HelloItsMe

It’s not “reductive thinking” to see posts from someone with obvious obsessive thinking and compulsions, someone making post after post of confessions that span years, and then treat the OCD as the main obstacle to overcome. And it is so desperately apparent that Cora needs help for OCD. Do you really think it’s helpful to start suggesting something else might be going on with her, no matter what you may think it is, when we have plentiful evidence that lets us know Cora would immediately take that as confirmation that she really is just evil and it was never OCD at all? It’s complicating the issue needlessly. What Cora needs assistance for, right now, is OCD, not some imaginary diagnosis that may or may not exist. I’m so sorry you’re suffering so much, @Cora. I hope life improves for you as soon as possible.

You’re not a psychopath, Cora. I promise.

Not at all wise to be saying this on a forum full of OCD sufferers. Not everyone posts and makes their distress known. I’m mostly a lurker but I just had to log in and say something about this. If my OCD was particularly bad right now, you bet this comment would’ve triggered me for hours if not days. You have no clue how many sufferers could be devastated by just one inappropriate comment like this. People come here looking for support, not for someone to go off on a tangent and insinuate obvious OCD obsessions could be something more sinister.

??????? How is this helpful to someone who has severe, unrelenting intrusive thoughts about being a bad person? Cora isn’t repressing anything. She has OCD. End of.

It’s been like this for years and I’m afraid it will never get any better. I’ve had so many poor experiences with the people who are supposed to help you, I find myself not trusting them. Even being a little afraid of them. From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep, my brain refuses to SHUT UP. Sometimes I even dream about all the anxiety I have during my waking hours. I feel completely broken.

Hi, yes I’ve had my blood checked. Mostly normal except vitamin deficiencies, but I’ve been dealing with that on and off for years and even when my numbers are back to normal I still don’t feel any better. I had my inflammation markers checked several years ago and they were elevated, but every time I asked why I was just kind of brushed over. I wonder if they are still elevated. Maybe I should get that checked again.

Thank you. And no…still waiting for OCD counselling. But it’s hard to apply yourself to anything when your body is always so tired, you know? It makes me even more anxious because I’m afraid I won’t manage to see it through.

Hi all, I hope this is okay to post here. I don’t know what else to do, frankly. I have other mental health problems on top of OCD and a serious problem with fatigue. I can barely function…I can’t even stick to a basic schedule. I cry a lot because I’m so frustrated with my inability to do…anything. I need to lose weight but I can’t exercise and don’t have the brain power to stick to a meal plan. It’s like all my thoughts are jumbled. Sometimes just talking is an energy drain. If I try to push myself I get dizzy and nauseous and just feel like rubbish basically. The worst thing is I don’t think anyone around me really gets how it impacts me, or I feel like a total fraud who needs to get over herself…imagine all that with OCD intrusive thoughts popping up constantly too. I’m sick of getting so overwhelmed at the drop of a hat. I feel so hopeless.

I’m struggling with a lot right now…but instead of focusing on that, I’m going to take a moment to focus on the positive steps I’ve made with my OCD surrounding contamination instead. In 2020 I remember announcing to my parents that I would never leave the house again, such was my fear that if I even so much as stepped into the doorway of my home I would bring a disease (in this case, COVID) inside, spread it to my family, and we’d all die. It consumed my every thought. I would go days with no real sleep. I spent hours wiping surfaces and random objects down. When restrictions started to lift and pubs reopened, my brother decided to go out and I actually contemplated throwing myself down the stairs just to escape not only the unending terror of contracting COVID, but the mental and physical exhaustion that the OCD caused. I was so incredibly over it all. I just wanted it to stop. The irony is that even after all those months of misery I still got COVID. Thankfully I managed to speak to an OCD therapist last year and they really helped me to understand how to handle intrusive thoughts when they popped up. As time has passed, I managed to overcome the worst of the contamination fears. It’s not gone completely - I still get intrusive thoughts when I go to touch things, when I hear someone cough etc. But I’ve been outside the house, even in a crowded room a few times. I let go of masks too, long after the requirement to wear them was dropped but I still managed to do it after thinking I’d be dependent on them forever. Something I deemed “fatal” to touch in the house was the kitchen taps - I can now touch them and filling up the kettle to make a cup of tea isn’t an ordeal that sometimes ended with me in tears anymore. My hands have long since healed from the overuse of hand sanitiser. I don’t know how I managed it, but I did…now I just need to apply the same to my other obsessions. It’s proving incredibly tricky at the moment, but I’m getting some more CBT soon so here’s hoping I can make improvements in the other areas. Thanks for reading.

