determination987

All those tips are from you - thanks so much for your help! I can honestly say the help was life-changing! Going through lots of stress at the moment re house renovations etc and I realised how my mind wanted me to go back to checking but I haven’t . It really does take time but does get better!

It really does . Honestly, it’s helped so much by being kinder to myself. It was really easy to listen to OCD when I was feeling like I deserved to suffer. It took a while but it’s got better. I have to catch myself sometimes but on the whole I’ve got my own back which helps me trust my self more to handle things

This used to happen to me a lot! It was like a game of whack-a-mole where one would go and another would pop up in its place. I had a lot of advice on here about trying not to view them all as different ‘problems’ but rather that it was all OCD. Essentially, it’s all the same thing as the pattern is the same and the way I was dealing with it (paying attention, doing compulsions etc) was fuelling them all in the same way. The best thing I did was to stop seeing them as the individual problems and to take a step back and recognise the cycle instead. Also, looking at what I was doing myself to fuel the cycle such as doing nothing nice for myself, low self-esteem, using all my time to focus on OCD (not just the themes but OCD itself). Carving out dedicated time to do something different and giving myself permission to do something else for a while helped so much. As time went on, that time has become bigger and now I can spot an OCD cycle starting really quickly. it wasn’t a fast process but it occurred to me today that I hadn’t been on this site in so long when I used to check it constantly through the days. OCD hasn’t become everything anymore and I didn’t believe I’d get to this stage but it does get better with time. I’m quite firm on myself (in regards to OCD) these days but I practice self-compassion too. Why are we so mean to ourselves on top of OCD? Anyway, sorry for the waffle post but just wanted to let you know that I was exactly the same and it’s got so much better. Therapy helped jumpstart things but ultimately it’s taken a lot of habit breaking to get to this stage and it’s definitely worth it! Hope you feel better soon!

I sometimes have days where my anxiety hits the roof and I can’t put my finger on why. It’s horrible but it does go down eventually on its own and I’ve learned to trust that process. I think it’s taken about a year of being extremely firm on myself about it though to get to the point I trust myself to handle it (if that makes sense). Therapy helped at first but I think it’s been a year of practicing on my own that’s helped the most. There have been times where I’ve slipped into bad habits but they’re short lived these days. I know it’s hard but felt like I could relate to your post and wanted to share that in my experience it’s got better so I hope it does for you too

I think what’s helped me the most with anxiety is to try hard not to push it away. I used to do the same regards to spending lots of time on forums, reading everything about OCD and anxiety as it felt reassuring to know I wasn’t alone. Whilst it was helpful for me, I did feel that it became a bit of a compulsion in itself and took me away from doing other things that could help too. It took a while but I now live my life alongside the anxiety. I basically just let it be there for the ride and encourage myself to live my life anyway. I reduced time spent on reading about it and spent more time outside, with family and finding new hobbies. It’s been hard and anxiety can at times be so high it feels unbearable but I acknowledge it’s there (to myself and others) and carry on anyway. instead of berating myself for anxiety, I comfort myself instead. On high anxiety days I’ll force myself to do the things that make me feel good (even when it doesn’t feel good at times) and over time it’s become a habit. Walks used to be hard and I found my mind would wander relentlessly but after keeping at it, I enjoy walks and can be mindful. I found reading impossible as I couldn’t stay present and now I read every single night and I look forward to it. Basically what I’m saying is, that it takes time and a lot of self persuasion and consistency but it will get better. Anxiety is wasn’t/isn’t the problem (it took me a long time to truly get this) but more my reaction to it. Try and be compassionate to yourself and maybe give yourself a break from anxiety - in terms of reading about it etc. Allow yourself a break - a real break and see how you feel afterwards. Hope you feel better soon

I know how hard it is but it becomes easier over time. There’s a lot of back and forth with it but it gets so much better . Small steps go a long way.

Thank you

I used to take the term ‘sitting with it’ really literally and felt like I had to sit there in agony over the thoughts which often just became rumination. Here are a few things that helped me: I started with self-compassion and making a bit of distance between myself and the thoughts. I’d acknowledge them and then apply compassion to how they were making me feel. Instead of punishing myself more, I’d do something nice for myself instead. Basically the opposite of what I wanted to do which was to self-loathe, reassurance seek and check things. I made sure I had good things to do in the day - started small such as a jog/run or a nice bath. Anything that made me feel good and reminded myself that I deserved them (no matter what thoughts would say otherwise). As time has gone on this has become a lot easier. They do still crop up and I do feel the urge to check at times but I remind myself that going down that road leads nowhere and I know now how quickly that feel does pass when I just let it be. i found trying not to fear anxiety is helpful. I desperately wanted anxious feelings to go and so would constantly check for things going wrong to get rid of that feeling. On anxious days now I do something with that energy instead - I focus my attention elsewhere on positive things and accept that I can handle things as and when they happen. It is tricky but it does get easier overtime . These are just some things that helped me. I had really low confidence and self-esteem so building that up helped me be able to let go of the thoughts more. I now just let them be.

