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About alyssa07

  • Birthday 07/07/2002

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
  • Type of OCD
    Checking & Pure O

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  • Interests
    drawing & digital art

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  1. @Mthecatlady Thank you so much😊 I have an unrelated appointment with my GP on Monday so I’ll have an ask then and see what they say. I don’t think my therapist would object to medication either way so that’s good news. And I’m so sorry therapy’s rough with you as well at the moment! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who’s finding it difficult though. I’m sure we’re just at the “it gets worse before it gets better stage” or at least I hope so just need to keep looking forward.
  2. Hello all! I'm currently doing private CBT with a therapist but I'm having a bit of trouble dealing with the anxiety that therapy brings (i.e problems with sleeping/eating) and I feel like it's hindering my ability to fully partake in therapy. I was wondering if I wanted to start taking medication just to help whilst I learn the tools to deal with my OCD would I have to ask my GP or my therapist? Would the NHS even prescribe me medication if I'm not doing CBT through them? My therapist already mentioned about medication as my PHQ-ADS scores were marked as severe, but it was more mentioned in the general sense oh people with these scores usually take medication? Any advice would be appreciated! -Alyssa :))
  3. Hello again everyone! Thank you for all your responses @Saffron37 <hug> as always for your excellent explanations I value them a lot. Also thanks @Hedgehog and @snowbearfor your comments😄 I've definitely come to the conclusion my OCD has shifted from its initial obsession to OCD today. I had a thought about whether breathing during ERP was a compulsion and I think that was the last straw to realise I've let this go too far. I'm going to stop researching and coming on the forum as frequently now and just try to continue to live my life (not that I do much other than ruminate haha!) and wait till my next therapy session instead of rushing into solving the problem myself. http://www.ocdspecialists.com/stacey-kuhl-wochner-lcsw-on-the-solving-ritual-in-ocd/ I hope no one minds me sharing this link but it's very insightful and was a bit of a light bulb moment for me! I think it's worth a read for anyone having the same problems when it comes to obsessing over OCD, or anyone in general really, so they can recognise the early signs in case they do start to obsess😇 I hope everyone has a lovely rest of their evening -Alyssa :))
  4. Thank you for your input @Handy the imaginary OCD diagnosis I received has vanished and I suddenly feel fine, I'll get a blood test tomorrow and hope my anaemia disappears too!😄
  5. Thank you for the responses @northpaul & @PolarBear I understand recovery takes a while, I'm just am so motivated to get better it's frustrating I can't start working on it right away and by consequence seem to be worsening because of it. I think I have all the pieces of the puzzle just not the means to put them together yet and my OCD can't deal with that and I'm therefore beating myself up because of it. I'm glad therapy has worked out for you though northpaul I wish you luck on your last couple of sessions 😄
  6. Hi everybody! Over the last month or so I've been beginning to get help for my Pure OCD. Whilst I was doing this on my own at first I now have a therapist although I'm at the very very start of CBT. I've noticed recently however, that I think I might be obsessing over how to treat my OCD more than the original OCD itself. I haven't been able to sit down and fully identify my full set of obsessions and compulsions with my therapist (that's next session). But I made a small list in my head when I started researching OCD, now I have constant doubt whether I have identified each correctly. I feel like I'm making myself worse, trying to sit with the anxiety of an intrusive thought and not engaging with it as I keep telling myself I can't say, go for a walk or read a book because I have to sit here and wait till the anxiety passes (it never does) so I'm stuck in this stasis of misery all day. I get confused between distracting and avoidance, even when I know I am distracting myself correctly my intrusive thoughts keep telling me I'm avoiding you have to stop and sit with anxiety! It's just making me more and more anxious because I also know you're not supposed to reassure yourself, so I'm never kind to myself, I never allow myself to say you'll get through this etc because I thought that's a form of reassurance but it's just making me more miserable and sad all the time? If I was right then surely after a month I should be seeing a decrease in the anxiety, but I've just gotten worse and now I'm having even more intrusive thoughts about different subjects. Now I keep thinking I'm never going to get over this, I'll get worse etc etc because I thought that was how you deal with doubt? and it's just developed into a new intrusive thought that I'm never meant to recover from OCD. Sorry for the rambling post I just feel so low mood and feel like by identifying my condition as OCD I've just made myself worse. I feel like I can't live my life anymore. Has anyone dealt with something similar? I would appreciate some advice. -Alyssa :))
  7. @snowbear I get quite confused about the difference between avoiding the thoughts and distracting, but this makes a lot more sense thank you for explaining! 😇
  8. Hello everyone! As part of my mental compulsions I think about my intrusive thoughts to check whether they still upset me or not. I'm trying to break away from this compulsion and was wondering if I'm say reading something and I subconsciously start mentally checking my intrusive thoughts, is focusing back into what I was reading and telling myself it's just my OCD and trying to continue what I was doing before bad? I know you're not meant to repress the intrusive thoughts so I'm just wondering if continuing to distract myself this way counterproductive? Thanks -Alyssa :))
  9. I completely agree with everything already said! I also find increasing my iron intake the week before + during periods really help. Personally, I just make sure to take iron supplements, but I think eating more foods like red meat and spinach also help give you the extra energy to handle intrusive thoughts
  10. Absolutely! It's great you see that you know you're hyper aware because now you can use that to start chipping away at the power you've given the number. However, whilst it's easy to sit and dissect why you're feeling the way you are...it is a compulsion, it is rumination. You'll probably never know exactly why your OCD decided to latch onto 26 and I don't think it's worth the energy trying to figure it out. You seem to have come up with a reasonable explanation, but you don't need to think about it anymore, no point in going in circles. Starve the compulsions and the obsessions will go, end of! -Alyssa :))