I have no idea. It’s just a thought that popped into my head one day and has completely overtaken my brain.

I first suspected I had OCD when I was 18, although looking back I probably started experiencing it in my early teens. I’m 31 now, so it’s been a while. It’s waxed and waned throughout the years, but it’s a constant presence I’ve yet to really get a grip of. Feel a bit hopeless about getting better myself right now, so I completely get where you’re coming from, @MarieJo.

I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time, Cora. I can totally understand how exhausting it must be to have your brain be on constant overdrive, not a single moment of peace. Do you feel the need to sleep a lot just to get a break?

It’s frightening. Another compulsion I had that made me question whether or not I was falling into psychosis was that I couldn’t step on the cracks in the pavement otherwise my beloved dogs would be taken away from me, or my father would die. My worst fears, basically. The compulsion itself just seemed so odd. Turning the stove on and off or checking doors constantly could stem from a fear of a house fire or someone breaking in, but what did I hope to achieve by avoiding cracks in the pavement? It was a very scary time, for sure. The cruelty of OCD…

That’s a good point. I never thought of it that way. I managed to mostly overcome the severe contamination OCD I suffered from during lockdowns, and the obsession I mentioned in this thread also worsened at the same time…so if I could improve with one obsession, maybe I can be hopeful that I can improve with this one.

Thank you everyone for your responses. I really appreciate it. I am going to be starting CBT soon. I’m hoping and praying things will improve for me.

Anyone? I don’t want reassurance, I just desperately want to feel less alone. This is such a horrible disorder.

Oh dear. It seems sharing what’s been going through my head has somehow made the anxiety even worse and convinced me that I’ve sealed my fate and the fate of my family. Hiding my suffering from “outsiders” (I hate to use that term as it sounds so alienating, but that’s how removed I feel from other people right now…) seems to have been a bit of a defence mechanism for me, a way to guarantee my safety and sharing it has just destroyed that safety. What a terrible, no good brain I have. I hope none of you think I’m a horrible person…

Having that stuff is one thing, suffering from a constant fear of the house being torched is completely another…

But it’s not “common sense” to have it consume hours of my day, surely? I’ve also got so overwhelmed because of it that I had thoughts about not wanting to be here anymore. I feel paralysed by it all and struggle to get out of bed. Compulsions are mainly lots and lots of rumination, asking for reassurance about how secure the house is, searching up safety equipment online, refusing to speak to even friends sometimes out of fear that they’re organising something to hurt me behind my back. The paranoia can be intense and I block people for absolutely no reason. I am just very suspicious of other humans in general. I rarely go out of the house because it’s such an ordeal, but there have been recurring instances where I went for a walk and had to turn back because I felt like everyone who drove past in a car was watching me.

I definitely do or consider doing things to protect myself. Social media scares me because it’s a way of being tracked or spied on. Lost count of the amount of times I’ve tried to use it like a regular person, only to get scared and delete it. And another prevailing fear of mine has been people coming to my house and attacking me and my family - no idea who that would even be, it’s just something that I’ve convinced myself will happen at some point. I kept looking at and almost buying fire extinguishers online in order to make myself feel more safe, in case anyone set fire to the house. Of course there’s a rational part in my brain still. In the end I didn’t buy the fire extinguishers, because clearly the rational part of my brain is telling me how ridiculous I’m being.

One of my obsessions is the thought that I’m being tracked or that people are out to get me. I perform many compulsions in order to try and alleviate the anxiety surrounding this, including asking for reassurance, which is what I’m assuming makes it OCD. I’ve also read that these particular kinds of thoughts can be associated with psychosis and delusion. Can you experience that with OCD? I’m very confused and distressed right now…even posting this scares me, but I need some support. I’m not really getting any at the moment, especially not from anyone who may understand what I’m going through.

@Rem, you’ve done nothing wrong. Work on getting your OCD under control so you don’t have to be troubled so needlessly anymore. @howard, why do you continue to make this more complicated than it needs to be or insinuate Rem has actually done anything questionable? Practically everything I’ve read from you is incredibly unhelpful at best.

Hey, you were doing something you loved, feeling accomplished and going to new places and meeting new people etc. That’s impressive in my book.

Sounds delicious. I love chicken stock. Seems like you’ve had an impressive career!

Thanks for the replies everyone.