I find that when I’m feeling particularly anxious and prone to obsessions that a break can be healthy. I know avoidance can be an issue but I think that a balance can be good and doing something more beneficial can help. I find a run or walk helpful to break the cycle a bit or some self-care! Hope you feel better soon!

I used to check these posts over and over for mistakes and now I just write it without checking and even if I spot a mistake I click send . Those ones my therapist suggested when I started

I get it, I do. I feel that we hold ourselves to higher and more unattainable standards than other people would ever do . I used to play out scenarios in my head like I was in a courtroom arguing my defence. I don’t do that now. Therapy helped but I think I needed to practice regularly for a while to feel better about it. Like with anything, we have to build up a tolerance to it and that can time. I started on smaller things so like with the milk. Next time that comes up, could you delay it a little? Note the feelings it comes up and be kind to yourself about how you’re feeling. It’s hard but you can handle difficult things. I found it had crept into all areas of my life too. I needed to do EVERYTHING urgently but I now look at whether it’s what I want or whether it’s to get rid of anxiety. If it’s anxiety driven, I don’t do it or I delay it. I never thought I’d get to the stage where I didn’t care as much about forms or things needed actioning but I’m getting there. The urge still comes but I can discard it quickly now and not engage with it. When it’s particularly tough, I remind myself of the alternative - compulsions which make things so much worse.

Can’t add much else to what has been said but just wanted to empathise with you as I’ve struggled with this theme particularly. The dreaded wording on the forms and needing to check things repeatedly with a huge sense of urgency. I used to post about this a lot in the past but it’s got a lot better now so wanted to add that with practice, the urgency gets far less and trust in yourself gets greater . I’ve both avoided and dealt with things immediately as I couldn’t bear to keep things waiting. The moment a form would land at my door, I’d immediately obsess and need it done. Now I leave things to the last minute which I never thought would happen. Currently need to fill a form in with a deadline soon (which I’ve had months) and it’s on my to do list for the weekend. I wouldn’t have been able to tolerate that before. I think that accepting that ‘good enough’ is enough and that if a mistake did come to light that I could deal with it then and in the moment (like you have done). I find OCD likes to blow things hugely out of proportion and makes it seem almost certain that a catastrophic mistake will be made and horrendous consequences. It completely leaves out context. Also find that being kind to ourselves and rewarding ourselves for doing hard things goes a long way. Treat yourself for doing them and be kind to yourself

I know . I’ve always wondered how other people’s brains could just accept things and carry on with their days. However, after therapy and lots of practice, I’m getting the hang of it so it can be done. It takes a lot of leaps of faith and feeling uncomfortable but those feelings do go away. I’ve had loads of triggers lately and usually it would send me spiralling but it hasn’t. The urges have popped up but the anxiety is SO much less than it used to be as I don’t engage with it anymore. There are slips but it’s easier to remind myself where those get me and how much time I’ve got back from not doing endless compulsions. I found delays helpful in the beginning. So if I couldn’t accept not actioning something as it felt so important/urgent, I would postpone it and be kind to myself in the meantime. It felt really uncomfortable but I got used to it and trusted that that feeling would go away. It does. i started asking myself what I’d be doing if I wasn’t bothered by my thoughts and I tried to do it anyway. Even if I felt miserable doing it and neglectful, I would try and do something good for myself. I found that wishing the thoughts would stop just made them come back stronger. Accepting them and reminding myself that listening to them and trying to figure out hypothetical scenarios wasn’t ever useful and just took my time from me. Allow yourself some peace. I know it’s hard and I know your mind will likely throw the thoughts back at you but try and give yourself permission to have a break. Do something for yourself that’s kind and allow yourself to come back to the thoughts later if needed but take a break now. It does get easier but it’s not instant unfortunately. Small steps can make huge progress in the end

Hi, I think OCD can make everything feel important and potentially catastrophic which is how it sucks us into its cycle of doubt and the need to prevent that doubt and anxiety. I find that it makes situations that are unimportant into huge catastrophic events that need urgent attention. I’ve found that through practice, the thing that has helped me most is self- compassion. Instead of berating myself and constantly doing compulsions, I apply compassion and allow myself a break from it. If something needs attention, I can give it that but I now understand that I don’t need perfection, to be 100% certain that it’s the right choice and that ‘good enough’ is absolutely fine. Working on tolerating uncertainty is helpful. In life we tolerate it in so many areas but OCD doesn’t allow that on areas it has fixated on. Acknowledging when that’s happening and allowing yourself the choice to step away can be really freeing. It helps us to see that we do have a choice, we are allowed to have a break and that what is important is looking after yourself. You matter and that’s important. Be kind to yourself and apply compassion where possible. It’s hard having all of these doubts but it gets a lot easier to live with doubt with practice

