Rach999

Hi there first of all I’m so sorry you are going through this. I went through a really hard time when I was engaged. I keepef thinking. ‘What if I cheated on my partner that night?’ So I understand how hard it can be. The niggling feeling of wanting to go over it in my head a million times. The asking friends if anything happened. The googling of false memories the list goes on. .... and on some more. What truely helped me was the knowledge of what was happening to my nervous system by feeling this way. I had seen many psychologists but no one ever explained to me how my nervou system work. No one ever explained to me what I was doing to myself. I was lucky to find a wonderful man who finally did. By the way I had had many themes my whole life. So you have this thought ‘what if I cheated?’ You give the thought attention. The thought becomes like a upside down fish hook. ‘What if this? What if that? It never catche anything it just creates more and more what if. It leads you up the garden path. Before you know it you have given tis thought so much attention you have become anxious and don’t know what’s real or not. You have become sensistised your whole nervous system has become sensistised (flight or fight response). Adrenaline can brings on physical symptoms and did you know it also brings on more and more thoughts .... exaggerated thoughts. You must remember that when you are sensistised your thinking is exaggerated. You have the first fear ‘what if I cheated’ then you add all the second fear with all The ruminating. You keep the whole thing going. You need to to let your system calm down by leaving yourself alone. Simple but not easy. Let your mind think what it wants but don’t try to answer it. You never will. Accept that you are going to feel **** for awhile. You are going to have this horrible uncomfortable feeling wanting to work it all out. For me it’s hard as, as I start to feel better I get the ‘ yes but you might have done this thing and you can’t be happy’ .... bull s$&!!! Accept the uncertainty keep bringing your thoughts back to the now. Accept the checking compulsion..... but don’t check it’s an over exaggerated response to your thought. It will calm down IF YOU LET it. Ruminating is sneaky as soon as you realise you are doing it bring your thoughts back to the now. You want feel better over night but slowly you will. You must accept all those uncertain thoughts and feelings xx

Hi Guys so sorry it’s taken me so long to get back on here. Motherhood is all I have to say here. Thank you all so much for the advice and listening. I love how although we don’t know each people are always so kind to help out. A great OCD trait I suppose. I starting to calm down and see it for what it is. I’m no longer viewing it as my marriage would be ruined etc etc. I didn’t have an affair we weren’t even together at the time. I guess I’ve stopped catastrophising. Thanks again everyone I needed some help as I can’t let myself get too messed up for the sake of my kiddies. Xx

Anyone??? this is starting to eat me up I’m sure I’m catastrophising or whatever. But my thinking is very black and white and I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy with my family because if only they knew

Absolutely. Performing rituals, compulsions and having excessive thoughts is extremely depressing. It doesn’t matter whether they are preformed in your head or physically. Ruminating is extremely xhausting too. Eventually your brain and body gets tired. I think the depression sets in to almost shut down everything for a time. Your mind has become extremely sensitive to all this over exaggerated thoughts it grows tired. Let depression be there don’t bevie focused on it. Make sure you continue to do things even if there is no enjoyment. Eventually the cloud will lift. I’ve been there you’ll be ok x

Yes dejavu is very common. And yes I relate to it with the thought ‘oh my god maybe this happened before I realised my fear was true’ etc etc. it’s just Ocd playing it’s tricks. Everyone gets dejavu but for us it’s another thing our Ocd attaches too

Hi all I'm new here so sorry about the long post. Just feel safe asking this here as you all know how our minds work. I guess I am struggling with this because it did happen and has only started to really bother me 10 years later. I have suffered OCD most of my life and have had all sorts of themes. Who I was younger I lost my first ever Pet rabbit. He was sick and I stayed at a friends house the night he died. I couldn't cope seeing him sick I was 10 years old. Anyway my friend said ' I reckon he would still be alive if he knew you were there'. Well that was that the door flew opened and in stepped OCD in all its glory. It definitely overstayed its welcome! I went into a crazy mess of praying, compulsions and rituals. Extreme worry of losing my parents or brother and that was my theme for years. Then relationships came into my life and along with them the theme of ROCD. Luckily I found a wonderful group and Claire Weeks books I was able to heal and marry my soulmate. I have also had the false memory theme of cheating etc etc. I have been able to deal with it all as I learnt how my brain worked " Gee it was great at making up Bull" and existential OCD Anyway now I find my obsessing over something that did happen. I met my husband in London we were together for a year and then I had to go back home to NZ we did the long distant thing but it didn't work. We broke up. He rang me one day, to say he would like to come back via NZ, I agreed this would be a good idea. Before he came back however he was going on his big European trip, I had already done that and I knew what those trips were like. It didn't bother me what he was going to get up to, we weren't together we had only talked about meeting up after his trip. I was in my thirties and had matured. Anyhow during this time I had a one night fling with a male friend of mine. We did not sleep together and I didn't even like him like that. we mucked around. We were quite drunk he was talking about the woman he had a crush on and I was talking about my now husband. and one thing led to another. That was that. we remained friends and never went there again. Yuck! My now husband came back.... yes he had been with other woman and I said I had been with a couple of guys. We got back together and eventually married four years later. I never told him who the guy was, I didn't want him to know especially since I cringe at the thought of even going there, he meet him a couple of times and he came to our wedding as he was in with all my group of friends and I didn't think anything of it. I no longer see this guy. A few years later my husband went and played golf with a couple of guy mates. We had just moved back to Nz from Australia and I wanted him to meet some guys. One of the guys I had slept with years ago like years on a rebound before I even met my husband (I'm 41 years now). We were no longer friends. My husband at the time was was going through a lot of anxiety and he came home and said: ' I was on the golf course and thought 'what happens if Rach had been with one of these guys and she's let me go out and play golf with them?' I said I hadn't as I knew how anxious he had been and knew how an anxious mind works. A mole hill becomes a mountain etc. I remember thinking I can tell him later, now is not the time. However it sent me off into a cycle of worry as he had also met my other guy mate and he also came to our wedding. I had no idea he would think like this... he had meet other guys before in London that he knew I had been with and he didn't seem to care too much (not many by the way). But I felt so guilty. Guilty I had also lied saying I hadn't when he asked. I made sure I didn't catch up with others if there was chance any of these guys were going to be then on. I thought about it for weeks. My mind went round in circles and I felt terribly guilty like I had cheated on him. I could forget the friend from years ago but I kept thinking. Oh my God the other guy came to our wedding how could have I done that. Something that I didn't give much thought too was growing and growing. I kept going over it in my head for weeks thinking I should confess. But then thinking what's the point. Anyhow I moved on from that worry and now 5 years later its back. The thought popped into my head and this time it was followed by heaps of anxiety. Remember you lied He came to your wedding, it was when you and Rich were planning on meeting up again, you need to tell him. You are keeping a secret. how can you carry on been happy when he doesn't know this You get the picture....... the worse thing is I feel like I don't have a right to be happy with out getting this secret off my chest. Ive looked at it from every different angle and now its like a broken down record in my head going round and round. I don't feel like doing anything and feel quite depressed. I know my thinking is very OCD but its hard when its over something real. Maybe its not? Im so sorry Ive rambled on just looking for a bit of support. Love and smiles to you all Rachael xx