FlyingRocket

@DRS1 @PolarBear I'm trying to change the way I think about my intrusive thoughts, trying not to react but it all just feels real. It's just so horrible, can't sleep or eat because of it. Funny thing is, my obsession is probably pretty tame in comparison to what other people experience. People with POCD or thoughts of harming others would probably look at me and laugh because mine is nothing like theirs, their thoughts are of actions that are illegal and have severe consequences but then there's me with some silly obsession about nonsense. I know it looks stupid to a lot of people but it just goes against my morals and values and that's why I worry about it so much. I don't want it to be true.

No, I do not have one. I also don't have 'POCD', my obsession is about a different topic. My sexual obsession just goes against my own personal morals. I just thought I'd comment as seuxal obsessions can be pretty distressing to the individual no matter what the contents are. For example some may have sexual thoughts of being gay (I had this for some time) or some may have intrusive thoughts about a family member etc. I should have clarified this sorry. But the contents of the obsession doesn't matter, it's all OCD.

@Norma42as someone who's been struggling for well over a year with a sexual obsession, stop looking into this. I've made my situation much worse from doing compulsions and I'm convinced I've probably done damage to my brain with associations of sex and the intrusive thoughts through checking and testing compulsions. I'm telling you to leave this alone, just as @DRS1, @PolarBear, @MarieJo and @discuccsanthas. You will heavily regret this if you do not stop doing the compulsions. Leave it alone, do not end up like me.

No I don't. Thoughts alone don't mean anything to me. I have some pretty weird intrusive thoughts sometimes (near a balcony and I have a thought of jumping off despite not wanting to) however I just pay no attention to these thoughts as the brain can create loads of thoughts in your current environment (I suspect it has probably something to do with survival instincts). Same with sexual thoughts, the brain can be weird sometimes and just brings up weird stuff. I've learned to deal with thoughts alone and I don't care about them. However, I think feelings are different to thoughts and that's why I think what I'm experiencing is genuinely something more than OCD. I know that's a common worry from people with OCD 'what if it's not OCD' but I just can't comprehend getting sexual mental feelings of liking something as just OCD.

@DRS1I've tried taking your advice the past few days but this is getting too much for me now. I don't know how you can dismiss these 'feelings' I get as insignificant. It has to mean it's some sort of fetish I've developed from being so worried about it. I ******* hate it so much but when I test myself sometimes it feels like I really like it and I just ******* want it gone. I want it to get out of my head. I don't know how you would just accept these feelings and let them be there and just class them as insignificant. It has to mean something, I just can't see how it doesn't. I've never heard of anybody in my entire life who experiences sexual feelings towards something and it means nothing. I just want it out of my ******* head, I want it gone now I don't get why this happened to me, I never ever liked this in my entirety of my life. When I hear certain songs on the radio that such as REO Speedwagon's can't fight this feeling anymore, that messes with my head too. I can't enjoy songs like these anymore because I get intrusive thoughts about my obsession when I hear the lyrics. I don't know what to do, but I don't want to carry on through life with these feelings constantly in my head. I can't take it, I don't want them there. I hate the subject that my obsession is revolved around, I just want it gone.

So what do I do when the feeling comes up next? Whenever it happens it follows with a huge amount of stress and my anxiety surges. Yeah I know. Whenever my obsession changes this goes out the window. My point was though that this is the only one that returns. However even when I'm not obsessing about it I still feel disgust towards the subject because it goes against my personal values. When you say 'bring them along for the ride in what you do' do you mean to encourage these thoughts? I do not want to encourage them. I want to learn to just tolerate it and hopefully it'll the thoughts will die down in time just like my other thoughts did.

Ok I understand what you mean a bit clearer now but I still have some confusion The feeling is damn near indistinguishable from a real feeling of something I actually do like. That's what trips me up and makes me think that I must like it deep down. How do I combat this? I don't see how there's not a scenario where I can say it doesn't mean something. I just can't wrap my head around it. Sorry if I'm being a bit annoying and stubborn, it's just this topic I really don't like and it's my worst obsession by far. It's the only obsession that keeps coming back. All my other obsessions disappear but this one always comes back. Will it go away? When I'm not obsessing about the topic I don't think about it at all and I'm pretty happy. But then eventually one moment it happens and it sends me spiralling.

