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Mel1971

OCD-UK Member
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About Mel1971

  • Birthday 07/09/1967

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Family or Friend
  • Type of OCD
    daughter has ocd, ex husband has ocd

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Wiltshire

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  1. Mel1971

    Mrs

    hi Kaz As Snowbear said its important he has goals to achieve, and a trade off might be a summer job or seeking help I have an ex husband with OCD and my 18 year old daughter had OCD when she was 9, luckily she is OCD free but has clinical depression. Its about facing him and reiterating that you care about him so much that you want him to live the best life possible and he isn't at the moment but that can change and if he allows you, you can arrange therapy etc. Good luck Mel
  2. I found this while having a look a the F&F Forum after many years away and this is one I can answer - takes me back a bit but I definitely can answer it Ashley lorna was 9 when she started physically and verbally assaulting me, the therapist said I should hold her down but that just made things so much worse I would give her a safe space and a 30 second break at first then I would check on her and then leave her for a minute then go back - sometimes she would slam her head into the wall (as there was nothing else to hurt herself with) and I would intervene because I could hear it, stood on the stairs She would hit me, smack me, threaten me, say to me quite calmly at aged 10 that if she had a gun in her hand she would shoot me dead. I knew she could not understand what was going on in her head and she didnt mean it - 8 years on we are so close but she has her problems still, clinical depression and anorexia which is being treated - she is ashamed of what she did even though I have said she doesn't need to say anything about it - its fine and It was just a way to show how distressed she was at the time.
  3. Hi Julie Thats amazing, well done to your daughter! I do hope she was able to take up that place at the university and i am glad to hear that the uni has taken on board her needs, take care x7
  4. Mel1971

    a personal experience.

    Well done to you!!! Wife with A level Psychology is amazing What a horrifying time for all of you - my ex husband had and still has those kind of intrusive thoughts, ocd at its worst im afraid But not for one second did I ever think that anything would happen, he sees our daughter whenever he wants and I have no qualms like you about it. I feel so for your husband, this will have sent his ocd into overdrive and it will allow ocd to play on this even more. I do feel an apology from the person that assessed him (even when they shouldnt have) would go towards helping him, knowing she/he was wrong and had completely gone overboard for no reason at all (makes me soo angry!!!) may when hes calm show him that there was no reason for him not to be with his family. I do hope very soon he gets some help from the clinical team, it will aid him to cope with his ocd and those intrusive thoughts. Professor Paul Salkovskis is definetly one of the best people that your husband could get treatment from. Take care and I hope you and your family are well after this horrible episode.
  5. Mel1971

    5 Years on and no ocd !

    Hi guys, aww so nice to hear from you too - Whitebeam, thats amazing, yes of course I remember you and your lovely hubby from the camping trip - the takeaway in the dark and the random horse deciding to steal sugar from a tent lol - im so thrilled for you Legend - thanks me dear for your support xx Carol - thanks hon, miss our chats!! She is a lovely young lady, sweet and kind but a go getter, she wants to be a teacher and is mostly A's at school its amazing! She is doing a week of work experience in May, something a few years ago that she would never do, but shes so enthusiastic and looking forward to it, I started back to work 16 months ago part time but went full time for a Housing Association in Customer Service, which is challenging but rewarding as well. Lorna is what used to be called a latch key kid for an hour or so after school something i would never consider before. I do snatch time for myself, I make sure that i am a bit selfish and do something for myself and it helps, i have some amazing work mates, we call each other our 'work family' so that's something for me too. Marc is battling it for the first time in years, we all gave him a good talking to and he is slowly realising that if you dont give in, it does eventually get better, he still has an uphilll road but hasnt sought reassurance from his work colleagues which was what he was doing, since the incident. He feels more positive, his mood is elevated which has helped tremendously. take care x
  6. Mel1971

