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Llb93

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  1. I have a feeling that when I was a teenager I once pulled an animal hair out of my private part and I found it strangely satisfying (not in a sexual way) so I put it back in and pulled it out. Is this b*stiality?
  2. When I was about 22 I was nosing at a profile of someone I know. They had a link to their YouTube videos and one of them was called ‘dog lick’ or something along those lines. I probably thought it was an odd title but I clicked on it because it was someone I know and I was curious. A dog was licking her hand or something and anyway on the side bar a lot of very horrible videos came up and I freaked out and quit. To be honest...I didn’t know YouTube even had that kind of content. i often tell myself. ‘You knew it was a strange title, what if you were curiously seeing if she was doing bad stuff’. It bothers me a lot. To be honest, it could have said anything like ‘I fall over’ and I still would have clicked on it because I’m nosy. I also keep telling myself that occasionally that horrible type of content came up on Facebook around that time with hackers and I was so scared to hover near it because I didn’t want to see a single second. I keep trying to reassure myself but it’s not working too well...if I was so horrified by that kind of content, why would I click on something thinking it could be it? Maybe I just clicked out of mere curiosity because it’s someone I know and my brain is as usual adding meaning to everything.
  3. Hi, I think I’m overdramatising and seeking meaning in things again but I have no clue really. years ago I had a partner. We planned to sleep together one night. I was on the pill so I knew pretty much exactly when my time of the month would start. On the night we were going to sleep together I was starting to have cramps, and from that I assumed that probably in the next day I would start. So before I went to see him I checked that I hadn’t started and a few hours later we had sex. The next morning I woke up and checked and I had only just started. I keep telling myself that this was basically r*pe because although I assumed I wasn’t going to start I should have said etc etc. Am I being over dramatic? Then I keep telling myself what if I did start and didn’t realise?
  4. I’ve managed to convince myself that I had a crush on a cousin when I was 14-16. To be honest, I don’t know if I did. I just have memories of somehow finding their social media profile and occasionally looking on it and thinking they were ‘cool’ because they were older than me. I tried looking for my other cousins too, but they weren’t on there. This thought does pop in my head from time to time over the past five years or so, ‘maybe you fancied your cousin’. But I keep ruminating and turning everything into a sign that I must have fancied him. I didn’t want to meet up at their house once...probably just because I’m awkward and maybe I felt awkward knowing that I had seen his social media, but I keep telling myself it’s because I had a crush. When I was young I think I felt awkward in general meeting my extended family because I had such low confidence and couldn’t talk...but I still keep saying maybe it’s cause I fancied them. I remember once a grandparent spoke about how he had a partner and I feel like I must have been jealous. Probably just of the fact that everyone had partners and I didn’t as I felt the same about my female cousin whenever it was mentioned, but still. But this one thought keeps popping into my head that I must have thought ‘I like him why do we have to be cousins’ and that bothers me because I don’t know if it’s true and I can’t rationalise it if it is because it is wrong. This particular concern has been around for maybe five years. It sucks...I don’t want to ever have fancied my cousin... 🙁
  5. Not sure if my head is mistaking mere curiosity for something much worse...very frustrating.
  6. This is embarrassing to admit, but sometimes I used to have unusual fantasies that occur in my brain. I am in no way attracted to people younger than me. Once I had a fantasy of wearing braces. The thing is, I watched YouTube videos on braces etc and many involve children/teens. Then I would imagine myself with that in my head and I think I got a kick out of imagining myself. I feel like this is insanely wrong. I never do it anymore...
  7. Thank you, that’s the thing for me, when I’m like this I have so many thoughts swirling in my mind one after the other...I’m sure many of them are false or warped in some way. But it all sort of comes at once. Then when I’m out of it all I will get the odd thought every so often and just dismiss it.
  8. Thank you, is it normal to sometimes get three or four different thoughts a day? I don’t get just one, I’ll get another one and then another one will come in within the next hour or so.
  9. Hi, Pretty much all of my ocd revolves around concerns that I’m a bad person. I flared with it about two weeks ago and I’m still not feeling good but I’m functioning a bit better. my thought process at the moment sort of goes like this. I’ll reassure myself of something, then I’ll get over it and then my brain will say ‘yeah but what about this’ then panic ensues and I’m off to ruminating about something else. In addition to this, it feels like half of my thoughts are real but they are either being altered by OCD or false memories are being filled in as I try to fill in the gaps. It feels like I don’t really know what reality is anymore. At the moment, I’m going through this maybe three times a day? Like as soon as I feel calm about something I’ll get 20 minutes of normality and then my mind will say ‘yes but remember when you did this?’ (Or did I?) and then I get stuck in the loop again. It’s hard to fully dismiss the thoughts because I know some of them may be rooted in reality so it feels like I’m realistically piecing it altogether. Is this expected in OCD? I’m exhausted!
