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  1. Thank you for your response. It’s reassuring to hear you’ve had a similar experience. I am currently on a waiting list for CBT. I’ve not really looked into ERP, I honestly don’t know that much about it. Would you say that it’s been especially helpful for you?
  2. Hello, I have been struggling lately with running over and over conversations I’ve had with people at work. I honestly think Zoom is exacerbating this! I find myself second guessing every pause, look and word to the point where I’ve been so convinced I’m irrevocably rude and socially inept that I find myself shaking during the conversation and engaging in self harming behaviours afterwards. I also, probably not surprisingly, find it pretty tough to follow what people are saying. I then feel I have to run over the conversation and every implication of what I said / how it could be perceived for, really, a ridiculous amount of time afterwards. All the while beating myself up over it. I’m sure I’ll be fired any day! I suppose I’m just wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar to this? It’s becoming really quite a significant problem for me. Thank you
  3. Hi Savy, I too have experiences similar to this - for example, I'll be walking down the pavement and see someone and think about murdering them. However, these thoughts don't come with the usual anxiety spike that comes along with some other intrusive thoughts I have. Instead I'll enter into an immediate thought spiral of 'I thought that because I'm a psychopath' and the lack of obvious anxiety signals confirms this etc. etc. etc. Even if I'm not convinced, taking a step back I can see that this strongly resembles OCD behaviour even if it doesn't feel exactly the same. I have therefore been trying to forgive myself a little and realise that the fact that I'm 'stuck' on these thoughts probably does really mean that they're the opposite of what I actually want. I've found it useful to just try and let them flow through without judging the content of the thoughts too much. Sometimes I even try to laugh at them, which helps. I hope this makes you feel a little less alone!
  4. Thank you. I have been in touch with the people who run the therapies in my area and I am on the waiting list (It's just terribly long, which is understandable) I'm in my early twenties. When I got in touch to be put on the waiting list they actually talked through a safety plan of sorts with me so I have that if things get especially bad. I have, stupidly, minimised these thoughts the most when I'm talking to my GP as I feel like a nuisance bringing them up (I realise how ridiculous that sounds)
  5. Thank you very much for your response. I think I will make an appointment to speak to another GP, even if only to talk about tapering off. I actually agree with you about the medication. I had a terrible experience my first time on SSRIs as they were given to me as a quick fix whilst I was fairly unwell with no follow up. I think this is partly why I feel so dejected this time around as my GP is aware of this, and how bad things got, so I was really hoping for a compassionate ear this time around. I can totally relate to the feeling of being seen as 'difficult' or exaggerating my issues when, in fact, it was minimising my issues that got me here in the first place. That is exactly what I want to say! I would love it to just click and work but, unfortunately, they haven't for me personally. They have offered me high intensity CBT but the waiting list is very long and therefore I think they wanted me to have something to tide me over whilst I wait. Yes, thank you, you're right. It's reassuring to hear of someone having a similar experience, I think I was getting into a bit of hole of thinking I was being unreasonable and that these should just be working so perhaps I'm not trying hard enough to see that (!). I'll try and keep in mind what's best for me, that's good advice. Thank you again.
  6. I'm by no means an expert on this but I just wanted to say that I perform very similar behaviours and have very similar thoughts to you. (I'm actually a little surprised at just how similar as I've never heard anyone talk about this before!) I also totally agree with the comment above, however scary those thoughts may be (!). Not trying to make this about me but I've had these thoughts for years (which, I'm sorry, I know might not be the best thing to hear but things may very well be different for you) and I have seen some really positive improvements over time. This may not be the best or right way to do things so please do whatever feels best for you but I've found that challenging yourself to sit with the feelings of discomfort and giving that discomfort a name (for me - 'this is just my brain misfiring' or something to that effect) has been the most helpful thing I've done. For example, I too have a 'thing' about washing my hands excessively and I started by cutting down on this to a level where I felt I could still function but that was an improvement for me personally. I would then sit with the discomfort this brought on, reassuring myself that I am not a disgusting beast person who was endangering everyone around me because I didn't do whatever it was my brain wanted me to do, whilst just going about my day as best as I could. Over time I can honestly say that the discomfort lessened and that became the norm. I hope to keep working in this way to eventually get things down to a level that I would consider to be a good place for me. Again, I'd like to reiterate to take this with a grain of salt but I hope this is helpful in some way (even if it's just knowing that you're most definitely not alone in this!).
  7. Hi Gemma, Thank you for your response. They've just kept advising me to continue on with the treatment and, honestly, I don't feel very listened to. This might be normal, I may just being sensitive but I tend to come away from the sessions feeling frustrated and stupid. I could see about speaking to a different GP, I think that would be a good step. I just feel a bit dejected as I've had an experience like this before so now I'm wondering what I can do differently to avoid this again.
  8. Hello, I have recently started taking paroxetine for suspected OCD (it's been approximately 5 months) and I am struggling quite significantly with rumination surrounding the side effects of this. I have been experiencing some fairly concerning symptoms - suicidal ideation, trouble with my vision and a constant sense of being disconnected from everything. However, I can sense (or my brain thinks it can sense) that my GP is getting tired of my constant shopping lists of worries that I bring up at our appointments to review the medication. I have therefore begun avoiding attending these sessions, which I'm certain isn't the best decision. Does anyone have any advice on communicating with doctors? I feel an intense urge to just say what I think they want to hear, which obviously isn't helpful. I hope that all makes sense. Thank you.
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