Definitely agree with this. Using this approach currently as have a huge trigger (that does need dealing with) and can see that my mind is obsessing and drawing me back in to checking obsessively. I’ve assigned a time to deal with the task next week when needed and whilst I feel my mind wanting me to deal with it sooner (and giving me lots of catastrophes that it believes will happen if I don’t keep checking/reassurance seeking) I’m finding it helpful to trust that I can handle it then instead and that any worries can be dealt with then. It’s hard but it does reduce the intensity for me and stops my brain getting carried away (it’s trying its best though!)

I know what you mean. I ALWAYS regret doing the compulsions and they always lead me to more. If you can try and catch it when it first starts it’s easier and the intensity goes down a lot. That’s really good . There are definite ups and downs (like with everything) but with practice there are more ups than downs with it . Make sure to treat yourself and apply kindness. I find it’s really easy to be hard on ourselves which makes it a lot easier for OCD to set in

I think self-compassion can go a long way here. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself. Your anxiety will likely be high after doing a compulsion but it will come down on its own. Remind yourself of what happens when you do a compulsion and see if you can acknowledge the urge/feelings and instead of doing a compulsion, apply kindness instead. So if you’re doing the laundry and the thoughts pop up, acknowledge they’re there and that it’s hard and you REALLY want to do something about them but try and continue as you were before the thoughts came. I find that when I do this, the thoughts pass by so much faster. If it’s too difficult, I allow myself to come back to the ‘problem’ later and set a time to address it. I usually find that by this point that the intensity is so much lower and I can refrain better.

I've lost count of the amount of policies, laws and rules that I've read so can relate. I've made some really embarrassing and confusing calls to people/organisations to check that I haven't done something wrong. I couldn't bear to sit with the uncertainty and thought I was being proactive in fixing 'problems'. The issue is that there wasn't a problem to fix, it was all OCD. In therapy, a large focus was on tolerating uncertainty and then looking at what is a reasonable check for me. I couldn't completely disregard rules etc but I could take reasonable steps and not hold myself to higher standards than everyone else. Accepting that if I make/made a mistake that I could deal with it as and when it came to my attention, not coming up with hypothetical scenarios. I used to avoid films and tv that involved crime but now I watch them, note the feelings/thoughts they bring up but let them be and continue watching. Those thoughts come up far less . It gets better with practice. My tips would be: - Work on acknowledging that the problem is OCD, not the situation it has come up with. - Look at tolerating uncertainty. We do this in many areas in life but when it comes to OCD topics it can feel unbearable. Learning to tolerate it and embrace the fact we can never be certain really helps. - Reminding yourself of the damage that compulsions do (as noted above) and try resisting/delaying compulsions - Think about what YOU want, not what OCD wants - Choose positive things to do with your time. - Self-compassion. Work on being kind to yourself, acknowledge that you're human and that you're struggling. Treat yourself the way you would someone else that was struggling. - Note the urge, feeling/thought and see if you can remind yourself of what you were doing before or what you would like to be doing and do that instead - Small steps go a long way. Build up your confidence with it. I found starting with smaller triggers helped and then worked my way up to bigger ones. - Keep at it. If you do a compulsion, that's okay. Remind yourself next time of how that felt and see if you can practice allowing the anxiety to be there and continuing with your day. Hope you feel better soon

I definitely feel like that! It’s what makes it all compelling! If it didn’t feel real we wouldn’t care so much. Just because something feels real doesn’t mean that it is. The feelings we have can feel unbearable and I know we want them to go away but compulsions will never do that. Trust that you can cope with the feelings and that anxiety is okay. It doesn’t feel good but it will pass

