all going to fall down I'm going to go prison I've never Be able to get a job again I'll never be able to travel. I'll become homeless. I have my assessment at the end of the week with the mental health nurse what I'm worried about is that I'm starting my dream job. Ive worked incredibly hard for it and the last thing I want to do is take timeout for appointments? Work is what drives me and losing it would just make me unwilling to fight anymore. I don't think my trust has access to weekend appointments and I worry that I will just give up seeking help because the last thing I wanna do is start taking time out in the first months of my new job

So you might of read a few of my posts about the themes I have been suffering with... To fill you in I'm at the start of my journey but I'm feeling more and more positive about the future everyday. I'd like to try and give something back by sharing my experiences. This is the first time I've done this so if anyone more experienced in the community would prefer I remove or adjust what I've written please let me know: 1. Positive mind set: For weeks I sat scrolling the internet reading people's experiences and in some way I'm sure I was thinking I'll read something and everything will be okay - it doesn't work like that I just found I got myself in a rut. "I don't see how I can get over this" constantly went into my head "if I just knew for certain" "what if" were thoughts taking over my life. You really have to put on a brave face smile laugh and take that leap of faith and always remember you will beat this. I've built on every success I've had 2: Stop fighting it and let the thoughts sit. This was the most horrifying thing to do I was constantly thinking about things that would suggest I hadent carried out the false memory to comfort me, but what you find is the more you let the thoughts just sit and not resist them the less you think about them I've had whole days this week compeletely thought free. It's horrible at first but eventutally it kinda doesn't bother you as much 3: Hobbies and activities I don't know about you guys but the thoughts would be worst when I was on my own or wasn't doing tasks of high demand. I took up a new video game and running. I really felt this helped putting my mind into something made me realise how much time I was wasting ruminating. I've even managed to take up dating again which was a massive step for me 4: Use the community - but be careful it's not becoming a complusion. The the support I have received off this forum has undoubtfully supported me the past couple of months - thanks to all that have listened and shared their experiences with me during my lowest and scarest time. Sometimes I would search a lot to find someone who has extactly what I have the thoughts the complusions - the fine details. What I have found is that no OCD is the same your never gonna find someone just like you and in fact constantly coming back when you feel anxious doesn't always help. 5 we all have little set backs: it's not all flowers and roses but don't let this get to you it's amazing how quickly you can turn a bad moment around and prevent yourself from being stuck in a bad day or even week. Stay positive smile and get back on course with you day- of course this is easy said then done but once you have found a way it gets easier . 6: family - discuss with your family I found this helped a lot we laugh a lot of things off now and my first thoughts that my family would disown me are so laughable now. Ask them not to give you reassurance but just to be a smiley happy face- we all need this sometimes. Now I'm not saying I've made some micracilous recovery - far from it but I feel like days are becoming easier for me again I can see progress and I have a will back in me again. I'm enjoying my job again. I'm not constantly scared of what will trigger me and I feel positive about the future. For me it was the moment I realised that I needed to change the way I dealt with this I was so angry at myself for waisting so many years that I'm determined to be free of this monster. For anyone out there who thinks they're never gonna get better, they're a special case I just want to say a lot of us have been there. I hope it gets better for you Like I said guys anything constructive from the community that they would prefer me to adjust let me know.

Thanks for the advice, my current obsessions seems to be with me causing harm/breaking the law. I keep looking back at the past (sometimes straight away) to see if i was responsible for anything.

I am currently waiting for my referral from the my GP. My GP has since given me a self help booklet, I've managed to find a copy online: http://www.selfhelpguides.ntw.nhs.uk/dwmh/leaflets/selfhelp/Obsessions and Compulsions.pdf I've been reading through it and i've gotten to the exposure diagram with the 'Most Anxiety' and 'Least Anxiety' headings. I can see how this works for contamination clearly but from reading my posts (Doubts about the past) How do i put this into practise. I was just wondering if you guys had any ideas? That I could try just to get me started. Thanks again

Thank you, My motivation to get through this is high, sometimes it's great to have a little support its the kind people on this forum that keep me from going backwards. Thanks again

