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kaheath80

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  1. Thanks both. Yes you’re probably right, Lost. I’ve just had my story rejected by yet another publication so I’m not feeling very confident with my writing right now anyway. It made through to the final stage, apparently. Which I know is positive but I’m sick of almost making it and it makes me think maybe I’m just not good enough to ever have anything published. dksea, yes that sounds familiar! I read a guideline and I can’t take it as a guideline it becomes a fixed rule and if I don’t meet it then something bad will happen or it means something bad.
  2. Thanks to both of you! Getting over my rules is the biggest thing I struggle with. I just don’t get how people live without timing and measuring things, and I feel like certain things need to apply to ‘count’. So if I’m not actually writing, it feels like it doesn’t count. If we have sex and one of us doesn’t have an orgasm, it doesn’t count. Stuff like that. I’ll try and push past it. I’m better with my OCD in many ways but these rules are affecting my marriage, my work and my hobbies, so I need to try and get over them, I know.
  3. I’d be flattered if you were copying me! Seriously though, lots of mental disorders have elements in common and really only someone qualified can diagnose them. I know you’re not in a position to see a professional at the moment, so probably the best advice is to let it go for now. Hard, I know. I’ve been there! Plenty of people on BPD forums diagnose themselves and that’s enough. For people like us, I think the professional diagnosis is important.
  4. I get fixated on rules and feel anxious and guilty if I don’t meet them. Like needing to exercise a certain amount of time. When I was at uni I made myself do at least 3 hours’s reading a day and timed it obsessively. Lately I’m doing more writing. Where I think the OCD is coming in as if I can’t think of an idea I start writing anyway and it ends up rubbish, or I write something else. I’ve recently bought a smart notebook with the idea of brainstorming and plotting stories but I feel anxious and guilty when I’m doing that and not actually writing because I feel I need to do a certain amount of actual writing or I won’t get anywhere. I’m trying to brainstorm now but it feels like wasted time as I keep stopping to think and if feels like it doesn’t count as writing and so I feel guilty. How can I get over this?
  5. Hello, as you know this happened to me. I was led to believe it was just my OCD making me think I had BPD. 2 years later I was diagnosed with BPD... so it can happen. But yes, you need someone to confirm it. Not usually a doctor, you’d have to be referred to someone, but you’d start with a doctor. It’s odd that on BPD forums we’re told not to self-diagnose and that no one there can diagnose with us. Yet with OCD, people post here wondering if they have OCD and people tell them they do (while of course still pointing out that they should see a doctor for a diagnosis). I guess it’s because, whilst both serious and debilitating disorders, OCD is simpler in terms of symptoms whereas BPD traits are more in number and more difficult to interpret.
  6. You’ve been told twice that it might not be OCD- but how many times have you been told it IS OCD? A lot more than twice, surely. I know how you feel as I used to be like you. I read a book on OCD and spent the whole time panicking it didn’t sound like me and I must be a fraud. Looking back now I can see that that was a symptom of my OCD, but it didn’t seem so at the time.
  7. Thanks for the comment I’m glad it helped.
  8. Maybe my article published last month might help you http://www.youandmemagazine.com/articles/the-irony-obsessing-over-obsessive-compulsive-disorder
  9. I am a writer and I find mental illness has actually helped me. I’ve had success with articles being published about my mental health, the last of which I got paid for. I write stories about mental illness too and am hoping I will have something published at some point. I don’t know what I’d write about if I didn’t have them! There is an added benefit that places nowadays are often specifically looking for underrepresented voices, which includes people with disabilities, physical or mental. However this doesn’t mean I resist getting better. If I got worse I’d been too ill to write so I am putting effort into my recovery because I know where I want to be. Of course not everyone wants to be a writer! But the point I’m trying to make is that mental illness needn’t hold you back. It can sometimes even be helpful- recovering from mental illness takes a lot of strength, so at the very least you know you are a strong person, but you need to put the effort into getting better because otherwise nothing will happen and you will feel like a failure. I have OCD and BPD and have had some very hard times in my life. I could have just laid back and cried about it, wishing things were different- and I’ve certainly done that in the past! But I’ve taken the route of trying to get myself better and knowing that the knowledge I’ve gained from having mental illnesses gives me a lot to write about.
  10. Thanks very much when it got turned down before the shortlisting made no difference to my thoughts, I felt like I was a rubbish writer. I’m trying to be more positive now and think that even if I get the same result from this one, the story was basically shortlisted by two different publications, which must mean it wasn’t rubbish, and that must mean I’m a decent writer!
  11. Thanks everyone! I appreciate the advice- I did tell my wife when I got home but it took me a while as I did feel anxious. I feel if it now gets turned down I’ll think it’s because I jinxed it, but logically I know the Editors will make a decision themselves and it will have nothing to do with who I’ve told!
  12. Hi all, Happy new year! Some if you may remember recently I submitted a story about a fantasy character with OCD to an anthology. It got shortlisted and I was thrilled and told loads of people. Then it was turned down and I was really upset. I also became convinced that I had jinxed it by getting ahead of myself and telling too many people and decided to keep it to myself in future unless something of mine was actually accepted. I submitted the same story to some other publications and got an email yesterday (after a month) saying the reader had enjoyed it and had passed it to the Editors for review. From Googling this publication it looks like the majority of stories don’t even go to the Editors but are turned down by the readers. I am therefore quite excited but I haven’t told anyone. I really want to, but I feel really anxious in case I jinx it. I feel that if it now gets rejected (which of course there is a good chance of) and I’ve told anyone I got to the next stage, it will be because I jinxed it by telling people. I feel silly even asking this, but is there ANY chance my thoughts are accurate and not OCD? I suspect this is magical thinking but even telling you guys about it I feel anxious in case I’ve jinxed the whole thing. Recently I had an article published and didn’t tell anyone until it was accepted but they were really quick- it was published in a week- whereas what I read about this publication is that it may take several months for a decision even after going to the Editors. I think making a big deal about it on social media etc is out as last time I felt embarrassed that I then had to go back and say actually it’s not being published. But I really want to tell my wife and a few close friends but I am terrified to in case it means it’s not published. But if I have to wait several months for a decision and keep it to myself all that time that’s also very hard to do! Should I just ignore the worrying about jinxing it and tell a couple of people I am close to?
  13. I have done in the past. Mine is more connected with my BPD, according to my therapist. I guess it does share some elements of OCD but there aren’t really obsessions and compulsions in the same way.
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