  11. Hi @Cans01 ! I'm aware of how reassuring people with OCD can be dangerous and I am by no means a professional, but for the sake of how close my story is to your I'm going to share my experience When I was 11 I had a dream where a figure from my religion appeared and told me I was going to die on my 18th birthday. Being young and religious this obviously frightened me a lot because of my beliefs and much like you I spent the majority of my adolescence thinking I was going to die when I reached adulthood because "the universe" didn't want me to live to be a adult. Again like you I didn't think of it all the time but that didn't lessen the effect it had on me. Crazily enough I ended up living past my birthday. But I had also learned to accept it so by the time my birthday did arrive I felt little to no anxiety about the entire ordeal. The thing is your doctor is right it is OCD but no matter how many times I tell you this you're probably not going to believe it until you're ready to accept that fact yourself. You also have to accept that these thoughts have no power unless you ruminate and give them power. Is there a possibility you could die at 26? Absolutely. Is ruminating on that fact, or not leaving your house going to change that if the universe really wants that to happen? No. Does it scare you to hear that? If it does then good lean into it, accept it! That's what you do with OCD. Really you should even try and play into it. I used to inject comedy into when these thoughts bothered me, the thought would pop into my head and I'd acknowledge it go okay so I'm going to die on my birthday? Cool imagine if I died by getting ran over by a clown car that would be really embarrassing ...anyways! And then leave it at that and move on with your day, it's all about starving the OCD. :) As for the frequency of seeing the number 26 you probably see more 7's in your life than 26's but because your brain is on alert about 26 you're going to see it on that small sign 50 miles away because your brain is hyper aware to it. The 7? you're not even going to register as it's not considered "sensitive" in your mind. That's just how it works. it's just OCD and how your mind reacts to it don't look into things when it's not there! -Alyssa :))
  12. Nothing is ever going to more accurately describe my relationship with OCD than this sentence🤣Nail on the head. And as for letting you know I will do! I'm downloading the headspace app as we type I hope you have a good rest of your day ! -Alyssa :))
  13. @Saffron37You really are too kind !!!! 👭I'm sending the best British virtual hug back to you as well :)) I'm keeping a checklist to make sure I'm eating 3 meals a day (albeit not much at the moment but I did spend a relatively stress-free eating week at my grandmother's so there's lots of takeaways food in my stores!😉) and I don't have a problem with drinking so I'm staying well hydrated. Living with the constant anxiety at the moment is the hardest, but I'm convinced once I hit 8 hours sleep I'll start to manage it better!! As for the confusion well...I think it's going to be awhile before I fully start to believe I am doing the right kind of exposure therapy 😕, after all I do tend to avoid gore and horror etc but I fear not so much the images, rather the ruminations I'll have because of those images which is what I need to remember as you said. After all if avoiding googling the images/plot summaries was a compulsion I wouldn't exactly be regurgitating my breakfast into the toilet every morning! Compulsions bring relief and I am most certainly not feeling relief... I agree rumination is so hard to stop! Especially as I constantly have a 24/7 monologue going on in my head at all times it's hard not to engage with those thoughts because well...as mad as it sounds I talk to myself all the time🤣. The hardest is just before I go to sleep now I don't feel calm and in control like I used to, I know the thoughts are going to pop into my head and it's so difficult to ignore them. I think I saw some posts on the forum about good ways to stop ruminating though so I'll have a look at the them in a bit. Thank you for listening to all my rambles today! 😇 -Alyssa :))
  14. @Saffron37I cannot express how grateful I am for the help you have given me these past few weeks. I haven't opened up to anyone about this stuff in my life so this forum is really a safe place for me to ask all these questions. In regards to temporarily giving into the googling compulsions I must admit I am (just a bit!) stubborn and will not give OCD an inch to pull at me with so long as I am able to hold out against it(okay maybe I am very stubborn!). And I would take your suggestion and indulge but the googling images compulsion has evolved into something slightly different this time and I'm at a loss. (vent paragraph ahead sorry!) Long story short I was helping my roommate with his uni coursework and he told me to look up the spark notes summary for his course novel. Knowing my luck it turns out the book is basically 100% murder gore and my intrusive thoughts had an absolute field day! Additionally, he very kindly pointed out there was a sequel that is apparently 10x worse...which you know my OCD...really appreciated.(🙄)So now I am not only being sieged by the horrible stuff of the first book, but my OCD is trying to get me to look up the summary of the second for whatever irrational reason so I can "face my fears"! But I am very aware of what I'm like and giving into the compulsion of going reading the books summaries is only going to cause me to ruminate and obsess over the violent stuff making me more nauseous, especially since my brain is coming up with all these lovely predictions of what horrible stuff could be in the second book. What also doesn't help is my OCD is also convinced that ultimately my therapist is going to get me to look up the summaries anyway so I might as well indulge now ...but it's a compulsion?? So I shouldn't do that?? But maybe they'll tell me to?? I don't even know anymore. It's causing me more anxiety to think I could be resisting all for nothing, but I'm too stubborn to give in and don't think it would help in the long run! (but like you said by having and engaging in these thoughts I'm engaging in a ruminating compulsion anyways!) Sorry this turned into a vent it's just so much harder to stop ruminating than googling images or checking etc... Thank you for your kind words as well as the link the deep breathing did keep the sickness at bay whilst I was typing this so that gives me a little bit of confidence -Alyssa :))
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