    5 Years on and no ocd !

    We were very lucky, the right care, at the right time - unfortunately a lot of times it doesnt happen like that, but it shows that if the right care is given when the sufferer is young, then it can be overcome thanks x
  7. Hi Some of you may remember me from years gone by!! I thought I would give you a total success story My daughter Lorna was diagnosed with ocd when she was 10, her symptoms had been on and off since she was 6 years old, and I remember trying to stop myself thinking it was ocd (my ex husband has ocd aswell) but eventually had to face the fact it seemed like it was - and a trip to the psychiatrist and a diagnosis was done of ocd and high functioning autism. We started therapy with two psychologists who were amazingly helpful and supportive to me aswell. And last time I updated Lorna had started to take tentative steps to fight back against ocd and was doing well Lorna is a shy but reasonably confident nearly 15 year old, she has a wide circle of friends and is very popular. She is doing very well at school and ocd is not on the agenda, its been years since she has had any issues with ocd. The autism still causes a few problems but she is learns from these experiences and moves forward. It can be done, if you had told me five years ago that Lorna would be the person she is today, I would have never believed you, so it can happen. I had amazing support from people on this forum too, that helped me through some very tough times. For those that remmeber my posts about my ex husband, he has been quite unwell but a few months ago unfortunately became so low he took an overdose, but he phoned me to tell me - a few months down the line he is fighting back against his ocd and is taking the therapy seriously, realising he has a second chance at life now. Take care x
  8. Mel1971

    OVERWHELMED with ANXIETY

    hi hope the appointment went well, when anxiety is very high you will get physical symptoms, i know its difficult but try and distract yourself, try not to focus on how panicky you are getting because that just amps up the anxiety and makes you feel worse. Accept that anxiety is a fact of life and that it will come and go, even if it doesnt seem to be driven by anything. If its an ocd fear then using the four steps is a good idea - cbt wont work unless you are ready to face that anxiety and get on top ofit. You are going through a major med change at the moment so its expected that you are going to feel off kilter until things settle down take care x
  9. Mel1971

    Soooooooo FRUSTRATED !

    good for you - let us know how you get on and im a single mum too xx
  10. Mel1971

    Soooooooo FRUSTRATED !

    hiya then i suggest you go back to CAMHS and ask to see someone else because its not getting any better, one of the psychs did an anger management course with lorna (she didnt know it at the time - it was incorporated into their sessions) and we set up some rules for home if she kicked off and it worked amazingly well. its going to be really difficult to find triggers because only she knows how she feels and she doesnt understand why she feels this way, it could be something that we find tiny and insignificant could be a huge ball of anxiety for her. its really annoying to see someone similar to my position a few years ago not getting the vital help they need, i can see from a few years on now how much it helped and how important it is. This therapist, is a psych or a mental health nurse? It would be interesting to find out what qualifications this person has because they are seriously lacking. Do go back to CAMHS and seek a second opinion, print off my post and take it with you to show its not just your child who has this type of behaviour and its not just acting up, shes obviously suffering bless her, take care x
  11. Mel1971

    Soooooooo FRUSTRATED !

    hi niki your daughter sounds a lot like my daughter Lorna was a couple of years back- they keep a 'mask' on at school and its only when they are home in a place where they feel safe that they can let it all out when my daughter was in primary school i could always tell within five minutes of picking her up whether it was going to kick off or if she was going to be calm -the slightest thing would send her temper from 0-10 in five seconds. My daughter has ocd and high functioning autism. She had weekly sessions with two psychologists - one to deal with home life and one who dealt with school. Lorna would not be able to finish homework or re do it several times because it didnt feel right, her teacher actually saw her mood change when they were in an art lesson and lorna's paper was slightly wrinkled. lorna still has difficulty telling peoples moods by their face, and doesnt get some jokes, she finds large social circles a problem, she still cannot tie her shoe laces and still has problems with her feet - they are hypersensitive so finding shoes is sometimes a nightmare (autistic trait).But with good therapy her ocd is way way in the background and she is a happy child again. Behavoiur charts dont work, all they do is punish the child for having a mental health condition. Ocd is on the Autistic Spectrum and some sufferers can have both. Tell the psych that you are unhappy with what they have said and let them know you arent going to put up with this kind of treatment and to get on and do their job. The more you stand up to them and let them know you wont be pushed aside and let her be labelled a badly behaved child, the more they will sit up and take notice. I wouldnt let anyone talk to me like that about my child, fighting back is the only answer to get the help your daughter needs take care x
  12. Mel1971

