cg1

This might be useful https://beyondocd.org/expert-perspectives/articles/when-people-become-obsessed-with-other-people

Thank you for the kind words, I'm struggling a lot today I just don't see a point, I hate myself even outside of my relationship mess up, I live through a lens of fear everyone around me is so strong and I'm just not

I broke up with my ex 2 months ago now I did so well at first then turned into a nutcase after I thought we loved each other and had a real chance, I bombarded her with essay messages, about how I loved her/ please don't shut me out of your life ect, isnet flowers and invited her out for valentine's, nothing threatening or abusive on anyway, but kept appologising and asking her to be friends she kept saying we needed space, I wouldn't stop. Kept going for 2weeks , she was getting more and more annoyed, sent her a message/ essay every 3 days or so. They were very repetative. I have very severe Obsessive complusive disorder. Everytime she spoke about the relationship she said she doesn't want to talk about this for now, I clung onto the "for now" part and kept trying. I got sucked into a win your ex back website and thought I was doing the right thing. It's all so shameful. The messages were so confusing one minute it was "please don't push me out of your life like this", the next it was me telling her I'd got rid of her number I was lying of course I kept trying to but couldn't let go, the next it was " if we love each other what the hell are we doing", then it was "this is the best thing that's happened to me so thank you." I sent her a last message thinking I was blocked as I kept asking her to, because I knew I just wasn't ok, I read on a website to put things out in the world that you know won't go anywhere, I should never had sent it a part of me somehow hoped she would magically change her mind or something. It's was along the lines of - Its nice to feel close to you when I'm struggling, with some ed Sheeran lyrics, and how I missed her ect, and that I believe our hearts will find our way back to eachother, saying that I hope I get a chance to show her what she means to me and I guess this is me loving you from a distance until it fades, and hopefully we can be friends, and how I never knew I could miss someone so much how it felt like I was greving someone who had died, and I would have gone to the very end with you unfortunately she hadn't blocked me like I thought, I was so embarrassed, and it's probably looked really creepy and stalker like to her. her dad contacted me 30mins later and said there would be legal proceedings if I didn't stop. completely stopped now, haven't reached out in a month, and feel absolutely awful about causing her grief. I fully repsect what her dad did and send a appolgie explaining how I wasn't dealing with this well ect. And I'm truly sorry for upsetting you and your daughter The messages were never bad threatening or abusive, they were mostly saying times I remember, how I miss her love her and appologising for everything. Old photos of us ect. And how I was working on myself to be a better person, she said regardless of the fact she loves me im not in a position to give her what she wants/expects from a relationship right now, I wish I had that time. For some stupid reason In one of them I told her I was on a date (i didn't really know what it was tbh) and that the girl was nice and sweet but everytime I looked at her all I can see is you. I was very hurt and got emotional, I regret saying about how Iooked after her when she was down, and I feel abandoned now I have been doing badly for the last few months recently, she said I was using manipulation. And just because I stayed when she was struggling doesn't mean she can't leave me I really wasn't trying to get her to come back and I felt so hurt. Felt abandoned. I've never been in love before, and 4 days before she left she said about how she had planned our wedding in her head and how she was saving for a morgage and how we could move in together, I thought everything was perfect. I felt so safe. Happy. She left me once before and when we broke up she said she took me back out of pity because I was sad. And became more distant to the point were I was anxious all the time about her leaving. Due to the threat of legal proceedings I'm terrified I'm a abuser gaslighter manipulator and narrisist, or I'm struggling with real even OCD I'm not sure. It's all I can think about every single day all day. I was planning on suicide and have been in and out of a crisis center/ Samaritans everyday since the split as I hate myself for hurting her and being disrespectful to her wishes. Or if there is something else wrong with me. The people I'm seeing said I had a complete mental breakdown after she left me and did not take it well at all, and a lot of other problems with my dipression, anxiety OCD abandonment issues. And it forced me to grieve the loss of a child we lost together, as I never did in the relationship as I looked after her at the time. She said I saved her life then. It was such a perfect storm. She was the only person who I could talk to about that part of the reason I think I found it so hard to let go. I'm part of a crisis team but don't feel like a deserve to be happy or get better or the help I'm getting because of the grief I caused her. The part I regret most is lossing a possible friendship with one of the best people I've ever met. I have no idea what came over me. I never acted so out of turn in my entire life and am normally such a chill person. After every other breakup I've just accepted it. I haven't spoken to her in a month. I wish I wasn't here anymore. I never wanted to be in position or a bad person. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Thank you so much again for your help really appreciate it!

