Sophs92

MarieJo and Greyhound Mum, thank you both so much for replying back. It somewhat feels a bit less scarier speaking to people who have the same anxieties that I do and have experienced things similar to myself. I finally spoke out to my boyfriend last night which went well, apart from the fact that I couldn’t stop crying for the whole of the discussion. I still found it extremely hard to tell him everything on how I’m feeling and what I go through daily. I feel like I sound like a mad woman when I think about what I want to tell him about things I think about daily. I’m hoping over time now that he knows that I really can’t cope anymore with the ocd, I know he will support me. I just need to open up a bit more which might help with my counselling sessions starting this Monday. I also need to sit my mum and dad down and tell them what’s going on, which I am also dreading. I cried the whole way to work this morning thinking about telling them. I was such a hard teenager to deal with regarding rebellion (drinking smoking) that for the past 8 years I have worked hard, got my degree, always happy always laughing, I don’t want to feel like a big burden again like I was when I was younger. I keep thinking I’m 29 in 3 weeks I should have my life together, not bringing this all onto my mum and dad, still living with them aswell. -but then is that my ocd and my intrusive thoughts ?!? anyways, thank you again! Would love to hear again from use soon and hopefully we can support one another through these hard days. xx

Hi everyone. I’ve never been one to ask for help with anything, I am always the one who people come to for help and I help others. Now thinking of it, maybe it’s to mask my mental health issue and deny that I have something wrong. My doctor said to me 4 years ago that he thinks I have OCD after telling him that I check my car doors closed repeatedly for about 10 minutes, I’ve sat many times looking outside my window to make sure my car is still there. Everytime I leave my house I walk back in and check that I’ve turned my switches off in my bedroom- I repeat this twice everytime. Once leaving my families holiday home and locking it up in Portugal I made my boyfriend video me locking the windows, turning the electrics off and locking the door so I could re-watch it the whole travels back to Scotland. Then watch it again with my dad to show him it’s definitely all locked. I have never took it serious, infact I’ve laughed it off. My doctor suggested reading ways to train my brain to not do those things but I never followed through because I just thought nothing was wrong. Now 4 years later I am at my worst. I haven’t been able to feed or watch my 2y/o nephew eat because I vision he’s going to choke, I can’t be the last one to leave my family home as I don’t think I’ve locked up properly and the house will get broken into, I’ve drove 10 mins home to drive back to check my front door is locked. I sit and stare at the front door just to make sure it’s not going to open. My dad caught me coming back into the kitchen last week to make sure I had checked the fridge door was closed. I tried to stop myself from going back to check but I couldn’t stop. I check I have my house and car keys in my bag every night which for 4 years I have slept with my bag beside my bed every night no matter what. sometimes I have disturbing thoughts of what if I jumped off a bridge, it might stop this pain? I know I’m not going to do it but I think about doing it. Last week, my boyfriend of 5 years didn’t really speak for 2 days as he had a sore stomach but I had it in my head that I had done something wrong so I said to him I didn’t want to be with him anymore saying I couldn’t see a future and that I wanted a house, which he isn’t ready for yet (and neither am I) but if he didn’t want one now then we can’t be together. Hours after saying that to him I instantly regretted it. I do this when I think he is in a mood with me(when he never is) I end it and say a lot of nonsense that I don’t mean but its intrusive thoughts I think about the whole relationship- and where I think society expects us to be after being together for 5 years (in a house, married and having kids). None of which I even want just now but my mind continues to tell me I’m wrong. I feel like I need him to constantly tell me he wants the same as me in time but just not just now because he has said this to me but I need to hear it all the time to put my mind at ease. But I can’t expect him to do that with me. This has all gotten too much now and I am not coping. After a week of apologising to him he has agreed to see me tomorrow to speak telling me I can’t keep doing this to him- which I’m in total agreement with. But I am so anxious about this chat as all I have done is cry for a week straight and can feel some sort of breakdown coming on as these intrusive thoughts is all just taking it’s toll now and I’m struggling to deal with it. It’s affected my relationship now which is why I need to speak out. I finally phoned my doctor this morning and cried for an hour to her and she prescribed me proponalol and I have booked an appointment with a private counsellor starting this Monday. Apologies for the long post but just seeking some support or advice if anyone has similar symptoms? Sophie x