Thank you for your advice. I've taken it on board for the last couple of days and tried my very hardest to get on with my day. It's working for me the less I engage it in the more I begin to ignore it. Sometimes the memory which I'm trying to prove pops into my head with something that feels more true I feel a wave of panic like I actually committed the memory but I keep telling myself don't rationalise with it give it 30 minutes and it will calm. The forums have been a massive help for me but I've tried to stay away and visit on a occasion as I find myself constantly searching through looking for someone who is exactly the same as me - I know no OCD is the same. Also the the temptation of seeking some sort of reassurance is something I recognise I must resist. Being at the very start of my journey with OCD treatment I have a lot of questions flying around are these things part of what a lot of people experience? 1. Is it normal to question a event almost immediately after it has happened? Aka.. Did I just attack someone... Did this memory just happen... Did I just speed... Did I just bump into the car in front of me and drive off? 2. The thoughts for me stay with me all day and the only time I get relief is when i sleep? 3. I get so worried that I could loose control for a split second not remember it I feel so angry with myself over my thoughts as i know that's not the person I am and that if the thoughts are true it could ruin my life 4 I'm finding exercising helps I've started running a lot of 10km runs on treadmills it's been a big achievement to me because I've only recently got over the fear of having earphones in as I use to fear id say something inappropriate to the person on the treadmill next to me and not realise. Is this something that is recognised? I've also heard diet can play a big factor I eat a lot of rubbish would anyone recommend that this could also help me if I cut it out? 5. What's your best advice on using the forum? Is it best to try and ride out the worst of it before seeking advice from others? thanks again

I posted on this site a few months back and received some amazing support and advice from the community thank you for that. I have only recently started to get medical help but have shown symptoms through childhood and the obsessions and themes have changed over time. One thing I'm struggling with is the idea that I can't prove that a memory in my head is false or true. I understand that I have to accept that uncertainty is part of life in order to overcome my OCD. I just need to understand if anyone else has gone through what has happened to me recently I constantly fear I could cause harm to people, which is completely against my morals, it feels like I am most vunerable to these obsessions when I'm on my own, just as I'm falling to sleep (I fear that my intrusive thoughts I get why I fall to sleep I will act on because I could sleep act on them or after consuming alcohol recentely I went out to a works party and went to the bathroom on my own. I had quite a bit to drink but can remember most things about the bathroom like the cubical door wouldn't lock and there were no urinals I remember having a moment of panic thinking oh god am I in the women's toilets and remember rushing out afterwards just incase I was (I wasn't) why I was the in the bathroom I remember hearing someone's voice in the cubical next to me and having obsessions and intrusive images about attacking someone I remember resisting and ignoring the thoughts. after leaving the bathroom I was fine for about a hour I was still drunk but remember being on my phone shortly after I got the thought of something bad occurring in the toilet immediately picked up my phone and wrote in my phone "you have done nothing wrong" I do this a lot to prove to myself I knew what was going on. Quickily the image wouldn't leave me alone I couldn't see a face as I didn't meet anyone in the toilets just heard there voice but I couldn't shake the feeling I could be capable of attacking someone whilst still drunk I was reduced to tears my friends tried to calm be down I had become completely hysterical. its been nearly 2 months now and I can't convince myself that I am good person and never capable of my thoughts it just took me so by surprise as I'm use to having stronger OCD the next day but not whilst drunk. I keep trying to tell myself that you don't lose your morals when your drunk. i recently traveled across Asia traveling is one of my great loves in life and I was determined OCD was not going to spoil it but why I was away I got the feeling that during the nighttime I would either sleep walk or drunken walk out of my hotel room and because no one was there to prove I wouldn't I panicked at night time I would barricade myself into my room placing my suitcase and the furniture against the door I placed all my shoes in a cupboard so I couldn't leave with out knowing the next morning and if I got out of bed for any reason I had to note it down in my phone to prove I returned my bed afterwards I would do this weather I had consumed alcohol or not i don't drink very often and I recognise that It has side effects for me the night I got drunk I was just so fed up of being miserable around everyone and didn't want to spoil the night (which I accept is no excuse) I have always prided myself on being a caring and kind hearted person but I really can't take my morals being attacked like this has anyone else experienced anything like this? Thanks for your time and support again

Thank you all again for taking the time to offer me advice. I saw my GP this morning she has referred me for a blood test and to the mental health team. She seems really keen for me to attend a centre for 16 -25 year olds but it seems to be a sort of one stop shop for young people in my area dealing with all sorts of different issues. One of my concerns is that reading some of the self help books and advice on here I'm concerned that maybe this could cause more harm then good and will just lead me to seek reassurance. I was always aware that diagnosis of a condition might take sometime but I'm not sure weather attending the centre could help or cause further hinderance to me. At this stage all I've been really told is that I certainly have some obbessions and complusions that seem to be interfering with my life. My mood has been genuinely uplifted in the last few days. I'm feeling like I have more will and power. Reading the self help book sometimes feels like reading a autobiography. Although I'm very aware that sometimes we can all self diagnose ourselves if we read Into things too much. I suppose my question is should I wait or is there any harm in attending the centre? Thanks again

Thank you both for welcoming me and taking the time to reply! I'll take on board what you said the dr I spoke to on the phone said she would be at a centre for young people that I'm going to so hopefully they will be able to direct me to the right support I need. I've just downloaded the ebook I'm really looking forward to reading it!