  10. Hi, I have not been formally diagnosed by a mental health professional, but five years ago when my symptoms came to a head my doctor said it sounds like I have OCD. I went on sertraline and for me personally, it didn’t help. I find that I suffer more from OCD when I am lonely, have little purpose, bored etc which is why it has come back during lockdown as I have been made redundant and don’t have friends in my area, so I have nothing to do other than to ruminate. Beforehand, my OCD came back when I was being bullied by a flat mate and was retreating to my room to hide from her, and the time before my OCD hit me when I was super lonely in the summer and was worried about what my last year at uni was going to be like. In between I still get intrusive thoughts, but when I’m not in the throes of OCD I don’t engage with them. All of my intrusive thoughts are centred around me being a bad person, some are what I think may be false memories, and some are real yet I feel my OCD has sort of skewed them and blown them out of proportion. For example, if I accidentally caused somebody harm, I may convince myself that I actually did it deliberately. When the intrusive thoughts come in during the midst of OCD I feel physically ill. I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, I feel completely detached and guilt ridden because I’m so convinced that I am terrible. When my OCD first flared I had a habit of confessing everything to my mum, I know that my mum would tell me if I did something seriously wrong so you’d think that since years later I am ruminating over the same things that I wouldn’t let it get to me as much, but I still am engaging with the thoughts a lot. How do you break the ruminating cycle? I’ve tried medication. To be truthful I need a job but during COVID I cannot guarantee that so I need something else. I’ve tried watching funny programmes but unfortunately once the thought has come in I completely detach from whatever I am watching. Any tips? Thank you
  11. Thank you, it never occurred to me that OCD sufferers are prone to seeking reassurance but I have to admit I do that all the time when I’m in the throes of it, sometimes I have wondered if things that others give no notice to are the same type of things that plague my mind, its always super hard to rationalise when my OCD is bad. thanks
  12. Hi people, I need some rational, objective opinions on something I did when I was younger, from the ages of 19-21. I am unsure if I am perceiving it correctly or if my OCD is skewing it. I am now 27 and I think lockdown has caused me to ruminate with all this spare time. When I was 18 I started a blog, then I turned 19 at uni and I started blogging about my life and emetophobia. I am female by the way. I also had depression. I started (stupidly) following random people to build my followers as I wanted to start talking about emetophobia and get people to see it. I did not pay attention to how old they were. When other people with the same phobia started following me, sometimes I would message them and ask if they had the same phobia and would try and support them over it.... One time there was a girl on my feed posting about depression and I sent her a message of support and we just exchanged a couple of messages about our experience with depression, bullying and how listening to music can help and maybe it’s worth talking to a teacher and she told me she was going to do a presentation about bullying at school and I wished her luck. Is that creepy being 19 at the time? I don’t know how old she was to be completely honest I just wanted to help and at the time I felt good helping someone. This happened again with another girl where I just sent her a supportive message, and I messaged her telling her she wasn’t and another time I complimented a girl two or three years younger than me on her poetry and many times I had exchanges between people asking me about emetophobia and advice, many were a similar age but also some may have been younger. Sometimes people followed me and I just followed back...I didn’t talk to many people after that but sometimes I wonder if it was creepy to follow back when they may have been younger than me. The content I posted publicly was not stupidly inappropriate, it was mostly photographs of flowers or quotes I liked, personal posts about depression, emetophobia and the odd selfie. Occasionally I made the mistake of posting the odd crude joke (not personally to anyone, just publicly). One thing I should say, I never spoke directly inappropriately to anybody, my exchanges were purely advice related usually related to my phobia/ depression. Sometimes people asked me how I was as I was depressed and I thanked them and asked them how they were doing and wished them a good weekend. Sometimes I gave people support and complemented them if they posted about feeling down. Does this make me a bad person? I deleted my account a few years ago, and I have this worry that people could have been below 16, and even though I was only giving advice or interacting over a shared phobia, does this mean I am a creep? Please help 🙁 deep down I know I’m not creepy but I’m having trouble moving past this and I’ve been up the past few nights with that sick feeling in my stomach. I am in no way attracted to people younger than me, and at the time I thought I was helping people...now I just don’t know if that makes me bad. I’ve started having thoughts like, that girl told me she was doing a presentation at school and I was 19, was it bad to continue giving advice in a few messages? What if she was really young? Does that make me a creep? Thank you
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