I want to though. I don't want to like it, I fcking hate it but I get these feelings of mental arousal and it just throws me off. Just want to clarify, I'm not talking about physical arousal like erections, I'm talking about mental feelings like I like it. I don't see how these can be treated the same way. That's why I think it's something more and I'm just obsessing over the fact that I like it. I just want it gone, I hate it. I don't understand sorry.

@Tough at times @MarieJo Did you ever get feelings like you liked it too? Like intrusive feelings or mental arousal? I have this accompanied with the thoughts and I hate it. I think it's more than OCD.

How do I make myself believe that these thoughts aren't real arousal? How do can I believe they are just intrusive feelings? If they were just thoughts I wouldn't care about them, it's just these feelings every time just pull me back into compulsions. Every time it happens I can't stop doing compulsions, today I managed to prevent my self from doing a compulsion when it happened but that only lasted for about 5 minutes then I did a compulsion. I ususally do the compulsion straight away so I managed to resist for 5 minutes. I just want these feelings gone, I hate it.

Hi again @PolarBear Sorry for coming back here. I try to refrain from posting here because I know it's annoying. I wish I could say during the months I don't post here I'm not worrying about my obsession but it's very rare I stop worrying about this and even if I do it lasts a week maximum, then it comes back. I'm not trying to be disrespectful, and I really appreciate you trying to help me. You are the only one who still replies to me from back in my old posts and I really appreciate you are still trying to help me as the other people have probably just got annoyed by me - but I'm not completely sure if your definition is correct. When I look up the definition of the word 'obsession', all of the ones I've seen do not mention feelings in the same context I'm using it. For example, even the OCDUK obsession page doesn't mention feelings. It's on this page and on the second paragraph Yes, I get intrusive images, worries and fears, they are indeed unwanted and I find them disturbing - but I also get that feeling of mental arousal or 'false attraction' as some say although I don't believe that exists now. This isn't mentioned here. @Ashley Do you agree that feelings like this are not part of OCD? Because I don't think they are anymore. The NHS definition is here, and although it mentions feelings - it doesn't mention them in the context that I'm experiencing. I'm not trying to get reassurance here, I know I have OCD - there's no doubt about it. But I also feel like this problem is more than OCD. I feel like this is definitely some sexual problem I've developed and constantly focusing on it from OCD has probably worsened it. I've never once fantasized about these things in my entire life, but ever since last year I've just gone through hell.

@DRS1 Fair enough. Yeah I'm quite similar, I fear the actual thought coming along too but I also fear that will I eventually act on the thought or will I eventually begin to enjoy the thoughts. I obsess about a lot of things if I'm being honest. When I'm not going through a flare up of my OCD, I never think about these things and I know I don't like it. But sometimes even when I'm not going through a flare up I'll have a thought and it'll give me 'false attraction' response and that's just the worse, that kicks me back into a flare up of it and I start doing compulsions again.

I have no shame surrounding sex, my obsession is about some stupid sexual fetish. You could read my old posts about it, this has been going on for over a year now. I've never wanted an open relationship and the idea always sickened me, but then I got a groinal response, those got worse and worse, I kept checking/testing with videos to see if it was some hidden desire and now I'm at this stage. Just depressed I don't want any of it, it goes against my core beliefs. I would don't want it to be some fantasy in my head and I would most certainly never ever want to do it in real life either. Did any of your sexual obsessions come true and you now like them? If you don't want to answer that's fine

Do you think it's something more than OCD then?

Hi @DRS1 I appreciate your response, but a lot of what you said seems to do with physical arousal (i.e. groinal movements, erections etc). I no longer care about groinal responses, what I do care about is these mental feelings I get after getting an intrusive thought. It feels like I'm 'turned on' by the thought mentally. That's what trips me up constantly. I end up crying when I'm by myself because I just don't want this, I want it gone. I know I have OCD, but I feel like this is some sort of sexual problem too. Perhaps I've developed some fetish or something. Hate it