Hi I've posted on here for the first time the other day your post as really helped me. I'm seeking medical treatment for the first time and I've had this constant battle since I was 14. I'm now 21. My appointment is on Tuesday this week I would love your advice on how I approach this. Reading the symptoms I've ticked every box at some point. But now it feels like a constant battle in my head. I keep telling myself if you can figure out this one you will be free but as soon as one worry goes another one appears. I'm really frightened that these thoughts are real. It's been such a terrifying experience.

Thank you it's been so horrific I just need someone to tell me that I'm not crazy.

Hi This is the first time I've done this and I'm looking for support and advice from people who may have possibly been through the same thing as me. It's a long story but I want to be as open and as honest as I can be. I feel like I'm putting myself through hell lately. So apologies in advance for the essay. I've always been obsessed with the number 4 and during my year 9 exams I would check every switch was off in my room physically turning them on and off 4 times but sometimes 4 times wasn't enough I just had to lightly tap the switch four times until it felt just right. Sometimes the whole process of getting into bed could take a hour. Normally I would tell myself I would fail my exams if I didn't do this Next i became obsessed with hand washing I couldn't eat anything without washing my hands first even if I had only washed them a hour or so before. They just felt dirty. During college and university I studied biology and was constantly messing with bacteria so this fear drifted away. During college, a friend once said something they didn't mean to say something out loud and laughed it off but from that moment I became convinced I was gonna offend someone. Siting on the bus became a nightmare if someone sat by me I was scared I was gonna say something inappropriate or racist or offensive. I could hear my Mind thinking horrible words and I was so scared they would come out out loud. I got around this by not wearing earphones on bus sucking my lips tight for the entire journey. Life became a nightmare but I held it together. At the age of 16 I also became obsessed with the idea i had broken a law in my past or was going to. I regularly got up in the night and sat on the end of my parents bed crying my eyes out convinced I was a bad person. I would spend hours going through everything with my dad and he would reassure me I had done nothing wrong and deep down I knew that too. At this age and still now I felt I couldn't trust myself I was going to do something wrong or offend someone. I couldn't sleep with my phone in my room I would place it outside my room with a chair against my door. I would ensure that the phone had a lock on it was in airplane mode and had a sim lock to be sure that the intrusive thoughts I was thinking trying to fall asleep couldn't become reality. I would apply the same principle if I knew I was going to be drinking my friends would regularly ask why is your phone off? Why is it in airplane mode? Sometimes I would wake up in the night and have to write notes to myself if I had a Intrusive thought. Normal DNWx4 standing for done nothing wrong. I might have to write this over and over again before I can get back to sleep. Sometimes I would place a object upside down on my desk so I knew when I woke up in the morning that I was in control and hadn't done anything wrong. I'm now 21 and although all these things did not happen at the same time they seem to have replaced each other over time. I can now spend hours each day thinking about my past. I fear that I have forgotten something and as soon as it pops back into my head it's gonna be so horrible that I won't be able to deal with it. And that because everything is going right at the moment it's all gonna fall to pieces. For the last few years I became fine and more relaxed but a few weeks ago I started worrying uncontrollably the night I spent siting on my parents bed in a reck when I was 16 was now in question by my mind I spent hours each day trying to tie particular events to that time period. My parents swore on my deathbed that I was 16 and I still couldn't believe it. I started to look through Facebook, emails, receipts trying to tie something to me being 16 at the time. Being 16 had been my coping mechanism when I was a uni. I use to say to myself you was 16 move on. When my mind questioned that fact last week I had to track down old friends Facebook posts and seek constant reassurance from my parents. And even then that didn't cut it. Driving my car can be a nightmare sometimes last week I got my contract for my dream job and in there it said I must hold a driving license since then I'm become convinced that I drove through a mobile speed van. I would turn around and nothing would be there my mind would then go what if you was doing 50 in a 30 and even through I knew this would be crazy I couldn't shake the feeling. I even have set my car to chime at 40mph just to prove to myself I wasn't I'm the slowest and most careful driver of all my friends they all poke fun at me for my driving style. It also takes me three or four attempts to leave my car in the morning I return to it four times to check the hand brake is one and that the car is in gear and locked I walk about 5 metres or so and keep turning back. I feel like I'm a imposter that I'm using OCD for a front and actually I am a bad person it's becoming more distressing by the day. When I confessed to a friend what I was going through she pointed me in the direction of OCD as she bad been suffering with it for years. Yesterday I phoned the doctors for the first time and my GP called me back to set up a appointment for Tuesday to see a councillor. Deep down I know I'm a good person but I can't shake the feeling that I've done something wrong. Everyone I meet says I'm the most lovely conscientious person they have met. But to me that doesn't cut it. I want to get over this horrible feeling. I spend days and weeks worrying that I have forgotten a particular memory and that one day it will all come flooding back to me and it's gonna make me so distort. I have a loving family around me that have comforted me through it all but I feel a bit alone and I need to know if anyone else as experienced this?