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kaheath80

Bulletin Board User
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  1. Second day of working from home and I am struggling so much that I ended up having a minor breakdown and freaking out my manager by telling her over Skype that I was suicidal. She advised me to take half a day’s sick leave.
  2. Yes I’m struggling with this too. My work just tells us to Skype each other but it’s not the same.
  3. Same here. My therapy group is likely to be cancelled too so less support as well as the disruption to routine.
  4. I’m more worried about losing my job or my wife losing hers, I know this is maybe a general worry but for me it’s part of my OCD.
  5. Relieved that walking will be allowed- just work panics now for me 😞
  6. Thanks Ashley. If I’m not at therapy I will have to work and I am scared but logically I’m not able to get through all my work at the moment plus colleagues are struggling, so this is probably very much OCD. But I was struggling with that last week before all the virus stuff got worse so I know I will feel very anxious at work in the coming weeks. I do have an exercise bike but my OCD says I need to exercise and walk. I do have a garden but I usually do more than 5 hours walking a week and I can’t imagine doing that around the garden! I am more worried about the work situation, though. Sorry to hear you’ve been unwell.
  7. I don’t suffer from contamination OCD and am not hugely worried about hand washing or catching the virus. However, it is affecting my OCD in several ways. One of my biggest OCD worries is around losing my job. This has led to compulsions of me avoiding doing my work in case I run out and they make me redundant. My wife’s job was a bit insecure recently as they didn’t have a lot of work coming in. Now with the virus going around it might affect their business and she keeps saying she’s worried she might lose her job, which has really made me panic. I only work 4 days a week at the moment because I am in a long-term therapy group on a Monday. People there are starting to panic about the virus and they may have to suspend the group for a bit. Work is paying me sick leave for the therapy so if I don’t go I’ll have to go to work instead. I worry I won’t have enough work for 5 days and will get fired. Finally I’m stressed about the possibility in the future of having to go into isolation as one of my compulsions is to do a certain amount of walking every week. I’m worried I will get fat if I have to stay in.
  8. I’m not worried either! You’re not the only one. I’ve been feeling a bit guilty that I’m really not worried.
  9. Suffering from borderline personality disorder (BPD) myself I can confirm that avoidant personality disorder is a real thing. However I’ve never heard of it being so closely linked to OCD, let alone in such large numbers. It doesn’t seem very likely, it doesn’t have huge similarities with OCD as far as I know.
  10. I think it’s amazing all the things you’ve done today considering you haven’t left the house for so long! I’m in awe of you.
  11. I guess it’s pretty ironic that my immediate response to that was ‘but that will never happen, there’s always more emails!’ Behind the OCD is a logical person trying to get out!
  12. Thanks everyone. I agree I am still doing small compulsions around this, although I’m much better than I was. My fear is that even if I stop doing all compulsions, I’ll still continue to feel anxious at work at the thought I might run out? My manager has said I might be able to get more involved with management and extra responsibilities myself. Sometimes, usually when I’m away from my computer, I think about having the time to do that, and feel good about it. But as soon as I get back to my desk I feel anxious when I look at my emails. My job is so focused on emails that my brain has decided the number of them is a measure of how secure my job is.
  13. Thanks everyone for the advice! I suspected this might be the case. While I’m much better than I used to be, I can’t seem to get over those last steps. It’s frustrating. With work specifically, I don’t feel like I am doing compulsions. I want to slow down, to not answer some emails so I never run out, to not give work away. But I am resisting because I’ve been so stressed lately that it would be ridiculous to keep all the work. I know I’m good at my job and I’m not showing that by either not having enough time to do all my work or refusing to do it in case I run out. So why am I still anxious every time the stress starts to lessen? Will it be the case that every time I make good progress with my work, I’ll feel anxious about it because my mind is telling me I might run out and lose my job? Ok, so there is one compulsion I’m doing. I work on journals and we have an email address for each journal. Currently I have 35, and several times a day I’m adding up the total number of emails to reassure myself I have enough. But lately if I get below 100 emails I feel anxious, which logically is quite ridiculous. But I don’t feel like that one compulsion is enough to cause this anxiety. If I stopped counting my emails I’m sure I would still feel anxious?
  14. So I’m much better with my OCD after I had CBT last year and it doesn’t rule my life as much as I used to. But I’ve never been able to completely get over it. For example, I don’t time all the walking I do anymore with a stopwatch, but I do find lately I am roughly adding up all the walking I’ve done that week in my head to make sure it’s enough. And I have a problem with work. The problem is my job is very focused on emails and this has messed with my head. I’ve got very ill in the past with worrying I’m going to run out of work and then thinking that will mean me losing my job. Then people leave and we all get extra work and the job gets stressful. For the past few months I’ve been stressed out of my brain with hundreds of emails a day and things aren’t getting done as I don’t have time. Finally my manager has agreed to take work off me... and predictably my brain is now telling me that I’m in danger of running out. I’m tempted to tell my manager not to take work off me after all, but that would be giving into the OCD. I know logically I need this extra breathing space, I need to be able to get through my work and be efficient at my job rather than getting constantly chased as I don’t have time to do everything. But it feels scary. Am I just destined forever at work to be constantly going between being really stressed on the one hand, and anxious on the other? As soon as I start to catch up, the panic starts.
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