It's hard knowing that someone knew about your darkest ocd themes and are gone. Currently afriad that because my heart is beating fast, and mental health is a spectrum that I understand can get better or worsen, It will turn into a schizophrenia and I could hurt people around me more than I have

Thank you, I knew it wasn't right deep down it was selfish really she deserves to be happy to suppose it's just hard knowing that wasn't me anymore. Thank you so much for your time! I think a hard part of it for me is knowing now I have to face ocd alone, it's a scary thing

I know this will haunt me for the rest of my life I don't know what to do

She told me she loved me even after breaking up but I should have loved her when I had the chance I tried to explain myself and my ocd but just took it as toxic manipulation/ excuse I never meant it to come across that way

Thank you so much for your kindness, im 27 and don't think I've truly been in love before, feels like a train hit me, worse part is I knew the messages were pushing her away forever I just couldn't help myself trying to cling on to anything, I'm trying to focus on self love and believing that I deserve to get better, but it's so difficult when you hate your self

Threat*

We broke up properly the end of Jan, I didn't handle it well and bombarded her with essay messages (nothing abusive just about how I loved her and miss her songs pictures of us ect) every 3-4 days for 3 weeks after, my therapist said my OCD got involved and I just kept trying to fix things when she just wanted me to leave her alone, I wouldn't listen and made it so much harder for her to leave me, she was my best friend I told her about my struggles and ending up in a crisis center, and on sucidal watch, and the people I was seeing, I wanted to show her I was trying to fix things but she took it as me trying to guilt and manipulate her into coming back I never meant it that way I just wanted her to know I was trying, I sent a appolgie letter, and asked her to block me as I knew my OCD was getting worse and I was heartbroken and acting on impulse, her dad text me and told me he would press legal charges if I didn't go away. I feel terrible as we ended quite ok and wanted to stay friends now I've ruined everything. I don't know what to do now I feel like a treat to women and a narraccist, I feel like I've made OCD up and are seeking help to get me off the hook. I never meant for any of this to happen

I've got a therapist atm I just don't feel like I deserve to be seeing them, and it was a relationship with someone who I cared about a great deal but due to my fear of intimacy, afraid that she would accept me with my ocd, I neglected the relationship, (stupidly I explained it when I was drunk once years ago and I never knew she knew) I think a part of it was rocd I feel awful she felt like she was never good enough, and now I feel that way, we broke up in November and she took me back out of pity and wanting to help me, I pushed the help away. I don't know how to forgive myself she spent so much time waiting for me to tell her how I felt and when I did she left 4 days later. It's just such a mess. I don't know how to move on and my ocd and dipression are taking over my life with other themes ect, the rumination is killing me

Struggling today, feel like a huge burden for everyone around me who is trying to help me, I'm not helping myself as much as I should be, I'm struggling to feel like I deserve to get better due to past mistakes and the people I've hurt (emotionally) along the way, due to my lack of self love and ignorance also my OCD and mental health in general, I really never meant to hurt anyone. Keep coming back to the idea that I'm better off not here anymore, just at my wit's end with it

I've read it does help OCD, but there are a few side effects and you can't drink while on it, I know drinking is bad when you have OCD but I myself at 27 sometimes wants to feel normal with my mates. And I agree I feel you need to find someone like a therapist ect who may not necessarily get it but is at least a commasionate understanding person

Nice one ! Sometimes I find traveling to a different town/ city helps as you feel away from your problems, I understand it's not that simple for many people, but I find a new environment distracts my brain. And I'll be sure to check them out thanks very much