kirby42

I understand what you're saying but I find it so hard to let go. I feel people who don't really know me would hate me if they knew what's going on in my head.

About 5-6 years ago something happened which I still think a lot about. It creates a lot of guilt and depression in my mind. It was probably the catalyst for a lot of my depression and OCD. I would say that there was maybe a year since it happened where I managed to break free from thinking about it. For the past several months it's been on my mind a lot. Certain numbers, dates and places trigger memories of it. I've talked to people about it and they tell me not to worry. But I just can't stop thinking and beating myself up about it. Help?

Would you say that you're still a sufferer taurean?

I have pure O, I'd that term is okay to use. Because of my social setting, I am totally surrounded everyday by things which are central to the themes that bother me, objects, people, locations. Nothing bad has ever happened. I've never lost control. I seriously doubt that anything bad ever will happen. I prove it all wrong again and again, just by living my life. Yet thoughts persist and I'm stuck in a loop. I often think what would happen if I did this, what would people think of me for having these thoughts, how would my life be different if I didn't have this. I'm stuck. Please share some advice.

Not talking about big strategies or theories, but what are the little things that help you deal with this? I love sports, working out helps raise my spirits and I like the "tired" feeling afterwards.

That's good advice, thank you. If I can effectively deal with this, then my life will be amazing.

Thanks for replying. I just feel worried that I'll never get better than I currently am. I honestly feel my life would be perfect if not for this. It's like a heavy weight I'll need to carry for the rest of my life.

Going through a mixed few weeks. My anxiety is in check but I have an overriding feeling of depression. On the outside I am fine, people say they're envious of me for things that I can do and things I've achieved. But inside I feel the ever constant presence of dark thoughts. It makes me think that I'll never truly be happy. Is this truly what the rest of my life will be like? Being alive bit not really living? I feel numb and that I'm just going through the motions.

It's hard but I'll try. A therapist said that I just shouldn't give the feeling the time of day and eventually it'll subside. It makes my stomach sink just thinking about it.

Thank you for your advice. I've always tried to live a good person and there's only about one event that really tears me up. It was five years ago and I've tried so hard to live a good life since then, and I have. The guilt fuels my depression and anxiety. I've thought about it almost every day since last November and I worry how others would judge me if they knew. My family, close friends and doctors know about it. They say I'm too hard on myself and that no one remembers or thinks about it except me. But I can't let it go. I hate myself.

Just wanted to write a little update saying that I had a good week. I kept busy with work and friends, lots of exposure, controlled rumination well, mainly from just staying busy and trying not to get too worked up about the thoughts. Mindfulness meditation helped a lot with this. One thing that really bothers me though is guilt from my past. I feel like a terrible person. It creates huge anxiety and makes me depressed. How can I deal with it?

Any ideas folks? Trying to get a game plan going for this working week.

Today was quite a busy day out and about in the city. I had lots of intrusive thoughts on a variety of topics and I simply tried to observe them as thoughts. I didn't react to them, tried not to judge them. They didn't create much anxiety. I also tried to stop ruminating about past thoughts/events by diverting my attention onto other things. One thing that I tried doing was welcoming the thoughts to come at me full force, agreeing with them and exploring them. For example... *TRIGGER WARNING* I see someone on a train platform. A thought can come "I could push them on front of the train". Then I say to myself "Yeah and I'm gonna laugh my head off like a maniac and film the whole thing on my phone". Is this a bad approach to take? I'm just trying to take some power away from the thoughts so that I can get on with my life.

Hi Lily! Have you tried mindfulness meditation? There's some good apps out there to get you started. It's good for helping you realise that thoughts aren't the problem, your reaction to them is.

Ohhh I have lots of plans. I don't think I'm going to be suffering from this forever. I'm going to go back to uni, find a nice paying job, get married, have kids, live in a nice apartment, continue doing sports and learning languages, watch football with my friends on Saturdays. Those are all my plans for now!