SJ06

Hey Kirby. You're not alone. I'm at a similar stage. The thoughts are atill there fairly often. I've stopped most compulsions but sometimes drift back into the old ways of thinking over them and catch myself and stop myself. I'm back at work myself ona phased return.My anxiety level is still variable. I just hope that if I continue to stop doing the compulsions that in time the thoughts will be less frequent. It's worked before to the point where they disappeared or at least didn't bother me at all.

John, I had the exact same thing. I Had a few weeks with little sleep but eventually the medication will kick in and start to help you stay asleep! I was panicking at the time but it will come in time don't worry about that. How's your appetite? I found appetite returned first, the sleep, followed by a more up and down mood then more stable mood. Hope you're okay. You're not alone

I think a major issue is the meanings I attach to the thoughts sometimes without even realising it. That's what leads to me feeling depressed I need to let go of this but how?

Kirby I can really relate. You know Ive had a period of not ruminating as much and now I'm struggling again. It's so difficult but it's the only way forward isn't it? We've got to keep trying and remember you are not on your own

Hi. I feel I've progressed in my recovery from OCD but then feel I'm slipping back into bad habits often. So currently in therapy I'm up to the point where there's a complete ban on the compulsions and I'm doing a difficult imaginary exposure script. I'm finding it really hard and I had a day where I barely did any compulsions but still felt anxious. But the Few days I've drifted back into the compulsions and ruminating again and I don't know why. I feel like I'm going backwards. The thoughts have been making me feel more anxious and depressed than they were say a week ago and the thoughts haven't changed but my reactions have changed. What can I do to make more progress? I'm trying really hard to not do the compulsions (they are all mental compulsions) but I keep slipping back into doing them. I keep feeling like I need to prove the thoughts wrong and they make me feel so upset but I know this is holding me back. But then just leaving them makes me feel depressed anyway simply for getting these horrible thoughts and feelings that feel so real. As I said some days are better than others but I'm scared because the past few days haven't been good and I'm scared I'm going backwards and feel a little helpless as to what to do.

Well done! Sounds like you dealt with this really well and should feel proud of your achievement! Initially it sounds like maybe the exposure was almost too much but clearly not as you dealt with it in the correct way!

Try not to label those thoughts and feelings as they are meaningless. Your brain will search for a meaning and will come up with any old meaning to scare you. Just accept that you get those feelings and carry on with what you were doing. It's really hard but give it a go. ERP should be graded. Perhaps that particular exercise is too anxiety provoking currently to get an improvement from as the ERP has to be sustained until the anxiety reduces. A less anxiety provoking one may be better to start. Perhaps just having a picture of a guy fully clothed to start? Or perhaps something else? Perhaps someone who's been through exposure for this type of OCD could advise better?

I really understand as I'm sure we all do. This is the very nature of OCD. I hope this isn't acting as reassurance because reassurance in itself is a compulsion but I'm stating a fact! This is what OCD feels like. I'm currently reading a great book called 'Freedom from OCD' by Jonathan Grayson. It's really good. He completely gets what it feels like to have this condition! Plus importantly is contains great ERP scripts specifically for different types of OCD including the type you suffer from. In effect the treatment is the same for all types of OCD but it helps to have guidance on how to do ERP scripts if you are unable to see a therapist currently. Its all to do with accepting to live with uncertainty. I'm still up and down currently but having better days. Stopping the compulsions is so hard. It's like having an itch you can't scratch but I'm hoping the more work I put in to stopping the compulsions the easier it will become. My mind almost feels like it's begging me to go over that thought....just check that thoughts and prove it wrong and then you can be done with it. But the relief last minutes if that before the doubt comes back. Clearly these compulsions never work. It's all in vain. So work to stop them and do ERP then you should see improvement. It sounds so easy doesn't it? But it's the hardest things to do but I'd imagine the most rewarding thing to do.

Hey mate. Are you seeing a therapist at all? This is so hard and we all empathise completely with you! I know exactly how you feel. Although the my OCD thoughts concern another theme my compulsions seem pretty similar to yours...checking, replaying things over in my mind, thinking why did I think that and what does that mean amongst many others. As Polarbear rightly said you need to identify all your compulsions (probably best with the help of a therapist) then put a complete ban on them. It is is so hard thought....all my compulsions are mental and I've cut out many of the compulsions but I am still working on stopping others. It's the only way. No certainty can be gained from all the compulsions. They are useless and in fact only serve to confuse matters. A key thing is also accepting your have OCD. I've had so many different obsessions over the years and each one always feels the worst at the time. I think OCD can pretty much convince you of anything and everything. Compulsions would be arguing with the thoughts, trying to disprove them, going over them in your head, avoidance, etc. it's so hard to not go over them I know but keep trying. Also perhaps discuss Exposure response prevention therapy with a CBT therapist too. Take care mate...I know exactly how you feel. I'm currently really trying hard to not go back to each thoughts and analyse it but it is just so hard to not do this! But I've got to to get better!

