arthur

Every time I drive (pretty much daily), I will think I have run over someone/caused an accident (after 9 years of driving, there hasn't been a single incident). It's usually when I hit a slight bump in the road and immediately imagine/worry it was a person.

Any help would be much appreciated.

I am looking for someone to point me in the direction of good literature (or someone willing to share their own experience) in relation to the following: 1. Does it ever seem to you as though you need to think certain things, even when they cause you anxiety? (I am using the word 'need' in the sense of having an 'urge' or 'desire'). 2. Is there a correlation between people who have OCD and people who display compulsive, inappropriate sexual behaviour? Any help pointing me in the right direction to read up on these two areas would be greatly appreciated. Best wishes to everyone, wherever you are on the journey. Keep going.

Hello Cora It has been some time since I last posted (6 years!) but was drawn again to the forums for a number of reasons related to what I am currently experiencing. I firstly wanted to thank you for your post. Selfishly, this is because I found great comfort in it, which may sound somewhat bizarre given the agony and pain you so clearly describe. I have had OCD for so long (I'm in my mid 30s and can trace it back to about the age of 10) that it has morphed and escalated (as felix4 says above) into something out of all recognition from what I used to think OCD could be labelled and from what others would often write about their experiences. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone. If nothing else I hope this is of at least a little comfort to you, too, that your experience (no matter what you feel or what you are prone to believe/doubt) is a shared experience, at the very least with me. I wish I could download my thinking and brain space (for want of a better term) and let you see just how similar we are in the things you have written. Hand on heart, I could have written every single word of your post - even down to the apologies. You may feel alone but you are not. I'm with you, and I take comfort that I am not alone as you have been brave enough to put in words what you experience. In relation to the questions you ask, I wish I had the answers too, I really do. One thing I can say is that the ultimate reason will be found in the fact that our thinking is so mixed up and messed up, entangled with mis-firing, mis-directed feelings/urges/emotions and combined with faulty beliefs that the outcome will necessarily be the confusing, contradictory and anxiety creating things you mention. In terms of thinking thoughts on purpose, I can only speak for myself and say that testing (in one form or another) is the main reason for this. And as for the numbness, irritability, loss of empathy, lack of patience - I hear you and can only assume this is experienced by many people who struggle with OCD beyond ourselves, but I know that doesn't help to deal with the guilt it can bring. I'm sorry if all I can is that you are genuinely not alone, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

I haven't experienced what you describe but our minds are pretty unique! If you are not already, I would really encourage you to speak to your doctor about what you are experiencing.

Hello. I think it is quite common for people with OCD to experience extreme emotions, including anger, due to the amount of activity going on in the brain. That's my understanding anyway. People who suffer from unwanted sexual thoughts sometimes claim to experience a feeling of arousal - similarly, if you are having thoughts of harming someone, it may be true that you experience anger, or something you consider to be anger. I hope your time with the psychiatrist goes well and you feel able to talk about what's going on in your head.

Hello I have been suffering from this very same affliction in recent times (I feel I could had written your post myself it is that similar!) In terms of advice, I am not best suited as I rarely put it into practise ("physician heal thyself!"). I know it is important to 'let the thoughts come' etc but I feel unable to at present with this particular 'thought'/'false memory' due to the perceived consequences. I am a Christian and have prayed for clarity and an ability to tell truth from lies. Yesterday, after a terrible time struggling with this very issue over the preceding days, this topic happened to be the at the top of the forum discussion when I visited the website. I consider it an encouragement and answer to prayer that this very topic should be available for me to read and discuss. I just thought that might be of interest to some and an encouragement to others. Press on!

There's nothing nice in my head - the adult world took it all away I wake up with the same spit in my mouth - I cannot tell if it's real or not I try to walk in a straight line - an imitation of dignity From despair to where [media=] [/media]

Hi Nik - so sorry to read of your current struggle. I have faced an excruciating battle with anxiety 'what if?' thoughts in recent weeks so can empathise with the feelings you mention, including the desire to stay in bed as opposed to feeling false around friends and family. Is there any particular reason you are not yet taking the prescribed medication? From experience, my own OCD is a lot worse when not complying with my medication. I'm also waiting for CBT. Have you been referred by your GP - do you know how long a wait you will have? CBT can be very helpful. For one thing, it helps to focus the mind of the sufferer somewhat in the midst of the rest of the week when we experience less structured environments (hope that makes sense!). In terms of mechanisms/techniques to help in the short-term, I'm not sure what to advise (I feel I am in the same boat as you!) but I believe the key lies in trying to become less reliant upon our 'rituals' (mental or actual) for relief from the anxiety our obsessions cause (someone please correct me if I'm wrong!). In your case it sounds like the ritualistic element of the OCD cycle is the desire to prove/disprove the obsession(s) that you may have picked up diseases in the past. Success will initially involve learning to label the obsessive thought as nothing more than an obsessive thought, not worthy of attention or consideration, let alone hours of worry. There are different ways to do this but my own therapist focussed on analysing my own ocd cycles and writing down the various stages so that I could view and understand them more objectively. Then you may begin to see the similarities each of your obsessions has (obsession, anxiety, compulsion, relief etc) and be more willing to endure short-term anxiety, reinforced with the knowledge that you suffer from a disorder that adequately explains what you are experiencing. I'm sorry if none of that is helpful or if it is just repeating things you already know - just seemed appropriate to type I really hope you are able to see some progress soon and enjoy more permanent relief from the anxiety. arthur

I play sports and try to exercise. I find that team sports are good for forcing me out of myself and into the moment if that makes sense! I also watch Gilmore Girls (guilty pleasure!)

I can empathise with some of what you write. My main advice, which you alone can decide whether to heed or not, is to stop using pornography all together. It does not help to form balanced, healthy views of sex, relationships or women and causes an extra, unnecessary hurdle for our already mixed-up minds. As anxiety disorder sufferers we would do far better to cultivate healthier ways of thinking in all aspects of life. Accept that you have confessed - accept that the urge to continue confessing and analysing your previous confessions is a manifestation of OCD - seek to move forward.

Yes, very similar. Identical, in fact. Unpleasant in the extreme.

After one particularly bad OCD experience following a night of (excessive) drinking, I decided to cut right back on alcohol. I almost never drink now (I shouldn't drink at all given that I am taking medication), giving OCD one less opportunity to make things difficult for me.

Yes, as legend says above, it is obsessive thinking and common to OCD sufferers. I hope the thoughts subside soon and you are able to concentrate on your revision.

An excellent, succinct and well-written description of the nature of fear in the life of a sufferer. Thanks for sharing this - I found it encouraging after a difficult weekend. arthur