I have lots of thoughts about what I may or may not have done. It used to feel like from the moment I woke that my brain was scanning the past for potential wrongdoings and it would always find something or a ‘what if’ that would then become so real because I spent so much time obsessing over it. It would morph and change until I couldn’t be sure of anything. The past is easy for OCD to take advantage of because of how much uncertainty there is because we’ll never remember it clearly and it can distort a very minor incident into a catastrophic ‘police coming to the door any second’ moment. Unfortunately we cannot control our thoughts but only our reaction to them. The worry that comes from the thoughts drives us to do compulsions that attempt to get rid of the worry and thoughts. The problem here isn’t the worry or the thought but those compulsions. Ruminating has been one of my biggest compulsions and over time has become easier to get a handle on. What you’re describing is the urge to do the compulsions. The desperate urge to do something to get rid of the horrible feelings that come from the thoughts. I’ve put some tips below that have helped me: - stop fighting the thoughts. I try not to dismiss them anymore entirely as I find myself arguing against them and inadvertently giving myself reassurance (like I’m in a courtroom in my brain explaining why I’m not guilty). Instead I accept them (not what they mean) but I accept how horrible they are and how they make me feel. - I apply compassion. I acknowledge the hurt they feel and then I’m kind to myself. I take deep breaths and if I’m struggling I ask for support (not reassurance). I don’t tell the person what my thoughts are anymore as that ultimately led to me asking for reassurance but I say ‘I’m having horrible thoughts and I feel awful, can you help me do something else or just sit with me until it passes?’ - if I spot it starting (I used to find myself doing it without realising which felt horrendous but with practice not so much anymore) I give myself a choice. Do I continue going down that route knowing the pain it causes or do I let it be there and continue with what I want to do. The second option means the anxiety goes much faster and the thought passes. - I remind myself that no matter what thoughts or feelings I have that I deserve kindness and to be treated well. Including by myself. I treat myself like I want to feel even when feeling terrible. - Delay if it feels too much. Set a time to come back to it but give yourself permission to live in the meantime. It will take some of the intensity down and help you practice coping with the uncertainty.

I agree . Lovely post. Happy New Year!

I think small steps really help so if you can’t stop them completely, reducing and delaying them is a good alternative. If I’m having a bad time with it, I’ll set a time for later in the day to give myself permission to have a break from it. Often by the time that comes round, I don’t need to do it as the strong urge has gone. It will get easier with practice again . That’s great that you recognise that it would be a compulsion with your partner. No amount of reassurance will be enough as the doubt always creeps back in with OCD. Remind yourself that the problem is OCD here, not needing to say things right. i think I’ve had pretty much most themes over the years as they morph and my mind finds it easy to obsess and doubt pretty much everything. I treat it all the same regardless of the content. OCD doesn’t care what it focuses on, just wants to keep us in the cycle. Accept the thoughts but know that you can cope with them. It hurts but you can do this. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself as the good person you are

Hi, Sorry you’re having a difficult time. In my experience, I have had more old themes than new since getting better. I find it’s because it’s an easy path for my brain to take because it’s been done so many times before. I also get tempted to do them again because I’m ‘better’ and it won’t be as bad. This never works. It’s just another way for my brain to start checking. The best thing I’ve found is accepting them and reminding myself that although it’s uncomfortable (an understatement I know) I can cope with them. The anxiety isn’t the problem but the response to it. if I find myself going down that route again, I go back to basics of CBT and really work on boosting my self-esteem and confidence because when that slips, it’s easy for OCD to sink in. For me, that’s: - reminding myself that these are thoughts, not facts - it’s uncertainty that I struggle with, not the hypothetical problem that OCD has presented me with - I have two options. Compulsions that lead me to misery and panic or short term anxiety that will go eventually - work on filling my days with some positive things such as hobbies, cooking a nice meal, going for a run - acknowledging the thoughts and the pain they cause and giving myself compassion instead of berating myself and giving myself an impossible task - ask for support from people but being careful not to seek reassurance as it’s an easy one to do!

What a lovely message. Thanks Ashley and Merry Christmas to everyone

Hi My brain often fixates on a ‘real’ event or issue but I treat it the same as the others. The more you obsess, the more ‘real’ and catastrophic it feels when it reality, OCD has blown a non issue up into a massive catastrophe. The same as with any other OCD fixation, logic isn’t the answer. Rationalising won’t work on something that isn’t rational and it will never be enough for OCD as it will never let go of the teeniest, unrealistic chance of it being true. As you’ve mentioned, strengthening your tolerance to uncertainty will help. We accept uncertainty in so many things in life. I think when we accept that no amount of reassurance, rumination, problem solving etc will change anything, it becomes easier with practice. Starting small and building it up can go a long way . Perhaps start on a smaller scale and start with something that makes you a bit anxious and see if you can practice tolerating it. I find that setting myself a new challenge and making myself a bit uncomfortable helpful. It shows me that I can cope with uncertainty without spiralling me. i think this time of year can really exacerbate OCD and anxiety. I find the darker days and pressures of christmas etc can mean anxiety spikes and it’s far easier for OCD to set in. I think this week I’ve had pretty much every theme I’ve ever had pop up trying to get my attention and it’s difficult to avoid a few compulsions so I’m doing delays when it’s unbearable. Focusing on setting time for yourself where possible and eating well and exercising can help. I haven’t run as much this week and I can definitely feel a difference in how I feel. Being kind to yourself too! I always say this but it really helps. I forget and start bullying myself and reminding myself that I’m human and deserve kindness no matter what is really helpful. Hope you feel better soon