So good to hear of all your progress! I was able to start and ENJOY a yoga course I started at the weekend despite the intrusive thoughts! I felt excited about something for the first time in months! It gives me something I love to focus on! I've cut down on doing so many compulsions in reps ones to my thoughts and I am on stopping them completely and sitting with the anxiety and carrying on with life. Next step is to get back to work but I'll get there.

Thanks Doris. I just find myself too easily drifting into rumination if I keep focussing on the thoughts each time they pop up. I prefer refocusing and allowing the thought to be there without doing anything. Any other thoughts on this would be much appreciated

Hi. Could I ask everyone's advise on this? My therapist has suggested to try and expose myself to the intrusive thoughts when they occur....meaning to keep the thought or image in my mind for a few minutes and focus on it whilst resisting any analysing or compulsions, etc. The only concern I have with this is that I thought the aim was to ignore the thoughts or at least notice they're there but not do anything about them. I've cut down on a lot of compulsions but my therapist and I wondered if I was using distraction still as a bit of compulsion. So my therapist suggested that if I get thoughts when I'm doing something to stop and focus on them as a type of exposure. I've tried this this morning and I feel worse. I think it's really hard to focus on the thought, keeping it there without feeling bad or without slipping into a compulsion. What are other people's thoughts on this? My therapist suggested that if I don't benefit from this we will do an exposure script. As I said I feel worse having done the above. More anxious. More depressed. It feels like I'm dwelling on the thoughts a lot of the time. and they seem to be occurring more as a result. Also is telling yourself it's an OCD thought a compulsion as I've been doing this and find it helps. Please help I'm feeling really confused.

Thanks for your advise Rainbow and Polarbear. I have in fact just taken up a yoga course! Started this week and I loved it. Although I was anxious and up/down I was still able to enjoy it and am so glad I did it. The compulsions are mostly mental compulsions...I've given up so many but the ones that still crop up are going over the thoughts in my head in an attempt to check them to check they're not true.....replaying thoughts and images in my head to check reaction to them....amongst a few others...very hard to not do them when I feel at my most anxious or depressed. Am I right in saying the more I resist the compulsions the easier this will become?

Thanks. I am on citalopram which has helped with the depression and anxiety...it's not as intense as it was...but I still don't feel right. I'm doing CBT which again has helped but just not fully. The problems are I'm still scared of the thoughts. I still feel a lot of guilt simply for having these thoughts. The thoughts seem more 'real' sometimes...I can't explain the feeling of feeling more real but they just do. Then they are harder to dismiss but then I suppose that's when I need to put in the hardest work of not doing the compulsions. It's so so hard to resist not thinking over the thoughts to disprove them or to check over the thought and check what feeling I get. It's get so skewed I know that it's best to leave it alone but it's so hard.

Hey everyone. I'm still finding everyday I have to try really hard to resist the compulsions. Will it ever get easier? At the moment I might have a better day or two but the have 'bad' days and I get really fed up and worry that I'm back to square one on these days. I really try to resist the mental compulsions every day but some days I'm good at doing this and others I just really struggle. Needless to say on the days I struggle I feel worse. The compulsions only serve to make things worse and confusing. Today has been okay...I've tried really hard. But then an intrusive thought will come from nowhere and it might just be the same as previous ones I've had in the day but it feels worse or feels more 'real' and I panic again and start to do the some of the compulsions again even though I try really hard not to.when the thoughts feel bad I feel I immediately need to disprove them. It's all based around my relationship so with the thoughts brings guilt. The urge to go over the thoughts feel overwhelming at these points because a sudden wave of something not being right comes and I panic and feel I need to get rid of this. As I said if I leave it alone it passes but I get so scared that it won't this time. It's just so hard to resist all compulsions. Will it ever get easier? Will I ever have a day where I don't feel I need to try hard? I don't often write on here so just some tips or advise on people who've gone though this stage of recovery would help. Thanks x