    Horrible day last week

    hi nytoffee I really feel that this could start to damage your son - I wouldnt in any way want to alarm anyone but my daughter suffered years of my husbands ocd and controlling behaviour and it has taken four years since we split up, to unpick some of that mess - she had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and OCD. So your son comes first. What you could do is talk to her, no arguments, if she gets angry or shouty just back away dont engage - and stay firm but calm. She needs to tell her parents and a doctor, explain that your son was made to do something he didnt want to do - because of her ocd and that is unacceptable. Keeping calm but being firm is the way forward, this upset for your son cannot continue. I know that deep down your wife knows this. Getting angry and having shouting matches is not a productive way forward and just causes bad feeling on both sides. Make sure she knows this is about your child, not just a whinge or other sort of argument, this is about the most important person in your life and both of you can try and see how her ocd and the upsets and arguments it causes are affecting him. This is not a blame game - its trying to find a way to get your wife help so she can be the mother she really wants to be for your son. take care and good luck
  13. hi sorry to hear how tough things are, having been down this road myself i understand how youre feeling, when you take on a carer role, it does take a toll on the marriage, and there is a 'rock bottom' when you have to take that decision to stay or go -and its extremely difficult because (apart from his parents) no one else in your life knows how bad it is or understands. This could be an opportunity for him to really push ahead with the cbt and not miss any appointments. For you both to seek therapy to work on your marriage A couple of things you said rang true with me, you almost feel like his parent - i had the same with my ex husband it changed our relationship. In all this though I want you to think of yourself, what you want out of life, i know its very hard being a carer and trying to put yourself first, but its youre future,and youre life too. Either way its going to be difficult, do take care and get time out for yourself,
  14. hi we have to be very careful on this forums not to give reassurance, reassurance just perpetuates the ocd 'vicious circle' -if you were given reassurance now that would be temporary relief but only for a short time and this can make ocd worse. Have you had a diagnosis and seen a therapist? take care
  15. hi thats a great article Carol showed you and as she said i will tell you to push push and push again, and demand a diagnosis, shes your child, these professionals arent infallible, if the therapist wont, then ask to see someone who will, they might say they dont want to 'label' her, thats piffle, if she had a physical problem she would get a diagnosis, why not a mental health condition? They should be helping with the anger, helping you cope with it, putting strategies into place for when it does kick off- my daughter Lorna had two psychs who alternatly saw her each week one dealt with school issues and home work not handed in because it wasnt perfect etc, one dealt with home issues, If they start talking behaviour charts its time to see someone different, children shouldnt be punished for this kind of behaviour, its a pressure release valve for all the stress and anxiety that they are suffering through and they simply cant express it any other way. With cbt to help the ocd, eventually the ocd anxiety dies down and the child has no need to be so explosively angry and the outbursts become lesser. We worked out an agreement that my daughter could be alone when she was angry (i used to try and restrain her), but that i could check on her every two minutes, (because she self harmed) and she would show me her arms - the psychs even got her to promise not to bang her head against the wall, a promise she kept to this day as she trusted them. a good therapist would look at gradually withdrawing ocd reassurance from you to her, to help her cope with her anxiety and use the tools they should give her. Dont be afraid to tell professionals what you want, i have refused to see people because i knew they couldnt help me they were literally going to waste my time and i wanted her to have cbt as soon as possible so it could be nipped in the bud before she got to her teens. Three years on I can say my daughter is a happy 13 year old, that sounds simple to say, but means an awful lot after everything shes been through - the ocd pops up from time to time but she knows how to deal with it. good luck xx
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